First.

"I thought maybe we could hit the State Fair." she said, looking down at me. "Don"t you think, Em?"

"Uh, yeah. It"s the last weekend and all."

"Sounds like gobs of fun!" Beth told Casey which way to go, and the blonde skillfully steered the large truck onto the street, and we were off. Beth was good, and kept the conversation away from anything that would be beyond me, and stayed to safer subjects like school, and Colorado, and we both asked Casey questions about England.

It did not take us long to reach the fair grounds. Beth directed Casey to park in the church parking lot across the street, and we walked to the main gate. The three of us stood in line, and I glanced around to see if I saw anyone I knew. Part of me hoped I wouldn"t. I did not want to explain who Casey was. People said enough about Beth as it was.

"So, Emily," my head snapped to see Casey smiling down at me. I hated being short sometimes. I never felt intimidated by Beth"s height, but this girl intimidated the h.e.l.l out of me! "Beth tells me you want to be a lawyer." I glared over at Beth for just a second before turning my attention back to her friend. I smiled and nodded. "Oh, was Beth not to tell me that?" she asked, a worried look crossing her features as she once again looked from me to Beth. Beth shrugged her shoulders, and narrowed her eyes at me.

"No. Not at all. That"s fine." I said finally. Things had started to get uncomfortable, and the blonde had done nothing wrong. "Yes. I do. More than anything." Casey turned back to me, with a lovely smile. Lovely? I never use that word! Ugh.

"That is so wonderful, luv. I am going to be attending Oxford Medical, but for a long time I was torn between the two; Oxford Medical, or Oxford Law. Medical won out, though, I"m afraid." she said with a shrug. We moved forward as the line moved, and Beth paid for all of our tickets, much to my disdain, but she insisted.

Casey looked around the grounds seemingly utterly pleased.

"This is all so charming." she gushed. "How wonderful to have this in your hometown every year." Without discussion Beth and I automatically headed for the concourse to get our ride arm bands. Casey followed our lead, and let the man snap her neon pink band on, and smiled at us both. "What shall we ride first, girls?" she asked, staring at all the rides that surrounded us.

"I wanna do the Zipper!" Beth exclaimed. I glanced over at the ride, the small covered cars that held people flopping every which way, and shook my head.

"Un uh. No way. You know I won"t go upside down, Beth." I said, glaring. She grinned at me.

"Still a chicken, Em?" she asked with a raised brow.

"Absolutely." I stated. Casey chuckled.

"I"m afraid I"m with Emily on this one, luv." she said, placing her hand on Beth"s shoulder. Beth looked disappointed.

"Okay, okay. We can skip it."

"Absolutely not!" Casey said, walking off toward the ride. Beth looked over at me, and I shrugged. What was she doing!? No way was I getting on that thing. I had managed to avoid it for the past fifteen years, and had lived quite a fine life. "Go on then, Beth. We"ll wait for you." Beth looked at the long line, and shook her head.

"Nah. I"ll do it later. The line"s really long, and-"

"Go." Casey said, her eyes narrowed, one long arm pointing. Without another word, Beth headed toward the line of people. I stared at the blonde in amazement. I had never seen anyone get Beth to do anything once she"d set her mind to it. Even I had a tough time.

"How"d you do that?" I asked, incredulous.

"What?" Casey asked, leading us toward a near-by bench. We sat.

"Beth is one of the most stubborn people I have ever known in my entire life." I said, glancing over at my friend, then back to the blonde who was grinning.

"She is, isn"t she?" we both laughed. "Yes, well, t"isn"t very easy, but I am quite persistent, and much more stubborn than she is." she turned to me and winked. I grinned back.

"So, what made you decide to go into medicine instead of law?"

Casey turned to me, and we began the most intense, interesting discussion about law, and the good and bad of it in the United States. She was incredibly insightful, and even explained some of the practices of Europe. I watched her as she talked, watched how she moved, and suddenly it dawned on me. She and I were a lot alike. We thought much the same way, and saw things much the same way, especially where law and politics were concerned. I could have easily imagined her in a court room, standing before the members making her summation, and convincing all present of her case. She had charisma, intelligence, and the innocent face of an angel.

As I watched her talk, I realized that though she"d decided on medicine, she"d be just as good at that. Her likeability was immense, as well as her obvious compa.s.sion and kindness. She told me of her mother"s dying from MS, and how she had stayed by her bedside, working with the doctors and nurses, learning their trade, and the thought of being able to help someone live, be the force behind their survival, or help their death"s be as painless as possible, had been her determining factor. I saw what Beth saw, and I understood. My anger and jealousy with Beth dissipated with each word Casey spoke, and each touch of my arm or knee as she explained something, or to emphasize a point. She was an incredible human being, and I felt honored to have been able to meet and talk to her. I felt at peace.

