"I had no idea, Mom. None. I had no idea that she was sick. Did she tell you she was?"
"Yes."
"What!" I sat up in my chair, my hand flying from my eyes. "Why didn"t you tell me?"
"Would it have mattered, Emily?" I sighed again. I looked out the window. Alison had moved to her small front yard, her thin jacket blowing away from her bent over body by the increasing gusts of wind as she pulled some stray weeds.
"No. And to be even more honest, I"ll never forgive myself. I wasted my last chance, Mom. Once again I wasted my chance. She needed me, and I couldn"t be there. I slunk away from her. Again." My voice began to quiver as the emotions sailed to the surface.
"What do you mean, Emmy? Again?" my mother asked, her voice confused.
"Nothing. Look, I"d better go. I was just about to order our plane tickets off the net when you called."
"You know, that must be so handy having a second phone line for the Internet. I keep trying to get your father to get a second line here."
"What, so your Solitaire game won"t be interrupted?" I grinned.
"Hey, don"t knock it, kiddo. I am the neighborhood champion, you know." I chuckled.
" So what time? When?" I asked, turning serious again.
"What? The funeral? Uh, hang on. I have it right here." Francis Thomas paused for a moment. I could hear the shuffling of newspaper in the background. "Okay, here we go. It is Monday afternoon. The service is at the graveside. Uh, it starts at three."
"Where?" I held my breath.
"Pioneer Cemetery." I closed my eyes again.
"Okay. Talk to you later, Mom." I clicked the off b.u.t.ton, and set the phone down on the desk harder than I intended to.
"I thought my great-grandmother"s funeral went really good. I didn"t really know her, though. So where do you think you"d want to be buried?" I asked Beth as I climbed up onto the top of the monkey bars. She dug the toes of her tennis shoes into the gravel at her feet as she twisted the swing first to her left, then to her right, the heavy chain twisted like a rope in front of her nose..
"Pioneer. It"s the oldest cemetery in Pueblo."
"Really?"
"Yup. But I am no way gonna be buried here. No way!" she exclaimed as she let go of the chain, her swing sharply twisting to the left, then smoothly to the right before stilling in the middle again. She grinned. "Have you ever been there?"
"Nope." I said as I hooked the back of my knees onto the bar I"d been sitting on, and let myself fall through the opening between the bars. My hair fanned out under me, my arms reaching for the ground that seemed just out of reach.
"We should go there." Beth said, her voice wistful.
"Why? Ugh!" I exclaimed as I pulled myself back up with my stomach muscles.
"Because. It"s peaceful. It"s beautiful, and full of history."
"Hm." I said thoughtfully. With a shrug I said, "Okay. We"ll go there someday."
The midday Friday traffic was grading on my nerves. With an exasperated groan I swung my Taurus off the main road, and decided to take the back route. This city amazed me. No matter what time of day or night, the highways were so overloaded with traffic that road rage never surprised me, and in fact I could relate.
I knew that Friday"s at this hour Rebecca had a chemistry cla.s.s, and they would be doing a lab. Rebecca should be able to talk for a couple of minutes if I stopped on my way to Wal-Mart.
My conversation with my mother a couple hours before was playing through my mind, again twisting my nerves into knots. I could not believe Beth had told my mother about her sickness, but not me. There was a time when I would have been the first person she went to. The first to know, the first to comfort. Sadly, I realized, that time had come and gone many years ago. Then my thoughts went back to that day in the park. Did she call me there to tell her? Had my apathy toward the entire situation made her hold her tongue? These were questions I would never know the answers to.
With a sigh I grabbed a CD from the portable carrier, and slipped it into the car"s player. Immediately my nerves settled as the soothing tones of Sarah Brightman coaxed my mood to relax. I began to sing along with the angelic voice as she sang "All I Ask", a duet with Cliff Richards. The tune from Phantom of the Opera filled the confines of the car as I cranked the volume, losing myself, and forgetting about Beth for the first time in two days.
"How the h.e.l.l can you listen to that opera c.r.a.p?" I had asked, my brows drawn, hands on my hips as I watched Beth, her eyes closed, brows raising and falling with each climatic chord of La Traviata. She let out a long, slow breath as the aria came to an end and hit stop on her ca.s.sette player. She turned to me with a raised brow.
"Have you ever listened to it?"
"No."
