Faithful to Buddha, Faithful to You

* This is line from a poem named “Han Guang”, will be explained more in the chapter

So many years have pa.s.sed, I wonder how Pusyseda is doing now. Is he still getting by in this turbulent time? My stomach is full of nerves as we approach the State Preceptor’s Residence. A Kuchan soldier is found standing guard at the gates. Thankfully, Duan Ye carries with him a yaopai* from Lu Guang. The Kuchan soldier dares not offend Lu Guang people, so he immediately goes inside to report our arrival.
*腰牌 or yaopai is a token/tag with engravings that is worn at the waist (腰 yao = waist) during Imperial China to signify a person’s authority and privilege; can be made of various materials such as wood, copper or ivory.

The courtyard has been repainted. Nothing luxurious, but it gives off a rather elegant feel. Seeing how the Residence looks to be in pretty good shape and that there’s even a guard at the front, it seems I have worried for naught. Pusysdeva is clearly living very well.

While we wait, I lean over and whisper to Duan Ye:

“A ring of light will appear in Jiankang, and a great achievement awaits in Hexi. Canjun, please remember not to disclose the fates, else they would not come to fruition.”

This is what I came up with after much thinking on the road. Though my wording is not very poetic or smooth, divination is all about being vague and ambiguous. Jiankang refers to how Duan Ye will one day become its Administrator. Hexi of course means Hexi Corridor, which is the region his Northern Liang state will preside over, of which he will become its founder. But at this time, Duan Ye probably thinks of Jiankang as a place in Eastern Jin, and Hexi is some faraway and unknown place. I think I did pretty good with such a divination, since it doesn’t spoil history much.

Truthfully speaking, Duan Ye will not live past five years after his ascension to the throne. He will be killed in the battle with Juqu Mengxun, who will then self-t.i.tle himself as the next king of Northern Liang. Duan Ye will be around forty years old when he dies. Naturally, I do not tell him any of these things. The words I have given earlier were carefully selected. That’s why, upon parting with me, Duan Ye still carries a bright expression on his face.

Oh, I recognize the person approaching me. It’s the old housekeeper from back then. He has gotten so old and frail! Stunned, he looks at me for a while but is unable to recall my name. I smile back and ask him if Pusysdeva is at home.

He leads me inside and explains that Pusysdeva is still in the palace, and that he’ll be returning in the evening. He then tells me that he will go get the Lady. Lady? I am surprised for a moment before understanding dawns. Pusysdeva should be about thirty two years old now, so he must have settled down and started a family. I wonder how his wife is like.

I look around the Residence while waiting. A lot has changed since the time it was still under k.u.marayana’s care. The layout is elegant, and every household item seems to have been carefully chosen—clearly showing a woman’s touch. The atmosphere which was once steeped in Buddhism has now been reduced to one single Buddha statue at a corner of the Residence.

Feeling someone behind me, I turn around to look and find a Han woman, slim in build and average in height, approaching me. Her face is not extraordinary but her eyes are big and bright, and there’s a gentle and kind aura to her. Seeing me, she gives a slight bow, her eyes giving me a quick glance over, probably trying to gauge what the purpose of my visit is. Guessing that she must be Pusysdeva’s wife, I quickly return the bow and greet her in Han:

“My lady, please forgive me for this unannounced visit. I have travelled this way to ask his lordship’s a.s.sistance in getting an audience with Master k.u.marajiva.”

I told her my intentions right away to dispel any suspicions, lest she thinks I’m Pusysdeva’s ex who has come to make trouble.

She is a little surprised: “He is currently with General Lu Guang. May I ask why you are seeking him?”

“Because of an owed debt,” I reply vaguely. “My lady, please send word to him that Ai Qing has returned.”

“Ai Qing?” She repeats my name and seems to be searching for something on my face, before realization hits her like a wave of shock and she looks at me in disbelief.

“Could it be you are the young lady who once lived in that room?”

I stare back at her in surprise. That room of mine, they still keep it?

“My lady, please do not misunderstand. My room was arranged for by Master k.u.marajiva and has nothing to do with Pusysdeva.”

“I understand. Every time elder brother comes home, he would always meditate in that room for a long period of time.”

She smiles: “It did not occur to me that you would be so young!”

I smile back weakly. Actually, in this era, someone my age is usually a mother of a few children already. It’s just that the average lifespan of people in this era is no more than some 50 years, and cosmetics are still under-developed, so to them I look to be a girl no more than 17-18 years old.

She sends a servant to the palace to find Pusysdeva. After that, she asks me to be seated. Every word, every gesture of hers is calm and elegant. I must give it to Pusysdeva for being able to find such a fine woman as his wife.

While we’re sitting, I see a couple children poking their heads out of the door, their eyes round and bright and looking at me intently. The woman calls on them, and a little chubby boy comes forward while leading a smaller girl behind.