Until I caught them by the bathrooms.

I watched as Rebecca slept, her feature still and peaceful. Her breathing was even and regular, so I laid down next to her on my back, my arms over my head. Instinctively she cuddled up next to me, her head resting upon my breast, arm across my stomach. I reached down and absently ran my fingertips over the smooth skin of her forearm as I stared up at the dark ceiling.

After a long afternoon of going horse from screaming on rides like the Arctic Express, the Sea Dragon, and b.u.mper Cars, we all decided to get some lunch. Baskets of cheeseburgers and fries in hand, we found a spot of gra.s.s under the shade of some tall trees. We laughed and joked, occasionally throwing a fry or two, mostly Casey and I ganging up on Beth. She never got mad; she just got even.

"You wouldn"t. No, Beth, please, no!" I cried out as the cold water from Beth"s cup spilled over my head, and ran down my face and neck. The chunks of ice settled nicely in my bra and in my lap. Beth tossed the cup into a near-by trash can with a triumphant smile as she plopped down on the gra.s.s again. I glared at her from under sopping bangs. "I cannot believe you did that. You are evil, Beth. Do you know that?"

"Yup." she grinned, leaning back on her hands. Casey glanced from one to the other with a bewildered smile on her face.

"I can"t believe you just did that to your best friend, luv." she breathed, taking in my wet T-shirt, and shorts.

"I warned her not to throw that fry."

"Well yes, but," one look at Beth told Casey all she needed to know. "Well, perhaps I should watch myself then." Beth winked at her.

We managed to find a bathroom near the Bud tent, and I hurried in to try and dry as much of myself as I could. The day was hot, and the water had actually felt good, but wearing a wet, white shirt was not high on my list of top priorities in life. I smiled and shook my head as I stared at myself in the mirror. I had no comb with me, and did I ever need one. I ran my fingers through the tangled strands as best I could before pulling it all back into a tail. With one final glance, I walked out of the bathroom into the late afternoon heat again. Beth and Casey were not where they had been when I"d gone in. Drawing my brows, I looked around when I heard a low giggle coming from behind the building that backed up to a dark alley made up of trailers from big rigs and tents. I followed the noise, and stopped cold. Beth was pushed up against the side of a green trailer, Casey pressed against her, their hands roaming as they kissed pa.s.sionately. I could only stare, not sure what to think. My eyes darted down to Beth"s hand as she reached down and cupped one side of the blonde"s b.u.t.t, pulling their bodies closer together. Casey moaned softly.

I wanted to leave, to just walk away and pretend I had seen nothing, but I could not move. Beth had told me about the nature of her relationship with Casey, but deep down I had not believed it, had tried to see Casey as just a friend of Beth"s, and no more. But then it was before my eyes in living color. No pretending on that one. Beth and Casey were lovers. Then that meant that Beth was, that Beth was....

I turned and walked out of that darkened alley, and headed back toward the crowds that bustled about, wanting to be with them, be where I understood, and felt comfortable. I stood just at the edge of the main-beaten path, my arms crossed over my chest as I tried to catch my breath. I felt a hand gently lay on my shoulder, but did not turn toward the owner.

"Em. Em, please look at me." I couldn"t. I shook my head, and looked down at my sandals. "Em, please." Beth"s voice was soft, and somewhat shaky. "I"m sorry. You weren"t meant to see that." I swallowed back my shock.

"It"s okay, Beth." I whispered. "Not a big deal."

I could feel her eyes on me as she studied me, weighing my words against what she knew of me. Finally she spoke, lightly squeezing my shoulder.

"I guess we kinda need to talk when we get home, huh."

"If you want to, Beth. We don"t need to. I understand."

"Do you?"

I finally glanced up at her, saw the tortured look in those blue eyes. I smiled a bit. Did I? No. Not really.

"I don"t know. I think I"m a little confused right now." she nodded.

"Fair enough."

BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPSMACK!.

I sat up with a groan. I hated that d.a.m.n alarm clock. With red, heavy eyes I looked around our dark room. Isn"t the sun supposed to be up by, I glanced at the clock, four in the morning? Oh, G.o.d. I plopped back into the pillows.

"What time is it?" Rebecca mumbled as she cuddled up against me, her warm breath tickling my neck.

