"Where"d you come from?" I asked. I remember my voice was sharp.
"Up Jacob"s-ladder," said she, and hers was like the syrup of flowers.
I shook my head. I was savage, sir. "The ladder"s carried away."
"I cast it off," said she, with a smile.
"Then," said I, "you must have come while I was asleep." Another thought came on me heavy as a ton of lead. "And where"s he?" said I. "Where"s the boat?"
"He"s drowned," said she, as easy as that. "And I let the boat go adrift. You wouldn"t hear me when I called."
"But look here," said I. "If you came through the store-room, why didn"t you wake me up? Tell me that!" It sounds foolish enough, me standing like a lawyer in court, trying to prove she couldn"t be there.
She didn"t answer for a moment. I guess she sighed, though I couldn"t hear for the gale, and her eyes grew soft, sir, so soft.
"I couldn"t," said she. "You looked so peaceful-dear one."
My cheeks and neck went hot, sir, as if a warm iron was laid on them. I didn"t know what to say. I began to stammer, "What do you mean-" but she was going back down the stair, out of sight. My G.o.d sir, and I used not to think she was good-looking!
I started to follow her. I wanted to know what she meant. Then I said to myself, "If I don"t go-if I wait here-she"ll come back." And I went to the weather side and stood looking out of the window. Not that there was much to see. It was growing dark, and the Seven Brothers looked like the mane of a running horse, a great, vast, white horse running into the wind. The air was a-welter with it. I caught one peep of a fisherman, lying down flat trying to weather the ledge, and I said, "G.o.d help them all to-night," and then I went hot at sound of that "G.o.d."
I was right about her, though. She was back again. I wanted her to speak first, before I turned, but she wouldn"t. I didn"t hear her go out; I didn"t know what she was up to till I saw her coming outside on the walk-around, drenched wet already. I pounded on the gla.s.s for her to come in and not be a fool; if she heard she gave no sign of it.
There she stood, and there I stood watching her. Lord, sir-was it just that I"d never had eyes to see? Or are there women who bloom? Her clothes were shining on her, like a carving, and her hair was let down like a golden curtain tossing and streaming in the gale, and there she stood with her lips half open, drinking, and her eyes half closed, gazing straight away over the Seven Brothers, and her shoulders swaying, as if in tune with the wind and water and all the ruin. And when I looked at her hands over the rail, sir, they were moving in each other as if they bathed, and then I remembered, sir.
A cold horror took me. I knew now why she had come back again. She wasn"t a woman-she was a devil. I turned my back on her. I said to myself: "It"s time to light up. You"ve got to light up"-like that, over and over, out loud. My hand was shivering so I could hardly find a match; and when I scratched it, it only flared a second and then went out in the back draught from the open door. She was standing in the doorway, looking at me. It"s queer, sir, but I felt like a child caught in mischief.
"I-I-was going to light up," I managed to say, finally.
"Why?" said she. No, I can"t say it as she did.
"Why?" said I. "My G.o.d!"
She came nearer, laughing, as if with pity, low, you know. "Your G.o.d? And who is your G.o.d? What is G.o.d? What is anything on a night like this?"
I drew back from her. All I could say anything about was the light.
"Why not the dark?" said she. "Dark is softer than light-tenderer-dearer than light. From the dark up here, away up here in the wind and storm, we can watch the ships go by, you and I. And you love me so. You"ve loved me so long, Ray."
"I never have!" I struck out at her. "I don"t! I don"t!"
Her voice was lower than ever, but there was the same laughing pity in it. "Oh yes, you have." And she was near me again.
"I have?" I yelled. "I"ll show you! I"ll show you if I have!"
I got another match, sir, and scratched it on the bra.s.s. I gave it to the first wick, the little wick that"s inside all the others. It bloomed like a yellow flower. "I have?" I yelled, and gave it to the next.
