Faithful to Buddha, Faithful to You

“Rajiva, we may have a way to escape . ”

According to my calculations, failure is still possible, but there is a glimmer of hope .

“I have a weapon . It doesn’t kill anybody, but it can cause the person to sleep for a day . I also have tools to scale walls . As long as we can escape the palace, we can go to Pusysdev, no, we can’t trouble him . We should not go find him . We could steal a horse-, no, we can’t escape the [city’s] gate with a horse . Let’s just use my tools to scale the walls . We can plan our next steps after . We can escape to another country . Western Regions, Tian Zhu [India], Kabul, Central Plains, wherever you want to go . ”

“Ai Qing, if you have such a method, then you should escape . ”

Seeing my mouth dropped open, he gently shakes his head . “Rajiva cannot run away . I will be recognized no matter where I go, and I will only endanger you and Pusysdeva . Furthermore, outside of the temple, Rajiva has nothing…”

“You are so smart, you will pick up things quickly . If you are willing to abandon your monk status, we can remain incognito . ” I clasp his hands in a tight grasp and look at him eagerly: “We will go to a place where n.o.body can recognize you . I still have some gold and silver . I am also equipped with over a thousand years of wisdom compared to the people here . I can invent tools that are well in advanced of this era, which I can definitely sell for a lot of money . Before I came here, I have perused many books, so I know who is a hero and who is crooked . I also know where there is chaos, and where we can be safe . To sum it up, we will not starve, and we will not encounter wars . Trust me, we can live well even if we leave the temple . ”

Just dreaming of our future makes me incredibly excited . I never thought that I would one day have to use all the knowledge and skills of my era, but it seems that we will be able to survive this era of war and chaos if I can utilize such knowledge well .

“Ai Qing, that you are not an ordinary person, Rajiva believes it…” he hugs me and lets out a sigh next to my ear, “But are you aware that you have just disclosed heaven’s secrets again?”

My heart jumps at that . I did really just disclose my ident.i.ty . Perhaps it is time that I tell him, otherwise he will not believe that a fragile-looking girl like me can break through the layers of security in this place without their knowledge . I take a deep breath and look directly into his eyes .

“Rajiva, those were not heaven’s secrets . I am also not a celestial being who attends to the Buddha . You are the only person in this era who gets to know my ident.i.ty . No matter how far-fetched things are about to sound, please believe me . ”

Seeing his solemn nod, I slowly say: “I came from the future . You are not ten years but 1,650 years older than me . ”

Rajiva shudders and looks at me in disbelief .

“Do you believe [in the idea] that life will progress with time? The era you are in right now is, in all aspects, more advanced, more bountiful in goods, and with better living conditions and wisdom, than the era the Buddha lived in a thousand years ago . If a person from that era travels to your era, then they will be very surprised, even afraid, by things here . This is because people’s perception is always limited by the time they live in . ”

He ponders about it for a moment before nodding . I continue on:

“In the era where I came from, technology has reached a level that you cannot even imagine . People can fly with the help of an apparatus . A thread-like line can help people separated by a thousand li talk and even see each other . What happens in any corner of the world will be known by the rest of the world within an hour . Warfare weapons are terrifying . A bomb can destroy a city of millions . Many more things that you think are impossible now, can all be done in the future .

This s.p.a.ce and time travel machine is one such example . It was this fancy machine that allows me to travel to an era that, to me, has already happened 1,650 years ago . My goal was to research and verify historical events . But then by chance, I met you, the famous Buddhist translator monk who has contributed greatly to the spread of Buddhism into the Central Plains—k.u.marajiva . That I already knew a few things about you when I met the teenager and then the young adult you, was because I have read your biographies .

Let me give you an example . Imagine that you suddenly gain this power one day, which allows you to go to where Gautama Buddha lived a thousand years ago . At that time, he has yet reached enlightenment, but you know that he is the Buddha . You admire and follow him, observe everything he does or says . You know events that have yet to happen to the Buddha . All these things that you know come from written records, but these records have gone through a thousand years of time, through many people’s mouths, so who knows what is true or false . And those few lines can hardly paint a full picture of a person . In any event, you know things they don’t know, you know how the future will unfold and because of that, you act in a way that is strange to the people in that era .

