Im sorry, but I followed you the first night I was Thats it. Im taking you back to Junes.
Before he could act, she pulled the key out of the ignition, then rolled down her window and dangled the ring outside.
Dont you dare, he growled, coiled to lunge.
Ill make a deal, she said. One key in exchange for an honest conversation.
He drew back against his door. About what?
Tell me what makes a lawman tick.
He tried to think in generalities. Most of us arent sinners or saints.
He held out his hand, and she dropped the keys into it.
Cranking up the window, she said, Then let me pick your brain. Getting the facts isnt a single answer. Or a one-shot interview. Its a process.
So was getting rabies shots.
What makes Deputy Whittaker tick? Chloe persisted. Since hed returned home, no one had pressed him as this woman had. Pressed him to confront things better left buried. I want to know about the hometown sports star, the law officer and the war vet.
At war vet he pulled the hood of his sweatshirt over his head. Crossed his arms over his chest in an attempt to warm himself. It didnt work. The truth isnt always neat and tidy and reportable.
Im aware of that, she replied, her voice no longer challenging. He didnt know if he could accept her understanding.
And its not necessarily good, he continued. More often than not, its raw and ugly and inexplicable.
I can handle it.
Yeah? Well, maybe this was the way to exorcise his demons. Maybe if she knew what hed done and showed the disgust he was certain shed feel, then left town, taking the sorry mess with her, he could face the people who remained. Maybe it wasnt Tanya who was supposed to help him begin his penance. Maybe it was Chloe.
The army part is off the record, he insisted.
She paused. Okay.
The truth, he said, seriously doubting hed have the stomach to finish the story, is going to Iraq with the n.o.ble aim of helping a peopleand then finding the world turned upside down.
She didnt say a word.
When I deployed, I was like a thousand others. I knew troops got killed. But I wouldnt. I had too much to live for. I had a job. I had a girlfriend. I wanted a family. I loved kids. Over thereI saw kids in unimaginable situations.
She inhaled sharply but didnt speak. A car pa.s.sed on the road, briefly illuminating her face. Her eyes were as wide as those of the doe theyd caught in the headlights a while back. He bet she already questioned what kind of man hed prove to be.
Now Nate, he had kids of his own, he continued, strangely unable to stop himself. Loved them fiercely. But over there, he shut down where the Iraqi kids were concerned. It was as if he didnt see them. Didnt want to understand their situation.
Maybe, she said softly, when you have children of your own, you see your child in every other. It could tear your heart out. Maybe shutting down was Nates only defense.
Or maybe he was smarter than me.
How so?
I began befriending some of the kids. Giving them gum. Candy. Sometimes rations. Many of them were so malnourished you couldnt tell their age. He ran his fingers around the steering wheel. Its cold, smooth surface an anchor to the present. Nate warned me to remain detached.
But you didnt.
No. He didnt want to go on, but felt compelled to. There was one boy in particular. A street orphan, so willing to please. He reminded me of Rory. Although he was probably older. I began letting him run simple errands. Gave him some money. Not much. The guys couldnt p.r.o.nounce his name, so they called him Joe. He acted as if he took pride in the nickname. It was like he was the unit mascot. To everyone except Nate.
Nate didnt trust the kid.
Not at all. But Nate didnt trust anyone over there. I thought hed lost his soul. Instead At the vegetable stand, someone came out. Mack sat up. He grabbed the night binoculars from the floor. But the guy merely pulled a carton of cigarettes out of his car, then went back inside.
Go on, Chloe quietly urged.
I didnt see what happened that day. I was getting ready to take a shower. All I know is from hearsay and the investigative reportand looking at the bomb site. He faltered.
Tanya said it was a suicide attack Yeah. Despite the chill in the cab, sweat beaded his forehead. He could hear the noise of the explosion. The shouts. As if they were happening around him now. A kid with a homemade bomb strapped to his chest.
Joe?
So itappeared. Apparently, another faction was recruiting with something more powerful than gum and candy. He found himself shaking uncontrollably. The way I see it I fragged my own buddies.
Struggling to breathe, Chloe sat in her corner of the truck. She understood one thingMack lived with the feeling that there were no calculable number of good deeds he could do to atone for this one day in his past.
She understood.
It was a mistake of horrific proportions, she said at last. But it was a mistake.
Dont try to whitewash it, he replied tonelessly.
Without thinking, she leaned across the cab and kissed him gently on the lips.
He pulled away. Do all women think pity and a kiss can take care of everything?
Her head snapped back as if hed slapped her. No. She looked out her window at the thick underbrush and fought back tears. They only make you feel alive, she added on a whisper.
He grabbed her with an alarming ferocity. Kissed her as if trying to prove something. To her or to himself, she couldnt know.
From the minute shed seen Mack en route to Applegate that day, shed been attracted to him. Had tried not to ask what it would be like to let herself want him.
Well, now she knew.
She let herself respond to his rough kisses. To his demanding touch. Shoving the hood away from his head, she straddled his lap, kissed and nipped and licked his face, his ears, his neck. He rubbed his unshaven jaw against her skin and made her shudder. Laid her back against the bench seat and tugged at her jeans.
No! She pushed him away. I cant!
Dammit! Breathing heavily, he loomed above her.
She wriggled out from under him and pushed herself against the pa.s.senger door. We cant.
Slowly he sat back on his side of the seat. Of course not, he ground out. She couldnt tell if he was angry at her or himself or both. But he was angry, no doubt about it.