Then there was a shadow, and I saw she was leaning beside me, her two elbows on the bra.s.s, her two arms stretched out above the wicks, her bare forearms and wrists and hands. I gave a gasp:
"Take care! You"ll burn them! For G.o.d"s sake--"
She didn"t move or speak. The match burned my fingers and went out, and all I could do was stare at those arms of hers, helpless. I"d never noticed her arms before. They were rounded and graceful and covered with a soft down, like a breath of gold. Then I heard her speaking close to my ear.
"Pretty arms," she said. "Pretty arms!"
I turned. Her eyes were fixed on mine. They seemed heavy, as if with sleep, and yet between their lids they were two wells, deep and deep, and as if they held all the things I"d ever thought or dreamed in them. I looked away from them, at her lips. Her lips were red as poppies, heavy with redness. They moved, and I heard them speaking:
"Poor boy, you love me so, and you want to kiss me-don"t you?"
"No," said I. But I couldn"t turn around. I looked at her hair. I"d always thought it was stringy hair. Some hair curls naturally with damp, they say, and perhaps that was it, for there were pearls of wet on it, and it was thick and shimmering around her face, making soft shadows by the temples. There was green in it, queer strands of green like braids.
"What is it?" said I.
"Nothing but weed," said she, with that slow, sleepy smile.
Somehow or other I felt calmer than I had any time. "Look here," said I. "I"m going to light this lamp." I took out a match, scratched it, and touched the third wick. The flame ran around, bigger than the other two together. But still her arms hung there. I bit my lip. "By G.o.d, I will!" said I to myself, and I lit the fourth.
It was fierce, sir, fierce! And yet those arms never trembled. I had to look around at her. Her eyes were still looking into mine, so deep and deep, and her red lips were still smiling with that queer, sleepy droop; the only thing was that tears were raining down her cheeks-big, glowing round, jewel tears. It wasn"t human, sir. It was like a dream.
"Pretty arms," she sighed, and then, as if those words had broken something in her heart, there came a great sob bursting from her lips. To hear it drove me mad. I reached to drag her away, but she was too quick, sir; she cringed from me and slipped out from between my hands. It was like she faded away, sir, and went down in a bundle, nursing her poor arms and mourning over them with those terrible, broken sobs.
The sound of them took the manhood out of me-you"d have been the same, sir. I knelt down beside her on the floor and covered my face.
"Please!" I moaned. "Please! Please!" That"s all I could say. I wanted her to forgive me. I reached out a hand, blind, for forgiveness, and I couldn"t find her anywhere. I had hurt her so, and she was afraid of me, of me, sir, who loved her so deep it drove me crazy.
I could see her down the stair, though it was dim and my eyes were filled with tears. I stumbled after her, crying, "Please! Please!" The little wicks I"d lit were blowing in the wind from the door and smoking the gla.s.s beside them black. One went out. I pleaded with them, the same as I would plead with a human being. I said I"d be back in a second. I promised. And I went on down the stair, crying like a baby because I"d hurt her, and she was afraid of me-of me, sir.
She had gone into her room. The door was closed against me and I could hear her sobbing beyond it, broken-hearted. My heart was broken too. I beat on the door with my palms. I begged her to forgive me. I told her I loved her. And all the answer was that sobbing in the dark.
And then I lifted the latch and went in, groping, pleading. "Dearest-please! Because I love you!"
I heard her speak down near the floor. There wasn"t any anger in her voice; nothing but sadness and despair.
"No," said she. "You don"t love me, Ray. You never have."
"I do! I have!"
"No, no," said she, as if she was tired out.
"Where are you?" I was groping for her. I thought, and lit a match. She had got to the door and was standing there as if ready to fly. I went toward her, and she made me stop. She took my breath away. "I hurt your arms," said I, in a dream.
"No," said she, hardly moving her lips. She held them out to the match"s light for me to look and there was never a scar on them-not even that soft, golden down was singed, sir. "You can"t hurt my body," said she, sad as anything. "Only my heart, Ray; my poor heart."
I tell you again, she took my breath away. I lit another match. "How can you be so beautiful?" I wondered.
She answered in riddles-but oh, the sadness of her, sir.
"Because," said she, "I"ve always so wanted to be."