"How do I know?" she cried. Then she laughed again, the same kind of a laugh. It was queer, sir, to see her, and to hear her. She turned, as quick as that, and leaned toward me. "Don"t you know how to dance, Ray?" said she.
"N-no," I managed, and I was going to say "Aunt Anna," but the thing choked in my throat.
I tell you she was looking square at me all the time with her two eyes and moving with the music as if she didn"t know it. By heavens, sir, it came over me of a sudden that she wasn"t so bad-looking, after all. I guess I must have sounded like a fool.
"You-you see," said I, "she"s cleared the rip there now, and the music"s gone. You-you hear?"
"Yes," said she, turning back slow. "That"s where it stops every night-night after night-it stops just there-at the rip."
When she spoke again her voice was different. I never heard the like of it, thin and taut as a thread. It made me shiver, sir.
"I hate "em!" That"s what she said. "I hate "em all. I"d like to see "em dead. I"d love to see "em torn apart on the rocks, night after night. I could bathe my hands in their blood, night after night."
And do you know, sir, I saw it with my own eyes, her hands moving in each other above the rail. But it was her voice, though. I didn"t know what to do, or what to say, so I poked my head through the railing and looked down at the water. I don"t think I"m a coward, sir, but it was like a cold-ice-cold-hand, taking hold of my beating heart.
When I looked up finally, she was gone. By and by I went in and had a look at the lamp, hardly knowing what I was about. Then, seeing by my watch it was time for the old man to come on duty, I started to go below. In the Seven Brothers, you understand, the stair goes down in a spiral through a well against the south wall and first there"s the door to the keeper"s room and then you come to another, and that"s the living-room, and then down to the store-room. And at night, if you don"t carry a lantern, it"s as black as the pit.
Well, down I went, sliding my hand along the rail, and as usual I stopped to give a rap on the keeper"s door, in case he was taking a nap after supper. Sometimes he did.
I stood there, blind as a bat, with my mind still up on the walk-around. There was no answer to my knock. I hadn"t expected any. Just from habit, and with my right foot already hanging down for the next step, I reached out to give the door one more tap for luck.
Do you know, sir, my hand didn"t fetch up on anything. The door had been there a second before, and now the door wasn"t there. My hand just went on going through the dark, on and on, and I didn"t seem to have sense or power enough to stop it. There didn"t seem any air in the well to breathe, and my ears were drumming to the surf-that"s how scared I was. And then my hand touched the flesh of a face, and something in the dark said, "Oh!" no louder than a sigh.
Next thing I knew, sir, I was down in the living-room, warm and yellow-lit, with Fedderson c.o.c.king his head at me across the table, where he was at that eternal Jacob"s-ladder of his.
"What"s the matter, Ray?" said he. "Lord"s sake, Ray!"
"Nothing," said I. Then I think I told him I was sick. That night I wrote a letter to A.L. Peters, the grain-dealer in Duxbury, asking for a job-even though it wouldn"t go ash.o.r.e for a couple of weeks, just the writing of it made me feel better.
It"s hard to tell you how those two weeks went by. I don"t know why, but I felt like hiding in a corner all the time. I had to come to meals, but I didn"t look at her, though, not once, unless it was by accident. Fedderson thought I was still ailing and nagged me to death with advice and so on. One thing I took care not to do, I can tell you, and that was to knock on his door till I"d made certain he wasn"t below in the living-room-though I was tempted to.
Yes, sir; that"s a queer thing, and I wouldn"t tell you if I hadn"t set out to give you the truth. Night after night, stopping there on the landing in that black pit, the air gone out of my lungs and the surf drumming in my ears and sweat standing cold on my neck-and one hand lifting up in the air-G.o.d forgive me, sir! Maybe I did wrong not to look at her more, drooping about her work in her gingham ap.r.o.n, with her hair stringing.
When the Inspector came off with the tender, that time, I told him I was through. That"s when he took the dislike to me, I guess, for he looked at me kind of sneering and said, soft as I was, I"d have to put up with it till next relief. And then, said he, there"d be a whole house-cleaning at Seven Brothers, because he"d gotten Fedderson the berth at Kingdom Come. And with that he slapped the old man on the back.
