I had been sitting there, chained to the wall, about to give up all hope of keeping my fingers and life. Blondie, though, had other plans. The fact that she was willing to sacrifice so much just to keep me in one piece was something I really hadn"t expected. Seeing her wide green eyes go blank while each limb was chained up, accepting the sacrifice of her dignity-I never wanted to see it again and especially not for me. I really didn"t deserve such an offering.
This girl-my Blondie-had, single-handed I might add, freed us from those disgusting monsters who had no right to call themselves men. It was all her-not her father.
I didn"t regret kissing her. I was just so d.a.m.ned proud of her and thankful that she had saved me. Again. Honestly, it hurt my ego a bit, but I had to man up and take it. In the end, it doesn"t matter who gets you out; it"s the getting out that"s important and I had her to thank for that.
I pulled away, but let my hands linger on her cheeks. They were flushed, warm, and it made me want to chuckle. She was blushing. Perhaps she hadn"t been kissed all that often as a teenager, if at all. I told myself that it had only been a friendly, thank you gesture.
I sat cross-legged across from her, took the bottle she offered, and downed almost half.
"Have the rest," I handed it back as I pulled out a bag of dried fruit that she had let me have the day we embarked on this crazy adventure. I never liked this c.r.a.p, but needless to say, my taste buds changed; anything edible was delicious.
[ Elle ]
My hands were suddenly quite interesting. The sand was as well and so was that patch of hair I had missed shaving the other day above my knee. I couldn"t bear to look at him after what he just did.
It was just a forehead kiss. It was just a forehead kiss.
My father used to give me those. Why was uncomfortable heat radiating off my face? It wasn"t that I didn"t enjoy it; G.o.d knows I did. I just didn"t know how to react. If I was going to appear sane, I had to gain at least a modic.u.m of composure.
And he said my name! He called me Elle; I couldn"t believe it. I wasn"t going to deny myself the pleasure of the feeling it gave me. I liked the way it sounded rolling off his tongue. I wondered what saying my name meant to him. Did he finally come to terms with the fact that we were friends, that he could trust me fully now? Oh, but I savored that memory and I knew I would for a long time. I wouldn"t bug him about it though, at least not yet.
Tex offered me a something in a small, plastic bag. I didn"t pay attention; I just stuck my hand into it and pulled out some soft, rubbery pieces of apricot and banana. I practically inhaled it, not realizing how famished I was until the sweet smell of the fruit hit me. He must have noticed. He handed me the bag again.
When I felt that my face was no longer the color of a cherry, I lifted my eyes to meet his gaze.
"I was thinking, Tex. What if they copied the map?"
"c.r.a.p! The map! Where the f-"
I smirked and pulled it from the back of my shorts, wagging it in front of him, flaunting it.
"Aren"t you just full of surprises?" He s.n.a.t.c.hed the map from me and opened it up. "We"ll have to find a landmark quick if we want to make it to a safepoint by dawn." He stood up, turned away from me, and held the map out in front of him. He looked at the mountains and hills, back at the map, then back and forth until he was satisfied by what he found. "If I"m right about this, we should only be about five miles from the closest stop."
"That"s a relief." I stood up and nudged his ribs with my elbow. I handed him back the small bag that was formerly filled with dried fruit and grinned.
"Pig." He rolled his eyes and we started off in a direction away from the dunes. They looked so soft and cozy, like a dreamland with sloping hills made from clouds. It made me sleepy.
It reminded me of the one winter when I went to Maine to visit my grandparents. They lived in an old colonial-style home. I remembered I used to love that house; every time my family and I visited, it smelled like chocolate chip cookies and cherry-apple strudel. My grandmother would always have some sort of gift for me along with whatever sweet she had baked. My favorite had always been her pumpkin cookies with brown sugar frosting. She always made it at least once while I was visiting. My grandfather-he never ceased to make me laugh. He"d let me ride his knee as he shook it up and down-my own roller coaster. One year he built me one of those antique-looking wooden sleds. I rode it for hours down the little hill they lived on. I would slide down, then run back up, and then slide down again. It went on from dawn to dusk, until my mom would call me in for supper.
The dunes looked so sled-able. If I just had a piece of cardboard, I"d be able to slide down it like old times-like I was five again and, other than hoping my grandpa hadn"t eaten the last pumpkin cookie, I didn"t have a care in the world,.
"Are you coming, Kid?" Tex asked.
"I"m coming, I"m coming. I was flashing back to a really good memory, you know."
"Forgive me, Your Highness!" He bowed to me.
I rolled my eyes and put my finger up in the air, gesturing that I had a sudden thought. "How old are you?"
Tex gasped and put his hand up to his chest and fanned himself with the other. "Why, I never!" He spoke with a horrible, high-pitched, southern accent. "You never ask a lady her age!"
