First Love × First Love

“Fu… . A… . Aaah”
“Sakura… Open your legs more… Yes, like this is good”

Since I somehow began dating Senpai, a year and a half has pa.s.sed .
The relationship continues without us breaking up .
Just as planned Senpai advanced into the graduate school, and I became the third-year student .

I commute from my home, but Senpai lives alone near the university .
Senpai and I are both indoor characters .
Naturally, Senpai’s apartment became our date location .
It’s not like I don’t feel like going out, but I like looking at Senpai’s profile as he reads a book, so I thought it’s a trivial matter not worth arguing about .

“Sakura, please concentrate”
“Ah… Ye… Yes… Nn”

Senpai’s thing is moving back and forth inside me .
I desperately endured raising a voice as he strongly bore inside me .
Senpai’s apartment has thin walls .
I couldn’t help but be bothered that the neighbors would hear me .

Right as we started going out, I was embraced in Senpai’s room, and since then as long as we had time, I’ve been embraced almost every day .

I don’t dislike being embraced by Senpai .
That’s why I don’t refuse, but each time I’ve been embraced within last year I’ve felt an indescribable feeling of loneliness in my chest .

“I’m coming soon”

I heard Senpai’s voice behind me .
Senpai who’s embracing me from behind quickened his in and out movements, and before long spat out his s.e.m.e.n inside .
I felt the heat through the rubber . After a moment Senpai exited my inside .

“If you want to take a shower, go ahead”
“… Yes”

I’m naked . Senpai only loosened his lower half .
When he effortlessly wiped his lower half with a nearby tissue, Senpai tidied up his clothes .

Then he picked up the book he’d been reading some time ago and immediately continued reading .
He didn’t look here .

“…”

It’s the usual .
With a single sigh I slowly stood up and picked up my scattered clothes .
Then I went to the bathroom to take a shower .

Senpai is a scholarship student . He lost his parents when he was very young, and was raised by his uncle and his wife .
At the same time he entered university he left home and moved to this apartment .
I heard that story when we started going out .
I didn’t want to touch on it too much, so I didn’t deeply probe further .

Such Senpai lives in a 1DK apartment . The bath and toilet are more or less separate, not only is there a shower, it’s fully equipped with even a heated bath .
Although it’s a 20-year-old property, thanks to Senpai’s cleanliness, it doesn’t give off a squalid impression .

Taking the shower nozzle in my hand, I adjusted the temperature with experienced movement . There’s a little trick to the temperature control . The downside is, because it’s a fairly old shower, the water pressure is weak . While skillfully turning the nozzle, I wetted my whole body . Doing that, an indescribable feeling welled up .

s.e.x with Senpai is always like this .
Only I undress, Senpai just takes the necessary part from his pants .
In spite of being embraced this much, we’ve never had skin-to-skin contact during the act .

For some reason I recalled how we started dating .
… A year and a half ago I confessed to Senpai . Then for some reason Senpai accepted, and we ended up going out .

The fact that I started going out with Senpai who has a great number of secret fans was exposed to the surrounding relatively easily . I was seen by one of his fans when I entered Senpai’s apartment . At first a shock ran through the university, but ultimately it didn’t become something serious .
There was no hara.s.sment from fans like I’d been secretly worrying about, it was peaceful .

The reason is simple, there was nothing that’d incite their jealousy .
We don’t flirt on the campus, we only read side-by-side .
From the start Senpai’s territory was deep in the library . It’s a place n.o.body comes to, so that also should have saved me from jealousy .
Furthermore, in other places we act separately just like before .
We don’t eat lunch together and Senpai doesn’t expressly talk with me .
When such a situation continued, rather I started to often be shown sympathy .

“Can you really say you’re going out when you’re like that?”

The words said by a friend from the same department pierced my chest .