I wish you could have seen Fedderson, sir. He sat down on my cot as if his knees had given "way. Happy? You"d think he"d be happy, with all his dreams come true. Yes, he was happy, beaming all over-for a minute. Then, sir, he began to shrivel up. It was like seeing a man cut down in his prime before your eyes. He began to wag his head.
"No," said he. "No, no; it"s not for such as me. I"m good enough for Seven Brothers, and that"s all, Mr. Bayliss. That"s all."
And for all the Inspector could say, that"s what he stuck to. He"d figured himself a martyr so many years, nursed that injustice like a mother with her first-born, sir; and now in his old age, so to speak, they weren"t to rob him of it. Fedderson was going to wear out his life in a second-cla.s.s light, and folks would talk-that was his idea. I heard him hailing down as the tender was casting off:
"See you to-morrow, Mr. Bayliss. Yep. Coming ash.o.r.e with the wife for a spree. Anniversary. Yep."
But he didn"t sound much like a spree. They had, robbed him, partly, after all. I wondered what she thought about it. I didn"t know till night. She didn"t show up to supper, which Fedderson and I got ourselves-had a headache, be said. It was my early watch. I went and lit up and came back to read a spell. He was finishing off the Jacob"s-ladder, and thoughtful, like a man that"s lost a treasure. Once or twice I caught him looking about the room on the sly. It was pathetic, sir.
Going up the second time, I stepped out on the walk-around to have a look at things. She was there on the seaward side, wrapped in that silky thing. A fair sea was running across the ledge and it was coming on a little thick-not too thick. Off to the right the Boston boat was blowing, whroom-whroom! Creeping up on us, quarter-speed. There was another fellow behind her, and a fisherman"s conch farther offsh.o.r.e.
I don"t know why, but I stopped beside her and leaned on the rail. She didn"t appear to notice me, one way or another. We stood and we stood, listening to the whistles, and the longer we stood the more it got on my nerves, her not noticing me. I suppose she"d been too much on my mind lately. I began to be put out. I sc.r.a.ped my feet. I coughed. By and by I said out loud:
"Look here, I guess I better get out the fog-horn and give those fellows a toot."
"Why?" said she, without moving her head-calm as that.
"Why?" It gave me a turn, sir. For a minute I stared at her. "Why? Because if she don"t pick up this light before very many minutes she"ll be too close in to wear-tide"ll have her on the rocks-that"s why!"
I couldn"t see her face, but I could see one of her silk shoulders lift a little, like a shrug. And there I kept on staring at her, a dumb one, sure enough. I know what brought me to was hearing the Boston boat"s three sharp toots as she picked up the light-mad as anything-and swung her helm a-port. I turned away from her, sweat stringing down my face, and walked around to the door. It was just as well, too, for the feed-pipe was plugged in the lamp and the wicks were popping. She"d have been out in another five minutes, sir.
When I"d finished, I saw that woman standing in the doorway. Her eyes were bright. I had a horror of her, sir, a living horror.
"If only the light had been out," said she, low and sweet.
"G.o.d forgive you," said I. "You don"t know what you"re saying."
She went down the stair into the well, winding out of sight, and as long as I could see her, her eyes were watching mine. When I went, myself, after a few minutes, she was waiting for me on that first landing, standing still in the dark. She took hold of my hand, though I tried to get it away.
"Good-by," said she in my ear.
"Good-by?" said I. I didn"t understand.
"You heard what he said to-day-about Kingdom Come? Be it so-on his own head. I"ll never come back here. Once I set foot ash.o.r.e-I"ve got friends in Brightonboro, Ray."
I got away from her and started on down. But I stopped. "Brightonboro?" I whispered back. "Why do you tell me?" My throat was raw to the words, like a sore.
"So you"d know," said she.
Well, sir, I saw them off next morning, down that new Jacob"s-ladder into the dinghy-boat, her in a dress of blue velvet and him in his best cutaway and derby-rowing away, smaller and smaller, the two of them. And then I went back and sat on my cot, leaving the door open and the ladder still hanging down the wall, along with the boat-falls.
I don"t know whether it was relief, or what. I suppose I must have been worked up even more than I"d thought those past weeks, for now it was all over I was like a rag. I got down on my knees, sir, and prayed to G.o.d for the salvation of my soul, and when I got up and climbed to the living-room it was half past twelve by the clock. There was rain on the windows and the sea was running blue-black under the sun. I"d sat there all that time not knowing there was a squall.