I snorted and thanked G.o.d I didn"t have water in my mouth at that moment. "Tex!" What was this sudden change in personality? He was actually being funny, actually joking around with me.
"I"m twenty-eight." He shrugged.
I blinked. He was older than I thought.
"Aren"t you going to ask me my age?"
"Don"t make me speak with that southern accent again."
"Oh come on, I don"t care about that. Guess!"
He laughed at me. It was still a sound that I would never stop loving or get used to. It was deep, throaty, and playful. He put his finger up to his chin, appearing in deep thought. He began to count on his fingers. Then he rubbed his jaw.
"Oh, come on!" I groaned.
"Fine, fine!" He laughed again. "Twenty?"
"Nope."
"Nineteen?"
"Higher, you imbecile!" My smile was apologetic, but he just shook his head.
"Twenty-three?" He said with a raised eyebrow.
"Ding, ding, ding!"
"What do I win?"
A kiss. Wait, that"s not what I meant. I flushed. I scratched my head and the grit in my hair slid underneath my nails. c.r.a.p, think fast, Elle.
"I won"t ask you any personal questions for a full twenty-four hours."
He whistled. "I"ll take it!"
We talked and joked around the rest of way. I told him stories about myself, careful to leave out the ones that involved my dad. I told him about my first boyfriend in middle school. We had held hands for two days and never spoke to each other again, except for a few cursory glances now and then. I spoke of my first boy-girl party back in ninth grade when I went to my best friend"s birthday celebration. We played spin the bottle with a liter of soda and I received my first kiss from Josh Lawrence. I told him about the time I broke my elbow playing tag with the boys during recess. I was unstoppable and one of the boys didn"t like being outdone by a nine-year-old girl; he tripped me and I spent the rest of the day at the nurse"s office until my mom could get off work to take me to an urgent care. The next day my cast was covered in signatures, hearts, and peace signs. And I grimaced, telling him about the time I had forgotten to feed my mother hamster and her young for a couple days and I found the mother devouring one of her babies. That one scarred me for several months.
Tex intervened between stories to add his own quips and tales. His first kiss was with Tina Goodman. She had surprised it on him and he didn"t like it a bit; he had still been in the eww-girls-are-nasty stage. He apparently joined the Navy soon after high school, but he only made it through a couple years before injuring himself to the point of having to be honorably discharged. He touched his blind eye at that point. He must have lost his sight in the service, but I didn"t press the issue. Some things were better left unsaid.
He had wanted to be a SEAL. I thought he would have done well; he had the personality and strength for it. He said he was glad that it turned out that way because he met Sarah weeks after returning home.
I guess he felt comfortable enough with me to finally talk about his family in detail. After six months of dating, he said, they were married and had Danielle shortly afterward. His face changed entirely while talking about his daughter. His expression was soft, serene, gentle almost. It made my heart ache for him. I wished Danielle was here so I could see him with her, so care-free. I wanted to see his face like that all the time. It killed me that my dad had been the one to cause him such a tortured existence. I would probably never come to terms with that. I vowed then that I would help make up for it though. He would never fully be healed, but I could at least try to make it a little easier for him.
I was glad when we finally made it to our next safepoint. Tex once again dug out the supply box, and we devoured the MREs. I laid the blanket down, once again careful not to pick up any dust.
We both lay down. I couldn"t help but notice that Tex was closer to me this time. It was nice knowing he didn"t feel so uncomfortable around me anymore. It kind of hurt though, knowing he was repelled by my desire for a friendship between us; I guess he overcame it though; we were almost touching.
I rolled onto my side after a while, trying to will myself to sleep. I couldn"t though. I tried to use Tex"s steady breathing as a lullaby, but to no avail.
The same fear was nagging at the back of my skull, refusing to leave me be. Those men had seen the map and had probably copied it. I couldn"t sleep with the constant uneasiness of them showing up again creeping up my spine. My whole body was aware of every sight, smell, every sound. My nerves were like electric sparks crackling from broken wires, refusing to relax.
"Tex?" I whispered into the dark. We had turned the lantern off.
I heard him turn around towards me. I was facing the rock wall.
"Sleep, Blondie." He yawned.
I curled up so that my knees were pressed against my stomach and my arms hugged me. "What if they show up?"
"They won"t."
"How do you know?" I shuddered at the thought of Leonard, the thought of what he had planned to do with me.
"I"ll stay awake," he a.s.sured me. I felt his hand flatten against my back. It was warm and felt soft against my shirt, against my skin, despite the roughness I knew was there.
"Tex..."
"Sleep."
I felt safer with his words and his hand on my back-as if his palm was my shield. I did as I was told and I drifted into sleep, to a better place where I"d always be free from harm and loneliness.
Chapter 15.