“You don’t go on dates outside, right? You aren’t together at the university either . You simply go to his home… Doesn’t he just consider you a convenient s.e.xual partner?”
“Shion-senpai isn’t such a person…”

I weakly shook my head . While pecking at the lunch box I’d made as she pleased, she advised me with a serious face .

“Then it’s fine, but you too think about it a bit more . You don’t think things can stay this way, right?”
“Yup… I know”

I nodded to my friend’s words .

That’s right, I know .
Everything, if it’s about Shion-sepai .

Senpai likes book above everything, I know that actually he’d only rejected confessions because he hadn’t noticed them while reading books .
He doesn’t take me on dates outside because he can’t read books there .
If he stays home, he can keep reading books . Expressly going outside is unnecessary .
Senpai’s interest is always books . It’s not suited for the outside world .

I don’t know why such Senpai is going out with me .

I thought intently while taking the shower .

Before I noticed my tears overflowed . They flowed together with the hot water .
I don’t want to show my crying face to Senpai .

I knew .
Senpai doesn’t love me .
After all, we’ve been going out for a year and a half . He hasn’t told me he loves me even once .
Even kisses can be counted on my fingers .

Then why does he embrace me . Am I, nicely saying it, a tool to relieve him of s.e.xual urges?
Is that why he doesn’t undress during the act and has no intention of embracing me with his naked body?

… My heart hurts .

I pretended not to notice .
I knew Shion-senpai’s heart isn’t mine, still I kept pretending to not notice, wanting to stay by his side .

And so, my heart screamed .
Unable to stand it, I cried aloud .
So that’s why my heart felt irritated each time I was embraced by Senpai .

It may be the right time―――― .

Senpai answered to my confession .
He became my boyfriend, and then embraced me .
For the past year and a half, he hasn’t cheated even once .
There has been no trace of other women . I don’t doubt that .
Only I’ve been at his side .

… That should have been enough .

I’ve come to want more .
That much has become not enough to satisfy me .
I want Shion-senpai’s heart .
I want him to look at me properly .

I’m already tired of spending day after day with Senpai while holding such feelings .

Because I know I can’t obtain it .
Senpai isn’t looking at me .
His world is only made up of books . There is no gap for me to enter .

Rather, I might have preferred if he found another woman he loves .
Even if he doesn’t look at me, because he’s at my side and once in a while speaks gentle words to me, I can’t quite make up my mind to leave him .
And like this a year and a half has pa.s.sed .

… But, it’s hopeless now .
My tears endlessly flowed .

I’m at my limit .

I’m tired of being the only one who has feelings for him .
We’re dating . What’s wrong with wanting him to return my feelings .
I’m not strong enough to persevere alone .

Never mind saying he loves me, I wanted to experience affection .
If he conveyed love through his actions and gestures, I’d be satisfied with just that .
I’d be fine with being hugged and kissed .
I want to feel Senpai’s body temperature . What’s wrong with wishing for that .
If I received that, I could wait forever .

If he doesn’t love me, just how happy would I be if he harshly rejected me .

Senpai’s kindness is too painful .

I still love Shion-senpai, I want to be with him, but still I vaguely thought that this is the end .
After a year and a half I finally thought that, I laughed at myself .

I stopped the shower and wiped my body with the prepared bath towel .
I put on my clothes piece by piece, and applied makeup at a small wash basin .

―――― Don’t cry, me .

To not cry, I carefully drew lines around my eyes . I also applied mascara .
Now that I did it, I can’t cry .
My makeup would get messed up .

When I finished my makeup, more careful than usual for my own sake, I returned to the room with Senpai .
My heart is noisy .
It’s pounding . I know what I’m going to do from now on .
I understand it’s not something I can take back .
Still, I decided not to turn back .

“Shion-senpai”
“What’s the matter? Sakura”

When I called out to him upon returning to the room, Senpai raised his face from the book and looked at me .
It’s already past 19 o’clock . And today is Sat.u.r.day .
I always stay overnight at weekends, so it’s rare for me to wear makeup out of bathroom .
And yet, noticing that I, who should have no makeup on, had applied a perfect makeup, Senpai knit his brows a little .

