Chapter 9.
Rhiannon.
"How is work going?" Amanda asked. As we wandered through a boutique in Malibu, Amanda reached out and caressed a long skirt with a fuchsia floral print.
"That would look nice with your skin," I said as I followed her around the shop. Clothes didn"t really interest me, but Amanda was my close friend. I wanted to spend time with her. Our friendship was the kind that, even though we"d not seen each for years, we were able to pick up as if I"d never left L.A.
"I can"t seem to concentrate," I said.
Amanda turned to me and her eyes held a question. "Has this happened before?"
I shook my head no. "I can picture what I want to paint, but when I sit, I just stare at my canvas. All that comes are the most horrible paintings. I loathe them. I feel so ... I feel so rudderless in my work."
Amanda exited the shop into the sunshine and I followed her. She slipped on her sungla.s.ses, as did I. "What is the focus of the new series?"
"I wanted to do Venice Beach, but it won"t come. The pictures simply won"t come to me."
"Maybe with Gayle and her leg and then coming back to Los Angeles? Maybe you"re simply overwhelmed by all the changes."
I could hear the words she wasn"t speaking. I wondered if she knew that Sterling had stayed with me. That he"d left me aching and wanting him.
"Sterling"s place in Venice is beautiful. I"m certain he was sincere when he told you that he"d show you around. Perhaps being in Venice would help get rid of this block you"re experiencing.
"Maybe," I said. "But I don"t want to leave Mama right now. She"s very independent, but I love taking care of her. Especially after being away for so long."
We walked into another boutique, this one filled with baby clothes. Amanda lifted a tiny sailor suit. "Isn"t this adorable!" she cooed.
"Oh my goodness, Amanda, are you?"
"Me? Oh no, no." She smiled and said, "I mean we haven"t even had the wedding yet. The timing would be off and-"
"Those things don"t always wait for the right time," I said. "Sometimes they simply happen."
Amanda turned to me and tilted her head to the side. "Do you think you"ll have children?" We strolled out of the shop.
"I don"t know," I said. "Once upon a time I would have said yes. But now, with my painting and everything ... Besides, I"d like to find love first."
"Yes, love," she said and her thoughts drifted away. I knew she wanted to ask me questions, to dig deeper than she was. But she was a Legend and they often chose to say the right things instead of the true things; it was safer for them. We wandered past the shops and toward the outdoor play area near the boutique. We found a spot on a bench where we could watch the children playing.
"I still have feelings for Sterling," I said simply.
"Yes." A small smile drifted onto Amanda"s face. "I was quite certain that you did. Is this a good thing or a bad thing?"
I settled my elbow onto the back of the park bench and rested my chin on my fisted hand. "There"s simply so much history between your family and mine. Plus, before, when we were teenagers, the way I left and when I left ..." My gaze met Amanda"s gaze. There was sadness in her face. I was so concerned about Sterling"s heart and thinking about how I"d made him feel that I"d forgotten he was not the only Legend I"d left behind at the end of that summer. Her eyes were wet.
"Oh, Amanda," I said and reached my arm around her shoulders, "I know I left you, too. I"m sorry, it"s not, I mean you were my best friend, you still are."
She swiped at the tears that fell from her eyes and a smile trembled across her face. "I know. I mean, I knew then you had to leave and I understood and of course we kept in contact, it"s just ..." She looked out at the children sliding down the slide. "You and Maeve were the closest thing I had to sisters and then you left just as Mom died." Amanda shook her head. Her bottom lip trembled. "I remember it felt like too much. But I had Gayle. I don"t know what might have happened if I hadn"t had Gayle."
"Good old Gayle," I spoke fondly of my mom.
A smile broke across Amanda"s face with my teasing tone.
"You really are lucky to have her," Amanda said. "I know she has strong opinions, but she always has our best interests at heart."
I nodded. Yes, my mother did have strong opinions.
"She protected us when Daddy was a mess and we were a mess and I think"-her eyes met mine-"I think perhaps I didn"t know it then, but I may know it now, I think maybe her life was a mess and yours and Maeve"s and Tom"s and not just because of what was going on with you and Sterling."
I pressed my lips together. Secrets. Family secrets that we"d never discussed. My heart felt heavy. Did I want to say the words and reveal to Amanda what I knew to be true? Should I tell Amanda the real reason my mother lived in Malibu and my father lived in Dublin? Amanda was right, the primary reason Papa fled, and I felt the need to go with him, wasn"t just the heat of my relationship with Sterling, nor the fear of what that relationship so fast, so intense, so physical could do to a fifteen-year-old girl and a seventeen-year-old boy. There were multiple reasons and, at the time, there seemed to be only one solution-the solution being we had to leave, to go away. Either that or watch our family disintegrate into the chaos we"d been witness to with the Legends.
"Sterling wasn"t the only reason I left."
