He shrugged. He tried to smile. He was reasonably certain this was Lynn, not a figment of his imagination.
*Ready to head on over to the salt mines?" she asked.
He glanced at his wrist.w.a.tch. Ten till four. Impossible! he couldn"t have been sitting here that long.
*I guess it"s time," he muttered.
Lynn tilted her head to one side. *Are you all right?"
*I didn"t get much sleep last night."
*I had kind of a restless night, myself. So, are you coming?"
*Sure. Yeah. I guess so." He put his book away, lifted his briefcase and rose from the bench. With a last glimpse at the other bench, he started walking with Lynn.
It"s Fate, he thought. He"d tried to direct his need away from Lynn, but his efforts had failed. They were meant to fail. He was being guided by forces beyond his control, forces that had ordained Lynn to bleed for him.
*Check out my finger," she said as they walked along. She raised it in front of his face.
The bandage was gone. Charles saw a tiny curve of white fringe on the pad of her finger. His heart thudded. *It looks good," he said.
*Almost as good as new." She smiled as her upper arm brushed against him. She lowered the hand to her side. *If it wasn"t for your first-aid, no telling what might"ve happened. Who knows? I might"ve bled to death."
Charles knew she was joking. But his heart pounded even harder. Heat spread through his groin. *From a paper cut?"
*Of course. Happens all the time. It"s the leading cause of death among librarians and editors. Honest to G.o.d." She looked at him. *You do know how to smile, don"t you?"
*Sure," he muttered.
*Let"s see one."
He tried.
*Miserable," she said. *You know, you"d be a pretty handsome fellow if you"d smile once in a while."
He gazed at her. He pictured how her face would look with bright red blood streaming down it. He imagined himself licking the blood from her cheeks and lips.
*That"s more of a leer than a smile, actually," Lynn said. *But it"ll do. You just need more practice."
Even after all the books were shelved, Charles stayed in the second-floor stacks.
If he went downstairs, he would see Lynn. She would be sitting on her stool behind the circulation desk, checking books in and out, or maybe wandering the floor, cheerfully offering suggestions to students in need of a.s.sistance.
As long as I don"t see her, he told himself, nothing will happen.
A few students came up. Some searched for books, while others slipped into carrels along the far wall and studied. There were girls, but he paid them no attention. It would be Lynn, or no one.
He ducked into a carrel himself. For some unknown reason, it had been placed in a corner away from the lights. That suited him well. He felt snug and hidden.
He folded his arms on the desk top and put his head down.
Maybe I"ll sleep, he thought.
He closed his eyes. He pictured Lynn suspended from a ceiling beam, wrists tied, arms stretched high, feet off the floor. He had no rope, though. Too bad. Go back to his apartment and get some? The emergency exits had alarms. He couldn"t leave the library without pa.s.sing Lynn"s desk.
Maybe use my belt, instead?
That had worked before. He"d put a loop around the girl"s hands and nailed the other end high on a wall.
No hammer. No nails.
A rope would be better, anyway. Even though he didn"t have one, he liked the image of Lynn hanging helpless. He knew she was wearing a polo shirt. In his mind, however, she wore a regular blouse. With b.u.t.tons. And he saw himself slicing off the b.u.t.tons, one by one.
Charles flinched awake when someone stroked the back of his head. Her jerked upright in his chair. Lynn was standing close beside him, frowning down with concern on her shadowy face.
*You really zonked out," she said. Her voice was little more than a whisper in the silence.
*I"m sorry. I didn"ta"
*That"s okay." Her hand stayed on the back of his head, caressing his hair. *I was a little worried about you, though. You just disappeared."
*I was shelving books up here. I felt so tireda"
*No problem." A smile tilted the corners of her mouth. *I thought maybe you were trying to avoid me. You"ve been acting so strange ever since last night."
*I"ve been feeling pretty strange."
*Are you still upset because I cut myself?"
*In a way, I guess." He stood up. The chair made a loud squawk as it was scooted away by the backs of his knees. The noise made him cringe.
*I haven"t been quite myself, either," Lynn said.
He turned to face her. *Really?"
*Really." Gazing into his eyes, she took hold of his hands. *The way you acted last nighta You were so sweet, getting me the bandage and everything, putting it on my finger even though you have that phobia about cuts. I just suddenly realizeda how really special you are, Charles."
*Me?"
