f.a.n.n.y [_her breath short from delight_]. Did you understand it that way, too?
LIZZIE [_still looking at the letter_]. How can it be interpreted otherwise? [_About to read the letter aloud._] Ahem! [_Reads with a certain solemnity._] "My drama has been accepted and will be produced this very winter. The conditions of the contract are first-rate, and the director promises me a great success, and incidentally a great reputation." [_Reads over some pa.s.sages in an indistinct nasal monotone, then continues._] "My! You ought to see me now.--I"ve sung and danced so much that it"ll be a wonder to me if I"m not asked to move. I feel so strong. And now to write, to create, to do things!" [_Reads again in a nasal monotone, and soon with greater solemnity than before, and a certain tenderness._] "And now, I hope, better days are in store for us, happiness of such a nature that you cannot be indifferent to it."
[_Stops reading._] That"s a bit veiled, but it"s plain talk just the same. [_Gives f.a.n.n.y the letter. Speaks lovingly._] Lucky woman! My darling f.a.n.n.y! [_Embraces her._] You dear! [_Kisses her._]
f.a.n.n.y. So that"s the way you understand it, too? [_Speaks in gasps, trembling all over._] Oh! Oh!
[_Covers her face with the letter, takes it to her lips and breathes with difficulty. She takes from her right sleeve a handkerchief and wipes her eyes._]
LIZZIE [_moved, embracing her with both arms_]. My dear f.a.n.n.y! How happy I am! You dear, you! [_Dreamily._] Now I know how I"ll play at the Ginsbergs" to-night! I"ll put my whole soul into the music, and it will be the merriest, cheeriest soul that ever lived in the world.
f.a.n.n.y [_bends down and kisses her forehead_]. My faithful friend!
LIZZIE. At last! My dream"s come true!
f.a.n.n.y [_drops into the armchair_]. Your dream?
LIZZIE [_takes a piece of cloth from the table, spreads it out on the floor, and kneels before f.a.n.n.y_]. Listen. I dreamed for you a hero before whom the world, even before seeing him, would bare its head. I dreamed for you a triumphal march of powerful harmonies, a genius, a superman, such as only you deserve.
f.a.n.n.y. Sh! Sh! Don"t talk like that!
LIZZIE. No, no. You can"t take that away from me. As long as I shall live I"ll never cease admiring you. There aren"t many sisters in the world like you. Why, you never have given a thought to yourself, never a look, but have worked with might and main to make a somebody out of your sister. I"ll tell you the truth. I"ve often had the most unfriendly feelings toward your sister Olga. She takes it so easy there in Petrograd, while you--
f.a.n.n.y [_tenderly_]. You"re a naughty girl.
LIZZIE. I simply couldn"t see how things went on,--how you were working yourself to death.
f.a.n.n.y. But that was my happiness, and now I am amply repaid for it, to see Olga placed upon an independent footing, with a great future before her as a painter.
LIZZIE. That kind of happiness did not appeal very much to me. I wanted, for you, a different kind of happiness,--the happiness of being a wife, of being a mother, of loving and being loved.
f.a.n.n.y [_in a reverie_]. I had already weaned my thoughts away from love and family life as the only happiness.
LIZZIE. You poor soul!
f.a.n.n.y. When my mother died, my road was clearly mapped out for me: to be to my sister, who is eight years younger than I, both a father and a mother. That purpose was great and holy to me. I never thought of anything else. Only in the early twenties, between twenty-two and twenty-five, a longing for something else came to me. Not that my sister became a burden to me, G.o.d forbid, but I wanted something more, a full life, happiness and--love. At that time I used to cry very much, and wet my pillow with my tears, and I was very unhappy. And I was easily angered then, too, so you see I was far from an angel.
LIZZIE [_draws f.a.n.n.y nearer, and kisses her_]. You darling, you!
f.a.n.n.y. But later the longing left me, as if it had been charmed away.
Olga grew older, and her talents began to ripen. Then I forgot myself altogether, and she became again my sole concern.
LIZZIE. And is that all?
f.a.n.n.y. What else can there be? Of course, when my sister went to Petrograd she was no longer under my immediate care and I was left all alone. The old longing re-awoke in my bosom but I told myself that one of my years had no right to expect happiness and love? So I determined to tear out, to uproot from my heart every longing. I tried to convince myself that my goal in life had already been attained--that I had placed a helpless child securely upon her feet--
LIZZIE. But you loved Berman all the time, didn"t you?
f.a.n.n.y. Yes, I loved him all the time, but I fought my feelings. Life had taught me to restrain and to suppress my desires. I argued: He is too far above me--
LIZZIE. Too far above you?
f.a.n.n.y [_continuing_]. And I am too worn-out for him. And furthermore, I tried to make myself believe that his daily visits here were accidental, that they were not intended for me at all, but for his friend and nephew Hindes, who happens to board with me.
LIZZIE. But how could you help perceiving that he was something more than indifference to you? You must have been able to read it in his eyes.
f.a.n.n.y [_smiling_]. Well, you see how it is! And perhaps for the very reason that I had abandoned all ideas of love, and had sought to deceive myself into believing that I was a dried-up twig on the tree of live--
LIZZIE [_jumping up_]. My! How you sinned against yourself!
f.a.n.n.y [_rising_]. But now the sap and the strength flow again within me,--now I am young once more.--Ah! Life, life!--To enjoy it, to drink it down in copious draughts, to feel it in every pulse-beat--Oh, Lizzie, play me a triumphal march, a song of joy, of jubilation....
LIZZIE. So that the very walls will dance and the heavens join in the chorus. [_Goes to the door at the left, singing._] "Joy, thou G.o.ddess, fair, immortal, daughter of Elysium, Mad with rapture--" [_Suddenly stops._] Sh! Hindes is coming!
[_Listens._]
f.a.n.n.y [_she has been standing as if entranced; her whole body trembles as she awakens to her surroundings. She puts her finger to her nose, warningly._] Don"t say a word to him about it.
LIZZIE. I will! He must know it, he must be happy over it, too. And if he truly loves you, he will be happy to learn it. And then, once for all he"ll get rid of his notions about winning you.
f.a.n.n.y. Don"t be so inconsiderate.
LIZZIE. Leave it to me!... Hindes! Hindes!
f.a.n.n.y. It"s high time you left for the Ginsbergs".
LIZZIE. I"ve a few minutes yet.... Hindes! Hindes!
HINDES [_appears at the rear door. He wears spectacles; under his left arm a crutch, under his right arm books, and in his hands various bags of food_].
f.a.n.n.y [_steals out through the door at the left_].
HINDES. Good evening. What"s the news?
LIZZIE. Come here! Quick! Fa--
HINDES. Won"t you give me time to carry my parcels into my room?
LIZZIE. Not even a second! f.a.n.n.y has--
HINDES [_taking an apple from a bag_]. Have an apple.
LIZZIE [_refusing it_]. Let me speak, won"t you! Fa--
HINDES. May I at least sit down?
LIZZIE [_loudly_]. f.a.n.n.y has received a letter from Berman!
HINDES [_taking a seat_]. Saying that his drama has been accepted. I, too, have received a letter from Berman.