Wanting to feel her bare body against his own, he shrugged out of his shirt. He loved the way she tasted, salty and sweet. He could hear the rough catch of her breathing, and when he slid a hand down her side, over her hip and between her legs, for a second, she stopped breathing altogether.
This was new. This was different. As often as he"d touched her, kissed her, this was different. Cul en hadn"t ever had her completely naked before him. The curls that covered her s.e.x were darker, tighter. He shifted to his side and lifted up so he could watch as he touched her. She was wet. Silky wet and hot when he pushed one finger inside her.
She tensed up, and Cul en might have pul ed away, but then she reached down and wrapped her fingers around his wrist, holding his hand still as she rocked up, riding his finger. Her lids drooped closed, a soft sheen of sweat gleaming on her skin. He almost came right then, as she rocked up and down against him, whimpering under her breath.
He added a second finger, pushing it and then drawing it out, staring first at her face to make sure he wasn"t hurting her and then, because he couldn"t not watch, he stared between her legs, watching as he touched, staring at the pink, wet folds, watching as she rocked against him like she wanted him to touch her as badly as he needed to touch her.
She whimpered, tugged on his wrist, reached for him.
The sight of that, her slender arms lifting up for him, was too much. Cullen pulled away from her long enough to tear open his shorts and shove them down. His hands shook as he tore the rubber open, and they shook when he put it on. He stared at her the entire time, shifting his gaze from the wet heat between her thighs to her pretty, flushed face, and back again. He couldn"t decide what he wanted to see more of, and if his d.i.c.k didn"t hurt so much, he might have just kept on staring at her.
But he did hurt. He settled between her thighs and looked up. "I don"t want to hurt you," he said softly.
Taige smiled. "I don"t care if you do." Then she reached for him, and he went into her arms and kissed her.
Her body went stiff under his as he pushed inside. He knew he was hurting her. Tears formed in her eyes, and he tried to slow down, but she was so hot, so wet and tight.
"Want me to stop?" he gritted out through his teeth.
"Don"t you dare." She slid her hands down his back and cupped his b.u.t.t, pulling him closer, and Cullen lost it.
He shoved inside her, hard and fast and he couldn"t stop himself from doing it again and again, even though he knew it was hurting her, knew she wasn"t feeling the same thing he was feeling, but he couldn"t stop. "I"m sorry, I"m sorry," he muttered against her lips. He kissed her, and he could taste the salt from her tears, and he hated himself, but he stil couldn"t stop.
It ended too soon for him. He came hard and fast, and when he sank down against her shuddering body, he knew he had totally f.u.c.ked it up. "G.o.d, Taige, I"m so sorry," he whispered, feeling sick inside. He lifted up, almost afraid to look at her.
She had a shaky smile on her lips. A smile. "Sorry for what?" she asked.
"I . . . I hurt you." Blood rushed to his cheeks and he stumbled a little as he said, "I didn"t-I couldn"t . . . You didn"t like it, did you?"
Taige shrugged. "I didn"t not like it." She bit her lip, something she did when she was nervous, and the sight of it eased just a little bit of his own anxiety. "I knew it would hurt.
It gets better, right?"
You are so amazing. He had thought that about her for so long, but he hadn"t ever said it to her. She"d think he was a total loser, gushing like that, right? But she really was amazing. Beautiful. Funny. Mysterious even, with this weird psychic thing she had going on. She didn"t act a d.a.m.n thing like any of the girls Cullen knew at school. She was oddly more adult, without even trying. At college, he was surrounded by girls who were still just confused, scared kids trying to fit into the grown-up world, the same way he felt most of the time.
But Taige didn"t have any of that. She had no pretenses, she didn"t try to change to fit what others thought she should be. When a lot of the girls he knew had been having s.e.x just to be cool or get guys to like them, she hadn"t. She had waited until she was ready-and she"d chosen him. "You"re amazing," he whispered, finally voicing the words that had lived inside him for so long. He leaned forward, kissing her gently. He kept his weight off of her and tried to be gentle when he pul ed out. He pulled the condom off, grabbing the wrapper and tossing them into the small plastic bag they had brought for garbage. When he looked back at Taige, she was reaching for her shorts.
