"Franka," she replied stiltedly.
"And where is Timofei?" I asked, glancing around as my brother rounded his wife to come toward me.
It was Kristian who answered me.
"Your nephew fell asleep in the sleigh right before we arrived. He"s having a difficult time sleeping so we didn"t want to rouse him. He"s under furs outside with his nanny."
I looked up at my brother, into kind blue eyes that had never been anything but, even when they rested on me.
"Brother," I whispered.
"Sister," he whispered back.
b.l.o.o.d.y h.e.l.l.
I was going to weep.
Right in the grand hall of the Winter Palace, for the first time since I was a wee child, I was going to weep.
My brother there, tall, handsome, healthy and safe.
Me with him, perhaps not healthy, but also safe.
Our ordeal over.
The relief of it all surged over me and I didn"t know if I could withstand it.
I needed to escape.
Immediately.
Before I could do so, Kristian tore his glove from his hand and lifted it.
Cupping my cheek, he moved close to me, dipping his face to mine.
"Franka," he said softly.
"I"m glad you"re well," I forced out in a voice that was not my own. It was hoa.r.s.e and unpolished.
He continued to speak in his quiet voice as if he only wished me to hear.
"It was bad."
"It was," I affirmed, wanting to touch him, to pull him to me, to wrap my arms around him and have him wrap his around me like we did when we were youngsters, before my mother and father put a stop to it.
Now his voice was gruff. "Sister."
"I endured," I shared the obvious.
His eyes started to get bright with tears when he replied, "You always did."
I delicately cleared my throat and stepped back far enough away from him so his hand dropped.
"You need to settle your family. Rest. Have some luncheon. We"ll talk more when you"re revived from your journey."
I included Brikitta in this invitation and noted she was staring at me like she"d never seen me, or indeed anything like me before.
"Yes, Franka. Of course," Kristian said.
"Ah, they"ve arrived. Excellent." We heard from behind us and we all turned to the voice to see Queen Aurora moving our way.
Brikitta and I dropped into curtsies. Kristian bowed.
"Rise, rise," Aurora murmured. "Delighted you made it safely, Kristian, Brikitta," she stated, sweeping them with her glance. "Your room awaits, one of the rooms with a nursery attached. Thus Timofei"s cot also awaits."
"Our grat.i.tude, your grace," Kristian replied.
"Not at all," she stated, turning and motioning to a hovering footman. "See them to their rooms and please see that their trunks are brought up and send a maid to them."
"Yes, your grace," the footman replied, doing a slight bow then extending a hand out to Kristian and Brikkita.
"We"ll sit together later, yes?" Kristian asked as he put his hand to his wife"s elbow.
"Of course," I replied. "Pleased you"re all here safe."
Brikitta nodded and her eyes skittered away. Kristian gave me a smile and then turned to Brikitta"s maid, "Please would you see how Nanny"s faring with Tim?"
"Yes, Lord Kristian."
She promptly made her way to the front doors.
Kristian and Brikitta followed the footman.
Aurora made her way to me.
"You"re well, Franka?" she asked.
"Very well, my queen," I answered.
"Lovely," she said and began moving away, declaring, "Much looking forward to your lively discourse at dinner."
I stood still and stared after her.
Then I felt the mirth bubble up my throat and only just managed to swallow it down.
I barely said anything at dinner. During the first dinner I"d been commanded to attend once I was well enough to do so, this was because I had no intention to. Last night it was because the conversation was so fast and furious between the men and women, I couldn"t get a word in.
I had a feeling that was my queen"s subtle way of telling me to fit my words in.
She really shouldn"t press for that. There was much surprising me recently and most of it had to do with my own behavior.
Therefore even I didn"t know what would happen.
It was surprisingly not me who caused a stir at dinner that evening.
It was my always mild-mannered brother.
This happened promptly after I informed him, once he and his family left the Winter Palace, I was journeying with Josette and our new acquisition across the Green Sea.
He was my dinner partner, sitting to my right, and I thought we had a coc.o.o.n of privacy thus it was safe to share this information without others inputting their opinions.
Until he shouted, "Have you gone mad?"
"Kristian," I murmured, shocked at his reaction, including the sheer volume of it, and acutely aware of all eyes coming to us, particularly Noc"s, who was sitting directly across the table from me, his dinner partner Brikitta.