“Sakura”
“Shion-senpai, let’s break up”

 .

“Fu… . A… . Aaah”. “Sakura… Open your legs more… Yes, like this is good”.

Since I somehow began dating Senpai, a year and a half has pa.s.sed The relationship continues without us breaking up Just as planned Senpai advanced into the graduate school, and I became the third-year student

I commute from my home, but Senpai lives alone near the university Senpai and I are both indoor characters Naturally, Senpai’s apartment became our date location It’s not like I don’t feel like going out, but I like looking at Senpai’s profile as he reads a book, so I thought it’s a trivial matter not worth arguing about

“Sakura, please concentrate”. “Ah… Ye… Yes… Nn”.

Senpai’s thing is moving back and forth inside me I desperately endured raising a voice as he strongly bore inside me Senpai’s apartment has thin walls I couldn’t help but be bothered that the neighbors would hear me

Right as we started going out, I was embraced in Senpai’s room, and since then as long as we had time, I’ve been embraced almost every day

I don’t dislike being embraced by Senpai That’s why I don’t refuse, but each time I’ve been embraced within last year I’ve felt an indescribable feeling of loneliness in my chest

“I’m coming soon”.

I heard Senpai’s voice behind me Senpai who’s embracing me from behind quickened his in and out movements, and before long spat out his s.e.m.e.n inside I felt the heat through the rubber . After a moment Senpai exited my inside

“If you want to take a shower, go ahead”. “… Yes”.

I’m naked . Senpai only loosened his lower half When he effortlessly wiped his lower half with a nearby tissue, Senpai tidied up his clothes Then he picked up the book he’d been reading some time ago and immediately continued reading He didn’t look here

“…”.

It’s the usual With a single sigh I slowly stood up and picked up my scattered clothes Then I went to the bathroom to take a shower

Senpai is a scholarship student . He lost his parents when he was very young, and was raised by his uncle and his wife At the same time he entered university he left home and moved to this apartment I heard that story when we started going out I didn’t want to touch on it too much, so I didn’t deeply probe further

Such Senpai lives in a 1DK apartment . The bath and toilet are more or less separate, not only is there a shower, it’s fully equipped with even a heated bath Although it’s a 20-year-old property, thanks to Senpai’s cleanliness, it doesn’t give off a squalid impression

Taking the shower nozzle in my hand, I adjusted the temperature with experienced movement . There’s a little trick to the temperature control . The downside is, because it’s a fairly old shower, the water pressure is weak . While skillfully turning the nozzle, I wetted my whole body . Doing that, an indescribable feeling welled up

s.e.x with Senpai is always like this Only I undress, Senpai just takes the necessary part from his pants In spite of being embraced this much, we’ve never had skin-to-skin contact during the act

For some reason I recalled how we started dating … A year and a half ago I confessed to Senpai . Then for some reason Senpai accepted, and we ended up going out

The fact that I started going out with Senpai who has a great number of secret fans was exposed to the surrounding relatively easily . I was seen by one of his fans when I entered Senpai’s apartment . At first a shock ran through the university, but ultimately it didn’t become something serious There was no hara.s.sment from fans like I’d been secretly worrying about, it was peaceful

The reason is simple, there was nothing that’d incite their jealousy We don’t flirt on the campus, we only read side-by-side From the start Senpai’s territory was deep in the library . It’s a place n.o.body comes to, so that also should have saved me from jealousy Furthermore, in other places we act separately just like before We don’t eat lunch together and Senpai doesn’t expressly talk with me When such a situation continued, rather I started to often be shown sympathy

“Can you really say you’re going out when you’re like that?”.