But he grabbed them and tossed them to the other side of the blanket. "It gets better,"
he whispered. Then he lay between her legs and kissed her. She bucked against him, a soft, strangled shriek escaping her. "You just need to tel me what makes you feel good."
OUTSIDE, it was pouring rain.
Inside the screened-in porch, Taige and Cullen lay on a worn quilt, wrapped in each other"s arms and not talking at all.
Rose had left for a weekend in Biloxi with some friends, and Taige had asked Cullen to come for dinner Friday night. That had been two days ago. They hadn"t left the house even to go swimming. Cullen"s dad had cal ed him Sat.u.r.day morning, and Cullen had said he"d be home in time to pack.
Taige wondered what his dad had thought of that, wondered what Robert Morgan thought of his son spending the weekend with some local girl, but she really didn"t have enough experience to even guess what the guy might think. He was genuinely nice and treated her like she was somebody worth knowing, somebody worthy of his son. Both of Cullen"s parents were like that.
She tried to picture herself with a kid, wondered how"d she feel if her kid brought somebody to meet her, somebody who mattered. Taige decided she"d feel a little embarra.s.sed. A little out of place. She wouldn"t want to think of her kids having s.e.x, but kids grew up, didn"t they? Cullen was twenty years old.
A little ribbon of jealousy worked through her, and before she even realized the question was in her mind, she blurted out, "How many girls have you been with?"
He stiffened, turned his head, and looked at her. A dul rush of color flooded his cheeks as he stared at her. He swallowed nervously, and she could see his Adam"s apple moving under his skin.
"Uh . ."
She wasn"t going to take the question back though. She did want to know. What he"d done to her on the beach last weekend, after they"d done it that first time, it didn"t seem like something that a guy with little or no experience might try. And he"d been good at it, too. Good enough that she hadn"t waited more than two days before she talked him into another late-night beach trip. This time, she"d done it to him first, and after he came, she had rolled onto her back and urged him back between her thighs. He"d gone down on her again, and she"d ended up screaming his name and pulling his hair as she came.
It stil hurt some when he was inside her, but it had slowly gotten better, and last night, he"d made her come that way, just from moving inside her. He"d touched her c.l.i.t while he moved inside her, and it had lit her up like fireworks on the Fourth of July, coming so hard, she"d ended up scratching his back and shoulders al up before she was done.
"Don"t tell me you haven"t been with any girls," she warned him, sitting up and pulling her legs to her chest. "I just want to know."
"Why? Are we going to get in a fight over it?" he asked warily.
"Only if you lie to me." She swallowed the knot in her throat and tucked her chin against her chest. "When you leave for school, we haven"t ever talked about not seeing other people. If you"ve been with some girl at school, it"s not like I never said I didn"t-"
His hand came up, cupped her chin. He eased her face up until she met his gaze, and then he answered, "Two girls. One before I met you. Then another girl that I dated off and on my senior year and my freshman year at college. She moved out of state at the end of that year and . . ." His voice trailed off, and he was quiet for a minute. He brushed her hair back from her face, caught a long curl in his hand, and wrapped it around his finger.
Cullen did love to play with her hair. For some reason, seeing him doing it now, while he tried to talk about this, made a fist clench around her heart. No, they hadn"t ever talked about it just being the two of them. Hadn"t really seemed fair, or reasonable, even, with him living a state away. Twenty years old, drop-dead gorgeous, he"d have a bunch of pretty college girls tagging after him. But she didn"t want him with anybody else. Period.
"She moved out of state," Taige prompted. "Why not anybody since her? That was more than a year ago."
His gaze locked with hers. "n.o.body since her because the one girl I really wanted to be with has been on a beach in Alabama," he said.
"Me?" she asked and then she felt like an idiot. How many other girls on a beach in Alabama was he seeing?
