At that, Christophe cut his eyes to his father. There was anger in them, defiance.
But mostly pain.
Apollo sustained that wound and gave him a squeeze.
"I was mistaken," he repeated. "Mistaken in thinking that my little man could work through that hurt and see things as they are, the happiness your sister and I have with Madeleine in our lives. The happiness you could glean having her in yours. I forgot that you"re still my little boy and being such, I should see to you."
"I"m not a little boy," Christophe snapped.
"No, you aren"t, yet you are. And, my son,"-Apollo leaned into him just as he pulled Christophe close so they were nearly nose-to-nose, his eyes steadily holding his son"s-"until you"re a father, you won"t understand this. But I was mistaken in something else. That being I want you to be my boy for as long as I can have that. I will have decades of you being a man. Now, I must cherish the time when you"re my boy and take care of you as a father should while you are. This I will do. I will rectify these mistakes and from now on, look after you."
"Does that mean you"ll be sending her away?" Christophe asked, his tone very much not like anything Apollo had heard from him.
It was ugly.
"Is that what you want?" he inquired. "For me to be alone again? For your sister to lose a woman"s touch?"
"elan has Bella," Christophe retorted.
"Indeed," Apollo acceded. "And what will you leave me?"
Christophe clenched his teeth.
Apollo did not give up, for he couldn"t.
He loved his son.
And he was in love with Madeleine.
"And what will that leave Maddie?" he pressed. "I have you. elan. Achilles. Draven. As you know, that list goes on. If I were to send Maddie away as you wish, what would she have?"
Christophe knew the answer to that but instead of saying it aloud, he slid his eyes away.
"I know not how to heal your hurt, for even having Maddie, I still mourn your mother," Apollo said gently. "I mourn her for myself and I mourn her for you and your sister. Thus I know that hurt will never completely fade away. What I also know is, your mother is lost to us, but we still live. And the only way to do that is to live, finding as much laughter and happiness along the way as we can."
Christophe kept his eyes averted and as he did, Apollo knew he was feeling too much for this to be sorted now, in the cold and snow, while men were out looking for his son and many were worried.
"We"ll talk more when we"re home and those who are worried know you"re safe."
Christophe finally looked back to him. "I"ll ride with Lees."
Apollo endured yet another wound and shook his head.
"You"ll ride with your father."
Christophe clenched his teeth but he said nothing further.
Apollo straightened from the snow and moved to Torment, guiding Christophe with him with his hand back to his shoulder. Achilles, Frey, Kell and Nathaniel watched silently as he mounted then bent and pulled his son up in front of him.
Christophe held himself stiffly, clearly trying to stay as far away from his father as he could.
Without a word, Apollo spurred Torment into a canter, pulling ahead of the men who were silently following them, wishing to be home to put minds at ease, especially Maddie"s.
He did this with his own mind in turmoil.
The Queen"s strategist, general to her soldiers, as his thoughts chased each other through his brain, he could not settle on a strategy of how to help his son deal with his pain and his grief.
He"d expected too much from him.
But this was not Christophe"s burden.
It was Apollo"s mistake.
Madeleine looked like his mother and Christophe had not even reached double digits. He would not process the differences between the two women as an adult would.
He would struggle.
Apollo knew the instant he explained Maddie"s existence months ago that Chris was uncomfortable with it.
He should have kept watch and planned how to battle it should demons arise.
He should have seen to his son.
These thoughts a.s.sailing him, his attention focused on the forest opening up in front of them as they arrived at the house, Frey growled, "b.l.o.o.d.y h.e.l.l."
Apollo knew why Frey sounded annoyed.
Finnie was atop a steed and galloping toward him.
Frey put heels to his horse and shot forward, thundering, "Wife! I told you-"
"Maddie!" she cried, cutting off her husband, her eyes not to him but to Apollo, her horse in full gallop as it brought her toward them. "Maddie"s gone!"
Even as he felt his son do the same, Apollo went completely still and only at the last minute reined in as Finnie pulled back her own reins so swiftly, her horse wheeled under her.
She turned her head as it did to keep her eyes on Apollo as she continued with her dire news.
"We"ve turned the house upside down, men have gone to the dower house." She finally stopped her horse and her eyes were still on Apollo. "Ruben found two sets of tracks, both he says were female, leading away from the house. All the women at the house are accounted for so we don"t know for certain who"s with her. But the tracks abruptly stopped and there"s no other sign."
