He tried, then said, "No-but what does it matter? I don"t think it"s permanent... but if it is, I can get along as well as you can without it."
"Rimon, you"re taking it too lightly," Kadi began.
"Baby, I have spent the past four years in varying degrees of misery. If I wasn"t in need, I was feeling rotten after a kill. Can"t you see it"s worth anything to escape from that?"
He got up, stretched, and looked down at himself. "You changed my clothes."
"You had convulsions. I cleaned you up as best I could." But she hadn"t been able to do a really good job of it.
Hearing the attractive sound of a waterfall off to one side, he said, "Ah... water. Come on, Kadi!" The fall was hardly more than a trickle cascading into a tiny pool. Rimon stripped and showered, shivering at the cold of the water, but enjoying it. When Kadi came near, he jumped out, dripping, and grabbed her playfully. She ducked away from him and ran back toward camp. Wolf joined the chase, barking merrily. Rimon caught Kadi and picked her up. "See? Now you"re gonna get dunked!"
She struggled and kicked, and he let her escape long enough to strip off her clothes before Rimon caught her again and tossed her into the pool.
Wolf decided to join them, splashing around while Rimon tried to keep his footing on the slippery bottom of the pool as Kadi struggled playfully to escape. He slipped and went down backwards, and she squirmed free, soaked through, turning to laugh at the sight of Rimon sitting in the pool, "grinning, while Wolf climbed out and shook, spraying both of them.
They stared at one another, laughing too hard to breathe. Then Kadi offered Rimon a hand, bracing herself lest he pull her back into the pool. He came out and leaned on her, still laughing. "Oh, Kadi, Kadi, we haven"t laughed like that since we were kids," he gasped. "Remember-remember when we all used to sneak off to swim in the river on hot days?"
"The Krazy Kids," Kadi agreed.
"What happened to us?"
"Rimon," she said painfully, "you know what happened."
The laughter drained from him. He sat down heavily on the soft gra.s.s beside the pool, pulling Kadi down with him.
"Yes," he said, "I know what happened... but why did it have to happen? Why did Yahn have to turn into... Nerob? And Zeth. Why-" He choked over a sob. "Oh, Kadi, why? Why did I have to kill Zeth? Why couldn"t it have been-have been-"
Kadi held him, supporting him as she always had when Zeth haunted him. And when his racking sobs subsided, she said, "It wasn"t your fault, Rimon. You couldn"t help it." How often she had said those words over the years...
For the first time, Rimon suddenly understood. "I know that, Kadi." The slow marvel spread through him. "It wasn"t my fault___"
She hugged him tightly.
He struggled free and looked at her closely. "It"s not guilt this time. It"s grief. I can mourn Zeth at last because I know I was the cause of his death, but no more responsible than an avalanche or a forest fire is responsible for killing. I can think about it clearly now. Remember, I told you that-that time with Zeth, it was good during that first moment?"
"Don"t think about it, Rimon. It"s over."
"Yes, it"s over, Kadi. So I can think about it now because... I felt that same good feeling with you today. But not just for a moment-the whole time was good. And that goodness did something to me-I don"t know. It"s as if as if, because of Zeth, I didn"t have to kill you. Oh, I can"t explain it. I just feel it. Zeth didn"t die in vain."
"I think I know what you mean," Kadi whispered, and something awakened a flicker of that delicious satisfaction he had been seeking so frantically all his adult life, only to find it right under his nose.
"Yes, I think maybe you do understand. Kadi, Zeth was Sime. He couldn"t give up his selyn to me. But you could -because you"re Gen. And that"s what Gens are really for -not like Nerob, not like the Wild Gens. Like you."
"Rimon-do you really understand what happened to us?"
"You weren"t afraid-that"s all. You wanted to give me your selyn. Those two facts I"m dead sure of, because I felt them. Beyond that-the physical aspects-I don"t really remember exactly what happened. Here, let me see..."