I know about the Kizil Grottoes because they still exist 1,650 years later . I know about the Masa temple because two hundred years from now, a Han monk will pa.s.s by it in his journey to Tian Zhu to read its scriptures* . His book recorded many customs of the people in Tian Zhu and in the Western Regions . I know many Buddhist words like Mahayana, Hinayana, Nirvana, and Vimalakirti because, in the next five hundred years, there will be many great monks who will translate the scriptures, including you . My appearance hasn’t changed because to me, it has only been two years this whole time . This machine allows me to travel to any time period in your life . ”
* referring to Xuanzang and his book “Records of the Western Regions” . Refer to Ch . 10 for the Kizil Grottoes, and Ch . 14 for the story of the Masa temple and how the Western Regions got silk .

I open my backpack and take out the things inside to place in front of him .

“It is impossible to make these tools in this era because they will be invented 1,650 years later . This is a multi-purpose Swiss Army Knife . This is a stun gun, and anyone who gets shot by it will sleep for a day . This is my anti-radiation jacket . Before coming here, I have to wear this, otherwise, the ultrstrong radiation will destroy me . This is a time-jump watch, which you have seen before . These moving hands measure time in our units . I have to depend on the power of this watch to return to my era . The ropes and hooks are used to climb walls . This crossbow can be used to shoot the hook to a high place . And these are pencils, sketchbooks, and simple archaeological tools, which you have seen me use . ”

I pull up my sleeve and reveal the surgery scar on my arm .

“Do you remember this wound? In your era, it is a grave injury and the arm must be cut off to preserve the person’s life, but even then, survival is not always guaranteed . In my era, thanks to the most advanced medical equipment and medicine, the wound has closed completely and even the scar after surgery is too pale to see . This not some divine power . The medical developments of the future can cure many illnesses that are considered fatal in this era . ”

Rajiva sits there, completely stunned . I pull out one of the most precious things I brought on this trip and show it to him .

“This is a photo of me and my parents . They only have me . ”

Speaking about my parents bring a smile to my face .

“In my era, I am still a university student majoring in history . My dream was to become a historian . My parents do not know about this time travelling project . I only told them that I am partic.i.p.ating in a highly confidential research project, and that I cannot use cell phone to call them . They probably cannot guess even in their wildest dreams that I am currently 1,650 years away from them .

This is called a photo . With a special apparatus, you can freeze any moments of a person into a film and print it off . The clothes I’m wearing here are called T-shirt and jeans . They are typical clothes worn by girls in my era . ”

I point to the row of tall buildings in the background:

“This is my house . My era has very good standards of living and is medically advanced, so people have high life expectancy, leading to overpopulation, so we have to build houses high into the sky like that . However, there is a machine that can instantly lift a person to any floor in the building . ”

I grab his hands again, my face full of hope: “Rajiva, do you now believe that I am from the future?”

His face is the picture of bewilderment . He stares at me unblinkingly for a long moment, before nodding in confirmation .

“Then do you believe that I have the ability to get you out of here and to let us live together?”

He looks at me carefully and nods again .

I smile widely at him and clasp his hand .

“Then let us leave tonight . ”

Instead of agreeing or disagreeing, he contemplates for a moment and calmly says: “Although you used many strange words that Rajiva does not understand: machine, science, photo, cell phone…but I believe you . Those tools of yours can only come from the future . ”

He pauses in thought again, then gazes at me with those eyes clear as an autumn lake: “You are from the future, so you must already know what my fate will be, correct?”

Heart beating fast, I answer weakly: “I only know a little bit… but only from your biographies, a mere thousand words summing up your life . ”

“Ai Qing, eleven years ago, you said that I would have great achievements in the future and help Buddhism spread widely in the Central Plains . You even warned me not to leave monkshood . These are all things you read from stories about Rajiva’s life, correct?”

