"Naturally not," Forrest said triumphantly. "You are too stupid. But we who can"t compare to you in that respect were able to think of it, and this must be what we can do for you. We can find you such an ogress."
Orgy nodded, and the few remaining fleas hung on. "For that I would tell you where the dear horn is. Find me that ogress."
"Well, if you tell us where the dear horn is, we can use it to find her."
Orgy shook his head, and the fleas were hurled into the nearest unbroken wall. "I am too stupid to understand why you wouldn"t simply use the dear horn for your own quest, once you had it. So I"ll wait for you to bring the ogress."
The three of them exchanged a somewhat stretched glance. Naturally it would not be expedient to question the stupidity of their host. "We"ll search for her without the dear horn," Forrest agreed.
"Do you have any notion who would know where such an ogress might be?"
Cathryn asked with something less than full stupidity. "Ogle Ogre might know. He sees everything."
"How can we find Ogle?"
Orgy put his last remaining fleas to flight. "He especially likes to look at esthetic females. Maybe if you stood on a mountain and looked esthetic, he would spy you and come to ogle you."
This time Cathryn and Imbri shared a female type glance, excluding Forrest. Then they shrugged. "Maybe so," one of them agreed.
Thus, in due course, they departed the ogre"s castle on a new mission, to discover a suitable ogress. They headed for the nearest barren peak.
"I hope we are able to compliment Ogle Ogre before he crunches us," Cathryn muttered.
"If he comes to ogle you, he shouldn"t crunch you," Forrest pointed out.
"And that"s another thing," Imbri said. "Do you suppose all females exist just to be ogled?"
"Why no, of course not," Forrest said, taken aback. "A number of them exist to be chased and celebrated."
For some obscure impenetrable reason she turned a dark glare on him. "He is a faun," Cathryn reminded her, for some similarly unfathomable motive.
Since they had nothing important on their minds, Forrest shared a concern of his: "If I am the size I am because of the solidified ma.s.s of my soul, and Imbri is the size she is because of the ma.s.s of her half soul, how is it that creatures like Cathryn and Orgy have so much more ma.s.s? Are their souls so much larger?"
"Now that"s an intelligent question," Cathryn said. "Just when we thought you had used up your supply of intelligence. No, souls don"t vary in size like that. In fact, we of Ptero really don"t have souls.
They come only when we a.s.sume reality. We have inferior subst.i.tute filler material that a.s.sumes the semblance but not the essence of souls.
Thus we are limited to our life spans, and have no existence beyond them. It is one reason each of us hopes to come into genuine existence.
So we ama.s.s as much material as we require to fill out our standard forms, and that"s it."
"You mean I could a.s.sume larger size, by adding some of that filler substance?" Imbri asked.
"You could. But why would you want to? You are pure soul now; what higher aspiration can there be?"
"To be fully souled. To be fully real. I am only a day mare; I was fully real only briefly, when I had a mission in Xanth, and was king for a moment. Ever since, I have longed to be fully real again. And once I complete my Service to the Good Magician, by enabling Forrest to find his tree spirit, I will be, perhaps."
"I envy you your chance at reality. All of us here on Ptero hope for it, but most of us know that we will never achieve it."
"How do you know that any of you achieve it?" Forrest asked. "Could you all be victims of a cruel hoax?"
"No, we do know the chance is real, because some of us are real. We see them, and know it can theoretically happen for others."
"But didn"t you say that none of you actually have souls?"
"I said that all of us hope for genuine existence, and gain souls only when we a.s.sume reality. Some of us do achieve it, and the rest of us envy them despite the inconvenience it brings them."
"Inconvenience?"
"There is a year-wide swath missing from their lives, corresponding to the period they are in Xanth. It is similar to the excluded regions of death, but broader. Because a creature can"t be both here and in Xanth at the same time."
Forrest shook his head. "I don"t understand that."
"Neither do I," Imbri agreed.
"Well, it is rather complicated to appreciate, until you see it," Cathryn said. "Perhaps we shall encounter a living person before we separate." Forrest hoped so, because this was one peculiar thing she was describing. Souled folk with missing year-wide bands?
They reached the top of the peak, which really wasn"t all that high, but it made up for it in barrenness. As far as they could see, there was nothing except dirt and rocks and stunted weeds that didn"t dare grow bold for fear of the ogres. So visibility was good, which was what they wanted.
