He blinked before he lifted his other hand to the other side of my neck, his eyes locked with mine, and asked in return, "Why aren"t you answering my question?"
"Because it"s obviously more important to know why you"re in love with me and because I"ll get someone in trouble if I answer your question," I finally answered.
"You ask a question that has no answer," he returned. "Now answer mine which actually does."
Really?
He thought my question had no answer?
Honestly, I could not believe that men in this world, just like in my own, thought they could get away with that "I love you because I love you so just believe it and let me get back to the ballgame" nonsense.
Well, this man couldn"t.
I mean, there was no ballgame to get back to. It was a war, and, well, a bunch of other stuff.
But still.
"It has an answer, Apollo," I retorted.
"You are correct. It does," he declared. "It has an answer that would take a decade to speak out loud. But, as you seem determined to have it, in an attempt to put it succinctly, I fell in love with you because I brought you to this world, a world all new to you, and turned my back on you. You didn"t grow morose and retreat into yourself. You didn"t become frightened, get overwhelmed by your fears and lock yourself away. You challenged a chef to a cooking duel over seafood."
I stared at him thinking that I did do that.
I didn"t know it was hot-guy-from-another-world-love-worthy, but I did it.
Apollo kept talking.
"I fell in love with you because I was in a battle to the death and you didn"t run, even when I told you to. You retrieved my sword and smashed a man on the head with a lamp in an effort to aid me."
I continued to stare mostly because I"d been so engrossed in all that was happening, I actually kind of forgot I did that.
That was something Finnie would do.
And the warrior queen Circe.
And, well, me.
Apollo continued to talk.
"Further, the most beautiful, most intelligent women I know have been torn to shreds in Franka Drakkar"s claws. She got hold of you and you didn"t blink." He paused and scowled at me. "Until she struck deeper and you let it sink in then fester without speaking to me about it. That last is not part of why I love you, but it"s part of you so it also is. Even though, at this point, it"s b.l.o.o.d.y frustrating."
I wanted it, I"d demanded it, but I could take no more.
So I whispered, "You can stop talking now."
"Certainly," he replied. "Though I will only do so noting that I have not scratched the surface. For instance, I"ve not mentioned how it feels to have you give your body to me so freely, this freeing me in a manner I never had before. A manner I treasure. A manner that builds our closeness in ways I"ve also never experienced before. Or how magnificent it feels to know that my daughter extends an invitation to a tea party, and although things are not right between us, you still come and give her what she desires even knowing it might include a confrontation with me."
"You didn"t stop talking," I pointed out shakily.
"No, I didn"t. But I shall. Now, it"s your turn to talk. How did you hear of Estranvegue?"
"I, well..." I paused. He kept scowling. So I went on. "Overheard two maids talking."
He didn"t let me go but he straightened and looked over my head at the door as if he wanted to burn holes in them with his eyes.
Even though I didn"t want to, I thought it prudent to get it all out there, so I added, "They said a few things about your mother, your father and, um...his wife."
He looked back at me and when he did, it was me who felt like I"d go up in flames at the heat of his glare.
Thus, I blurted, "I"d kind of like to talk about you being in love with me again."
"Do you still wish to go to the other world?" he asked abruptly.
"We have more to talk about," I answered.
"Do you still wish to go to the other world?" he pressed.
I stared into his eyes.
Eyes that looked annoyed.
But they were the eyes of the man who loved me.
Then I whispered, "No."
"Do I have your love in return?" he asked.
Oh G.o.d.
G.o.d!
I swallowed.
Still staring into his eyes, I whispered, "Yes."
He slid his fingers up into my hair and instantly stopped looking annoyed.
He looked something a whole lot better.
Something that made a beautiful man impossibly more beautiful.
G.o.d.
"You love me," he whispered back.
I didn"t repeat my response.
I repeated something else.
"We have a lot to talk about, Apollo."
"Yes, for instance, why you love me."