He took her in killmode position, although for the first time he had no reason to seek her touch except curiosity. As his laterals touched her skin, he felt her respond with pleasure that swept through him with a relaxing warmth. Concentrating, he pressed his lips to hers. The tiniest trickle of fresh selyn pa.s.sed between them, awakening in Kadi a pale echo of the wild joy that had consumed her before. Experimenting, he found that with the slightest effort, he could stop that flow, control it.
But then he became peculiarly aware of Kadi"s physical closeness, the clean smell of her wet hair, the coolness of her skin beneath his hands and tentacles. For the first time, he noticed his bare thigh pressed against hers... and how exciting that suddenly became as his lips softened upon hers.
His hands loosened of their own accord, slipping up to caress her shoulders, her back, his tentacles exploring her skin. "Ohhhh-you feel so good. Why haven"t I ever noticed how good you feel?" His lips buried in her hair, he whispered fiercely, "Kadi? Kadi, what"s happening to me? I"ve never felt like this before. It"s like... like hunger, but-"
"I know," she whispered back. "Me, too-"
They knew what they wanted, but only vaguely how to go about it. Then they found each other, and Rimon was lost in feelings. Kadi met his rhythm as if their hearts beat together, surging in a wave of snared pleasure to a euphoric peak... to fall into sweet contentment in one another"s arms.
For a long time they lay still, but the sun was setting, and the air began to cool. Kadi shivered. "Come on," said Rimon, "let"s go back to the fire."
They left the soft bed of gra.s.s beside the pool, picked up their clothes, and returned to their campsite to curl up together under a blanket, as they had done so many times before. But it was not like any time before. Rimon"s arms were locked about Kadi, and he knew that all his strength existed only to protect her.
He was too happy to fall asleep yet, and so was she.
After a time, he said, "You are so beautiful, Kadi. I can"t understand it. You seem to have that same glow a Sime has after a kill!"
She pulled herself up on one elbow to look at him. "You mean you can zlin again?"
He paused, searching. "Yes! Yes, I can, but-it"s like normal now. I can, but I just don"t want to. I only want to look at you like a child-there"s a purity in that, you know."
She regarded him critically. "You know, I think you have that same post-kill glow, too. I can"t recall ever seeing you look like that before."
He nodded. "I feel... right, for the first time I can remember. Kadi, you"ve given me what I"d been looking for all my life! Only I didn"t know what it was until today. But-it won"t be just us. You weren"t afraid-and you didn"t die! Simes don"t have to kill! Gens don"t have to die! I didn"t kill, and I feel better than I"ve ever felt in my life. It"s a whole new way of life, Kadi!"
She laughed. "Rimon, it"s our old way of life-our old plan. We"re as good as married, just as we always wanted to be, in spite of my turning out all wrong." Then she sobered. "But what are we going to do now? Where can we go?"
Rimon sighed. "Well, home, I guess, where else? Dad"s always been pretty reasonable about my aberrations. If we can make him understand..." He hugged her close. "Oh, we will, Kadi! It"s so obvious we"ve found the way things should be. You are my wife, now. Our children will grow up unafraid-think of it! No more killing. Once we teach everyone what we know, no one else will have to go through what you"ve been through, baby."
"Rimon?"
"Yes?"
"Don"t call me "baby." I"m not a child anymore. I"m a woman now."
He was delighted. "You certainly are, Kadi. We"re neither of us children anymore. Because of you, Kadi, my love... my wife... at last, I"m a man. We are complete."
He hugged her to him, knowing that with Kadi by his side he could make the dream of a new way of life come true. Through the night, two lovers on a mountaintop lay in one another"s arms, sharing their love and planning to change the world.
Chapter Five.
HOMECOMING.
It took five days to get home on horseback from the point on the border that Rimon and Kadi had sought after leaving Reloc. They met few people on the road, but those they did meet stared at them in disapproval or swung widely out of their way.