"Now we shall have to give him something to ogle," Cathryn said distastefully. "I understand males like to look at forbidden female anatomy. But centaurs, being more sensible, have no forbidden anatomy.
So it may be up to you, Imbri."
"But I"m a mare," Imbri protested. "I a.s.sumed this form only because it"s all that my half soul can substantiate, and because it facilitates physical verbal speech. I wear a dress only because otherwise I would be confused for a nymph."
"But nymphs are mindless creatures," Cathryn said. "While you clearly have a mind."
"Not unless I speak."
The centaur nodded. "Point made. From afar, Ogle would take you for a nymph, unless you are clothed. So he would ignore you, because ogling just doesn"t work unless the subject is embarra.s.sed. So you wouldn"t be of interest, clothed or unclothed."
"Maybe if Cathryn put on clothing," Forrest suggested. "Since centaurs don"t normally wear anything, that might make her interesting."
"I doubt it," Cathryn said. "Even straight human beings, who have the worst hang-ups about exposure, don"t worry much about children, and I am now seven years old."
He had to admit that was true. A clothed juvenile centaur would not be worth ogling, because even an ogre would know she had nothing to conceal. But he refused to give up on the quest. "We"ll just have to establish that Imbri is an adult human female, and then have her remove her clothing."
"But that would be improper," Imbri protested. "A human woman wouldn"t."
"Precisely," Cathryn said. "That makes it ogleable."
The logic was impeccable. So, reluctantly, Imbri agreed. She reformed her dress, which was made of her own soul-stuff, so that it had a number of pieces. Then Forrest and Cathryn stood on either side of the peak, serving as an audience. Imbri, who had experience with male dreams, explained what was required, so that they could make suitable comments that would help attract the ogre"s notice. Then Imbri stood on the highest knoll and lifted her arms.
"Behold!" Cathryn said loudly. "A modest human style female woman lady is about to do a naughty strip tease dance, that no decent person should observe."
"Great!" Forrest exclaimed, just as loudly. "As an improper male type faun I can hardly wait."
Then Imbri began her dance. She stepped around, wiggling her bottom.
She was pretty good at it; her experience making daydreams must have helped. Then she kicked one foot high, so that her leg showed all the way to the knee. Her sandals were still protecting her from moving her feet incorrectly, so that she managed to show only as much as she meant to.
"Disgusting!" Cathryn p.r.o.nounced.
"More! More!" Forrest cried.
Imbri whirled, so that her skirt flared out and lifted, showing both knees.
"Stop this vile display at once!" Cathryn said in her best imitation of an adult voice. "Don"t you realize that a child might see?"
"Who cares?" Forrest demanded irresponsibly.
There was a faint shudder in the ground. Either the earth itself was disgusted at the display, or an ogre was stirring far away.
Imbri took hold of the kerchief she had formed and drew it from her head. She tossed it into the air, where it fluttered a moment, then dissolved into vapor.
"Indecent exposure!" Cathryn protested.
"Take it off! Take it off!" Forrest insisted wickedly as he sat down on the Ground.
The ground rumbled. Something huge was trudging in their direction.
Imbri worked off her blouse and threw it at Forrest, who caught it and sniffed it in as vulgar a manner as he could imagine. Actually it was a very nice blouse, with a faint smell of fresh hay. It was Mare Imbri"s natural soul substance. Then it dissolved, because of course she couldn"t afford to get fragmented.
"Absolutely revolting," Cathryn proclaimed.
"Divine," he countered sincerely.
Imbri was now dancing in a bright red halter and skirt, and really did look nice. She was small, because of her lack of much soul substance, but well formed, and the tight halter offered a strong hint of even better things to come. Especially when it bounced with the vigor of her motions. Forrest was intrigued despite knowing that this was only an act. There was something about clothing that enhanced interesting aspects into exciting aspects.
Imbri kicked up a leg, and one of her slippers went flying. Then she danced closer and kicked off the other, and such was her position that Forrest saw halfway beyond the knee. That was dangerously close to panty territory! "Awesome!"
But as he sat, half stunned by the prospect, the slipper hit him on the forehead. It didn"t hurt him; it felt more like a kiss as it dropped and dissolved.
Then the ogre arrived. "Who she me see?" he demanded.