Such adorable children! The boy is the older brother and the little girl his younger sister, one is five years old and the other is three. Both of them have Tocharian names, but Pusysdeva also gave them Han names as well. The boy is called Qiu Si [求思], and the girl Yong Si [泳思].

“My lord often reads the Cla.s.sic of Poetry [Book of Songs], so he had used the poem ‘Han Guang’ to name the children.”

Her face is a little bit red, and there is a small smile on her face. She must have recalled some fond memories.

I am taken aback by this revelation. The poem she mentioned is many people’s beloved due to its romantic, pa.s.sionate tone. It tells the story of a young man who hopelessly yearns for a girl on the other side of the Han River*. The Han River is deep and wide, and no amount of swimming can help one cross its breath. Even rafts are of no help. In the end, the man has to watch the girl marry someone else. What’s more, he still continues to be the one who cuts gra.s.s for her horses [so he can be near her].
* Han River here refers to the one in Hubei region of China, and in Chinese it’s called Hanshui or Han Jiang. It is a left tributary of the Yangtze in central China, which is the third-longest river of the world. The river gave its name to the Han dynasty and, through it, to the Han Chinese. [Source: Wiki]

汉广HAN GUANG
南有乔木、不可休息。
汉有游女、不可求思。
汉之广矣、不可泳思。
江之永矣、不可方思。

翘翘错薪、言刈其楚。
之子于归、言秣其马。
汉之广矣、不可泳思。
江之永矣、不可方思。

翘翘错薪、言刈其蒌。
之子于归、言秣其驹。
汉之广矣、不可泳思。
江之永矣、不可方思。
* The bolded characters are the names of Pusysdeva’s children.

Tall are the trees in the south country,
they give no shade to rest in.
By the Han the girls roam free,
but no man can pursue them.
So wide, the Han
I can’t wade over;
the river too long
to go by raft.

Heaps of kindling pile high;
cut away the gorse.
If only she would be my bride,
I’d offer fodder for her horse.
So wide, the Han,
I can’t wade over;
the river too long
to go by raft.

Heaps of kindling pile high;
cut away the gorse.
If only she would be my bride,
her colts would not lack fodder.
So wide, the Han,
I can’t wade over;
the river too long
to go by raft.

to go by raft.
[Translation by Stephen Owen, Anthology of Chinese Literature (Beginnings to 1911), p. 31-32.]

I hug the children to my chest and gaze at their little grey eyes that they have no doubt inherited from their father. In that moment, it is as though I am looking at Pusysdeva when he was young, at the little boy who was always pleading me to play games with him, for me to sing to him. In a blink, twenty years have pa.s.sed, and that little boy from back then is now a father with children to hold. Before I left, he had promised me that he would be happy and now, his happiness is here in front of me, in the form of his wife and children.

I hear footsteps approaching us. A tall shadow appears, his arm holding onto the doorframe, looking at me with bewilderment:

“Ai Qing, is it really you?”

I stand up with a smile but for some reason, my nose stings.

He hurries over. Looking at that speed and knowing him, he’s probably going to hug me. I do not know how to act, given that his wife is right here beside me. Thankfully, the children save me. They run forward on their little feet and fall into their father’s arms, blocking the hands that were reaching for me.

His wife also stands up, a sweet smile on her face, as she looks at the children in Pusysdeva’s arms. Then she comes over and takes the children from him, before telling him gently: “I will take them for a bath. They have been playing in the courtyard all day and collected much dirt as a result.”

She turns towards me: “Miss Ai Qing, please enjoy your stay. I will take my leave now.”

My admiration for her increases yet again. What a perceptive woman. It is no wonder how she was able to make this Pusysdeva playboy fall for her.

When it’s just the two of us left, I take a bit of time observing this Pusysdeva from ten years later. He looks even more built than before, and it looks like he has followed other Kuchan men in keeping a beard. There are wrinkles at the corners of his eyes, and when he smiles, the signs of age and experience are even more p.r.o.nounced. There is such a manly charm to him.

“Getting old, I see,” I tell him.

He laughs, eyebrows raised and winking at me just like old times.

“Who can keep staying as young as you!”

“Not old,” I amend, “You are actually at the age most attractive for a man.” I also laugh, for seeing him happy makes me happy.

“You’re still wearing it, so that must mean you have not forgotten about me, right?” His voice is cracking up a bit. He bows his head a bit to take a deep breath before looking back up with a smile.

I look at him confused, before following his eyesight to the jade pendant still hanging on my neck. He’s also wearing his piece [they were a pair], but the string has faded black. I want to say something back, but I feel I would burst into tears as soon as I open my mouth. Pusysdeva pulls me into his arms. I try to escape, but the voice above my head stops me.

“Stay still, let me hug you for a bit. I know you did not return because of me. I just want to hug you for a moment.”