The pain of what had happened to my parents drifted into my heart. I tried not to think about the dissolution of their marriage, the end of their love and the demise of their trust for one another. While Steve and Joanne Legend fought, hurled the crystal, and engaged in shouting matches, I"d only once seen my parents yell at each other. Then after the yelling there"d been the diagnosis, the illness, the leaving, and the death. Joanne Legend was like my mother"s sister. They carried each other in their hearts as though they were family. Which only made Joanne"s betrayal all the more painful and all the more difficult. Everyone expected betrayal and narcissism from Steve. It was his way. But Joanne had always seemed almost regal and above Steve"s baser and coa.r.s.er instincts.
"It was my mother, wasn"t it?" Amanda whispered. "My mother caused you to leave."
I looked at the children shrieking and playing and running with laughter on their lips. How could I ever admit the truth to either Amanda or Sterling?
Sterling "Dude, why do you have to f.u.c.k with one of my biggest money-makers?" Webber stood across from me in the living room.
"Beer?" I asked and pulled open the fridge. I grabbed two Stellas and handed one to Webber.
"You cannot ply me with booze," Webber said. "My clients can be bought, but not me. What the f.u.c.k, man? You go directly to Jennifer Laredo? Without so much as a phone call? You know she"s up for two gigs right now, one at Worldwide and one at Galaxy. Both have profit partic.i.p.ation and will pay her twenty-five mil."
"Webber, she and Cami are friends."
"Friends? If you call f.u.c.k-buddies friends, then okay."
"They"re gay?" I took a pull of my beer. "Jennifer is gay?"
"Who the f.u.c.k knows? I think curious is the appropriate word. She dates guys, she dates girls, she won"t date me," Webber said. "I"ve asked." He sucked on his beer. He stopped pacing and leaned against the back of the couch.
"The Lady"s Regret is a great script," I said.
"Why do you want to f.u.c.k with my bottom line like this? Huh? Couldn"t you go to Selena or Emma Stone? Anyone but Jennifer. Man, she is hot right now, and she"s all over this project. This f.u.c.king little project that has all the risk and absolutely no upside."
"There"s an upside," I countered. "She could get nominated."
"And monkeys could fly outta my a.s.s. Come on, Sterling!" Webber punched his fist in the air. "You are going to pay her s.h.i.t to play this emotionally charged role that if she doesn"t nail will f.u.c.k her in the marketplace, and you are giving her a female director who has only got two films under her belt."
"Cami is a solid shooter."
"Solid, yes. But enough to get Jennifer nominated? Who the f.u.c.k knows? There"s only one female director who has ever won an Academy Award. Hurt Locker, man, it is the only one."
"Have your read the script?"
"Who the f.u.c.k hasn"t read The Lady"s Regret? I mean, the thing is like Chinatown-you have to f.u.c.king read it. It"s the only unproduced script by Tom Bliss who, by the way, disa-f.u.c.king-peared on the Island of Nod after Joanne Legend died. I mean, come on? When you say The Lady"s Regret, you"re dealing with a Hollywood white whale. Any actress in town would want to play lead, but now you"re f.u.c.king around with my girl."
"We want her for it. She"d be great. She"s the first person we approached."
"That script is cursed, man, it"s been sitting around for nearly a decade. You think your father is ever going to let that thing get made?"
"My father? What the h.e.l.l can he do? Amanda and I own the script, we"re financed and I have a director."
"Riiiiiiight," Webber said, nodding. "You believe whatever you want to right now. But there is no way your father will let this film get made. Not after what it did to him and to Joanne and to Tom. No f.u.c.king way. The Lady"s Regret is a phenomenal script, but it"s cursed."
Cursed? Heat burned through my belly fast and furious. Cursed? How the h.e.l.l was the script cursed? Something dark and uncomfortable curled through me and heat pulled through my chest. This script was Mom"s final wish. I took two steps toward Webber. "That script is not f.u.c.king cursed and I have no idea what you"re talking about!"
"Hey, hey." Webber held up his hands in an "I surrender" stance. "What"s got you p.i.s.sed off? I"m the guy with the righteous indignation. You"re the guy who went behind my back to one of my biggest clients."
"Behind your back? Webber, you"re so two-faced you don"t even have a back. For f.u.c.k"s sake, get over yourself. You know how this town works. I have a relationship with the director, she has a relationship with your client, and we went to her. I"ve met Jennifer before; I could have gone to her myself. We don"t have to go through you. You"re just hired help."
Webber"s face fell and his jaw dropped open. I"d just insulted his entire ident.i.ty. Webber lived and breathed by being an agent. Without a word he set his beer on the table and turned toward the door. Webber speechless wasn"t something I"d experienced before now.
"Webber? Come on," I called. "I"m sorry, man. Don"t be like that."
He spun on his heels. "Sterling, you have no idea the s.h.i.tstorm you"re walking into. Everyone but you seems to see this train barreling toward you. Steve Legend doesn"t want you to make this film, and I don"t mean "doesn"t want" like kind of doesn"t, I mean "doesn"t want" like he will destroy you for making it. I came by as a courtesy because you"re my friend." He placed his hands on his hips. "Or I thought we were friends. It"s the same sort of courtesy I expect from you when it comes to my biggest clients but, hey man, I get it. You"re a f.u.c.king Legend and who am I? I"m just an agent. The f.u.c.king help. So good luck buddy, good f.u.c.king luck."
