A sad one.
But just a memory.
And Noc had to live with that.
What he wouldn"t admit was that he didn"t like it.
Chapter Three.
Endure Franka I sat curled in an armchair by the fire in my room wearing my silk nightgown, my lacy-knit wool shawl held tight around my bared shoulders, staring at the fire, thinking that Kristian"s home was an eight-day sleigh ride from Fyngaard, where the Winter Palace was located.
A long, cold ride for me and Josette, but as much as I wished to get to my brother, I would savor it, for it would likely be the last time I"d sled over my Lunwyn.
Over a lonely day and a lonely dinner, I"d made my decision.
I was going to Airen, across the Green Sea. I"d heard the sky city was marvelous. Dark and austere, but it opened onto a bay with stunning views, and the Sky Citadel was made of the glinting black stone that could only be found on that continent, but I"d heard it was extraordinary.
And I"d heard Firenze had barely taken its first steps into the civilized world, but their city of fire, and the barbarians who lived there, might be to my taste, if only to see one (or several).
Not to mention, there was the magical sisterhood of the Nadirii, who lived shrouded by enchantments, a warrior cla.s.s of women who dwelled solely amongst their own, using males only for purposes of procreation...and pleasure.
I was no warrior. But I had other attributes and no need for male companionship. Not anymore. I"d never been good at being a member of the sisterhood. But facing a new life and new adventures, it was worth a try. Perhaps they"d allow me behind their enchantments.
Therefore, even if I couldn"t talk Kristian into going with me, I was going.
And perhaps I could find a way to dull the pain through adventure.
Before I left, however, I"d give my brother plenty of jewels and coin to make him safe. He loved his wife, his son. He might not be as sharp-witted as most of the Drakkars (a boon for him, for without that sharp wit he also did not have sharp claws, and that was something of a lovable anomaly for our House-none of this, of course, I"d ever told him, or ever would), but he"d definitely desire to have the means to keep his family safe.
I"d sent a bird to share I was arriving so he"d know and could prepare.
I just hoped the bird made it.
I didn"t like communicating by bird. It obviously took much less time to do so than sending post by land or sea. But it was easy to intercept a bird, or other things befell the creatures, and half the time they didn"t make it to their destination.
And alas, for Kristian, after what had befallen him when he"d helped me with my traitorous plans, my arrival would not be a pleasant surprise.
Therefore I decided to send another bird prior to my departure in the morning, just in case.
The door to my dressing room opened and Josette moved through it.
"All"s packed and ready for our departure on the morn, milady," she said, moving toward me.
"Thank you, Josette," I replied.
She stopped several feet in front of me. "Is there anything you need?"
I shook my head, turning my attention back to the fire. "No. You may seek your bed."
To my surprise, moments pa.s.sed and I didn"t feel her presence leave.
I turned back to her.
"Is there more?" I asked.
"He"s alone, back in the morning room."
I knew to whom she was referring and at the thought I felt a warmth hit my belly at the same time a cold chill slid over my skin.
"I think...well, milady," she went on nervously, "I think he might be there waiting for you."
Providing Josette with an elevated salary was not only because she was very good at doing what she did. It also didn"t solely have to do with the fact she did the job of three lady"s maids.
It was because no one knew what was happening in a house better than the servants.
For years, Josette had been my eyes and ears in places I"d never be privy, providing information I"d never have without her, much of it of great use.
She was not the only lady"s maid who offered these services. Indeed, I suspected they all did if they were any good at their jobs.
But she made a point of ascertaining all I might need to know (and some I didn"t but it didn"t hurt to hold the knowledge) and sharing it with me.
Yes, she earned her elevated salary in a number of ways.
Therefore, it was not surprising that, even though I didn"t share with my maid what had transpired with Noc the night before, she would know.
However, now, as I gazed up at her, I did not see the usual. A pet.i.te, pretty, plump, ash-blonde girl with blank, hazel eyes looking down at me and awaiting my response because she was doing her job.
I saw a pretty girl with kindness and concern in her hazel eyes, looking down on me, knowing all I"d lost and that I had not one, single true friend in the world.