*Yeah, you." She lifted her hands to his face. Gently caressing his cheeks, she eased against him. She tilted back her head. She pressed her mouth against his lips. After a slow, soft kiss, she looked up into his eyes. *We"re all alone," she whispered. *I"ve already locked up for the night."
All he could say was, *Oh." He was trembling. His heart was punching, his breath ragged. His groin was tight and the way Lynn pressed against him, he knew she must be able to feel his erection.
She stepped back to make a s.p.a.ce between their bodies. Her hands roamed over his chest. *I was awake all night," she said. *Thinking about you."
*I was awake thinking about you, too."
*You were?" He heard a tremor in her voice.
*Yes."
*Oh, man." She made a soft, nervous laugh. *I should"ve cut myself a long time ago."
Her trembling fingers unb.u.t.toned his shirt. She spread it open. She kissed his chest.
With one hand, Charles stroked her back. With the other, he dug into the pocket of his pants. He squeezed the plastic handle of his knife.
Staring into his eyes, Lynn plucked at the bottom of her polo shirt. She pulled it free of her shorts, drew it over her head and dropped it to the floor.
Charles felt as if his breath had been sucked from his lungs. He struggled for air.
Lynn fumbled at the waist of her shorts. The garment slipped down her legs. She stepped out of it, nudged it away with her sneaker.
The plastic knife handle felt greasy with sweat.
*Do you like how I look?" Lynn whispered.
Charles nodded. *You looka beautiful."
So beautiful. Slender and smooth, naked except for her skimpy white bra and panties, her white socks and sneakers.
She had a calm, dreamy look on her face. A hint of a smile. Arching her back, she reached both arms up behind her.
*Don"t," Charles murmured.
Her eyebrows lifted. *I was just going to unhooka"
*I know. Let me?"
Her smile brightened. *Sure."
Charles pulled out his knife. As he opened the blade, he watched Lynn - ready to grab her if she should try to flee.
Her smile went crooked. She stood motionless, eyes on the knife. *You"re kidding, right?"
*I have to."
She lifted her gaze to his face. She seemed to be studying him. Then she shrugged one shoulder. *Go ahead, Charles."
*Huh?"
*If you have to, you have to. I"ll buy a new one."
*Oh."
She put her hands on his hips. He felt them shaking slightly. They squeezed him when he cut through each of the shoulder straps. Then he slid his blade under the narrow band between the cups of her bra. She closed her eyes. Her mouth hung open. He heard her raspy breathing. He tugged, severing the band.
The bra fell away.
Lynn opened her eyes. A smile fluttered on her face. *This is pretty kinky," she said, her voice husky.
She shivered when he rubbed the blade"s blunt edge down the top of her left breast. In the glow of the nearest florescent light, he saw the smooth skin go pebbly with gooseb.u.mps. Her nipple grew. He pressed it down with the flat of the blade, and watched it spring up again. Lynn groaned.
She tugged open his belt. She unfastened the b.u.t.ton at the waist of his jeans, jerked his zipper down, feverishly yanked his jeans and underwear down his thighs.
Can"t be happening this way, Charles thought. Never had anything like this happen. He wondered if he might be asleep, dreaming.
But he knew that he was very much awake.
Lynn"s fingers curled around him.
*Do my panties," she whispered. *With the knife."
He cut them at the sides. The flimsy fabric drooped, but the panties didn"t fall. They clung between her legs until she reached down. A small pull, and they drifted toward the floor.
*This is so weird," she gasped. *I"ve nevera nothing like this." Her soft, encircling fingers slid on him. Up, and down.
The knife shook as Charles moved it toward her chest. Just above her left breast, he pressed the point against her skin. Gendy. *Careful there," she whispered. *You don"t want to cut me."
*I do, actually."
Her hand slipped away. She stood up very straight, searching his eyes. *You"re kidding, aren"t you?"
*No."
*But you hate cuts."
*I"m sorry. As a matter of fact, I love them. Theya they do something to me."
*You mean like they turn you on?"
*Yes."
*But that"s crazy!"
*I guess so. I"m awfully sorry, Lynn."
*Hold on, now."
*I have to do it. I have to cut you up."
*Oh my G.o.d."
He shook his head. *You"re so beautiful, anda I guess I love you."
*Charles. No."
He stared at the knife point denting her skin. A slit all the way down to the tip of her breasta Lynn grabbed his hand, twisted it. As Charles yelped, the elbow of her other arm crashed against his cheek. Stumbling backward, he heard his knife clatter to the floor. His pants tripped him. He slammed the side of the study carrel and fell.