"Come here." she pushed play as she grabbed my hand to stop me from running out of her room. The man"s tenor filled the small, dark room, and my ears.
"This sucks,"
"No, Em. Don"t you hear it?"
"Yeah, and it sucks!" I tried to pull away, but she kept me in an iron grip.
"No, don"t just hear it, Em. Really feel it. Let it enter you, and fill you up inside." she turned to face me. "Close your eyes." I just stared at her like she was crazy, my arms crossed over my chest. "Please? For me? Do this, and if you don"t like it, you never have to hear it again. Okay?"
"Fine." I closed my eyes with a heavy sigh.
"Now, listen to what he"s saying." Beth said close to my ear, her voice soft and wistful.
"I don"t know what he"s saying. He"s singing in Italian."
"You don"t have to understand the words, Em. Just understand the music and the emotion behind it."
Still determined that she had lost her mind, but I listened anyway, and suddenly I knew what Beth was talking about. I felt a chill run down my spine, and my chest literally expanded with emotion, as if I had just taken a deep breath even though I couldn"t breath at all. As his voice rose in his anguish, so did my eyebrows, and my heart rate. I felt his sorrow, his loss. Before I could do anything to stop it, I felt twin tears slip out of my eyes, lazily sliding down my cheeks to be followed by two others. I couldn"t stop. The music rose to a hypnotic pitch, his voice leading the way up the hill, only to fall down the other side, slowly fading away until all I heard was the ringing in my own ears.
My eyes slowly opened to see Beth staring at me intently, waiting for my reaction. I could not speak as I felt my nose wrinkle and my eyes squeeze shut as more tears came in an all out sob. Beth smiled understanding, and gathered me into her arms.
"It"s okay, Em. Pretty powerful stuff, huh?" I nodded as I continued to hiccup against her chest. "It got me the first time, too. Still does sometimes."
"It"s amazing. Better then therapy." I finally managed. I could feel her chuckle vibrate against the side of my head.
PART 3.
I PULLED INTO the visitor"s parking lot of Rebecca"s school and turned everything off, glanced up at the large red brick building that was Bovine High. I made my way toward the front doors of the ma.s.sive high school, my hands buried in the deep pockets of my coat, my head bent against the brisk wind.
"How are you doing, Frank?" I asked the security guard who held his post at the double front doors.
"How goes it, Emily? Cold one today, eh?"
"You know it." I smiled at the older man, and entered the building. The halls were mostly deserted as the second to the last cla.s.s of the day was half into it. I could hear the click clack of someone"s high heels in an unseen hallway to my left. I removed my bulky London Fog and carried it in my arms as I headed toward the third floor where my lover"s cla.s.sroom was.
"Ms. Kelly? I need your help over here. This isn"t turning out right." One of the students was saying as I walked through the open doorway of Rebecca"s room.
"Okay, Brian. Hang on a minute." I spotted the woman with the dark red hair that I loved to run my hands through, it"s thick, silky strands running through my fingers. She looked stunning in her green mid-calve skirt that hugged her hips just so and creamy silk blouse. She had removed the matching green jacket at some point in the day. She was bent over looking into a microscope, her very shapely legs ran smoothly out from underneath the fabric of the skirt, and slid easily into cream colored heels, the strong calf muscles defined and delicious.
I leaned against the doorframe with my arms crossed over my chest and stared in appreciation. I was so proud of Rebecca. When we had met nearly six years ago she had been a teller at a bank during the day, and was taking cla.s.ses at night to earn her teaching degree. I had not only fallen in love with the woman, but also her drive, and her dedication to anything she did. She was breathtaking in every way.
When as a young woman her mother had emigrated from Ireland to the United States, she had met Rebecca"s father shortly after, and had become pregnant. Rebecca"s mother, Shannon was soon after abandoned by him, leaving Shannon to give birth to her daughter alone, and eventually raise her alone. Shannon never married, wanting to give all her time and energy to her only child. Rebecca and her mother had been very close, and she had been devastated when her mother had died three years earlier.
"Ms. Kelly, someone is here." I straightened when I heard my presence being announced by some nasal sounding girl. Rebecca looked over her shoulder and smiled.
"I"ll be right back, Carrie." she said with a light pat on the arm to the student that she had been helping. She walked over to me. Her sensual eyes that were either blue or green, or sometimes both, depending on what she was wearing, were a deep emerald green to match the suit she wore. She wore no make-up, the peaches and cream complexion of a true red head, seemed to glow.