She drew in a breath, her eyes wide and concerned, before she finished on a whisper, her words landing yet another blow straight to Apollo"s soul.
"She"s disappeared."
Chapter Twenty-Five.
f.u.c.ked Up. Huge.
Something was not right.
And that something not right was not the fact that thirty minutes ago, Cora, the Gracious surprised the absolute c.r.a.p out of me by showing up in Apollo"s study telling me that she and Prince Noctorno were riding to Karsvall and found a young boy Noctorno knew to be Apollo"s son. Said boy refused to budge from where he"d dashed from them and was holed up in the trunk of a tree.
That was, he refused to budge unless he saw me.
The house was in disarray, people were freaked, most of the men were out looking for Chris and I was alone in the study, fretting and wishing I could do something.
And this was something I could do.
Not to mention, this was Cora, the Gracious. A woman of my people. One of the women of four couples united over worlds.
One of us.
And, let us not forget, I was freaked too.
Chris was gone and with the enemies we had, that could mean anything.
None of it good.
And most of it really not good.
So I"d followed her seeing as she said Prince Noctorno was with Chris and seeing as she was Cora, the Gracious.
And I knew it was her. I"d seen newspapers in Hawkvale, and even Lunwyn, that had pen and ink drawings of her that were printed beside articles that described what she wore to some ball or when she"d do a good deed, like visiting a children"s hospital.
Why she was there with Tor and we didn"t know they were coming, I didn"t know.
Then again, Finnie and Frey had shown without warning so maybe the bird sent with the message they were coming got shot for someone"s supper (or something).
As I followed her, and followed her, and followed her, deep into the forest around Karsvall, worried we were getting into a zone that was unprotected by Apollo"s witches, I began to realize that things were not right.
First, if I thought about it (which I hadn"t) the fact that she"d mentioned Prince Noctorno repeatedly and she"d done it just like that was weird.
She called him Prince Noctorno.
Now, I didn"t know any aristocracy from the Vale, so maybe I was wrong, but the dude was her husband and she was from my world. I couldn"t imagine she"d address her husband as Prince Noctorno unless she was at some official function. And truly, I couldn"t even imagine her doing it then. I hadn"t been to an official function with Apollo but I couldn"t imagine addressing him as anything but Apollo, even to servants, as he called me Lady Ulfr or Lady Madeleine to them.
And that was another thing. She was from my world.
But she spoke like she was from this world.
Now, I"d heard that Americans who lived in England (or wherever) could take on the accent. But she hadn"t been in this world for decades, for goodness sakes. I couldn"t imagine her talking just like people from this world.
Not yet.
Further, I couldn"t imagine Christophe wanting to see me.
For two weeks he"d been doing his best to avoid me.
Demanding to see his father, sure.
But me?
Having time to think on it, lots of it as we trekked through the forest, that wasn"t right either.
Not to mention, she"d said that Prince Noctorno was not far.
But he was.
We kept going (and going) and she had to know we were unprotected by men or weapons and the further away from the house we were, the more danger we"d be in.
Apollo had told me that all the women knew what was going on. Their men let them in on it so they could be vigilant and cautious (he"d also added the word "obedient" but I decided to forget he said that; though, it was becoming scarily apparent that I"d forgotten the "cautious" part too).
If she was leading me to her husband who was with Chris not too far away from Karsvall, I could get it.
But she was leading me to what seemed like nothing except deeper into the forest and far away from Karsvall.
And last, she had no guard.
Her husband had let her go like that, unprotected. From what I"d heard about him, that was not something he"d do.
Ever.
No.
This was not right.
I was getting the distinct feeling that I"d been an idiot.
I knew that feeling. It had happened often in my life, this one worse than the rest (except, of course, when I"d picked Pol to pledge my troth to; then again, that remained to be seen depending on whether I could get myself out of what I was currently getting myself into).
I decided it was time to stop being an idiot and called, "Hey!"
She forged ahead, not looking back when she replied, "Not too far now."
"Uh, I"m thinking that we should turn back, find a man to find Apollo and have you lead him back to Tor and Christophe."
"We"re not too far," she mostly repeated. "It would be foolish to turn back now."
I stared at her plowing through the snow.
Then I stopped.