Fool's Fate

Thick gave a sudden, deep sigh. "I did try to hurt you. Back on the boat, I made you b.u.mp your head a lot. I"m sorry, now."

It was the most sincere apology I"d ever received in my life. I had to reciprocate. "And I"m sorry that I had to make you come here, on a boat."

"I think I forgive you. But I"ll get angry with you again if you put me on a boat to go home."

"That"s fair," I said after a moment. I tried to keep the dread and discouragement from my voice.

Thick shocked me when he halted and suddenly took my hand. Even through my Skill-walls, I felt the steady warmth of his regard. "I always got angry at my mum when she washed my ears," he told me. "But she knew I loved her. I love you too, Tom. You gave me a whistle. And pink sugar cake. I"ll try not to be mean to you anymore."

The simple words caught me off guard. He stood, lips and tongue pushed out, his round little eyes peering at me from under his knit cap. He was a toadish little man, and his nose was running. It had been a long time since I"d been offered love on such a simple and honest basis. Strangely enough, it woke the wolf in me. I could almost see the slow, accepting wag of Nighteyes" tail. We were pack. "I love you too, Thick. Come on. Let"s get out of the wet."

The rain turned colder and was sleet by the time we staggered into camp. Chade came to meet us. As soon as he was within earshot of a whisper, I warned him, "Keep your walls up. Someone tried to fog us with Skill, much as Verity used the Skill to confuse and confound our enemy during the time of the Red Ship War. It . . . they sought to turn Thick and me against each other. And very nearly succeeded."

"Who is behind it?" Chade demanded, as if he thought I would actually know.

"The bad-dream people," Thick told him earnestly. I shrugged at Chade"s scowl. It was as good an answer as any that I had.

Camp that night was a miserable place. Everything was either wet or damp. The tiny fires we could have allowed ourselves from our precious fuel wouldn"t burn. Peottre once more set boundaries for our camp and then risked himself to reconnoiter to select tomorrow"s route for us. A dim glow, as from a single candle, came from the Narcheska"s tent. The Fool"s was a gorgeous, beckoning blossom in the night, and I longed simply to go there, but Chade had demanded my presence and I recognized the need for my full report to him.

The Prince"s tent was made smaller by the spread of wet clothing. No one even pretended it would dry by morning. Chade and the Prince had already changed into fresh clothing. A fat candle in a metal cup tried sadly to heat a small kettle of snow water. I took Thick"s coat and boots outside to shake the wet clumps of snow from them while he put on a long wool shirt and dry socks. Somehow, stepping outside again made the bite of the wet wind worse. I took Thick"s garments back into the tent and found drying s.p.a.ce for them on the floor. Tomorrow would be a miserable hike when we had to redon our damp garments. Well, there was no help for it, I thought bitterly. Still, "This is not like any quest to slay a monstrous beast for a fair damsel that I"ve ever heard a minstrel sing," I observed sourly as I reentered the tent.

"No," Thick agreed sadly. "There should be swords and blood. Not stupid wet snow."

"I don"t think you"d like swords and blood any better than the wet snow, Thick," the Prince observed glumly, but at the moment I tended to agree with Thick. One savage battle already seemed preferable to this endless slogging. With my luck, I"d probably get both before the end.

"We have an enemy," I announced to them. "One that knows how to use the Skill against us."

"So you said," Chade observed. "But Dutiful and I have conferred and we"ve felt nothing of that." He poured the lukewarm water over tea herbs, scowling skeptically as he did so.

That confounded me for a moment. I had expected that if anyone chose to attack us, they would make an attempt against the whole coterie. I said as much and then added, "Why would they target only Thick and me? We appear to be amongst the lowliest of your servants."

"Anyone aware of the Skill must be aware that Thick is not what he seems to be, nor you. Perhaps they realized Thick"s strength and sought to get rid of it by having you two destroy each other."

"But why not strike immediately against the Prince and his trusted adviser? Why not turn you against each other, and sow discord at the top of the command rather than work from the bottom up?"

"It would be nice to know that," Chade conceded after a moment"s pondering. "But we don"t. Indeed, all we have is that you and Thick felt you were under attack. The Prince and I felt nothing, until you two turned on one another."