"Hey, you." she said, her voice low and sultry, for my ears only, bringing back memories from that morning. "This is a surprise." I grinned sheepishly, feeling conspicuous with thirty-five pairs of eyes staring at us.
"I got our tickets today. American, just under nine hundred, round-trip."
"Not too bad." she said. "La Guardia?" I nodded.
"My mother called today, too. The funeral is Monday at three."
"When is our flight?" she asked as she subconsciously tucked a restless wisp of my hair behind my ear.
"Tomorrow at six-fifteen in the morning. I figured that by time we got there, it"ll be early enough that I can do any visiting and get it out of the way." Rebecca looked at me strange. "What?"
"Honey, you haven"t been back to Colorado in years, and yet you feel that it"s a burden to see them?" I stared at her completely oblivious as to why she might be surprised. She could see my confusion, and led me a little further out into the hall. "Emily, do you know what I would give if I could just hop on a plane, and go see my mother?" I sighed and glanced down at my fidgeting hands for a moment before I felt my chin being nudged up. I met her gaze. "You take your family for granted. And your friends." I stared, incredulous. Her features softened, and she briefly took my hand, squeezing my fingers. "So how are?"
"I"m okay." I said quietly, her words bouncing around in my mind. "I"ll get through this It"s just kind of a shock, you know?"
"Ms. Kelly, is this stuff supposed to smoke?" one of the students asked from the black science tables, as he stared down at a Bunsen Burner.
"Oh, boy." She said with a look of apology in her eyes. "I better get back in there. Where are you off to now?"
"Wal-Mart. I need to pick us up some of those little travel doodads. Do you need anything?" Rebecca shook her head and moved in close to me and whispered in my ear.
"Just you." She gave me a kiss on the neck. "I"ll be a little late. Dr. Landis wants me to stop by his office when I get out of school."
"Why? Is everything okay?" I asked, my brows drawn with concern.
"Fine. I"m not real sure what he wants. I"ll tell you all about it tonight." And with a soft smile to ease my worry, she walked back into her cla.s.s. I watched her for a moment, not able to take my eyes off of the way her b.u.t.t moved under the skirt, the sway of her hips.
"Who was that woman?" I heard that same nasal voiced girl ask as I headed back down the hall. I grinned.
As usual, I had to park clear out in the Antarctic in the Wal-Mart parking lot. Sam Walton sure knew what he was doing when he opened the chain. The bitter cold tried to sneak in around my coat, biting at the exposed skin of my neck and up my sleeves to my arms. I was shivering by time I reached the double doors of the store. I nodded to the old man who stood at the door handing out carts and smiling at people, and headed toward Health and Beauty Aids to get what we needed.
"No! Beth, I, oomph." I sucked in my breath as the giant teddy bear flew into my stomach. "You"re going to pay for that!" I picked up a previously thrown Nerf football, pulled my arm back to launch, when the ball was taken out of my hand from behind. I turned to see a man standing over me, his brows drawn, and an extremely not-happy look on his face.
"You two need to leave." He hissed. I looked back to Beth who was trying to not break out in hysterical laughter, then I looked around me at the isle that was filled with stuffed animals, b.a.l.l.s, and a rubber pool toy that littered the floor around our feet so thick, the white tile could barely be seen. I turned back to the disgruntled employee, and gave him my best, most innocent smile only to have him lift his arm, and point toward the direction of the front door. Beth and I ran out of the store followed by our giggles.
I chuckled as I loaded my cart with mini bottles of shampoo, and travel cases for soap and tooth brushes.
Darla Newman had invited me over for a movie night while her parents were out, but I refused to go unless Beth could go, too. Finally Darla had agreed.
"No. don"t make me, Em. Please?" Beth pleaded as she lay on my bed on her stomach, my trusty teddy, Ruffles in her arms. She watched as I sat on the floor in front of my full-length mirror, brushing my hair.
"Beth, you leave in what, like four days? I want to spend as much time with you as I can." I said, sticking a barrette in my mouth as I pulled one side of my hair back with my hands.
