"A new outfit, maybe sometimes."
"You make your own clothes."
"And what about the loneliness?" she said.
"I"m not lonely. We have each other."
"I wouldn"t mind socializing more, that"s all. A community center sounded. .
"I can"t believe you. After all these years, Emma, I thought I knew you."
"You do know me," she said earnestly. "I guess I"m tired of living so isolated an existence. If there are going to be more people, maybe I could make some friends."
"Is that all it takes for you to give up everything, a stranger throwing around a little money?" I said, walking into our yard.
"That"s not it at all," said Emma, following me. "Is it so wrong to embrace change?""Yes, if that change is bad." I turned to face her. "Zeta settlement is a world that functions the way it should. We have no crime, no poverty, no disease, no overcrowding. We live in virtually an Eden."
"If you can call this rock Eden, I guess anything"s possible."
"I thought you liked our life here."
"I did."
"Past tense?"
"I liked it a lot better years ago when we were both younger," said Emma. "It just gets harder as time goes on.", "I don"t think so," I said. "It"s gotten better. We"ve become a part of this planet. I will not stand by and watch all that"s wrong with the galaxy take up residence here. All the corrupt people, all the problems that plague eveiyplace else."
"What are you going to do about it?" Emma asked.
"How can you prevent that from happening?" "I don"t think I can. I"m one man, they"re a big corporation and have already presented Zeta with a fait accompli. But that doesn"t mean I have to go along with it. There are other alternatives. Have you heard of the New Wyoming colony?"
"The one in the Epsilon system?"
"Yes, they"re like what Zeta was fifty years ago. Why don"t we go there?"
Emma stared at me and blinked. "You"re not senous," she said.
"I"ve never been more serious in my life. It"ll be a great adventure. Like when you and I started out. We"ll leave with just the clothes on our backs. We"ll begin all over again.
"I... I don"t know how we could..
"Oh, sure, it"ll be hard, but isn"t that what it"s all about?"
"I don"t think you"ve heard a word I"ve said."
"We"ll build a new house," I said. "We"ll be homesteaders, like we were here, but there won"t be any corporations, no carpetbaggers. You know, after the Civil War on-"
"Just because I"m originally from the Mars colony doesn"t mean I didn"t study Earth history," she interrupted, frowning.
"We"ll be free again, like we were."
"My answer is no," she said firmly."What?" I said, my eyes widening.
"1 will not leave Zeta. I"ve worked too hard and you have, too, to just throw it away and start over. No. I"m staying here. I would hope that I mean more to you than that."
"It"s not about you, it"s about them."
"Fine," she said, then turned around and walked into the house. The house that I"d built with my own two hands using sc.r.a.p metal I"d begged, borrowed, or found. The four rooms I"d constructed had served as our home for twenty-two years. Heated and cooled by solar and wind power.
"There are things that are bigger than two people," I said, raising my voice, but if she heard me, she didn"t respond.
I spent the next couple of hours walking around our ten acres of land, under the twin moons. I stared out at the valley and thought about how it would soon look.
In my mind I saw the housing developments and cities ~ of a dozen other worlds.
Everything I"d spent a lifetime getting away from.
I thought about the speaker at the church, all smug in his expensive suit, preaching to a congregation powerless to do anything about it. I knew that soon there would be citizen committees formed, pet.i.tions drawn up and circulated, protest marches down Main Street, but in the end nothing would matter. Zeta was a planet with a big target on it, only there were no hostile aliens taking it over, just businessmen. Eventually the open s.p.a.ces would vanish.
All I had to look forward to in my old age were memories of the lost wilderness. Stories to tell a generation yet unborn that wouldn"t know or care about what had come before them.
When I finally wandered back to the house and into the bedroom, Emma was already asleep. I got into bed next to her. After a while, I closed my eyes and had dreams of running from land clearing machines that were trying to devour me in their ma.s.sive metal jaws.
I got up early, and, without waking Emma, dressed, went out to the aerocar, got inside, and flew off into the sky.
It was a beautiful sunrise filled with red, yellow, and gold light. I sailed around the mountains for a while, then over ancient craters that had probably been made when the planet was new.
Eventually I landed at Sam Rand"s place. He greeted me as I stepped out of the aerocar.
He was dressed in his overalls and scuffed boots and was holding a pitchfork. There were moredeep lines in his face than I"d remembered seeing before.
"Hey, James," he said, leaning the pitchfork against a fence, "bet I can guess what"s on your mind."
"Same thing that"s on yours," I said, as we walked up the road on his property.
"Doesn"t seem a whole lot one can do."
"I"m going to New Wyoming in the Epsilon system," I said.
"The colony, eh? What"s Emma say about it?"
"She doesn"t like the idea."
"What are you going to do when you get there?"
"Stake a claim, begin all over. It"ll be like it was here, before..
"I see," he said, rubbing his chin. "And why are you telling me this?"
"Why don"t you come with me? We"ll do it together."
"Well, that"s quite a thought," he said, smiling. "Unless you liked what you heard at church yesterday..."
"You know I didn"t," he said, "only I"ve put down roots, I"ve been here longer than you, James."
"I know. That"s why I igured it"s got to hurt real bad."
"That it does," he said, looking at the ground.