"That was rather impressive," Dutiful added, rubbing his temples wearily. He suddenly gave a huge yawn. "I wish this was over and done with," he said softly. "I"m tired, I"m cold, and I have no real heart for the task I must do."

"That could be a Skill-influence, subtly applied to you," I warned him. "Your father used the Skill that way, to confound the steersmen of the Red Ships and send them onto the rocks."

The Prince shook his head. "My walls are up and tight. No, this comes from within me." He watched Chade pour some yellowish tea from the pot, scowl, and return it to steep some more.

"It"s not a Skill-influence," Chade concurred bitterly. "It"s the d.a.m.n Fool, talking to the Wit coterie and the Hetgurd folk, stirring up sympathy for the dragon and preying on the Hetgurd superst.i.tions. Hold to your resolve, my prince. Remember, you gave the Narcheska your word that you would lay the dragon"s head on her mothers" hearth for her."

"That you did," Peottre observed heavily as he lifted the tent flap. "May I come in?"

"Yes, you may," Dutiful replied. "And yes, I recall what I promised. But I never promised to take joy in the doing of it."

My Wit had warned me that someone had approached the tent, but I had expected it to be Swift or Riddle. I wondered why the Outislander had come, and hoped he would not hold his tidings until I had departed. But the nod he gave me seemed to concede my right to be there. Nor did he offer any ominous words of danger on the path ahead, but instead gave a hard smile as he said, "Today was little joy for any of us. And tomorrow will be as wearying. After such a cold and wet day, I thought I would share with you our cure for such a miserable journey." He sighed heavily. "This weather will not make our task any easier. The rain eats into the snow, weakening places that once were sound. Tomorrow, we must be wary of avalanche as well as creva.s.ses as we cross the saddle of the island."

As he spoke, he was unwrapping a dark cake from a stained square of fabric. I was hungry and my nose was keen. Whatever it was, it had been soaked in brandy to preserve it. He broke a piece from it, revealing raisins, bits of suet, and what was probably dried apple. The brandy smell grew stronger. Thick sat up eagerly, but warily. I was still shielded from his Skill, but his worry reached me faintly. Fish oil. Would it taste of fish oil?

Peottre seemed to notice my avid stare, for he grinned as he offered me the first chunk. "You look to be the one coldest and wettest still," he observed. It was true, since the others had already changed to drier clothing. I took it gratefully. As I bit into it, he said, "These cakes are what our warriors call "courage cake." We make them with dark thick honey, dried fruits, and strengthening herbs, and then all is soaked in brandy to make it keep well. A man can fight a day or travel two on but a handful of this."

The sweetness and brandy-echo filled my mouth. As I swallowed, I caught a familiar aftertaste. The bitterness of elfbark had been cloaked by the cloying sweetness of the honey, suet, and fruit. I knew I should warn Chade, even as my weary body shouted in antic.i.p.ation of the surge of energy it would bring.

Then the world went dead around me.

I do not know how else to describe it. The first time I encountered Forged folk was also the first time I was aware that I had the Wit Magic. I had never realized that I had an extra sense of the kinship of all creatures until I saw living beings that made no imprint on that sense. Forging removed one from the intertwining net of life, made humans into individual unconnected things that ate and raped and existed with absolutely no empathy or sympathy for other living creatures. Only in meeting them had I discovered how the Wit connected me to all living things.

This was a similar experience, but its ant.i.thesis. I had thought of the Skill as a magic that only linked me to other Skill-users. Now I was suddenly severed from all the myriad tiny connections it made to all folk. The great voice of the human world, the constant murmur of other thoughts and minds around me, was stilled. I blinked and hastily probed an ear with my finger, wondering for a fraction of a second what had happened to me. I saw, I heard, I smelled, I touched, and the taste of the food lingered still in my mouth, but some other sense, unnamed and unknown until that instant, had been completely quenched in me by that single bite. I made a sudden prodigious effort to reach Chade and Dutiful with the Skill but it was like asking a frozen hand to grip. I remembered how once that sense had been triggered, but now it was a numbed place inside me.