"Early. Entirely too early." I answered, running my fingers through her hair.

"I thought so." she muttered. She hugged my side tighter as I continued to stroke her hair, which could nearly hypnotize her. She sighed contentedly. "You know you"re going to give me a fro if you keep doing that." she mumbled nearly unintelligible into my neck. I chuckled, and kissed the top of her head. "We"re supposed to get up about now, aren"t we?"

"Yup." I breathed with a sigh. She groaned again, but pushed herself up so that she lay over me, her weight supported by her arms.

"How are you this morning, baby?" she asked, brushing a few stray strands away from my face. I rubbed small circles into her back.

"I"m okay. Didn"t sleep much last night."

"Sweetie." she whispered, leaning down to gently kiss me. I hugged her to me, needing to feel her warmth and strength.

I had tried to lighten up the mood of the day as best I could, but by time we reached Beth"s house, the day was lost. Both Beth and Casey were uncharacteristically quiet. They did not touch each other, or really look at each other. I may have been totally confused about how I felt, but I did not want them to have to feel they had to walk on egg sh.e.l.ls around me. It was my problem to figure out, and I could be adult enough to do it.

Casey cut the engine of the truck, and we all sat in the truck for a few moments, no one saying a word. I held my breath, not sure what would happen next. Finally Beth broke the silence.

"Em, come with me." she opened her door, and helped me get out of the ma.s.sive cab, then lead me down the street. I knew where we were going, and walked along side her, both basking in the early evening breeze that had started to ease the heat of the day.

"I had fun today, Beth." I said as we turned onto the path that would lead us to the Bowl. She turned to me with a partial smile and nodded.

"Me, too."

We went to our regular spot, and both plopped down onto the rock lip of the creek. I stayed quiet as I could almost hear the thoughts whirling around Beth"s mind. She just needed a moment to collect them and find a good place to start.

"You know, lately I"ve been thinking a lot about things. How different we are from when we were kids." she turned to me with that crooked grin I loved so much. "Remember when we were like eleven or twelve, and we went camping with Billy?"

"Yeah." I smiled. "We had fun."

"Yes we did." Beth picked a handful of rocks, and one by one began to toss them into the still water, causing ripples to spread out, and eventually disappear. "Remember when I asked you if we"d still be friends when we got older?" I nodded, watching the light bounce over the tiny waves.

"I said we"d be friends forever." I mumbled absently.

"Do you still believe that?"

I looked over at her for a short minute, just taking in how she looked at that moment; the dying rays of the sun had somehow managed to come down from the Heavens and capture all that was Beth. It"s brilliant light brought out the red highlights in her dark hair, the breeze picking up strands, holding them out to create a halo of gold around her face. She was beautiful. I stared into her eyes, and nodded with a smile. She smiled back.

"I hope so." she turned back to the water and continued to throw her rocks. "You know, you really weren"t supposed to see that today. I"m sorry. Things just kind of got out of hand." I chuckled quietly.

"It happens, I guess." I couldn"t help but think back to that night during New Year"s. Apparently she had not forgotten about it, either.

"I think we already found that out, though, didn"t we?" I turned and met her gaze, and nodded. We both smiled; a secret smile that only we knew the answer to.

"So, you"re really into girls, huh?" she nodded without hesitation.

"Completely." she turned and stared over the tree tops as the sun disappeared altogether. "I think I always knew, just didn"t know the words to say, you know?" she turned back to me.

"I think I always knew, too."

We hurried around the house to make sure that we had everything, and that Simon had enough food and water to last for a few days, and hurried out to the garage to load up the Pathfinder.

The early morning air was bone chillingly cold as Rebecca pulled out of our neighborhood, and got us heading out to La Guardia Airport. I sipped from my travel mug of coffee as I stared out the side window, watching the dark shops pa.s.s until we hit the freeway, and then saw nothing but cement bridges, and street lights along with the small flow of traffic that ebbed around us. In another hour or so these streets would be packed with people commuting to work. Even on a Sat.u.r.day. I listened as my lover talked about her Biology II cla.s.s, and a student she had that she suspected was a lesbian, and struggling with it.

"It"s hard being young." I said. Isn"t that the truth.

Three days before Beth and I were to start high school, Casey left to fly home. Early in the afternoon before she left, she came to my house, and asked me to walk with her. I gladly accepted.

We strolled down our street, and turned toward the neighborhood park, all the while she asked me different questions about certain houses that caught her eye, or asked who the family walking on the sidewalk on the opposite side of the street was. Finally we hit the park, and headed toward the swings.