There was nothing unusual about a Sime traveling with a Gen tagged in his name-but there was no chain attached to Kadi"s collar, no fear or resentment emanating from her, and nothing at all normal about the way Rimon and Kadi spoke to one another. Those who zlinned them also stared curiously when they perceived Kadi"s low field. That had caused Rimon some concern on the first day of their journey, for he had expected Kadi"s selyn field to spiral upward again, like that of a newly established Gen. When it did not, he feared for a while that it might be that a Gen only produced enough selyn to serve a Sime once-that he had taken her lifetime supply, even if he had not killed her.
Soon, however, he had perceived her field was rising slowly, apparently in perfect unison with his own rate of depletion. When he was in need again, Kadi would be high-field once more.
The only problem Rimon foresaw was figuring out exactly what they had done.
They had to stretch the small supply of food Rimon had brought. He had not expected to have Kadi"s company on the way home. She didn"t complain at having nothing but a handful of berries for breakfast the fourth morning, but by afternoon Rimon was berating himself for eating any of their supplies.
There were small communities along the way where they could have purchased food if they had had any money. "I"m sorry you had to spend all you had for me," said Kadi. "The dealer asked a terrible price. It was lucky you had enough to cover it."
"I didn"t." He laughed, remembering with pleasure how he had fooled that obsequious dealer. "There was just about half what he asked in that purse."
But Kadi"s alarm pierced him even when he was nowhere near need. "Then you didn"t legally buy me! It"s not valid! They"ll come and claim me!"
"Hey-calm down, Kadi! The papers are all legal. I made sure of that, and I stamped your tags myself. If the dealer was too stupid to count his money before signing the papers, that"s his problem, not mine. Besides, he got more than a fair price."
Kadi was still upset. "Don"t worry," he a.s.sured her. "I"ll pay him when Del pays me what he owes me. But in the meantime, we"ve got to get some food for you. Maybe we can stop somewhere that I can do some ch.o.r.es for a meal."
"That would look peculiar," Kadi said.
"We are peculiar!" he replied. "We"re going to have to get used to that."
When Rimon and Kadi rode up to the big house on the Farris Genfarm, Wolf set up a loud barking to herald their arrival. Rimon found himself expecting Marna Morcot to come out onto the porch, to see what the fuss was and scold Wolf... but of course Marna was not there, nor Ran, nor Serri. We"ll find them and bring them home, he thought.
They dismounted and entered the house. In the kitchen they found Su Thorbee, wife of one of the overseers, directing several children in preparing a meal. The results did not seem very successful.
Su stared at them, zlinning them, and gasped, "Shendi! Raf-run and get the N"vet!"
Rimon said, "It"s all right, Raf. We"ll find my father ourselves. Is he out at the Pens?"
"No," said Su, "he"s checking that broken irrigation line -but he should be back soon."
They went on out the back door, very much aware of eyes following them. Kadi pulled herself tall, walking proudly beside Rimon, but he could feel the apprehension at the pit of her stomach. They stood in the back yard, not far from their playground swings. Soon they heard the sound of a lone horse.
Syrus Farris was riding alone, hastily, along the road to the house. Someone must have ridden to tell him the moment Rimon and Kadi had arrived. He galloped into the yard, an imposing figure on his huge black horse. When he pulled to a halt, the horse reared, forcing the two young people to retreat before the flying hooves. Then Farris controlled the animal and sat staring down at them, Rimon and Kadi at a clear disadvantage.
He took his time to zlin them before he spoke, his voice under careful control. "Rimon, why have you brought this Gen back with you?"
Aware of the gathering crowd, Rimon put his arm around Kadi"s shoulders. She stood proudly, looking squarely at Farris. "Father," said Rimon, "this is no nameless Gen. This is Kadi Farris. My wife."
Rimon felt his father recoil and then surge with the fury that had always so unnerved him before. But he was no longer a child. He faced Syrus Farris as an equal.
Farris slid down off his horse. "Let"s go inside where we can speak privately."
As they crossed the yard, Rimon could feel that the hard sh.e.l.l of his father"s anger shielded a core of... fear? Despair? Disappointment in his son?
Farris indicated a bench in the hall. "You wait for us here," he said to Kadi.