Startled, Forrest turned to him. "You must be Ogle Ogre," he said. It was a good guess, because the ogre"s eyes seemed to bulge halfway out of their sockets. There was something else about him, but Forrest wasn"t certain what it was.
"From dawn to dawn, me ogre, you faun," he agreed.
"Oh, come off it, Ogle," Forrest said. "We know you don"t really talk in stupid rhymes."
The ogre looked crestfallen. "What gave me away?"
"Nothing. It was Orgy Ogre who let slip the secret. We want to make a deal with you."
"I am not interested in any deal. I came merely to get a closer look at your dancing maiden. She was just about to reveal something interesting."
"No I wasn"t," Imbri said as her blouse, kerchief, and shoes reappeared on her body.
"Then I"m out of here," the ogre said crossly. "I can"t crunch you because you know my nature, and if I can"t ogle you, then any further dalliance here becomes pointless."
"He has a soul," Imbri murmured. "See that faint glow."
That was the oddity Forrest had noted. What an unlikely place to encounter a soul!
Imbri reconsidered. "Suppose I dance while you negotiate with the faun?"
Ogle considered, and his eyeb.a.l.l.s heated to a dull red. "Okay," he concluded in due course.
So Imbri resumed her dance, with all her clothing in place. She did not look perfectly pleased, but yielded to necessity. Also, she seemed to enjoy dancing, and might have done it for pleasure, if it were not for the ogling.
"We need to know where to find a suitable ogress to go stay with Orgy in his bashable castle and applaud his heroic efforts," Forrest said.
"That would be 0ld Ogress. She"s not phenomenally ugly, but she is extremely enthusiastic." The ogre"s eyeb.a.l.l.s were unwaveringly oriented on Imbri, who was twirling her skirt dangerously high.
Forrest tore his own eyes away, realizing that he could probably make a better deal while Ogle was distracted. "What can we do for you in return for this information?"
Ogle considered again. This time his eyeb.a.l.l.s turned white hot. Maybe that was mostly because Imbri was drawing off her blouse again. That might not seem like much, but the ogre probably had forgotten that there was a halter under it, and the centaur was frowning so determinedly that it was obvious that something truly naughty was happening. "Nothing," he concluded. "I don"t need anything."
Forrest had a notion, based on what he had recently learned from Cathryn. "You like to see things," he said. "Especially things you"re not supposed to see, like human pantomiming," he continued, emphasizing the first syllable of the last word, so that it sounded as if he were about to say the P word. Cathryn"s sudden shocked intake of breath aided the effect.
"Yeah, yeah," Ogle agreed, his eyeb.a.l.l.s bulging as if he actually had seen the forbidden thing. It was clear that being souled did not change his fundamental nature.
"Well, the one thing you can"t see is what is within your blanked out year."
"Yeah. I can see everything on this side, and everything on the far side, but when I try to go into it, I just slide right across and my age changes a year in a single moment. It is exceedingly frustrating."
Now Imbri"s shoes were coming off. Forrest knew that he had to get on with it quickly, lest she be forced to show something really naughty.
"Well, we can go there, because we aren"t you. We can tell you what is happening in your forbidden section."
That prospect actually brought the ogre"s eyes from Imbri, which meant that she was able to dance without removing any more items, giving her more time. "But only souled folk can see souls," he said.
"I am souled," Forrest said. "Don"t you see my glow?"
"So I do," Ogle agreed, surprised. He glanced at Imbri. "And hers, too. That makes her even more interesting. A naughty view of a souled creature is much more effective than of an unsouled one. So it seems you can indeed go into my barred region. Very well: if you will tell me what I am doing in there, I will tell you where to find Old Ogress."
"Agreed! We"ll go now." Then Forrest realized that it wasn"t quite that simple. "Uh, where is it?"
"Right this way." The ogre led the way east.
As they progressed, Cathryn continued to grow younger. Soon she was dancing along like a yearling foal. Fortunately the ogre stopped before she hit the limit of her range. "Here," he said. "Right now it"s when I am twenty four years old, and moving slowly forward. I don"t seem to be much changed on either side of it, but I sure am curious about what"s in there."
"We will go in and observe carefully," Forrest said. "And when we come out, we"ll make a full report."
"I don"t think I"d have the patience for that. How about half a report?"
"Half," Forrest agreed amicably. "Or even a quarter, if you prefer."