Moved, tears roll down my cheeks in the end anyway. I stay in his arms for a bit but afraid that someone would catch us, I wipe my tears and speak up:

“Looks like you have quite the good eye to find a wife like that!”

He lets go of me and turns around to dab at his eyes with his sleeve.

“A few years ago, I had followed the youngest uncle [Bai Zhen] to make tributes and on our way, had managed to save Xiao Xuan. She came from an upright family, but during the time of chaos, had to take up a singing career to make a living.”

A warm smile spreads on his lips, “A frail girl, but she was always smiling even in the face of adversity. I was reminded of your strength. Her eyes are similar to yours.”

I take a deep breath to calm myself.

“Pusysdeva, you must cherish her and the children!”

He nods. “They are people who even if I have to trade my life, I will definitely protect until my last breath.”

At last, I voice what I came here for.

At last, I voice what I came here for.

“Rajiva…how is he?”

“You are here to save him, aren’t you?” He lets out a long sigh, his face troubled. “But I’m afraid you might be too late…”

My heart freezes and the world suddenly spins. He quickly surges forward to catch me. I tremble and grab Pusysdeva’s sleeves: “Has he…has he broken his precepts?”

“How do you know that Lu Guang forced him to break his precepts? Ah that’s right, you are a celestial being, of course you must know everything.”

“Him…him and Princess Asuyamati…”

“Not yet.”

He helps me sit down.

“But probably soon, for it has been three days…”

I grab onto Pusysdeva’s sleeves again. He lightly taps my shoulder to tell me not to panic.

“Lu Guang has heard of my brother’s reputation since a long time ago, but he still does not believe my brother’s piety towards Buddha. He has made a wager with his generals that if within three days, he can make my brother break his precepts, then the hundreds of concubines from the previous king will become his. If he loses, all of those women will be divided amongst his men.”

I am stunned, for the history books made no mention of this. So Lu Guang forcing Rajiva to break his precepts was merely because of a wager over women? That a man such as Rajiva, whose respect has been hard-earned over the past thirty years, has to suffer such an indignity, it was all because of this? The sheer absurdity!

“Brother continued to resist the past two days. But today is the last day. I heard that Lu Guang has ordered for them to be stripped of their clothes. I have just returned from the palace, and from what I have been told, he is still holding onto his dignity. Never have I admired him so much! Only he would be able to withstand such a thing. But…”

He hesitates and lets out a long sigh: “But if he continues to be stubborn, Lu Guang will force wine down their throats. Lu Guang always stands by his word, so if brother continues on as he is and makes Lu Guang loses his wager, I’m afraid…he’ll only suffer much worse indignities after this.”

I jump up and pull his arm.

“Pusysdeva, please save him!”

“Ai Qing, believe me, I have tried to come up with a million ways the past three days. I have asked Lu Guang, the king, have even used money and women to bribe his son and his closest generals to no avail. If it was a few years ago, I would have charged in with my sword, save him and bring him to somewhere safe.”

He shakes his head sadly and glances back behind him.

“But now, I must also think of my wife and children.”

“Then bring me to meet Lu Guang.”

“There’s no point. Lu Guang is as stubborn as a mule, trying to persuade him will only make the situation worse. You look to be no more than a young girl, so how can you make him listen to you.”

“Then…” I take a deep breath, “Trade me with Princess Asuyamati.”

His fingers move to brush aside a few loose strands of hair on my forehead.

“Ai Qing, maybe this is the only way to save him.”

Pusysdeva and I are just about to leave the courtyard when Xiao Xuan comes out from the kitchen. Seeing us, she quickly runs up to us and calls: “My lord, it is almost dinner time, let’s all have a meal before you go. Miss Ai Qing probably also needs a change of clothes.”

I suddenly remember that I have just climbed out of a pit full of corpses, and my clothes are blood-stained and filthy, hardly fit for me to meet Lu Guang. Xiao Xuan brings me to her room, where an outfit has been set out on the bed. I take off my anti-radiation jacket and clothes, and put on the outfit she prepared for me. It’s a Han outfit with light colours, elegant and comfortable to wear. Compared to me, Xiao Xuan has a much more astute and discerning sense.

I do not want to waste any more time, so I quickly eat a few bites before urging Pusysdeva to be on our way. He murmurs a few words of goodbye to his wife before taking off with me to the palace. Lu Guang has been taking up residence in the palace ever since he conquered Kucha, giving half to Bai Zhen [current king].

I do not want to waste any more time, so I quickly eat a few bites before urging Pusysdeva to be on our way. He murmurs a few words of goodbye to his wife before taking off with me to the palace. Lu Guang has been taking up residence in the palace ever since he conquered Kucha, giving half to Bai Zhen [current king].