He grinned at her and leaned forward. "Yeah, you." He kissed her and rolled to his knees in front of her, watching her face as he lifted his hands, placed them on the inside of her knees, and gently pushed her thighs apart. "I"ve been dreaming about touching you, having you like this, since the first time I saw you." His voice dropped to a low, rough whisper that sent shivers down her spine. "Been going out of my mind wanting you.
When you really want just one thing, nothing else but that one thing will really do it for you, Taige."
He lay down between her thighs and pressed his mouth against her s.e.x, sliding his hands behind her and gripping her waist to keep her still. He licked her c.l.i.t, and then he looked up at her. "You"re the one thing I"ve been craving, so I wasn"t going to waste my time with anybody else. Not when al I wanted was you."
His voice deepened and he rasped, "Lie down. Spread your legs for me."
Her back had no sooner touched the ground than he pushed her legs apart, too impatient to wait. "I don"t need to ask if you"ve been with another guy," he muttered against her. He licked her c.l.i.t again, stiffened his tongue and pushed it inside, in and out, until she was rocking against his mouth, and she could feel herself hovering, right on the brink. But just when she thought she was going to go flying off into the stratosphere, Cullen stopped. He lifted his head, rested his chin low on her belly, and stared at her. "But I don"t want there to be another guy. I don"t want to think about you letting somebody else touch you like this."
He lowered his head, licked her again, teased her right back to the edge again. Then he stopped. Again. He kissed her thigh and then shoved up onto his hands and knees, crawled up the length of her body, and lay down atop her, his c.o.c.k pressed up against her belly. "Tell me there won"t be another guy."
"So long as you promise me there won"t be any more girls," she countered. "And so long as you stop teasing me . . . right now."
He smiled at her, slanted his mouth across her, and pushed inside. "No more girls."
"No other guy," she promised.
He thrust deep inside her, and Taige, already so primed and ready, came just like that.
He didn"t have to kiss her, didn"t have to touch her anywhere else. She came hard and fast, and when it was over, he was still moving inside, staring down at her, his turquoise gaze rapt on her face, his hands fisted in her hair.
Her lids drooped closed, and he tightened his grip. "Look at me, Taige," he whispered.
She was so d.a.m.n pretty, so soft and sleek and hot. She lifted her lids and gave him that smile of hers, that teasing, s.e.xy smile that made his d.i.c.k get hard and twisted his heart and stomach into knots. Everything about her hit him so hard: the way she looked, the way she smiled, the way she laughed, the way she cuddled up against him after one of her dreams, and the way she trusted him to hold her while she slept. She was so perfect-perfect for him.
Only him.
"Look at me," he murmured again when her lids drooped low. He wanted to tell her.
He"d been waiting two years to do it, and when he said it, he wanted to see her face when he did. He slowed the rhythm of his thrusts until he was barely rocking inside her.
She reached up, cupped his face in her hands. "I am looking. I see you, baby," she whispered, her voice soft and sweet.
"I love you, Taige."
Her eyes widened. Then her hands went around his neck, and her arms tightened.
Willing, Cullen sank down against her and hugged her tight. Her lips brushed against his ear, and she murmured, "I love you."
They held each other like that, tight and close, Cullen rocking against her with those slow, easy thrusts. They came together, and it was so d.a.m.ned perfect, when it was done, Cullen could feel tears burning his eyes. But he didn"t want her to see them, so he kept his face buried in her hair until he felt level again.
When he pulled out of her a few minutes later, he realized he hadn"t put a rubber on.
Taige pushed up onto her elbows, staring at his p.e.n.i.s, still half erect and wet. "s.h.i.t," he muttered. A rueful grin curved his lips. "We sort of forgot something."
"Yeah, I"ll say." Taige could feel him, wet on her thighs. She studied his face, tried to figure out what he might be thinking. He didn"t seem mad or really even worried.
He blew out a breath and dropped down to sit with his legs drawn up. They stared at each other, and finally he asked, "Think you can get pregnant?"