The words said by a friend from the same department pierced my chest

“You don’t go on dates outside, right? You aren’t together at the university either . You simply go to his home… Doesn’t he just consider you a convenient s.e.xual partner?”. “Shion-senpai isn’t such a person…”.

I weakly shook my head . While pecking at the lunch box I’d made as she pleased, she advised me with a serious face

“Then it’s fine, but you too think about it a bit more . You don’t think things can stay this way, right?”. “Yup… I know”.

I nodded to my friend’s words

That’s right, I know Everything, if it’s about Shion-sepai

Senpai likes book above everything, I know that actually he’d only rejected confessions because he hadn’t noticed them while reading books He doesn’t take me on dates outside because he can’t read books there If he stays home, he can keep reading books . Expressly going outside is unnecessary Senpai’s interest is always books . It’s not suited for the outside world

I don’t know why such Senpai is going out with me

I thought intently while taking the shower

Before I noticed my tears overflowed . They flowed together with the hot water I don’t want to show my crying face to Senpai

I knew Senpai doesn’t love me After all, we’ve been going out for a year and a half . He hasn’t told me he loves me even once Even kisses can be counted on my fingers

Then why does he embrace me . Am I, nicely saying it, a tool to relieve him of s.e.xual urges?. Is that why he doesn’t undress during the act and has no intention of embracing me with his naked body?.

… My heart hurts

I pretended not to notice I knew Shion-senpai’s heart isn’t mine, still I kept pretending to not notice, wanting to stay by his side

And so, my heart screamed Unable to stand it, I cried aloud So that’s why my heart felt irritated each time I was embraced by Senpai

It may be the right time――――

Senpai answered to my confession He became my boyfriend, and then embraced me For the past year and a half, he hasn’t cheated even once There has been no trace of other women . I don’t doubt that Only I’ve been at his side

… That should have been enough

I’ve come to want more That much has become not enough to satisfy me I want Shion-senpai’s heart I want him to look at me properly

I’m already tired of spending day after day with Senpai while holding such feelings

Because I know I can’t obtain it Senpai isn’t looking at me His world is only made up of books . There is no gap for me to enter

Rather, I might have preferred if he found another woman he loves Even if he doesn’t look at me, because he’s at my side and once in a while speaks gentle words to me, I can’t quite make up my mind to leave him And like this a year and a half has pa.s.sed

… But, it’s hopeless now My tears endlessly flowed

I’m at my limit

I’m tired of being the only one who has feelings for him We’re dating . What’s wrong with wanting him to return my feelings I’m not strong enough to persevere alone

Never mind saying he loves me, I wanted to experience affection If he conveyed love through his actions and gestures, I’d be satisfied with just that I’d be fine with being hugged and kissed I want to feel Senpai’s body temperature . What’s wrong with wishing for that If I received that, I could wait forever

If he doesn’t love me, just how happy would I be if he harshly rejected me

Senpai’s kindness is too painful

I still love Shion-senpai, I want to be with him, but still I vaguely thought that this is the end After a year and a half I finally thought that, I laughed at myself

I stopped the shower and wiped my body with the prepared bath towel I put on my clothes piece by piece, and applied makeup at a small wash basin

―――― Don’t cry, me

To not cry, I carefully drew lines around my eyes . I also applied mascara Now that I did it, I can’t cry My makeup would get messed up

When I finished my makeup, more careful than usual for my own sake, I returned to the room with Senpai My heart is noisy It’s pounding . I know what I’m going to do from now on I understand it’s not something I can take back Still, I decided not to turn back

“Shion-senpai”. “What’s the matter? Sakura”.

When I called out to him upon returning to the room, Senpai raised his face from the book and looked at me It’s already past 19 o’clock . And today is Sat.u.r.day I always stay overnight at weekends, so it’s rare for me to wear makeup out of bathroom And yet, noticing that I, who should have no makeup on, had applied a perfect makeup, Senpai knit his brows a little

“Sakura”. “Shion-senpai, let’s break up”.