That look only made me feel warmth.
Touch her hand, mon ange, show her what her compa.s.sion means to you.
Antoine"s voice sounding in my head made me blink and lose focus.
"Lady Franka," Josette called, and I forced my attention from waiting to hear more in my head from my dead lover to my maid. "I"m happy to a.s.sist you back into your gown."
Noc sitting alone in the morning room very well might mean he was waiting for me. That he"d enjoyed our time together (which I knew he did). That he wanted more before I was to leave.
Or perhaps it meant he wanted an explanation of what transpired earlier in the queen"s study.
Either way (especially the latter), I would not go to him.
It would be better he leave this world when he eventually did with nary a memory of Franka Drakkar of the midnight soul.
It was better anyone was not touched by that blackened spirit.
Now I"m just feeling sorry for myself, which is dire as well as boring, I thought.
What I said to Josette was, "We have a long ride ahead of us on the morrow. We should both get a good night"s rest."
She looked disappointed before she covered her expression and nodded.
"Would you like another sleeping draught?" she inquired.
I didn"t need to sleep twelve hours again (although I actually did). I needed to be up, as I"d instructed Josette to wake me, at half past five so we could see to my toilette and be away before the palace woke and became bustling. This meaning (I hoped) we"d be away without running into anyone I didn"t wish to see.
And one of those primary "anyones" was Noctorno Hawthorne of the other world.
Therefore I shook my head.
Josette nodded again and she seemed to be moving to leave before she hesitated and turned back to me.
"You"ll sleep?" she pressed.
I studied her, noting she couldn"t quite hide her feelings of worry...for me.
Thus I continued studying her, thinking, G.o.ds, did she actually like me?
I"d never been cruel to her. I"d never been overtly kind. I respected her talents, demonstrated that in more ways than monetarily, but never told her so.
Perhaps that was just her way. I wouldn"t know, for outside her sharing gossip while she was attiring me or doing my hair, or I was giving her orders, we didn"t speak very much. But there were many, for reasons unfathomable, who were thoughtful and benevolent to just about anybody.
It appeared my maid was one of those many.
I didn"t know what to do with this. Outside Antoine-and Kristian when I allowed him to do so-no one had ever shown concern for me.
Or kindness.
Not in my life.
"Yes, Josette, I"ll sleep," I felt safe in a.s.suring her.
To my surprise at this juncture I endured my lady"s maid studying me, seemingly to determine if I spoke truth, before it became clear she approved of what she saw. When she did, she nodded again and made her move to leave, this time following through.
"Goodnight, Lady Franka," she said as she walked to the dressing room door.
"Goodnight, Josette," I replied and watched her open the door, move through it, but she gave me one last, long look before she closed it behind her.
The instant I heard it click, I turned back to the fire and whispered, "Antoine, are you there?"
I waited. I listened.
I heard nothing. I felt nothing.
I studied the flames dancing in their grate and came to the understanding Antoine was not coming to me as a spirit to keep me company in the only way he could.
It was just my conscience.
G.o.ds, my conscience came to me in Antoine"s voice.
I supposed it would considering I"d never had one before him.
I sighed and uncurled my legs from under me, putting my bare feet to the thick rugs on the floor.
The morrow heralded the beginning of an eight-day ride to my brother through cold and snow.
Even though it might be, after having had a good sleep the night before, having been given chests of gold and jewels, new trunks filled with the finest furs, the safety wealth provided me, a plan for the coming days, months, years, that I would sleep, I was not counting on it.
So I might as well get down to it.
Whether it bring victory...
Or what I"d grown accustomed to.
Defeat.
Attend your father.
The hiss sounded in my ear and my eyes flew open.
I saw nothing but a dark room cut only by the faint dancing of firelight from the grate.
Attend your father!
Oh no.
G.o.ds no.
I shot up to sitting and threw the covers off me, my gaze darting through the room.
She wouldn"t come to the Winter Palace. She"d never come to the Winter Palace.
But he would.
He most definitely would.
He did whatever he wished.