BENVENUTA. That was all I saw of them. And then they would take me to my lady mother, of a forenoon, while she was having her hair powdered and curled; and there would be a black page bringing her chocolate, and her serving cavalier would be leaning beside her mirror taking snuff.
ATALANTA. Yes--tell me about the cavalier servant.
BENVENUTA. That was all I ever saw of him. But he was very worldly, I am sure.
ATALANTA. I wish you had seen more of him. And your mother? Did she have little children?
BENVENUTA. You know well I was the youngest of our family. That was why I was destined for the benefice we possessed in this high born convent.
ATALANTA. Tell me about your father?
BENVENUTA. I used only to see him once in a month, and I was much frightened of him--he was so n.o.ble and so just.
ATALANTA. Oh, he was a father of that sort, was he?
BENVENUTA. And when he did receive me, he had a handkerchief like a turban around his head, and horn spectacles on his nose, and he would be making gold with an astrologer, or putting devils in retorts. That was what he said he was doing, but I know now that he deceived me; he was a very worldly man, though he was so n.o.ble and just.
ATALANTA. Tell me, Benvenuta, when you were in the world, did you ever see mothers and babies--tiny babies--not old at all?
BENVENUTA. The only one was in the picture in our chapel--the panel in the center with the Blessed Mother and the little Child Christ. He was so sweet, and his eyes were as if they would open in a moment and then I should know what color of eyes they were.
ATALANTA [_glancing toward the Sacristy closet_]. And that"s why you so love the Bambino they keep in the Sacristy closet?
BENVENUTA. Yes.
ATALANTA [_more pa.s.sionately_]. And was it easy for you, Benvenuta--always easy in your heart, to give up the world?
BENVENUTA. I was destined for this, dear.
ATALANTA [_rising_]. I am not sure. I was not destined. I am--
BENVENUTA. Ssh! Dear Atalanta. Be quiet. Be calm. Yes, I was worldly, and I gave it up willingly--
ATALANTA. Yes, it was easy for you, and so you think it should be for me. You never even saw a little baby with her mother. You were destined, and you were the youngest--
BENVENUTA. It was for the best. I was unworthy, but I gave up the world willingly--
ATALANTA [_bitterly_]. Willingly--you were lame, and--
[_She stops, biting her lips. There is a pause._]
BENVENUTA. Yes. I was a little lame. But I was a worldly little girl.
ATALANTA. Forgive me, dear sister. I meant no hurt.
BENVENUTA. You did not hurt me. [_Another pause._]
ATALANTA. Dear Benvenuta, one thing I must tell you. I must. It happened just before I came here.
[_Benvenuta looks at her soberly._]
BENVENUTA. Are you sure it is to me you should tell it?
ATALANTA. It is not a sin--not something I could confess, dear. It was this. Just as you looked over the wall at the barges, it was. In our gardens there was a time when the old gardener brought a vinedresser to help him. And the vinedresser"s wife came with his dinner and their baby. And I came on them eating under the ilex trees, very secretly, of course. And the baby was clambering over her. She was no older than I am now--the vinedresser"s wife. And she fed the baby at her breast in the deep shade under the ilexes. And I talked to her. Then the old gardener came, and of course I walked away, very haughtily, as became a daughter of the house. But hear me, sister. I cannot forget her, the vinedresser"s wife with the baby clambering over her, under the shade of the ilex trees, I cannot put her out of my thoughts.
BENVENUTA. I understand you, dear. I cannot put out of my thoughts the poor little Bambino in the Sacristy closet all the year around, shut up with the saint"s bones and the spare vestments, and he with only a piece of stiff purple and gold stuff around his middle.
ATALANTA. I cannot think that the same. The vinedresser"s baby was alive--so alive.
BENVENUTA. It is much the same, I think.
ATALANTA. Anyway, I am glad I told you, Benvenuta. Why can I not forget about it?
BENVENUTA [_laying her hand on Atalanta"s head_]. It would be better if you could forget it, Atalanta. You must go now.
ATALANTA. One moment--don"t take your hand away. I had to tell somebody.
[_Both look off in a sort of dreamy ecstasy, thinking of the two babies. Grimana enters again. Atalanta rises._]
ATALANTA. I am full of thankfulness, Sister Benvenuta. I will go to my task.
[_Atalanta bows her head and follows Grimana out. A m.u.f.fled droning chorus is heard from the chapel. Benvenuta watches the others go off, and then speaks to the Bambino through the door of the Sacristy closet._]
BENVENUTA. My dear--my dear little Great One, can you hear my voice through the door? Dear little child Christ, I am so sorry for you, alone for days and days in the closet with the holy relics and the wax lights.
And at night it must be very cold for you. I wish I might touch you, dear little Great One, with my hands.
[_She tries the door and, finding it unfastened, draws back from it a moment._]
It is open; the Sister Sacristan has left it unlocked. For this I am thankful, for I am sure you put it into her mind to leave it so--or that you by your divine power and foresight put it out of her mind to lock it as she intended.
[_She opens the door and looks in._]
If only I could get appointed Sacristan! But I am too young and being lame would prevent my getting on to the step-ladders, as a Sacristan must. But I would never leave you alone among the relics in their cotton-wool, little Great One. And now--just for a moment lest the Sister Sacristan come back--I will take you out of the closet.
[_She brings out the Bambino._]
I will show you the chapter room, for while you have seen all places, and the high heavens and all the h.e.l.ls, it will be pleasant to you to see the chapter room, after so long in the closet. See, yonder is the seat of the Mother Abbess. She is very great, and very holy, and of the high house of the Morosini. And that way is to the refectory and the work room. And that way is to the chapel--up the stairs. And up that way are our cells, where I sleep and where I pray to dream of you, little Great One. Touch my cheek, I pray you.... How cold your hands are!...
Touch my cheek as she said the vinedresser"s babe touched his mother"s--
[_She stops suddenly, and then reverently returns the Bambino to his place. She kneels before the open door._]
Forgive me, dear little Child Christ. I spoke not in vain glory. But all my life I have waited, not knowing for what ... but happy ... dreaming that sometime.... If it be a sin I will confess it--I will.
[_Again the rattle of keys is heard. Benvenuta stands up hurriedly and speaks in a half whisper._]
She is coming back to lock the closet. But I will get you a coat for the cold nights. Your hands were so cold. I will get you a warm coat--that I promise, dear little Great One.
[_She closes the door and stands before it looking consciously innocent, as the Sister Sacristan enters. The Sister Sacristan is not deceived, however._]