"You have nothing holding you here since-"
"Since Ruthie died, you mean? Yeah, well, I"ve got friends here, James. This place is in my blood."
"But Zeta is going to be destroyed," I said. "At least the Zeta you and I know. They"re going to suck the life out of her. Rob it of its natural beauty. When they"re ~ done with it, it"ll look like any stop on the s.p.a.ce lanes.
Like anyplace and no place."
"That"s what I"m afraid of, yes, sir, but just pull up and leave? I don"t know if I"m ready for that."
"Okay"" I said, walking toward my aerocar. "I just thought I"d ask."
"Wait a minute, James," he said, catching up to me. "Would you go to New Wyoming without Emma?""I believe I would," I said, the thought being spoken for the first time.
"I guess once a frontiersman..
"I see you understand," I said, then got into my aerocar, took off, and headed in the direction of town.
When I was high above the mountain peaks, I set the controls on auto and just coasted for a while. I half hoped for some revelation, an answer to my question, but nothing came. Instead, my thoughts drifted to Darr, a planet I"d visited when I was eighteen. I"d volunteered to be in the Galactic Help Core and that"s where I"d been sent. Darr was a tropical planet with a preindustrial civilization. It was my (and my fellow volunteers") job to improve the natives" farming, well building, and their health and medical needs.
Whatever difference we created in their lives was short-lived. In only one year, I watched as outworlders discovered the planet, poached its animals, and depleted its natural resources. The only thing that had made any of it worthwhile was meeting Emma there.
She"d come three months after me, relieving an earlier group. The attraction had been immediate. Under a blazing hot sun, I recited poetry to her. We talked about philosophy, the future, and then love.
After we left the jungle world, we went in search of a life that meant something, that was worth living. Our quest led us to over a dozen planets and as many jobs. Satisfaction eluded us.
Eveiyplace was too built up, too populated, or simply bereft of that undefinable quality we were seeking. Then we heard about Zeta. The moment we arrived, we knew we"d found what we"d been looking for. Zeta was a place where we could end our wandering and begin anew, together.
"Where"ve you been?" asked Emma, when I got home a few hours later.
"Thinking, mostly," I said, as I went into the bed-room, opened the closet, and took out a suitcase. I filled it with clothing and then closed it.
"Wa-what are you doing?" she asked, standing in the doorway.
"I"m leaving," I said calmly. "I"d like you to come with me."
"To New Wyoming?"
"That"s right. I just went to the s.p.a.ceport. In a coupie of hours there"s a transport leaving that"s going as far as the Oceanius system. I reserved two seats for us. From there we can take ajumper that will get us to Marinia, which will-"
"I told you last night, I will not go to New Wyoming or anyplace else. I don"t want to start over. I thought I made myself clear."
"You did, but I wanted to ask again," I said. "Well, in that case, I"ll be going alone."
1 can"t believe you would do this," said Emma, shaking her head.
I picked up my suitcase and went to the door. I kissed Emma as tears filled her eyes.
"When I get established, I"ll send for you," I said.
"You mean if you live long enough to get established," she retorted bitterly.
I left the house and got into the aerocar. As I took off, I saw Emma stating up at me, like a child watching a lost balloon.
The s.p.a.ceport was only the size of two or three barns. I saw no one except a lone man behind a counter at the far end of the building. I went to one of the chairs in the middle of the room and sat down. I wondered how long Zeta"s s.p.a.ceport would be like this. One day soon it would be rebuilt, turned into a ma.s.sive complex filled with throngs of people, restaurantS and stores, like something in one of the middle st& systems. The solitude felt strange. I realized that I wasn"t used to being away from Emma.
Since getting married, we"d always been together. I tried to think of even a night we"d been apart-yet couldn"t. I wanted to call her and somehow change her mind, but I knew better.
When Emma made a decision, she stuck to it. She had often accused me of the same thing. Time pa.s.sed slowly.
I began to think about what life on New Wyoming be like. I knew it would be harsh, like it had I wondered who my new neighbors would be. I tried to imagine the landscape. Would it look like Zeta? Later I looked out the picture window and saw a land. It was a couple of hundred feet long, a triangular end. A more modern design than any I"d seen before. This was the ship that would take me on the first leg of my journey.
I thought about New Wyoming again. The days I would spend out in the fields, tilling thesoil in the old-fashioned way and the nights in my new house. I thought about freedom, a new land, a new beginning, about living a dream.
A worker came over to me and said, "The transport for Oceamus is boarding now."
"Thanks," I said and stood up.
As I walked out of the building and onto the landing field, I replayed in my mind what I"d heard at churc h the night before. I questioned whether I hated the destruction of the wilderness and encroachment of civilization more than I loved Emma.
I stood on the landing field and looked at the s.p.a.ceship. Little multicolored lights embedded in its side blinked on and off like a Christmas tree. I slowly turned around and began walking back to the s.p.a.ceport.
I went through the building then exited out front and got into my aerocar. I lifted off the ground, turned the vehicle toward home and accelerated.
When I landed, Emma came running out to see me. As I stepped out of the aerocar, she said, "Your dinner"s ready."
"How did you know?" I asked.
"I didn"t know," she said. "I only hoped."
DREAMLIKE STATES.
by Kristine Kathryn Rusch