"The very idea is daft, Franka," my brother bit out (still loudly). "I"ll not allow it."
My surprise faded and I felt my jaw tighten.
He"d not allow it?
Kristian would not allow me to do something I wished to do?
It was not I who had gone mad. It was him.
No. That was inaccurate.
The entire world had gone mad all around me, taking me with it.
My parents were imprisoned, never to breathe free again.
I was being kind to my maid, asking her to call me my given name and calling upon her to make decisions on matters of great import, like who was going to attend my person and my clothing and my bedchamber.
I was allowing Noc to interfere in my life at any given moment, these moments chosen by him.
My cousin Frey liked me. His wife also liked me. Further, their friends liked me.
Those friends, the female and male ones, had accompanied me on a trying engagement simply in order to be near should I become upset.
My dead lover"s voice sounded in my head.
The queen of the entire b.l.o.o.d.y country had spoken to me like she was my nanny and later teased me like I was a fond friend of her daughter"s she"d known since they were in the schoolroom.
And worst of all, it seemed I had no control, not a whit, over any of it.
"What"s this?" Aurora queried.
I opened my mouth to intervene in hopes I could get my brother to remain silent, but he spoke before I could make a sound.
"My sister wishes to journey across the Green Sea," he declared. "She intends to leave right after Brikitta and I depart for home, your grace."
Queen Aurora a.s.sumed a severe expression. "Franka, is this true?"
I clenched my teeth, managed not to grind them and turned my torso to face the head of the table.
"Yes, my queen."
"She won"t be doing it," Kristian railed on, looking from Aurora to me. "If you don"t wish to return to your apartments after you"ve lost Antoine, which his understandable, Sister, then you"ll travel back with Brikitta and me. You can stay with us until you"ve made a sane decision about where you wish to go next. h.e.l.l, you can stay with us for good, as far as I care. The house is big enough and I know you like it, no matter what you"ve said."
Brikitta made a noise during my brother"s latest that I deciphered as fear and panic, and I found myself intervening not only on my behalf but on hers as well.
"Brother, you know that"s not a good idea. I"m much better living on my own," I replied swiftly, wishing I didn"t have to and further wishing that such private matters weren"t being shared in public.
But again having no choice.
"You"ll turn over a new leaf," he sniffed, looking to his consomme and dipping his spoon into it, stating, "And that"s a matter sorted."
"It is not," I retorted, doing my all to keep the snap out of my voice and not exactly succeeding. "I"m quite keen on my plan and have no intention to alter it."
Kristian rudely dropped his spoon in his consomme and turned back to me. "I believe you"ll change your mind when the pirates board your vessel."
"No pirates will board the vessel," I scoffed.
"Tell that to the many sailors who never returned, who likely felt the same before the pirates boarded their vessels," Kristian retorted.
"Merchants make that journey often," I replied.
"Merchants try to make that journey often," Kristian responded and didn"t allow me time to counter. He looked to Frey. "What say you, Drakkar? How many go and how many come back?"
Frey was looking amused, which I was certain made me look annoyed since I felt that but didn"t feel like hiding it, as he answered, "I"d like to say the stakes are fifty-fifty. But I"d wager it"s more like thirty-seventy."
I blew out an exasperated breath before I asked my cousin, "Have you been across those waters?"
"Yes," he answered.
"How many times?" I inquired.
"Twice," he stated.
I sat back in my chair smugly. "Then I"d say the stakes are far better than thirty-seventy, surely."
"I"m a good seaman," Frey retorted. "I"m handy with a variety of blades. Not to mention bows. My men are arguably better than me...at both. My ship is fast. And I have less scruples than a pirate when it comes to saving my men and my necks." His lips formed a slow, superior grin. "Oh, and there"s the small fact I command dragons."
I huffed and took up my spoon, requesting, "Can we please move on from this topic? I"m sure we all agree it"s no one"s business but my own."
"My sister taking, at best, a fifty percent chance with her life to cross an expanse of water only to perhaps best that challenge, if she"s fortunate, to arrive in lands most of us know nothing about?" Kristian asked, his tone dripping in disbelief. "I think it"s anyone"s duty to talk her out of such foolhardiness."