"But does that have to mean at Darla"s house?" she groaned as she buried her face in Ruffles thick, brown fur. "That chick is strange, and she does not like me." She rolled over onto her back, pulling the bear with her, and stared up at the ceiling, connecting the little dots of insulation thingamajigs with her finger. I glanced at her through the mirror.
"Come on, Beth. She"s not that bad. It"ll be fun."
"Yeah, so was Auschwitz." She mumbled.
I ignored her comment, and tucked my pink polo shirt into my shorts and lifted the collar so it framed my neck, and the very bottom of my chin. Beth looked at me through narrowed eyes, and turned back to her stomach.
"You"ve never wore you shirt like that before. I don"t think I"ve ever even seen you in a shirt like that before." She sat up.
"It"s Darla"s. Do you like it?" I asked, standing, and turning around to face her, my arms out to the sides, palms up in expectation.
"Can do without the pink."
"I knew you"d say that." I muttered as I turned back to the mirror, putting the last couple of touches to my bangs that were feathered back, adding a final sprits of Aqua Net.
"Then why did you ask?" Beth grabbed Ruffles and hugged him again, looking at my reflection critically.
"I don"t know. Maybe I thought for once I"d get a straight answer out of you, or something." I added some light pink bubble gum lip gloss, smacking my lips together.
"You smell like a gumball machine." She said, wrinkling her nose. "Em, you look so much better when you go just as yourself, without all that c.r.a.p." I turned to look at her, my hands on my hips. I could feel the att.i.tude that I dawned like a cloak when around Darla Newman, slide into place.
"Well, I really don"t care what you think, Beth. I happen to like all that c.r.a.p. Is that okay with you?" she looked at me for a moment, surprised washed briefly over her face before she became expressionless again.
"Since when." She muttered as she tossed Ruffles aside, and stood from the bed. "Fine. So, are you done? If I have to do this, I want to get it over with as soon as possible." I watched as she walked out of the bedroom, stunned.
"Emily! Hi!" Darla exclaimed when she opened the front door to her house. She looked as if she was not expecting company, and was beyond thrilled at the surprise. I was slightly annoyed at how fake she could be sometimes.. I looked over at Beth in time to see her roll her eyes. "I see you brought your little friend." She turned to Beth, a smile plastered to her face. "Beth, isn"t it?"
"Yup. Since the day I was born." I glared at her. Darla looked down to take in Beth"s faded blue jeans that were getting thin in the knees, and her scuffed cowboy boots that were planted wide, as if she were waiting for a fight. Dark eyes traveled back up to see the tight, black tank Beth wore that showed her tanned, muscled arms crossed over her chest. She briefly took in the worn Broncos cap, and finally stopped at annoyed, vibrant blue eyes that met her gaze with a raised brow in a silent challenge. Darla"s focus immediately turned back to me.
"Come on in. Hurry before we let any flying or crawly things in." she turned away from us, and disappeared into the dark house.
"Does that count the residence?" Beth muttered as she followed. I stifled a grin.
The Newman house was one of the biggest in the neighborhood, and looked out of place next to all the smaller, two and three bedroom homes that surrounded it. Darla had happily told me one day that her house had "approximately six and one half bedrooms, and three bathrooms. Oh, four if you count the little half bath Daddy put in last year."
The Newman"s were a pretentious, pompous group of people who had lots of money, and even more arrogance. I often wondered why I hung out with her at all. Beth asked me that question often. Ma parents seemed to approve, and I knew that through Darla I would get to know the right people once we hit high school. The right group would be helpful in getting into important clubs that looked good for college. I had already decided that the next four years would be dedicated to getting the best grades, and getting the best scholarships I could. Being a lawyer was an obsession. Besides, it looked better.
"Em, who gives a d.a.m.n what your folks thing of Darla? She is a little rich b.i.t.c.h." Beth had said one night, her vibrant blue eyes fire. "You have got to learn that what other people think is not that important. What do they know, anyway? Sometimes I don"t think I"m heading where you"re heading." That had made me hear hurt, mostly because I knew Beth spoke the truth.
"So do you guys want anything to drink? Eat? Candy? Ice cream? Chocolate?" We followed the sound of Darla"s voice and ended up in the kitchen where the only source of light was that coming out of the open fridge.
"I"ll take a cols." I said brightly finding one of the barstools, and plopping down. Beth looked at me as if she wasn"t quite sure what to do. I indicated that she should sit on the stool next to mine.
"I don"t want-"