Chapter 10.
Rhiannon.
The headlights of Sterling"s car crested the hill in the driveway. I sat on the porch swing. The silence in our house was driving me to the edge. I didn"t want to be inside, I didn"t want to watch Mama and Papa avoid each other. I wasn"t certain when last they"d spoken. My feet rocked the porch swing forward and back. Maeve was at camp for two weeks, thankfully. She"d missed their argument and the silence that ensued. I wasn"t certain what had caused this horrible silence. I"d never seen my parents disagree before. Ours was a happy house filled with laughter and conversation.
Sterling got out of his car and ambled toward me. His message had been abrupt-he just said he needed to come over. He needed to get away from his house. Amanda was gone to San Francisco for the week to visit a friend. He walked from the darkness and entered the pool of light that shone through the giant picture window.
"Oh, my G.o.d, Sterling, what happened?"
His face was red. Dark purple bruises and angry red welts bloomed around his eye.
His hands fisted beside his legs, but his bottom lip trembled and his eyes slicked over. "He called Mom a wh.o.r.e."
"What? Who?" I grasped his hand and pulled him toward the front door. "Let me get you some ice." I opened the door.
Sterling hung back. "I don"t want to go in there. I don"t want to see Gayle or Tom."
"Mama"s in bed and Papa is out back in the guest house. You won"t see anyone. Come on."
I pulled him into the house. Steve and Joanne were always fighting. Steve drank too much and Joanne said mean things, but Steve had never hit anyone. Not Joanne, not Amanda, and not Sterling. I grabbed a dishtowel and wrapped it around a handful of ice.
"Was he drunk?" I asked. I gently placed the ice on Sterling"s eye.
"Isn"t he always?"
I pulled out a chair at the kitchen table and Sterling sat down. My fingertips ran through his hair and my eyes searched his face for any other damage. He grasped my one free hand and pulled me toward him, "Let"s go away." His eyes begged for me to say yes. "Let"s get the f.u.c.k out of L.A. I have money."
"You"re angry right now. You should stay here. You have to stay here."
"I can"t leave Mom alone with him," Sterling said.
"She"s there now."
Sterling shook his head. "She"s checking into L"Hermitage."
"Then you are definitely staying here." I paused. I already knew the answer to the next question, but I had to ask. "Should we ... should we call the police?"
"h.e.l.l, no!" Sterling said. "Come on, Rhiannon, you knew the answer to that." He took a long breath. "But we could go away together. Run away, if just for a while." His hand settled onto my thigh. "There"s the beach house in Oxnard," Sterling said. He leaned forward and pressed his lips to the side of my face. "We"d be alone and we could finally ..." His hand slid further up my bare thigh and tickled the edge of my cut-off shorts. My breath hitched in my chest. I moved the ice pack from one spot to another and turned and looked at him. His lips pressed to mine. There was a heat, even when he was hurt, there was this unbearable heat between us.
"Rhiannon?" My father"s voice startled me. We jerked apart. Sterling bolted to his feet.
"Hi, Tom," Sterling said. I held the ice pack in my hand. My father"s face went from shocked surprise over finding me and Sterling kissing, to simple shock at seeing Sterling"s battered face.
"Sterling? What the h.e.l.l happened?" Papa"s eyes flicked from Sterling to me.
"Nothing, just tripped and fell." Sterling pressed his hands into his back pockets.
Papa examined Sterling"s face. "This wasn"t a fall. Someone hit you. Have you been fighting?" Papa seemed surprised with the idea.
"No, sir, I just"-Sterling"s eyes went from me to my father-"I"m sorry, I should go," Sterling said. He ducked his head and skirted around my father.
"Sterling, no, you"re like family. What happened? What?"
Sterling stopped but he couldn"t move his mouth, he couldn"t force his lips to make his words. "Amanda?" Papa asked me. "Wait." Papa"s face hardened. He looked from me to Sterling. "Did ... did ... Steve do this to you?"
Sterling"s eyes dropped to the floor. He wouldn"t make eye contact; he couldn"t make eye contact because if he did my father would have confirmation of the question he had just asked him. "Where is your mother?" Papa asked. His voice held alarm.
"She"s still at the house," Sterling said. "She made me leave, she"s checking into L"Hermitage tonight, she"s-"
Before Sterling could utter another word my father grabbed his keys. "Stay here," he said to Sterling and then slammed out the front door. I walked over to Sterling and pushed him onto the chair and pressed the ice to his eye. Now that Papa had gone to help Joanne I was certain that everything would be fine.
"Rhiannon?"
"Mama, why do you keep walking all the way out here? You"re on crutches. I have a phone. If you text me or call I will come back to the house."
"But, darling, I have texted and I have called."
"You have?"