The men applauded after Pearl"s song and started calling out the names of other songs. Some I didn"t know, and I wondered how I could explain that to them, but Jewell said, "Now, now, boys. Lets not use up our pian.o.board player in one shift. Lit him go to bid. He"ll be here next shift. Who wants a game of katmai?" She reached over and pulled the cover down over the keyboard. "Use the front stairs," she said. "The tappers take the girls up the back way."
Pearl bent toward me, said, "Good night, Ruby," and then took Jack"s arm as if she knew right where he was and went through the curtained door to the card room. The others followed two by two until all the girls were taken, and then in a straggling line, and Jewell unfastened the heavy drapes so they fell across the door behind them.
I went upstairs and took off the paper shuffles and the uncomfortable collar and sat on the edge of the bed Jewell had fixed for me by putting a little table at the end for extra length. I thought about Pearl and Jack and how I was going to give Jewell the sparker at the beginning of the next shift, and wondered who I was copying. I looked at myself in the little plastic mirror over the bed, trying to see Jewell or Jack in my face.
I had left my cigar on the music rack. I didn"t want Jack to find it there and think I had rejected it. I put my shuffles back on and went downstairs. There was n.o.body in the music room, and the drapes were still drawn across the door of the card room. I went over to the pian.o.board and got the cigar. I had bitten it almost through, and now I bit the ragged end off. Then I chomped down on the new end and sat down on the piano stool, spreading out my hands as far as they would go across the keyboard.
"I understand you"re a Mirror," a man"s voice said from the recesses of Pearl"s chair. "I knew a Mirror once. Or he knew me. Isn"t that how it is?"
I almost said, "You"re not supposed to sit in that chair," but I found I could not speak.
The man stood up and came toward me. He was dressed like the other men, with a broad black dog collar, but his hands and face were almost white, and there was no lighter band across his forehead. "My name is Taber," He said in a slow, drawling voice unlike the fast, vowel-shortening accents of the others. I wondered if he had come from Solfatara. All the rest of them except Pearl shortened their vowels, bit them off like I had bit the end of the cigar. Pearl alone seemed to have no accent, as if her blindness had protected her from the speech of Solfatara, too.
"Welcome to St. Pierre," he said, and I felt a shock of fear. He had lied to Jewell. I did not know who St. Pierre was, but I knew as he spoke that St. Pierre was not the patron saint of tappers, and that Taber"s calling the town that was some unspeakably cruel joke that only he understood.
"I have to go upstairs," I said, and my hand shook as I held the cigar. "Jewell"s in the card room."
"Oh," he said lazily taking a cigar from his pocket and unwrapping it. "Is Pearl there, too?"
"Pearl," I said, so frightened I could not breathe.
He patted his formals pockets and reached inside his shirt. "Yes. You know, the blind girl. The pretty one." He pulled a sparker from his inside pocket, c.o.c.ked it back, and looked at me. "What a pity she"s blind. I wish I knew what happened. She"s never told a soul, you know," he said, and clicked the sparker.
It was not a real sparker. I could see, after a frozen moment, that there was no liquid in it at all. He clicked it twice more, held it to the end of his cigar in dreadful pantomime, and replaced it in his pocket.
"I do wish I could find out," he said. "I could put the knowledge to good use."
"I can"t help you," I said, and moved toward the stairs.
He stepped in front of me. "Oh, I think you can. Isn"t that what Mirrors are for?" he said, and drew on the unlit cigar and blew imaginary smoke into my face.
"I won"t help you," I said, so loudly I fancied Jewell would come and tell Taber to let me alone, as she had told Carnie. "You can"t make me help you."
"Of course not," he said. "That isn"t how it works. But of course you know that," and let me pa.s.s.
I sat on my bed the rest of the shift, holding the real sparker between my hands, waiting till I could tell Jewell what Taber had said to me. But the next shift was sleeping-shift, and the shift after that I played tapper requests for eight hours straight, and most of that time Taber stood by the pian.o.board, flicking imaginary ashes onto my hands.
After the shift Jewell came to ask me whether Jack or anyone else had bothered me, and I did not tell her after all. During the next sleeping-shift I hid the sparker between the mattress and the springs of my bed.
On the waking shifts I kept as close as I could to Jewell, trying to make myself useful to her, trying not to copy the way she walked on her bandaged feet. When I was not playing, I moved among the tappers with gla.s.ses of iced and watered-down liquor on a tray and filled out the account cards for the men who wanted to take girls upstairs. On the off-shifts I learned to work the boards that sent out accounts to Solfatara, and to do the laundry; and after a couple of weeks Jewell had me help with the body checks on the girls. She scanned for perv marks and sot scars as well as the standard CBS every abbey has to screen for. Pearl did not have a mark on her, and I was relieved. I had had an idea that Taber might be torturing her somehow.