I was back to staring but it turned to glaring when I saw his lips twitch.
I didn"t find anything funny. In fact, suddenly all that was happening overwhelmed me, all I"d held back feeling slammed into me, and I closed my eyes so I could focus on not letting it consume me.
He was in love with me.
Apollo Ulfr, general of a queen"s army, man of many enterprises, father to two great kids, was in love with me.
I opened my eyes again when I felt his forehead come to rest on mine.
And the instant it did, he stated, "You have my vow that I will not speak to you in that manner again, Maddie. No matter what is on my mind, what I"m feeling, how significant the things are that are troubling me. Like my son, I lashed out at someone I loved, hoping they"d take the pain I was inflicting so I could release some of the pain I was feeling. I should be old enough to know better. You know I regret it. What I must know is that you trust it won"t happen again."
"I...you...I," I stammered, pulled it together and finished, "Trust is built."
He moved away half an inch and stated, "Yes. But in this case, it must be earned. This I"ll do."
Okay.
Yes.
This man loved me.
And I loved this man.
He p.i.s.sed me off. s.h.i.t was crazy and it was extreme.
But I still loved him.
I didn"t know if this was awesome or scary as s.h.i.t.
Apollo"s next words didn"t help.
"Our last conversation prior to you doing something foolish and me retaliating by being cruel," he paused and stated severely, "something neither of us will repeat," he paused again and waited until I agreed to this demand by nodding before he continued, "was the beginning of a discussion about you moving to Karsvall. Alas, with things as they are with my son, you cannot do this. He is still struggling. This would not be wise."
I nodded because he was right.
It wouldn"t be wise.
"However I would like you to come to dinner," he carried on. "For myself. For elan. She misses your presence at our meals, as do I. We"ll dine together, watch and a.s.sess Chris"s reaction. After, we"ll discuss how we move on from there."
I missed him too.
And elan.
And Chris.
But I didn"t think dinner was a good idea.
So I told him, "Uh...Chris heard what the maids said as well. It was clear it freaked him. And when I, um...had words with him, they were kind of..." I paused to draw in a deep breath and finished, "Final."
I watched Apollo"s jaw clench again before he released it and replied, "Then you will not come to dinner. You"ll return to the dower house. I"ll speak with my son about what he heard. Going forward, I wish Christophe to have my attention and presence and I hope you understand he must have both without you for a time. That said, it would be imprudent to continue your complete absence for he must get used to you. But from this time forward, for his sake, we will take it much more slowly."
At that, I nodded.
"Tonight, I"ll come to you after he"s asleep," Apollo declared.
He"d come to me when Christophe was asleep.
I swallowed.
Then I nodded yet again.
"When I do, you and I will discuss all the things you wish to talk about," he concluded.
I found my voice and used it to say, "Okay."
He held my gaze and repeated my, "Okay," but his was way better.
It was way better because his eyes were warm, his voice was soft, and he was using his hands to pull me closer.
When he was a breath away, his gaze boring into mine, he whispered, "You love me."
I did.
I didn"t say that.
I said, "I"m scared."
One of his hands moved from my hair so he could stroke my jaw with his thumb as something pa.s.sed through his eyes that I felt in my belly. And it wasn"t in a good way.
I would know why when he said quietly, "I have vowed to keep you safe, to make it so you never feel fear again, to give you better, and here I stand, with you so close but still holding yourself away, because it was me who failed at giving you all those things."
That wounded him too and I so knew how bad it felt when you did something stupid or thoughtless, something that affected other people.
It totally sucked Feeling that for him, I softly said, "Lo," and the instant I did, he closed his eyes.
Before I could say more, he opened them and promised, "I won"t fail again, my dove."
He meant that.
Each word.
I felt wet hit my eyes as I replied with a shaky, "Okay, baby."
His fingers tensed against my scalp as the hand he"d slid to my jaw glided down my spine and he murmured, "And she gives herself back."