I nod . As a person who majors in history, I am ethically bound to tell him: “Although your biographies are short and sometimes contain made-up pa.s.sages, [it is a fact that] your translations did circulate widely in the next 1,650 years . ”

After another moment of contemplation, he looks up at me, his clear eyes shining: “No wonder you called me Jiu Mo Luo Shi*, encouraged me to go to the Central Plains and to translate Buddhist scriptures . So that is Rajiva’s destiny . ” He leans his head to the side and continues calmly: “So, that you are here when Rajiva is thirty-five, is also because you know from the records that I would encounter this kind of tribulation?”
* Chinese transliteration of his name; also refer to Ch . 8

“Yes . ” Afraid that he would misunderstand, I quickly explain: “But the first two times I met you were purely a coincidence . The time machine was still in an experimental stage, so n.o.body could predict which period I would travel to . So, Rajiva, our previous meetings were all planned by the fates . This time, however, was a choice I made . Because I fell in love with you, I chose to be here with you and help you overcome this most challenging time in your life . ”

Another period of silence, before he looks up at me and sighs: “Then whether Rajiva escapes or not escape, the ending is the same . ” He smiles sadly, “The ending is: I do not live an anonymous life in the mountains with you, but stay at the Buddha’s door, correct?”

I open my mouth but no words come out . What am I doing? Why did I let him know those things? Why must he be so smart? Not only did he accept my ident.i.ty so quickly, he also quickly deduced what his ending would be . I spoke a lot because I wanted him to believe that I am from the future and that I am capable of protecting him . I did not expect him to think in the opposite direction . My heart is a tangled knot and my mind is empty . It really is as people say: Caring leads to turmoil!*
* 关心则乱 is an idiom that originates from a pa.s.sage in the a.n.a.lects of Confucius about how having excessive desires can weaken a person’s resolve and integrity [as interpreted in Chin, Ann-ping, translator . “Chapter 5: Gongye Chang . ” The a.n.a.lects, by Confucius, Penguin Books, 2014 . ] . Here, it means that Ai Qing was too emotional that she acted rashly .

“You also said that Rajiva has a mission to promote the words of the Buddha, to translate the scriptures, and that this is more important than my life . Ai Qing, if Rajiva runs away now, then that mission will not be fulfilled, correct?”

I still cannot utter any words . Tears are streaming down . He is the opposite; looking so incredibly calm that it frightens me .

“If so, Rajiva cannot run away . I have to stay, accept the tribulations, hone my body and mind, endure Buddha’s test of my character, and complete my mission of translating and promoting the Buddha’s words . That is my destiny as decreed by heaven’s will . ”

His swan-like neck is ramrod straight, and his chest is undulating . He closes his eyes, and two lines of tears trickle down his gaunt cheeks before pooling at his chin, where a five o’clock shadow is showing . He gently shakes his head, and the tears drip onto his robes, turning white silk opaque .

“Rajiva, I should have not told you… I am such a fool, why did I do such a thing?”

I burst into tears, full of regrets . I forgot that he is an absolute idealist*, and that he would be willing to accept such a life if you tell him it is destiny . But I am not willing, I am not willing…
* meaning he believes in idealism, the philosophy that external reality is beyond a human understanding and/or perception, and is in some way a product of consciousness

“Ai Qing, this is destiny, so even if you do not disclose it, it will not change anything . ”

His solemn and desolate tone turns me cold . So he has really accepted it .

“Rajiva, would you be willing to leave the Buddha’s door for me?”

I tremble as I wait . To think that I would utter such a thing! I have always thought about how to help him find a balance between love and aspirations . I even told myself to never make him choose . But in this situation, there is no time for me to slowly work towards finding that balance . If I do not leave, I will become his burden, for Lu Guang will use me to threaten him . But if I leave, what will become of Rajiva? How can I bear to watch him suffer and be humiliated? That is why, no matter how slim the hope, I must fight with the Buddha, must fight against destiny…

“Ai Qing, leave and go back to your parents . Don’t worry about Rajiva anymore . ”

“No!” I shout hysterically, my voice hoa.r.s.e at this point . “We must leave together, otherwise I will not go…”

He stands up and remains silent for a long time . The dim light from the sunset stretches his shadow into a lonely silhouette on the wall . I lift up my head and look at him, making no attempt to wipe the tears on my face . His prolonged silence turns my heart colder and colder . I cannot lose . I refuse to lose! But I know that I have already lost . In the face of love, my IQ of 120 has dropped to a half . What should I do next? I can no longer imagine . Can anybody out there tell me?

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