Were working together, she said. That wasnt the reason, but shed rather he believed the lie. In truth, she couldnt make love to him because theyd forged a real connection. An emotional connection. One shed never let herself feel with any other lover. s.e.x with him now would land her in unmarked and dangerous territory.
We have to get out of here, he said harshly.
What about the Camaro? What about the surveillance operation? What about us? she wanted to ask. What have we done?
We know who the lead guy is. We now have two contacts. The next shift will pick up the trail. He pulled her roughly back to the drivers side as he opened the door and stepped out. Do you know how to jump a vehicle?
Ive had to do it with my Yugo too many times to count. But why I dont want anyone to hear the trucks engine start.
Youre going to push us out of this underbrush? This wasnt like rolling her Yugo down the apartment driveway in Brevard.
Were on a slope. It shouldnt be too hard.
Not as hard as staying in the cab and confronting what had happened between them.
Give me some direction, she said.
When I get you onto the pavement, turn right. The road runs downhill to the creek bridge. You should be able to pick up speed easily. Keep the clutch in, and dont let it out till you get past the first turn, then start her. Youll be out of sight by then.
And where will you be?
Running right behind you. Now release the emergency brake and put it in Neutral. And dont put your lights on till the engines running. He closed the door carefully. The click was almost inaudible.
As she settled behind the wheel, glad for something to do, he began to rock the truck.
On the fifth lurch forward, the pickup began to roll. She turned her head to the left to make sure no car was coming, then turned the truck right onto the pavement. It was dark under the trees and hard to see more than a few yards ahead. It would be next to impossible for an oncoming car to see her. Before it was too late.
The road sloped more steeply than she remembered, and too quickly for comfort she picked up speed. The only sound was the hiss of tires on damp pavement and the pounding in her ears. In the rearview mirror she saw a shadowy figure running behind her. She could only hope it was Mack.
The curve came up much too soon and she swerved on a frost-slicked patch, nearly running into the opposite ditch. As she righted the pickup, she popped the clutch. The engine came to life, then settled into a purr as she hit the brakes.
Shortly afterward, the drivers door opened and Mack shoved her over to slide behind the wheel. He hit the accelerator, and they clattered over Duffys Creek bridge.
He didnt say another word to her. Not even when he dropped her off in front of Junes bed-and-breakfast.
CHAPTER ELEVEN.
I N HER ENTIRE LIFE HAD she ever done anything more reckless?
As the first rays of sun touched Junes garden, Chloe stood in the cold on the sidewalk, watching Mack drive away. June had covered her flower beds with sheeting to protect them from the frost that now blanketed the lawn. Chloe wished she could pull a protective layer of something, anything, over herself to hide her past mistakes from the rest of the world. From Mack.
Chloe Miranda Atherton, what were you thinking? she asked herself as pointedly as she might a difficult interviewee.
Shed spilled her guts to a near stranger. And then shed almost had unprotected s.e.x with him. Not just anyone, but the subject of a story. And not any story. The one that was supposed to highlight how mature and capable and professional she was.
Ha!
Up until now shed always thought of herself as a woman who, in her life and in her work, recognized consequences.
Mack, too, had to have been thinking about how inappropriate the whole situation was, or hed have said something to her on the ride home.
She dragged herself into the B and B, and, avoiding the kitchen, where June would be baking for breakfast, headed up to her room for a long, restorative soak in the tub, then, hopefully, sleep. The bath was easy. Sleep was not. She tossed on the big four-poster bed and thought of Mack. His big heart. His flawed judgment. His confession.
And of his body and how he had seemed as ready as her to throw consequences to the wind.
Chloe knew that Mack couldnt care for someone until he forgave himself. But could he do that?
How had she come to care so much in five days?
Pulling the pillow over her head, she slept fitfully until the sound of a delivery truck woke her. It was ten-fifteen. Sat.u.r.day morning.
With less than three hours sleep, she was wide-awake. She had to talk to Mack.
After hastily dressing, she avoided June once again on her descent through the house. She didnt need a perceptive woman trying to read her feelings right now. Because even she didnt know what her feelings were.
Walking the few blocks down Main Street to the sheriffs office, she saw that the sun had completely melted the frost. A week ago this town had merely been a location for an a.s.signment. Nowshed miss the place when she left.
Inside, behind the call desk, Hannah Breckinridge twisted her long blond hair into a braid, then a coiled knot that would fit under her Stetson. This yours? she asked, lifting Chloes backpack above the counter.
Thanks. Chloe grasped the straps of her mobile office, glad of an apparent excuse for her morning visitwhen shed be expected to be in bed, catching up on her post-surveillance sleep.
Howd it go last night? the deputy asked.
Itwas cold. And hot, hot, hot.
Yeah. Macks got a ways to go when it comes to personal relationships. Hannah rolled her eyes. And the weather was supposed to be nippy, too.
Chloe smiled weakly. Is he in? But then, hes probably sleeping.
No. He checked in, then left. Earlier in the week he mentioned something about Pete and Emma Donahue having their first soccer game today.
Where would that be? Chloe cleared her throat and pretended to search through her backpack. I need togo over a few things before I begin writing up my final copy.
Hannah eyed her as she might a lying suspect. The munic.i.p.al ball fields. Out about a mile and a half on the road to Asheville.
Thanks, Hannah, Chloe said, trying for breezy. Later.
At the Pillar and Post tonight?