Taige rolled her eyes. "I"m a girl, aren"t I?"
"I meant . . ." He waved a hand toward the tangled quilt on the floor. "From this.
Today."
She shook her head. "Probably not." Then Taige narrowed her eyes. "But what if I did?"
He reached out and snagged her wrist, jerking her into his lap. "We"d deal with it." He rested a hand on her belly, frowning a little. "Don"t think I"m ready to be a parent. But we"d deal with it." Then he looped his arms around her and just held her.
You"re the amazing one, Taige thought silently. He"d said that to her on the beach last weekend, but he"d been wrong. She wasn"t amazing. A bit of a freak, for certain, but not amazing.
Cullen, though, was. He had his whole life ahead of him, and it was the kind of life she hadn"t ever dared to dream about. Rich, smart, and capable, he could have anything he wanted. The thought of an unplanned baby thrown into the mix ought to terrify him.
We"d deal with it.
"Yeah," she murmured against his neck. "Yeah, we would."
"IT"S the same girl." Taige met Cul en"s eyes over the thick mug of tea he had made for her. "I keep dreaming about her. Pretty little thing, black hair, green eyes, has these Shirley Temple curls. She was sitting in an airport this time."
"How many times now?" Cullen asked, puzzled.
She shook her head. "Too many. For nearly two years now. Always the same thing. She"s sitting there. Then she"s gone. Just . . . missing."
He started to respond, and then his phone rang. He looked at it and swore. "s.h.i.t. It"s my dad."
Taige looked up at the clock hanging over the sink. It was red with little roosters in place of numbers. She"d bought it for Rose years ago, and it had been hanging on that wall ever since. Right now, the hour hand was on rooster number ten. Almost ten o"clock.
Cullen had told her last night he had to get home by nine thirty so he could pack his stuff.
They were leaving today. It left a cold knot in her chest. His leaving always hurt, but this time was harder.
He spoke to his dad, promised he"d be there soon, apologized. Then he hung up the phone and looked at Taige. "I have to go," he murmured.
She forced herself to smile. He came to the chair and crouched down beside her, resting his head in her lap. "I don"t want to leave yet," he murmured. Then he turned and kissed her belly.
"You have to." She wouldn"t let herself cry. "Don"t worry. I"ll be fine. Just need a few minutes to settle."
He lifted his head and stared at her. "It"s not just that." One big, warm hand rested on her thigh, and he squeezed gently. "And it"s not just this, either. Leaving you gets harder and harder every time."
"I hate it, too." Then she grinned weakly. "But knowing it sucks for you, too, makes it a little easier."
"Wil you come to Georgia? Come for Christmas."
He"d asked her before. She"d always said no. But this time . . . She leaned in and kissed him. "Maybe."
Grabbing her in his arms, he stood, lifting her out of the chair and spinning her around. "You"ll come." Then he lowered her feet to the ground, his smile fading. He placed his hand on her belly. "You"ll call me and let me know, right?"
She didn"t need to ask him what about. She nodded. But she already knew she wasn"t pregnant. She hadn"t gotten her period or anything, but she just knew.
THREE.
November 1996 LATE one night, right before Thanksgiving, Taige rolled out of bed, hit the floor on her hands and knees, and puked. She puked until she had emptied her stomach right there on Rose"s worn, polished floors. She puked until she had nothing left inside her, and then she just dry heaved until she almost choked with it.
Rose came running in, woken from a sound sleep. "d.a.m.n, girl, what the h.e.l.l . . ."
She took one look at Taige"s face and spun around. Taige continued to hover there on her hands and knees, unable to move, frozen inside. When Rose returned with a wet rag, Taige couldn"t even take it. The older, smal er woman had to strong-arm Taige into a sitting position, and she ended up wiping Taige"s face like a child"s.
"Cullen . . ." She forced the words out.
Rose shook her head, her eyes going wide. "No, baby, please don"t tell me . . ."
Taige shook her head. "Call him. It"s . . . it"s his mother."