Smiling, Peottre had handed Thick a chunk of the cake. The little man had his mouth open wide and his hand was traveling toward it. I lunged to catch his wrist and pulled it away from him. He moved his mouth after it, snapping at the treat in a gesture that would have been comical if it were not such a threat to the coterie. "Elfbark!" My deprivation of the Skill made me shout the word, as if mere voice alone could not convey such a warning.

I immediately moderated my tone, behaving as if my remark were intended for Thick alone. "No, Thick! You know the herb makes you sick. Let me have that and I promise that I"ll find you something else good to eat. No, Thick, please."

"What herb? I"m not sick! It"s mine, it"s mine! You said we were friends and wouldn"t hurt each other. Let go! Not fair, it"s not polite to grab!"

In his love of sweets, he struggled with me for it. I dared not let him have even a taste. Never had I had such a strong reaction to the herb. I felt the rush of its energy through me, and wondered how deeply would I fall into the inevitable trough of despair that followed elfbark use. Then I had scooped the handful of cake from his grasp. He sat down flat on the floor, gave one angry sob, and then went off in a coughing fit. I handed the cake hastily to Chade with the improvised warning, "I wouldn"t eat this in front of him, sir. I know how he is about sweets. If he sees you having some without him, well, I"d predict a disruption that would deafen us all."

I wondered if Chade and Dutiful reached toward me with the Skill. I wondered if Thick tried to make me stumble into the fire in revenge. But I felt absolutely nothing. No touch of them brushed against my senses. My Wit knew they were still there, and that was a comfort. But the Skill-threads that had run amongst us were all severed. Peottre scowled, looking on the verge of affront. Chade reacted more swiftly than I could have hoped, saying, "Ah, yes, I recall what an effect it had on you last time, Thick. It wouldn"t be good for you, now, don"t fuss, there"s a good fellow. I"m sure we can find something just as nice for you." He turned to Peottre with a conspiratorial wink. "The Prince"s good fellow stayed awake a day and a night, and then fell into such a black mood that nothing could cheer him for several days. Not the sort of thing to invite on such an expedition as ours. Come, Thick, don"t scowl like that. I think Prince Dutiful has some sugar barley sticks that he has been saving for you."

The Prince was already rummaging in his pack and Chade hastily took the mashed handful of cake from me, deftly returned it to the rest of the cake and wrapped it up again. He tucked it immediately into his pack. "I"m sure the Prince and I will enjoy a bit of this later, perhaps after Thick has fallen asleep," he confided to Peottre in a lowered voice. "I, for one, will appreciate what an herb like elfbark can do for an old man. I wasn"t aware that it was used in the Out Islands."

"Elfbark?" Did Peottre feign his ignorance? "We have no plant by such an odd name. There are herbs in the cake but each mothershouse has her own recipe for it, and the ingredients are jealously guarded. But I can tell you that this is from my own home, the same mothershouse the Narcheska shares. This "courage cake" has been a food that has sustained the Narwhal Clan for generations."

"Doubtless it is!" Chade exclaimed delightedly. "And I look forward to trying it, later tonight. Or perhaps early tomorrow morning, to have its invigoration with me for the day after a sound night"s sleep. Poor Tom, I know what an effect elfbark has on you! You may enjoy it, but I doubt you"ll get a wink of sleep tonight. I"ve told you before not to indulge in it at evening. But, well, there"s no talking to you on that topic, is there?"

I essayed a grin I didn"t feel. "That"s true, Lord Chade, sir. No matter how long you might lecture me, doubtless I"d not hear a word you said." A tiny change in his eyes suggested he understood me only too well.

He poured weak tea for himself, sipped it, and then coughed loudly, nearly gagging, and vigorously thumping himself on the chest. In a wheezing voice, he added, "You are dismissed, Tom Badgerlock. Get yourself a bit of food, but please report back here before you sleep. I think Thick will wish to sleep here tonight."

"Yes, my lord." His mimed action had not been lost on me.