It was funny; the gla.s.s stood high, but those black squalls kept coming and going all afternoon, while I was at work up in the light-room. And I worked hard, to keep myself busy. First thing I knew it was five, and no sign of the boat yet. It began to get dim and kind of purplish-gray over the land. The sun was down. I lit up, made everything snug, and got out the night-gla.s.ses to have another look for that boat. He"d said he intended to get back before five. No sign. And then, standing there, it came over me that of course he wouldn"t be coming off-he"d be hunting her, poor old fool. It looked like I had to stand two men"s watches that night.
Never mind. I felt like myself again, even if I hadn"t had any dinner or supper. Pride came to me that night on the walk-around, watching the boats go by-little boats, big boats, the Boston boat with all her pearls and her dance-music. They couldn"t see me; they didn"t know who I was; but to the last of them, they depended on me. They say a man must be born again. Well, I was born again. I breathed deep in the wind.
Dawn broke hard and red as a dying coal. I put out the light and started to go below. Born again; yes, sir. I felt so good I whistled in the well, and when I came to the first door on the stair I reached out in the dark to give it a rap for luck. And then, sir, the hair p.r.i.c.kled all over my scalp, when I found my hand just going on and on through the air, the same as it had gone once before, and all of a sudden I wanted to yell, because I thought I was going to touch flesh. It"s funny what their just forgetting to close their door did to me, isn"t it?
Well, I reached for the latch and pulled it to with a bang and ran down as if a ghost was after me. I got up some coffee and bread and bacon for breakfast. I drank the coffee. But somehow I couldn"t eat, all along of that open door. The light in the room was blood. I got to thinking. I thought how she"d talked about those men, women, and children on the rocks, and how she"d made to bathe her hands over the rail. I almost jumped out of my chair then; it seemed for a wink she was there beside the stove watching me with that queer half-smile-really, I seemed to see her for a flash across the red table-cloth in the red light of dawn.
"Look here!" said I to myself, sharp enough; and then I gave myself a good laugh and went below. There I took a look out of the door, which was still open, with the ladder hanging down. I made sure to see the poor old fool come pulling around the point before very long now.
My boots were hurting a little, and, taking them off, I lay down on the cot to rest, and somehow I went to sleep. I had horrible dreams. I saw her again standing in that blood-red kitchen, and she seemed to be washing her hands, and the surf on the ledge was whining up the tower, louder and louder all the time, and what it whined was, "Night after night-night after night." What woke me was cold water in my face.
The store-room was in gloom. That scared me at first; I thought night had come, and remembered the light. But then I saw the gloom was of a storm. The floor was shining wet, and the water in my face was spray, flung up through the open door. When I ran to close it, it almost made me dizzy to see the gray-and-white breakers marching past. The land was gone; the sky shut down heavy overhead; there was a piece of wreckage on the back of a swell, and the Jacob"s-ladder was carried clean away. How that sea had picked up so quick I can"t think. I looked at my watch and it wasn"t four in the afternoon yet.
When I closed the door, sir, it was almost dark in the store-room. I"d never been in the Light before in a gale of wind. I wondered why I was shivering so, till I found it was the floor below me shivering, and the walls and stair. Horrible crunchings and grindings ran away up the tower, and now and then there was a great thud somewhere, like a cannon-shot in a cave. I tell you, sir, I was alone, and I was in a mortal fright for a minute or so. And yet I had to get myself together. There was the light up there not tended to, and an early dark coming on and a heavy night and all, and I had to go. And I had to pa.s.s that door.
You"ll say it"s foolish, sir, and maybe it was foolish. Maybe it was because I hadn"t eaten. But I began thinking of that door up there the minute I set foot on the stair, and all the way up through that howling dark well I dreaded to pa.s.s it. I told myself I wouldn"t stop. I didn"t stop. I felt the landing underfoot and I went on, four steps, five-and then I couldn"t. I turned and went back. I put out my hand and it went on into nothing. That door, sir, was open again.
I left it be; I went on up to the light-room and set to work. It was Bedlam there, sir, screeching Bedlam, but I took no notice. I kept my eyes down. I trimmed those seven wicks, sir, as neat as ever they were trimmed; I polished the bra.s.s till it shone, and I dusted the lens. It wasn"t till that was done that I let myself look back to see who it was standing there, half out of sight in the well. It was her, sir.