It takes us quite some time in order to see Lu Guang. Thankfully, Pusysdeva is close with Bai Zhen, so no one dares to give him a hard time. While waiting to for Lu Guang to call on us, Pusysdeva takes the opportunity to gain information from his eyes and ears in the palace and learns that Rajiva has been forced to consume wine, but he is still holding on.

Pusysdeva looks at me, face serious:

“Ai Qing, later when we meet Lu Guang, you must not say a word. He is a tyrant with a hot temper and doesn’t know what mercy means. We must go along with him, for anyone who dares to disagree with him will end up dead.”

He sighs: “Meeting such a tyrant, my brother really is unfortunate!”

Juqu Mengxun, the man who will later kill Duan Ye and put himself on the throne as king of Northern Liang, had said of Lu Guang as a “foolish man who readily believes other people’s lies”. Right after hearing his nephew saying that “the Hexi people only know of Du Jin and not Lu Guang,” he had immediately killed Du Jin with his own hands, a loyal general with great merits [see Ch.40]. In choosing his heirs, Lu Guang had also made some absurd choices, the result of which was that just within a few years after he pa.s.sed away, Later Liang saw three kings taking up the throne in quick succession, eventually leading to the fall of the dynasty.

That’s why, after hearing Pusysdeva’s words, my illusion about being able to persuade Lu Guang dissipates. If I want him to give up on his intention to humiliate Rajiva, I’m afraid I might have to trade my life for it. Someone like him, who doesn’t believe one word of the Buddha, giving up this idea is not simply about him losing out on getting those women; more importantly, it’s about him losing face.

Despite having sent several people to announce our request, it is only when darkness has consumed the entire sky, does Lu Guang finally grant us his audience.

The man who has forever changed the course of Rajiva’s life is found to be reading reports on his army in the main hall. Next to him are four men in their twenties, their faces resembling Lu Guang. I guess that they must be those disloyal sons who will later kill each other over the throne after Lu Guang dies. Even though he is of Di descent, his features are rough, like that of a Han person who grew up in the north of the Central Plains. At this time, he is around forty seven years old, scant hair at the top, and whatever remains is pulled into a knot at the back. On his chin is a full beard and his eyebrows are slanted, giving off a menacing image.

Seeing Pusysdeva, he gestures for him to take a seat.

Pusysdeva kowtows and tells him in Han: “My brother is stubborn and does not understand your goodwill, causing General much difficulty.”

Lu Guang lifts a corner of his mouth in a smile, but his eyes are cold and calculating: “Seeing your brother so determined really makes one admire him. Seems like I have greatly underestimated him!”

Pusysdeva raises his head and says carefully: “I have come tonight to help General win this wager.”

“Oh?” Lu Guang furrows his brows, “What tactics do you have in mind, State Preceptor?”

The t.i.tle catches me by surprise. I have come to see that Pusysdeva has been living well the past years, but I did not think that he would inherit his father’s position from before and becomes Bai Zhen’s State Preceptor.

“I have come to ask General to trade my cousin Asuyamati for this girl here.”

Lu Guang finally glances over to me, a bit of surprise showing in his eyes.

“State Preceptor, tell me, what qualities does this girl possess over the beautiful princess that would make your brother willing to break his vows?”

“General Lu does not know, but there are some hidden sides to this story,” Pusysdeva pauses for a moment, looking at Lu Guang with a confident gaze and continues: “This girl’s aunt was once my brother’s Han teacher, who harboured feelings for him but due to his status as a monk, ended up marrying someone else. But the past ten years, my brother has never once forgotten about her. A devout follower of Buddha he may be, my brother is but a mortal man. He has desires, knows how to love. It is only outsiders who do not understand. This girl looks exactly like her aunt years ago. I am certain that as soon as he sees her, he will no longer try to resist General Lu. My cousin Asuyamati is too young and has never been close with my brother. If General Lu trades her for this girl, you will definitely win your wager.”

Lu Guang seems to be swaying. Pusysdeva quickly adds on: “General Lu only needs my brother to break his vows, who he does it with is of no importance, am I right?”

Lu Guang takes a few more glances at me before suddenly bursting into laughter: “You are right. Kuchan women are tall and plump, so they must not sway your brother’s heart compared to a Han girl such as this one, small and delicate-looking.”

He then turns over to the man who seems to be the eldest of the four: “Er Zuan, take the State Preceptor and the girl to where the monk is.”

This man is Lu Zuan? I take a quick glance at him. Also the same rough and scary face as his father. This is Lu Guang’s eldest son, who’s known to be violent and enjoys a hedonistic life. After Lu Guang pa.s.sed away, Lu Zuan had made himself king and forced Lu Shao [the Crown Prince] to death. But in a twist of events, only a few months later, Lu Zuan was then killed by Lu Guang’s nephew, Lu Chao.

Lu Guang’s face breaks into a feral grin as he tells his son:

“Don’t forget to return and report to me.”