Jewell left us alone while I helped her get dressed after the scan, and I said, "Taber is a very bad man. He wants to hurt you."
"I know," she said. She was standing very still while I clipped the row of pearl b.u.t.tons on the back of her dress together.
"Why?"
"I don"t know," she said. "It"s like the sidon."
"You mean he can"t help himself, that he doesn"t know what he"s doing?" I said, outraged. "He knows exactly what he"s doing."
"The tappers used to poke at the sidon with sticks when it was in the cage," she said. "They couldn"t reach it to really hurt it, though, and Taber couldn"t stand that. He made the tapper give him the key to the cage just so he could get to it. Just so he could hurt it. Now why would he want to hurt the sidon?"
"Because it was helpless," I said, and wondered if the man who"d blinded Pearl had been like that. "Because it couldn"t protect itself."
"Jewell and I were in the same happy house on Solfatara," she said. "We had a friend there, a pian.o.board player like you. He was very tall like you, too, and he was the kindest person I ever knew. Sometimes you remind me of him." She walked certainly to the door, as if she were not counting the memorized steps. "A cage is a safe place as long as n.o.body has the key Don"t worry Ruby. He can"t get in." She turned and looked at me. "Will you come and play for me?"
"Yes," I said, and followed her down to the music room. Before the shifts started, while the girls were upstairs dressing, she liked to sit in the white chair and listen to me play. She understood, more than any of the others, that I could only play the songs I had copied from Kovich. Jewell to the end thought I could read music, and Taber even brought me hardcopies from Solfatara. Pearl simply said the names of songs, and I played them. She never asked for one I didn"t know, and I thought that was because she listened carefully to the tappers" requests and my refusals, and I was grateful.
I sat down at the pian.o.board and looked at Pearl in the mirror. I had asked Jewell for the mirror so I could see over my shoulder. I had told her I wanted it so she could signal me songs and breaks and sometimes the rope-cutter if the men got rough or noisy but it was really so I could keep Taber from standing there without my knowing it.
"Back Home," Pearl said. I could hardly hear her over the nitrogen blowers. I began playing it, and Taber came in. He walked swiftly over to her, and then stood quite still, and between my playing and the noise of the blowers, she did not hear him. He stood about half a meter from her, close enough to touch her, but just out of reach if she had put out her hand to try to find him.
He took the cigar out of his mouth and bent down as if he were going to speak to her, and instead he pursed his lips and blew gently at her. I could almost see the smoke. At first she didn"t seem to notice, but then she shivered and drew her shinethread shawl closer about her.
He stopped and smiled at her a moment and then reached out and touched her with the tip of his cigar, lightly, on the shoulder, as if he intended to burn her, and then darted it back out of her reach. She swatted at the air, and he repeated the little pantomime again and again until she stood and put her hands up helplessly against what she could not see. As she did so, he moved swiftly and silently to the door so that when she cried out, "Who is it? Who"s there?" he said in his slow drawl, "Its me, Pearl. I"ve just come in. Did I frighten you?"
"No," she said, and sat back down again. But when he took her hand, she flinched away from him as I had thought she would from me. And all the while I had not missed a beat of the song.
"I just came over to see you for a minute," Taber said, "and to hear your pian.o.board player. He gets better every day doesn"t he?"
Pearl didn"t answer, and I saw in the mirror that her hands lay crossed in her lap again and didn"t move.
"Yes," he said, and walked toward me, flicking imaginary ashes from his unlit cigar onto my hands. "Better and better," he said softly. "I can almost see my face in you, Mirror."
"What did you say?" Pearl said frightenedly.
"I said I"d better go see Jewell a minute about some business and then get back next door. Jack found a new hydrogen tap today, a big one."
He went back through the card room to the kitchen, and I sat at the pian.o.board, watching in the mirror until I saw the kitchen door shut behind him.
"Taber was in the room the whole time," I said. "He was ... doing things to you."
"I know," she said.
"You shouldn"t let him. You should stop him," I said violently, and as soon as I said it, I knew that she knew that I had not stopped him either. "He"s a very bad man," I said.
"He has never locked me in," she said after a minute. "He has never tied me up."
"He has never known how before," I said, and knew it was true. "He wants me to find out for him."
She bent her head to her hands, which still lay crossed at the wrists, almost relaxed, showing nothing of what she was thinking. "And will you?" she said.
"I don"t know."
"He"s trying to get you to copy him, isn"t he?" she said.