I left the tent, and by a roundabout route, walked to the far corner of the camp. The rain had stopped, but the wind still blew. At the outskirts of camp, I thrust two fingers down my throat and tried desperately to gag up the bite of cake I"d eaten. It didn"t work. I"d fasted too long and my belly had taken it down too swiftly. What little I brought up left me shuddering with its bitterness. I ate a handful of wet snow to try to clear the bile from my mouth, kicked loose snow over my vomit, and went shaking back toward the tents. More than mere cold chilled me. I think that once a man has experienced the insidious treachery of poison, he never fully recovers from it. To know that you have taken something into your body, to be aware that it is working changes, debilitating changes, with every beat of your heart, is an excursion into horror that is hard to describe. I had tasted the elfbark and I already felt its impact. What if there had been other drugs in there, ones I had not tasted, working damage I did not yet suspect? I tried to rein my mind away from that precipice. It made no sense, I told myself. The cake had been a gift from Peottre, delivered without apparent guile. We were here to accomplish his mission of slaying the dragon; why would he attempt to poison one of us? Yet I could not quite dismiss it as a perverse twist of luck that he had fed me such a form of the herb strong enough to obliterate my magic.

I was cold and wet and shaky. I didn"t want to join the guardsmen in our tent until I had finished calming myself. In a sort of instinctive retreat to safety, I found myself outside the Fool"s tent. I fumbled with cold hands at the tent flap. "Lord Golden," I called softly, belatedly recalling that he might have other guests.

There must have been some note in my voice that alerted him to my distress. He flung the flap open and beckoned me hastily in. Then, "Stand still. Don"t drip everywhere." He had already changed out of his hiking clothes. He looked warm and dry in a long black robe. I envied him.

"Peottre fed me a bit of cake. It had elfbark in it, and I"ve lost my Skill Magic." The words tumbled from me, broken by my chattering teeth.

"Take off your wet things." He had begun rummaging in his pack almost as soon as I entered. Now he dragged out a long coppery garment. "This will probably fit you. It"s warmer than it looks. How could elfbark steal all your magic in one bite? It"s never affected you that way before."

I shook my head. "It just did. And someone is attacking Thick and me with the Skill, trying to make us hate each other. It nearly worked, until I thought Thick was going to attack me with the Skill, so I put up my walls and then I could suddenly think my own thoughts and I knew that I didn"t really resent having to nursemaid him all the time. It"s not really his fault, and even if I don"t like having to do it, I shouldn"t take it out on him, should I? If anything, I should be angry with Chade, not Thick. He"s the one who has put me in this position, and I think that half of it is that he"s trying to keep me so busy that I"m separated from you and therefore won"t be influenced by you. Because he wants me simply to follow his orders and not to think-"

"Stop!" the Fool exclaimed, alarmed. I halted in mid-word. I opened my mouth to ask what was wrong, but he held up both hands. "Fitz. Listen to yourself. I"ve never heard you rattle on that way. It"s . . . disturbing."

"It"s the elfbark." I shivered with the restless energy that coursed through me. The last of my wet clothing slapped onto the pile and I gratefully accepted the garment he held out to me, then flinched at its chill weight in my hands. "It"s cold. It"s cold as iron! What is this made from, fish scales?"

"Just trust me and put it on. It warms quickly."

I had little choice. I pulled it over my head and it slithered down my body. The long robe reached almost to my feet. I shifted my shoulders in its grip and it suddenly relaxed. "That"s strange. It felt tight across my shoulders and chest, and then, when I flexed my shoulders, it just settled onto me. Look. It even reaches to my wrists. It"s like unimaginably fine chain metal. Is this more Elderling magic? Is this from the Rain Wilds? I wonder how they made it, and from what? Look at the way the color shifts when I move."

"Fitz. Stop chattering like that. It"s unnerving." The Fool had taken possession of my wet clothes. As he lifted them, a fine trickle of water ran out of them. "I"m putting these outside to drain. It"s hopeless to expect them to dry by morning. Do you have others?"

"Yes. In my pack, but I left that in the Prince"s tent. I left the keg of Chade"s explosion powder there, too. And Thick"s things were mostly in my pack, but that"s all right as he is there and he"ll need them. So it"s good that they are already there." I heard myself babbling and managed to stop talking before he commanded me to.