[ Elle ]
I was alone in a room made of concrete. Everything was bleached white by the fluorescent lights. I screamed at the top of my lungs for Tex. Suddenly, to the right of me he appeared, but he was tied up to a metal beam. He was yelling at me, but no words came out, as if G.o.d had decided to hit mute on life"s remote. A door appeared out of nowhere and Frank walked in. He had a wicked grin. I tried to get up, to move, but I was paralyzed. I looked back at Tex; he was struggling against the ropes, still screaming without the accompaniment of words. He was panicked and wild-eyed.
Then Leonard appeared. He smiled, his full lips baring his snaggle tooth.
"Are you ready?" He stood above me, but I was still paralyzed. I looked back over to Tex, and he was gone, leaving behind a piece of rope. I was crying now, screaming for Tex, screaming for my dad.
And then I was held down and Leonard just cackled above me, his eyes gleaming with the promise of a future-a future for his colony.
[ Tex ]
I woke up to howling screams. I sat up immediately, looking around for those men. It was Blondie and she was fitful. Her body was contorting in all different angles and she was crying out for me, or was it her dad? It was an inaudible jumbled mess of words.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" I shook her shoulder. She was crying now. I touched her face; her cheeks were drenched. She had been crying for a while, silently. "Wake up!" I held her face in my hands, and the rest of her body continued to fidget erratically. She screamed out my name and I suddenly felt helpless against her night terror.
I yelled out her name and her eyes opened wide, the whites like light bulbs in the pitch darkness.
Still cupping her face, I slid my thumbs along her cheekbones, wiping away the tears. Realization finally hit her and she began to scream at the top of her lungs-an ear-piercing sound that echoed throughout the cave.
"Get away from me," she cried, searching for something beside her. I realized it was probably her knife and I backed up.
"It"s me. It"s me!" I put my hands up in surrender until I saw recognition in her eyes.
"Tex. Oh, G.o.d." She pulled her knees up to her chest and hugged them. "It was horrible. You left me. I was alone and they were going to..."
"It was just a nightmare." I knelt beside her, brushing a remaining tear from her cheek. I was aware of the fact that I hadn"t done it because she reminded me of my daughter when she had been sad or hurt. I didn"t know how to deal with that realization. I shoved it away like every other emotion she made me experience.
She chewed on her bottom lip and looked up at me through her dewy lashes. "I can"t believe they would stoop that low..."
My hands fell from her face and dug into the ground through the blanket. I was trying to forget about it-her almost sacrifice. I needed to go back there; I needed to slit all of their throats. I needed to crush their skulls beneath the flat of my axe. I needed to see them choke on their own blood, begging for their lives, which I would not relinquish to them.
"That"s basically what my nightmare was about. You were there..." She rubbed her eyes and looked away, towards the cave entrance. "But you disappeared and I was alone again...with him."
"Him?" I growled.
"Leonard." The name sounded bitter on her tongue. "I don"t want to feel like that again."
"Like what?"
"How I felt when you disappeared and left me alone in my dream."
Blondie looked away. What she confessed made her shy. I smiled, grabbed the end of her braid, and tugged it slightly. I didn"t feel I had to rea.s.sure her. She should know by now I wouldn"t let that happen. But then, after I walked out the other night, I realized she might have thought the total opposite.
I tugged at her braid once more before letting it go; I grabbed her stubborn chin between my thumb and forefinger. Her lips curved upwards. I quickly pressed my forehead against hers.
"I won"t leave you alone if I have anything to say about it." I backed away and lay down on the blanket. "Go back to sleep, Kid."
[ Elle ]
I woke up and knew it was night. Tex didn"t keep his promise of staying awake, but I didn"t mind; his arm was draped protectively across my stomach. I wondered if he did it before falling asleep. I ran my fingertips gingerly down his forearm, over the tiny hairs. It tickled him and he turned around leaving a cold spot where his arm had been.
I couldn"t ignore that he was accepting the fact that we were friends. When he opened up-he opened up. He no longer recoiled at my touch; in fact, he was touching me. His hands on my face, wiping away my tears, were something I couldn"t deny. It was comforting and relaxing; it made me feel the complete opposite of loneliness. The only thing I was afraid of was him protecting himself around barriers and shields again.
I wanted to wake him up, so I poked his shoulder a few times until his eyes opened. His eyes squinted and he had the just-woke-up look which I found entirely too adorable. I was right in originally thinking his blind eye was endearing and I doubted it would ever take away from his good looks. There was a wrinkle imprinted into the side of his face from the blanket. His short, brown hair was flattened on one side.
"Blondie?" He cleared his throat.
"So much for watch duty, huh?" I winked.
He sat up, his body alert. "c.r.a.p. Sorry." He frowned.
I laughed and shoved him back down. "Don"t worry about it.
Something gurgled and growled. It was Tex; he rubbed his stomach. "I could really go for a burger right now." He exaggeratedly licked his lips. "Tomatoes, onions, lettuce, ketchup, mustard..." He looked past me, in his own little dream world.