He then turns to Pusysdeva:

“I hope State Preceptor will not disappoint me!”

* This is line from a poem named “Han Guang”, will be explained more in the chapter.

So many years have pa.s.sed, I wonder how Pusyseda is doing now. Is he still getting by in this turbulent time? My stomach is full of nerves as we approach the State Preceptor’s Residence. A Kuchan soldier is found standing guard at the gates. Thankfully, Duan Ye carries with him a yaopai* from Lu Guang. The Kuchan soldier dares not offend Lu Guang people, so he immediately goes inside to report our arrival.. *腰牌 or yaopai is a token/tag with engravings that is worn at the waist (腰 yao = waist) during Imperial China to signify a person’s authority and privilege; can be made of various materials such as wood, copper or ivory..

The courtyard has been repainted. Nothing luxurious, but it gives off a rather elegant feel. Seeing how the Residence looks to be in pretty good shape and that there’s even a guard at the front, it seems I have worried for naught. Pusysdeva is clearly living very well..

While we wait, I lean over and whisper to Duan Ye:.

“A ring of light will appear in Jiankang, and a great achievement awaits in Hexi. Canjun, please remember not to disclose the fates, else they would not come to fruition.”.

This is what I came up with after much thinking on the road. Though my wording is not very poetic or smooth, divination is all about being vague and ambiguous. Jiankang refers to how Duan Ye will one day become its Administrator. Hexi of course means Hexi Corridor, which is the region his Northern Liang state will preside over, of which he will become its founder. But at this time, Duan Ye probably thinks of Jiankang as a place in Eastern Jin, and Hexi is some faraway and unknown place. I think I did pretty good with such a divination, since it doesn’t spoil history much..

Truthfully speaking, Duan Ye will not live past five years after his ascension to the throne. He will be killed in the battle with Juqu Mengxun, who will then self-t.i.tle himself as the next king of Northern Liang. Duan Ye will be around forty years old when he dies. Naturally, I do not tell him any of these things. The words I have given earlier were carefully selected. That’s why, upon parting with me, Duan Ye still carries a bright expression on his face..

Oh, I recognize the person approaching me. It’s the old housekeeper from back then. He has gotten so old and frail! Stunned, he looks at me for a while but is unable to recall my name. I smile back and ask him if Pusysdeva is at home..

He leads me inside and explains that Pusysdeva is still in the palace, and that he’ll be returning in the evening. He then tells me that he will go get the Lady. Lady? I am surprised for a moment before understanding dawns. Pusysdeva should be about thirty two years old now, so he must have settled down and started a family. I wonder how his wife is like..

I look around the Residence while waiting. A lot has changed since the time it was still under k.u.marayana’s care. The layout is elegant, and every household item seems to have been carefully chosen—clearly showing a woman’s touch. The atmosphere which was once steeped in Buddhism has now been reduced to one single Buddha statue at a corner of the Residence..

Feeling someone behind me, I turn around to look and find a Han woman, slim in build and average in height, approaching me. Her face is not extraordinary but her eyes are big and bright, and there’s a gentle and kind aura to her. Seeing me, she gives a slight bow, her eyes giving me a quick glance over, probably trying to gauge what the purpose of my visit is. Guessing that she must be Pusysdeva’s wife, I quickly return the bow and greet her in Han:.

“My lady, please forgive me for this unannounced visit. I have travelled this way to ask his lordship’s a.s.sistance in getting an audience with Master k.u.marajiva.”.

I told her my intentions right away to dispel any suspicions, lest she thinks I’m Pusysdeva’s ex who has come to make trouble..

She is a little surprised: “He is currently with General Lu Guang. May I ask why you are seeking him?”.

“Because of an owed debt,” I reply vaguely. “My lady, please send word to him that Ai Qing has returned.”.

“Ai Qing?” She repeats my name and seems to be searching for something on my face, before realization hits her like a wave of shock and she looks at me in disbelief..

“Could it be you are the young lady who once lived in that room?”.

I stare back at her in surprise. That room of mine, they still keep it?.

“My lady, please do not misunderstand. My room was arranged for by Master k.u.marajiva and has nothing to do with Pusysdeva.”.

“I understand. Every time elder brother comes home, he would always meditate in that room for a long period of time.”.

She smiles: “It did not occur to me that you would be so young!”.

I smile back weakly. Actually, in this era, someone my age is usually a mother of a few children already. It’s just that the average lifespan of people in this era is no more than some 50 years, and cosmetics are still under-developed, so to them I look to be a girl no more than 17-18 years old..

She sends a servant to the palace to find Pusysdeva. After that, she asks me to be seated. Every word, every gesture of hers is calm and elegant. I must give it to Pusysdeva for being able to find such a fine woman as his wife..