For a few moments longer, I shivered, and then I felt the robe returning the warmth of my body to me. With a sigh, I sank down onto the Fool"s blankets and drew my icy feet up under me. A moment later, I had unfolded myself and restlessly tried a new position. The Fool reentered the tent and regarded me curiously as I stood and paced a turn around his tiny candle. "What is it?"

"It"s like ants running under my skin." I pulled my straggling hair back off my face and refastened my warrior"s tail. "I can"t sit still. I can"t stop talking and thinking, and I can"t really think in any sort of order, if that makes any sense at all." My hands suddenly felt too large for me. I systematically popped each of my knuckles, and then shook my hands loose again. I looked up to find the Fool staring at me, his teeth gritted. "I"m sorry," I apologized hastily. "I can"t help it."

"That"s obvious," he muttered. Then, more clearly he added, "I wish I had some way to help you, but giving you herbs to calm you might not be the best solution. I fear too the plunge in spirits that must follow this wild flight you"re on. Never have I seen you so besieged by restlessness. If the pit of bleak despair that follows elfbark is as deep as this craze is lofty, I fear for us all."

I saw by his face that he was serious. "I dread it, too. That is, I know I should dread it, but I simply can"t focus on it right now. Too many other thoughts overwhelm me. How will I dry my clothes before tomorrow, and I was supposed to report back to Chade later, yet I do not think I should wander through the camp in this robe, however warm it is. Yet I cringe at the thought of putting my wet clothing back on, even for the brief walk back to Dutiful"s tent. I left my pack there, with all my dry things in it. Thick"s things are in it, too. But that"s good, because Thick is there and he"ll need them."

"Hush," he begged me, interrupting the outpour of my thoughts. "Hush, please, Fitz, and let me try to think. Always before, elfbark has done no more than dampen your talent, and that was pa.s.sing. Do we dare hope that this will wear off and your magic return?"

I shrugged wildly. "I don"t know. I don"t think we can judge anything about this by what elfbark has done to me before. Did I tell you how close Thick came to eating it as well?"

"No. You didn"t." The Fool spoke carefully, as if I were slightly mad, and perhaps I was at that time. "Would you try to do this for me? Leave your hair and your mouth alone. Fold your hands in your lap and tell me what happened to you today. The whole day, please."

I had not realized that I was tugging at my lower lip until he mentioned it. I folded my hands in my lap and made an effort to report to him as if he were Chade. I watched his face grow graver as I spoke and I knew that my words rattled out like hailstones, and that my tale was disjointed, told in bits and patches as I wove the events back and forth in my mind. Before I had finished, I was up and pacing the small confines of his tent. I could not master my agitation. A sudden inspiration came over me. "Here!" I cried, advancing on him, my bared wrist thrust out to him. "Let us test it and see if my Skill is as gone as I think it is. Touch me. Try to reach into me with the Skill as you once did."

He stared up at me, his face gone slack with astonishment. Then a sickly smile of disbelief spread over his face. "You"re asking asking me to do this?" me to do this?"

"Of course. Yes. Let"s find out how bad it is. If you can still reach me, then perhaps my Skill will come back to me as the herb wears off. Let"s try it." I sat down beside him, and set my forearm, wrist up, on top of his knee. He looked at his faded fingerprints on my wrist and then gave me a sideways look.

"No." He drew back from me. "You are not yourself tonight, Fitz. This is not something you would ordinarily allow, let alone request. No."

"What, are you scared?" I challenged him. "Go ahead. What can we lose?"

"Respect for one another. That I would do such a thing when you were as good as drunk. No, Fitz. Stop tempting me."

"Don"t worry. I"ll remember, tomorrow, that I suggested this. I need to know. Is my magic dead in me?" In some isolated corner of my soul, I felt alarm. I wanted to stop and think, but the anxiety wouldn"t let me. Do it now, do something now, do anything now Do it now, do something now, do anything now. The drive to be doing, doing anything, was a pressing need that could not be denied.