"Yes."
"And you think it"s working?"
"I don"t know," I said. "I can"t tell when I"m copying. Do I sound like Taber?"
"No," she said, so definitely that I was relieved. I had listened to myself with an anxious ear, hoping for Jewell"s shortened vowels and tapper slang, waiting in dread for the slow, lazy speech of Taber. I did not think I had heard either of them, but I had been afraid I wouldn"t know if I did.
"Do you know who I"m copying?" I said.
"You walk like Jewell," she said, and smiled a little. "It makes her furious."
It was the end of the shift before I realized that, like my uncle, she had not really answered what I had asked.
Jack"s new tap turned out to be so big that he needed a crew to help put up the compressors, and for several shifts hardly anyone was in the house, including Taber. Because business was so slack, Jewell even let some of the girls go over to the gaming house. Taber didn"t go near the tap, but he didn"t come over quite so often either, and when he did he spent his time upstairs or with Carnie, talking to her in a low voice and clicking the sparker over and over again, as if he could not help himself. Then, once the compressors were set up and the sidon working, the men poured back into St. Pierre, and Taber was too busy to come over at all.
The one time he did find Pearl alone, he said, "It"s Taber, Pearl," almost before I had banged a loud chord on the keys and said, "Taber"s here." He did not have his cigar with him, or his sparker, and he did not even speak to me. Watching Pearl talk to him in the little mirror, her head gracefully turned away from him, her hands quiet in her lap, I could almost believe that he would not succeed, that nothing could hurt her, safe in her blindness.
We were so busy that Jewell hardly spoke to me, but when she did, she told me sharply that if I had nothing better to do than copy her I should tend bar, and set me to pa.s.sing out the watered liquor she had brought out in honor of the new sidon. She did the boards for the week herself while I ran the body checks.
Pearl, naked under the scan, looked calm and unhurt. Carnie had sot-scars under her arms. I did not report her. If Jewell found out, she would send Carnie back to Solfatara, and I wanted Taber to be working on Carnie, giving her sots and trying to get her to help him, because then I could believe he had given up on me. He had not given up on Pearl, I did not dare believe that, but I did not think that he and Carnie alone could hurt her, no matter what they did to her. Not without my help. Not so long as I was copying Jewell.
I told Pearl about Carnie. "I think she"s on sots," I said. We were alone in the music room. Jewell was upstairs, trying to catch up the boards. Carnie was in the kitchen, taking her turn at supper. I saw what looked like scars.
"I know," Pearl said, and I wondered if there was anything she did not see, in spite of her blindness.
"I think you should be careful. It"s Taber that"s giving them to her. He"s using her to hurt you. Don"t tell her anything."
She didn"t say anything, and after a minute I turned back to the pian.o.board and waited for her to name a song.
"I was born in the happy house. My mother worked there. Did you know that?" she said quietly.
"No," I said, keeping my hands spread across the keyboard as though they could support me. I did not look at her.
"I have told myself all these years that as long as no one knew what happened I was safe."
"Doesn"t Jewell know?"
She shook her head. "n.o.body knows. My mother told them he threatened her with the sot-razor, that there was nothing she could do."
The nitrogen blowers kicked on just then, and I jumped at the sound and looked into the mirror. I could see the sidon in the mirror, and standing on its red murdered, skin, Taber. Carnie had let him in through the kitchen and turned the blowers up, and now he stood between the noisy blowers, smiling and flicking imaginary ash onto the carpet beside Pearl"s chair. I took my hands off the keyboard and laid them in my lap. "Carnie"s in the kitchen," I said. "I don"t know if the door"s shut."
"There was a tapper who came to the house," Pearl said. "He was a very bad man, but my mother loved him. She said she couldn"t help herself. I think that was true." For a moment she looked directly into the mirror with her blind eyes, and I willed Taber to click the sparker that I knew he was fingering so that Pearl would hear it and withdraw into her cage, safe and silent.
"It was Christmastime," she said, and the blowers kicked off. Into the silence she said, "I was ten years old, and Jewell gave me a little gold necklace with a pearl on it. She was only fourteen, but she was already working in the house. They had a tree in the music room and there were little lights on it, all different colors, strung on a string. Have you ever seen lights like that, red and green and gold all strung together?"
I thought of the strings of multicolored chemilooms I had seen from the spiraldown, the very first thing I had seen on Paylay. n.o.body has told her, I thought, in all this time n.o.body has told her, and at the thought of the vast cage of kindness built all around her, my hand jerked up and hit the edge of the keyboard, and she heard the sound and looked up.
"Is Taber here?" she said, and my hand hovered above the keyboard.