While we’re sitting, I see a couple children poking their heads out of the door, their eyes round and bright and looking at me intently. The woman calls on them, and a little chubby boy comes forward while leading a smaller girl behind..

Such adorable children! The boy is the older brother and the little girl his younger sister, one is five years old and the other is three. Both of them have Tocharian names, but Pusysdeva also gave them Han names as well. The boy is called Qiu Si [求思], and the girl Yong Si [泳思]..

“My lord often reads the Cla.s.sic of Poetry [Book of Songs], so he had used the poem ‘Han Guang’ to name the children.”.

Her face is a little bit red, and there is a small smile on her face. She must have recalled some fond memories..

I am taken aback by this revelation. The poem she mentioned is many people’s beloved due to its romantic, pa.s.sionate tone. It tells the story of a young man who hopelessly yearns for a girl on the other side of the Han River*. The Han River is deep and wide, and no amount of swimming can help one cross its breath. Even rafts are of no help. In the end, the man has to watch the girl marry someone else. What’s more, he still continues to be the one who cuts gra.s.s for her horses [so he can be near her].. * Han River here refers to the one in Hubei region of China, and in Chinese it’s called Hanshui or Han Jiang. It is a left tributary of the Yangtze in central China, which is the third-longest river of the world. The river gave its name to the Han dynasty and, through it, to the Han Chinese. [Source: Wiki].

汉广HAN GUANG. 南有乔木、不可休息。. 汉有游女、不可求思。. 汉之广矣、不可泳思。. 江之永矣、不可方思。.

翘翘错薪、言刈其楚。. 之子于归、言秣其马。. 汉之广矣、不可泳思。. 江之永矣、不可方思。.

翘翘错薪、言刈其蒌。. 之子于归、言秣其驹。. 汉之广矣、不可泳思。. 江之永矣、不可方思。. * The bolded characters are the names of Pusysdeva’s children..

Tall are the trees in the south country,. they give no shade to rest in.. By the Han the girls roam free,. but no man can pursue them.. So wide, the Han. I can’t wade over;. the river too long. to go by raft..

Heaps of kindling pile high;. cut away the gorse.. If only she would be my bride,. I’d offer fodder for her horse.. So wide, the Han,. I can’t wade over;. the river too long. to go by raft..

Heaps of kindling pile high;. cut away the gorse.. If only she would be my bride,. her colts would not lack fodder.. So wide, the Han,. I can’t wade over;. the river too long. to go by raft.. [Translation by Stephen Owen, Anthology of Chinese Literature (Beginnings to 1911), p. 31-32.].

I hug the children to my chest and gaze at their little grey eyes that they have no doubt inherited from their father. In that moment, it is as though I am looking at Pusysdeva when he was young, at the little boy who was always pleading me to play games with him, for me to sing to him. In a blink, twenty years have pa.s.sed, and that little boy from back then is now a father with children to hold. Before I left, he had promised me that he would be happy and now, his happiness is here in front of me, in the form of his wife and children..

I hear footsteps approaching us. A tall shadow appears, his arm holding onto the doorframe, looking at me with bewilderment:.

“Ai Qing, is it really you?”.

I stand up with a smile but for some reason, my nose stings..

He hurries over. Looking at that speed and knowing him, he’s probably going to hug me. I do not know how to act, given that his wife is right here beside me. Thankfully, the children save me. They run forward on their little feet and fall into their father’s arms, blocking the hands that were reaching for me..

His wife also stands up, a sweet smile on her face, as she looks at the children in Pusysdeva’s arms. Then she comes over and takes the children from him, before telling him gently: “I will take them for a bath. They have been playing in the courtyard all day and collected much dirt as a result.”.

She turns towards me: “Miss Ai Qing, please enjoy your stay. I will take my leave now.”.

My admiration for her increases yet again. What a perceptive woman. It is no wonder how she was able to make this Pusysdeva playboy fall for her..

When it’s just the two of us left, I take a bit of time observing this Pusysdeva from ten years later. He looks even more built than before, and it looks like he has followed other Kuchan men in keeping a beard. There are wrinkles at the corners of his eyes, and when he smiles, the signs of age and experience are even more p.r.o.nounced. There is such a manly charm to him..

“Getting old, I see,” I tell him..

He laughs, eyebrows raised and winking at me just like old times..

“Who can keep staying as young as you!”.

“Not old,” I amend, “You are actually at the age most attractive for a man.” I also laugh, for seeing him happy makes me happy..

“You’re still wearing it, so that must mean you have not forgotten about me, right?” His voice is cracking up a bit. He bows his head a bit to take a deep breath before looking back up with a smile..

I look at him confused, before following his eyesight to the jade pendant still hanging on my neck. He’s also wearing his piece [they were a pair], but the string has faded black. I want to say something back, but I feel I would burst into tears as soon as I open my mouth. Pusysdeva pulls me into his arms. I try to escape, but the voice above my head stops me..