"No," she said politely but firmly. "I will go where Rimon goes."
Farris gestured them inside and closed the door. As if stalling for time to think out what he wanted to say, he settled himself behind the desk, steepling his hands and running his tentacles between his fingers.
Rimon and Kadi sat down unbidden before the desk. Finally Farris asked, "Rimon, why have you done this?"
"Father... do you realize exactly what we have done?"
Farris was staring at his fingertips rather than at Rimon and Kadi. Almost imperceptibly, he nodded. "I find it difficult to reconcile my perceptions. What appears to be the case..."
"Is true!" Rimon said eagerly. "You know I was past turnover when I left here, Father. Kadi"s field was climbing, but it"s low now. Kadi gave me her selyn, and she didn"t die! You have no idea how much better it is than killing!"
Farris" sensitive mouth curled as disgust rippled the enforced calm of his nager. "Rimon, I have had great patience with you because of the tragedy of your first kill. But now you have gone too far. You should have released this Gen at the border-people look the other way when someone can"t allow one who was a friend to be killed. But to bring her home? Rimon, my son-take her to the Pens, and then we"ll discuss your deed."
"Father, Kadi is my wife. Can"t you see what she"s done for me?"
The anger threatening to break through Farris" control met a barrier... no, a warmth that melted it away like icicles in sunlight. What was happening? Rimon, too, felt unbelievably calm and rational in the face of his father"s implacability.
Kadi, Rimon realized, wanted desperately for Rimon and his father to discuss calmly what had happened. Without conscious intent, she was influencing their fields with her own, drawing them into harmony.
Suddenly Farris stared at Kadi. "You!" he gasped, and went hyperconscious for a moment. White with rage, he said, "Get out! Get out of this office and let my son have his own mind back!"
Bewildered, Kadi looked toward Rimon. "It"s all right, Kadi," he said. "Wait for me outside."
When she had gone, Farris asked, "Can you think clearly now, Son?"
Startled to find compa.s.sion in his father"s voice and nager, Rimon said, "Of course I can. I"ve been thinking more clearly than ever before since Kadi and I-"
"Rimon-don"t you know what she was doing to you? And to me, for a minute? It"s a trick-black magic."
"What?!"
"I"ve heard of it, among the gypsies. Gens who can control Simes... but I never believed it." Waves of horror shimmered through his nager. "She had you in her power!"
"Father, you don"t understand. I love Kadi. She loves me -so much that she tried to give her.Jife for mine, but she didn"t die because she wasn"t afraid."
"She"s certainly not afraid now," agreed Farris, "but where did she learn that? I"ve never before felt anything like what she did to me just then."
"I guess now that Kadi"s established, her field is strong enough to reach out further. She used to control my field, remember? She always had to touch me to do it-but she kept me sane. You never minded her controlling my field when I went to pieces after every kill."
"I-I minded, Rimon, but what could I do? She was the only one who could bring you out of those attacks. I know she saved your life many times over... but that was four years ago. You"ve outgrown your dependence on her. You must let her go, Son."
"No. What Kadi and I have," Rimon said softly, "we can share with you. We can teach you-and everyone on the Farm. Imagine everyone sharing-Father, think what it would be like if it didn"t matter whether your son or daughter established or changed over!"
Again revulsion rippled through Farris" field, although this time he allowed no physical expression. "Rimon, you know that is impossible. You weren"t gone long enough to have reached need. Were you augmenting?"
"I had to-to save Kadi! After that I was in hard need, Father."
"But it was early for you. Perhaps that is why you didn"t kill her. I"ve seen Raiders so high on shiltp.r.o.n that they"ll kill while still pre-turnover... and once I saw a Gen too far into shock to feel fear survive such an attack. So... if you were not truly in need, and she was not afraid, yes, what you tell me is possible. But you"re too sensitive, Rimon, like your mother. What will happen at the end of the month, when you try it again? This time you"ll kill her... and then what will you do? Wouldn"t you rather let her go now?"
"Father, Kadi is my wife."