"No, of course not," I said, and my hand settled back in my lap like the spiraldown coming to rest on its moorings. "I"ll tell you when he comes."
"The tapper sent my mother a dress with lights on it, too, red and green and gold like the tree," Pearl said. "When he came, he said, "You look like a Chrissmiss tree," and kissed her on the cheek. "What do you want for Chrissmiss?" my mother said. "I will give you anything." I can remember her standing there in the lighted dress under the tree." She stopped a minute, and when I looked in the mirror, she had turned her head so that she seemed to be looking straight at Taber. "He asked for me."
"What did he do to you?" I said.
"I don"t remember," she said, and her hands struggled and lay still, and I knew what he had done. He had locked her in, and she had never escaped. He had tied her hands together, and she had never gotten free. I looked down at my own hands, crossed at the wrists like hers and not even struggling.
"Didn"t anyone come to help you?" I said.
"The pian.o.board player," she said. "He beat the door down. He broke both his hands so he could not play anymore. He made my mother call the doctor. He told her he would kill her if she didn"t. When he tried to help me, I ran away from him. I didn"t want him to help me. I wanted to die. I ran and ran and ran, but I couldn"t see to get away."
"Did he kill the tapper who blinded you?" I said.
"While he was trying to find me, my mother let the tapper out the back door. I ran and ran and then I fell down and the pian.o.board player came and held me in his arms until the doctor came. I made him promise to kill the tapper. I made him promise to finish killing me," she said, so softly I could hardly hear her. "But he didn"t."
The blowers kicked on again, and I looked into the mirror, but Taber wasn"t there. Carnie had let him out the back way.
He did not come back for several shifts. When he did, it was to tell Jewell he was going to Solfatara. He told Pearl he would bring her a present and whispered to me, "What do you want for Christmas, Ruby? You"ve earned a present, too."
While he was gone, Jack hit another tap, almost on top of the first one, and Jewell locked up the liquor. The men didn"t want music. They wanted to talk about putting in a double, even a triple tap. I was grateful for that. I was not sure I could play with my hands tied.
Jewell told me to go meet Taber at the mooring, and then changed her mind. "I"m worried about those sotted fools out at Jick"s sidon. Doubletapping. They kidd blow the whole star. You"d bitter stay here and hilp me."
Taber came before the shift. "I"ll bring you your present tonight, Pearl," he said. "I know you"ll like it. Ruby helped me pick it out." I watched the sudden twitching of Pearl"s hands, but my own didn"t even move.
Taber waited almost until the end of the shift, spending nearly half of it in the card room with Carnie leaning heavily over his shoulder. She had already gotten her present. Her eyes were bright from the sot-slice, and she stumbled once against him and nearly fell.
"Bring me a cigar, Ruby," he shouted at me. "And look in the inside jacket pocket. I brought a present back for everybody." Pearl was standing all alone in the middle of the music room, her hands in front of her. I didn"t look at her. I went straight upstairs to my room, got what I needed, and then went back down into the anteroom to where Taber"s tapper jacket was hanging and got the cigar out of Taber"s pocket. His sparker was there, too.
The present was a flat package wrapped in red and green paper, and I took it and the cigar to Taber. He had come into the music room and was sitting in Pearl"s chair. Carnie was sitting on his lap with her arm around his neck.
"You didn"t bring the sparker, Ruby," Taber said. I waited for him to tell me to go and get it. "Never mind," he said. "Do you know what day this is?"
"I do," Carnie said softly; and Taber slid his hand up to hold hers where it lay loosely on his shoulder.
"It"s Chrissmiss Day," he said, p.r.o.nouncing it with the Solfatara accent. He took his hand away from Carnie"s so he could lean back and puff on his cigar, and Carnie took her red, bruised hand in her other one and held it up to her bosom, her sot-bright eyes full of pain. "I said to myself we should have some Chrissmiss songs. Do you know any Chrissmiss songs, Ruby?"
"No," I said, "I didn"t think you would," Taber said. "So I brought you a present." He waved the cigar at me. "Go ahead. Open it."
I pulled the red and green paper off and took out the hardcopies. There were a dozen Christmas songs. I knew them all.
"Pearl, you"ll sing a Chrissmiss song for me, won"t you?" Taber said.
"I don"t know any," she said. She had not moved from where she stood.
"Of course you do," Taber said. "They played them every Chrissmisstime in the happy houses in Solfatara. Come on. Ruby"ll play it for you."
I sat down at the pian.o.board, and Pearl came and stood beside me with her hand on the end of the keyboard. I stood the hardcopies up against the music rack and put my hands on the keyboard.