“Stay still, let me hug you for a bit. I know you did not return because of me. I just want to hug you for a moment.”.

Moved, tears roll down my cheeks in the end anyway. I stay in his arms for a bit but afraid that someone would catch us, I wipe my tears and speak up:.

“Looks like you have quite the good eye to find a wife like that!”.

He lets go of me and turns around to dab at his eyes with his sleeve..

“A few years ago, I had followed the youngest uncle [Bai Zhen] to make tributes and on our way, had managed to save Xiao Xuan. She came from an upright family, but during the time of chaos, had to take up a singing career to make a living.”.

A warm smile spreads on his lips, “A frail girl, but she was always smiling even in the face of adversity. I was reminded of your strength. Her eyes are similar to yours.”.

I take a deep breath to calm myself..

“Pusysdeva, you must cherish her and the children!”.

He nods. “They are people who even if I have to trade my life, I will definitely protect until my last breath.”.

At last, I voice what I came here for..

“Rajiva…how is he?”.

“You are here to save him, aren’t you?” He lets out a long sigh, his face troubled. “But I’m afraid you might be too late…”.

My heart freezes and the world suddenly spins. He quickly surges forward to catch me. I tremble and grab Pusysdeva’s sleeves: “Has he…has he broken his precepts?”.

“How do you know that Lu Guang forced him to break his precepts? Ah that’s right, you are a celestial being, of course you must know everything.”.

“Him…him and Princess Asuyamati…”.

“Not yet.”.

He helps me sit down..

“But probably soon, for it has been three days…”.

I grab onto Pusysdeva’s sleeves again. He lightly taps my shoulder to tell me not to panic..

“Lu Guang has heard of my brother’s reputation since a long time ago, but he still does not believe my brother’s piety towards Buddha. He has made a wager with his generals that if within three days, he can make my brother break his precepts, then the hundreds of concubines from the previous king will become his. If he loses, all of those women will be divided amongst his men.”.

I am stunned, for the history books made no mention of this. So Lu Guang forcing Rajiva to break his precepts was merely because of a wager over women? That a man such as Rajiva, whose respect has been hard-earned over the past thirty years, has to suffer such an indignity, it was all because of this? The sheer absurdity!.

“Brother continued to resist the past two days. But today is the last day. I heard that Lu Guang has ordered for them to be stripped of their clothes. I have just returned from the palace, and from what I have been told, he is still holding onto his dignity. Never have I admired him so much! Only he would be able to withstand such a thing. But…”.

He hesitates and lets out a long sigh: “But if he continues to be stubborn, Lu Guang will force wine down their throats. Lu Guang always stands by his word, so if brother continues on as he is and makes Lu Guang loses his wager, I’m afraid…he’ll only suffer much worse indignities after this.”.

I jump up and pull his arm..

“Pusysdeva, please save him!”.

“Ai Qing, believe me, I have tried to come up with a million ways the past three days. I have asked Lu Guang, the king, have even used money and women to bribe his son and his closest generals to no avail. If it was a few years ago, I would have charged in with my sword, save him and bring him to somewhere safe.”.

He shakes his head sadly and glances back behind him..

“But now, I must also think of my wife and children.”.

“Then bring me to meet Lu Guang.”.

“There’s no point. Lu Guang is as stubborn as a mule, trying to persuade him will only make the situation worse. You look to be no more than a young girl, so how can you make him listen to you.”.

“Then…” I take a deep breath, “Trade me with Princess Asuyamati.”.

His fingers move to brush aside a few loose strands of hair on my forehead..

“Ai Qing, maybe this is the only way to save him.”.

Pusysdeva and I are just about to leave the courtyard when Xiao Xuan comes out from the kitchen. Seeing us, she quickly runs up to us and calls: “My lord, it is almost dinner time, let’s all have a meal before you go. Miss Ai Qing probably also needs a change of clothes.”.

I suddenly remember that I have just climbed out of a pit full of corpses, and my clothes are blood-stained and filthy, hardly fit for me to meet Lu Guang. Xiao Xuan brings me to her room, where an outfit has been set out on the bed. I take off my anti-radiation jacket and clothes, and put on the outfit she prepared for me. It’s a Han outfit with light colours, elegant and comfortable to wear. Compared to me, Xiao Xuan has a much more astute and discerning sense..

I do not want to waste any more time, so I quickly eat a few bites before urging Pusysdeva to be on our way. He murmurs a few words of goodbye to his wife before taking off with me to the palace. Lu Guang has been taking up residence in the palace ever since he conquered Kucha, giving half to Bai Zhen [current king]..

It takes us quite some time in order to see Lu Guang. Thankfully, Pusysdeva is close with Bai Zhen, so no one dares to give him a hard time. While waiting to for Lu Guang to call on us, Pusysdeva takes the opportunity to gain information from his eyes and ears in the palace and learns that Rajiva has been forced to consume wine, but he is still holding on..