"I"m so glad I came here." she said quietly, watching some birds play in a near-by tree.

"Me, too." I said with a smile, which she returned.

"Beth spoke so highly of you, I couldn"t wait to meet you. You don"t know how deeply she loves and values you, Emily. It"s quite extraordinary the friendship the two of you share at such a young age." She was quiet for a moment, then spoke again, her voice low, serious. "Emily, I fear Beth will go through a great struggle in the next few years. I once knew a girl like her in high school. Wanda, was her name. Sure on the outside, but not so sure on the inside." she looked at me to make sure I was paying attention. I hung on her every word. "Wanda killed herself during our junior year. I suppose why I"m telling you this is because Beth is young. She found who she really is at a young age, and will be very alone for awhile. She is strong, but Emily, please don"t give up on her. Stay by her side, and support her."

"I always have." I said quietly. She smiled, and gently tapped my chin with a finger.

"I know. You and your family have helped her through so much. Lord knows that mother of hers is a complete hag." she hopped off the swing, and reached for my hand. We walked around the park for a bit, hand in hand. "Can I write to you sometimes?" I looked up at her and smiled.

"Yeah. I"d like that."

"Great. Me, too." she stopped us, and leaned down to plant a small kiss on my cheek. "It was a pleasure to meet you, Emily. Do take care of yourself."

"I will. You, too, okay?"

"Did you ever hear from her again?" Rebecca asked, as we waited at a stop light. I glanced over at her, and nodded.

"Yeah. She wrote off and on for about two years, then not a word. Never knew what happened to her, or where she ended up."

We sat at our gate, our two carry-on bags at our feet. Rebecca worked on some papers that she had to grade, and didn"t want to have to worry about over the weekend, and I stared out the huge windows into the early morning that was still dark. I stared at my reflection in the window, my image hazy and double edged.

With a sigh I glanced down at the book I had brought, but sighed again as I could not concentrate on the words or the story, having read the page I was on three times already. I stared out the window again.

My eyes opened, and I blinked several times as the bright, early morning light streamed in through my curtains, and into my eyes.

"Ugh." I muttered, as I glanced over at the clock across the room. It was almost seven. Time to get up. The first day of high school. As the thought entered my mind, I felt a wave of excitement and nerves fill me. With strong resolve, I slid my legs over the side of the bed, and planted my feet on the floor, then tried to remember what it had been that had woken me up in the first place. With drawn brows, I walked over to the window, and looked down to find my aunt"s car in the drive. What on earth was she doing here so early? Shouldn"t she be at work? With a shrug, I let the curtains fall back into place, and headed for the closet.

As a Freshman, I had to make a statement on the first day; let those upper cla.s.smen know who they were dealing with. I frowned as I pondered this. Just who were they dealing with? Emily Thomas, Freshman extraordinaire. But then, why should they care about that? Darla"s words bounced around in my head, then I realized that Darla was full of s.h.i.t. Beth was right. I just wanted to be me.

I picked out a pair of comfortable blue jeans, and a plain, white sleeveless top. Not too flashy, not too boring. In all honesty, I did not want to stick out. Well, not yet, anyway. Let a girl get used to her surroundings, first.

Feeling pretty good with my long, blonde hair pulled back into a tight tail, my backpack hanging from one shoulder, I made my way down the stairs, and into the kitchen where my mom and Kitty sat at the table and talked quietly over coffee. The conversation seemed serious as their heads were nearly pushed together, nose to nose.

I stood in the doorway and watched them for a second, waiting for one of them to spot me, and tell me whether I could go in or not. I did not want to interrupt one of their infamous, top-secret talks. No one bothered, so I had to resort to my own methods.

I cleared my throat softly, to no avail. It must be serious. I cleared it again, a bit louder. Still no go.

"Ahem!" My mother looked up first, Aunt Kitty looking away as she wiped one of her eyes with a napkin, then looked up at me. I smiled as sweetly as I could. "Uh, sorry to bother you. You looked so intent on your conversation and all,"

"Oh, honey. I"m sorry." My mother said, reaching for me. I drew my brows in confusion, but went to her to find myself being engulfed in a monster, one-armed hug. "Is everything okay?" I asked, pulling away, and looking down at them both. Kitty smiled, but I could tell she"d been crying. Her normally bright green eyes were dull and bloodshot.

"Yeah. Everything"s fine." My mother said brightly. "Want some breakfast, baby?"

"Nah." I muttered, heading over to the fridge for my lunch that I had packed the night before.