Pusysdeva looks at me, face serious:.

“Ai Qing, later when we meet Lu Guang, you must not say a word. He is a tyrant with a hot temper and doesn’t know what mercy means. We must go along with him, for anyone who dares to disagree with him will end up dead.”.

He sighs: “Meeting such a tyrant, my brother really is unfortunate!”.

Juqu Mengxun, the man who will later kill Duan Ye and put himself on the throne as king of Northern Liang, had said of Lu Guang as a “foolish man who readily believes other people’s lies”. Right after hearing his nephew saying that “the Hexi people only know of Du Jin and not Lu Guang,” he had immediately killed Du Jin with his own hands, a loyal general with great merits [see Ch.40]. In choosing his heirs, Lu Guang had also made some absurd choices, the result of which was that just within a few years after he pa.s.sed away, Later Liang saw three kings taking up the throne in quick succession, eventually leading to the fall of the dynasty..

That’s why, after hearing Pusysdeva’s words, my illusion about being able to persuade Lu Guang dissipates. If I want him to give up on his intention to humiliate Rajiva, I’m afraid I might have to trade my life for it. Someone like him, who doesn’t believe one word of the Buddha, giving up this idea is not simply about him losing out on getting those women; more importantly, it’s about him losing face..

Despite having sent several people to announce our request, it is only when darkness has consumed the entire sky, does Lu Guang finally grant us his audience..

The man who has forever changed the course of Rajiva’s life is found to be reading reports on his army in the main hall. Next to him are four men in their twenties, their faces resembling Lu Guang. I guess that they must be those disloyal sons who will later kill each other over the throne after Lu Guang dies. Even though he is of Di descent, his features are rough, like that of a Han person who grew up in the north of the Central Plains. At this time, he is around forty seven years old, scant hair at the top, and whatever remains is pulled into a knot at the back. On his chin is a full beard and his eyebrows are slanted, giving off a menacing image..

Seeing Pusysdeva, he gestures for him to take a seat..

Pusysdeva kowtows and tells him in Han: “My brother is stubborn and does not understand your goodwill, causing General much difficulty.”.

Lu Guang lifts a corner of his mouth in a smile, but his eyes are cold and calculating: “Seeing your brother so determined really makes one admire him. Seems like I have greatly underestimated him!”.

Pusysdeva raises his head and says carefully: “I have come tonight to help General win this wager.”.

“Oh?” Lu Guang furrows his brows, “What tactics do you have in mind, State Preceptor?”.

The t.i.tle catches me by surprise. I have come to see that Pusysdeva has been living well the past years, but I did not think that he would inherit his father’s position from before and becomes Bai Zhen’s State Preceptor..

“I have come to ask General to trade my cousin Asuyamati for this girl here.”.

Lu Guang finally glances over to me, a bit of surprise showing in his eyes..

“State Preceptor, tell me, what qualities does this girl possess over the beautiful princess that would make your brother willing to break his vows?”.

“General Lu does not know, but there are some hidden sides to this story,” Pusysdeva pauses for a moment, looking at Lu Guang with a confident gaze and continues: “This girl’s aunt was once my brother’s Han teacher, who harboured feelings for him but due to his status as a monk, ended up marrying someone else. But the past ten years, my brother has never once forgotten about her. A devout follower of Buddha he may be, my brother is but a mortal man. He has desires, knows how to love. It is only outsiders who do not understand. This girl looks exactly like her aunt years ago. I am certain that as soon as he sees her, he will no longer try to resist General Lu. My cousin Asuyamati is too young and has never been close with my brother. If General Lu trades her for this girl, you will definitely win your wager.”.

Lu Guang seems to be swaying. Pusysdeva quickly adds on: “General Lu only needs my brother to break his vows, who he does it with is of no importance, am I right?”.

Lu Guang takes a few more glances at me before suddenly bursting into laughter: “You are right. Kuchan women are tall and plump, so they must not sway your brother’s heart compared to a Han girl such as this one, small and delicate-looking.”.

He then turns over to the man who seems to be the eldest of the four: “Er Zuan, take the State Preceptor and the girl to where the monk is.”.

This man is Lu Zuan? I take a quick glance at him. Also the same rough and scary face as his father. This is Lu Guang’s eldest son, who’s known to be violent and enjoys a hedonistic life. After Lu Guang pa.s.sed away, Lu Zuan had made himself king and forced Lu Shao [the Crown Prince] to death. But in a twist of events, only a few months later, Lu Zuan was then killed by Lu Guang’s nephew, Lu Chao..

Lu Guang’s face breaks into a feral grin as he tells his son:.

“Don’t forget to return and report to me.”.

He then turns to Pusysdeva:.

“I hope State Preceptor will not disappoint me!”.