I reached out and took hold of his slender wrist. His hand was ungloved and unresisting. As if fitting together a wooden puzzle, I set his hand to my wrist. His cool fingertips fell into alignment with the scars he had left on me. I waited. I felt nothing. I looked at him quizzically.

He had closed his eyes. A moment later, he opened them. They were deep gold and devastated as he said in disbelief, "Nothing. I feel the warmth of your wrist under my fingers. I reach for you, but you are not there. And that is all."

My heart lurched sideways in my chest. I instantly tried to deny what we had just established. "Well. Doesn"t prove anything, I suppose. We"ve never tried this before, so what do we know of what to expect? Nothing. Nothing at all. Tomorrow, I may awaken and find the Skill as strong in me as ever."

"Or not," the Fool suggested quietly, watching my face. His fingers still rested on my wrist. "Perhaps we shall never connect in this way again."

"Or not," I agreed. "Perhaps I shall wake just as isolated and deaf as I am at this moment. Perhaps." I stood up, pulling my wrist from his loose clasp. "Well. It"s no use thinking about it and worrying about it, is it? As well to fret over whether it will be wet or dry tomorrow. What will be will be." I paused, thinking I should keep still, but then the question burst out anyway. "Do you think Peottre did this to me purposely? Do you think he knew that elfbark can destroy the Skill? And how does he know that I have the magic at all? And, if he wants me to help the Prince kill the dragon, why would he disable me? Unless he doesn"t really want us to kill Icefyre. Maybe he"s lured us here so the Prince will fail. But that makes no sense. Does it?"

He looked battered by my onslaught of questions. "Can you be quiet, Fitz?" he asked me earnestly, and after a moment"s thought, I shook my head.

"I don"t think so." I shifted restively as I spoke. I was suddenly miserable. I could not find a comfortable position in which to be still. I was aware that I was sleepy but could not recall how to let go of wakefulness. I suddenly wanted all of it to go away and leave me in peace. I dropped my head into my hands and covered my eyes. "All my life, I"ve done everything wrong."

"It"s going to be a long night," the Fool observed woefully.

chapter 17.

ICEFYRE.

Now, this is the tale of Yysal Sealshoes and the dragon Icefyre, and what befell her in the years when Wisal was the Great Mother of her mothershouse. Wisal took a dislike to a young man that Yysal had brought home to her bedding, and she gave her reasons three: he was bandy-legged and hollow-chested, and all know those are traits that may be pa.s.sed on to children, and Wisal did not wish her mothershouse to be full of his bandy-legged weaklings. His hair was red, which Wisal also did not desire in her descendants; and whenever spring came to the islands and the willow trees drooped with tiny furry tails, the man sneezed and wept and coughed and was no use at all for the spring ch.o.r.es. And so, when Yysal went forth one summer day to gather crowberries from the upper slopes of their mountain, Wisal told the other women to gather clods of earth and rocks small enough to sting but not cause major injury and drive Yysal"s bedmate away. This her sisters and mother and aunts did with a good will, for none of them liked the way he simpered at them whenever Yysal was absent.When Yysal returned and found her bedmate fled, she wept and she ranted and finally she vowed she would go to the dragon and ask for vengeance on her own kin. All know that is a great sin against a mothershouse, and yet she was so wroth, she would not listen to reason, nor accept the hearty, black-haired young warrior they offered her in place of her pale, scrawny stripling. And so she went to Aslevjal, and waited for the tide of the year, and then slipped under the icy shelves of the glacier to go deep within its heart and beg of the dragon her evil wish.Deep beneath the icy cap that domes the island, she beached her tiny boat on a silty sh.o.r.e. She lifted her torch but did not pause to wonder at the beauties of Icefyre"s blue ice tomb. Instead, she climbed out immediately and made her way through the twisting blue tunnels to where she might look up at the dragon encased in the ice. And there she melted a hollow in the ice with the blood of the lamb she had brought with her, and begged him to make barren all the women who had driven her bedmate away from her side.- BADGERLOCK BADGERLOCK"S TRANSLATION OF AN OUT ISLAND BARD"S SONG I recall the rest of that night and the following day and night as one recalls fever dreams. My mind shies away from remembering the misery I endured. "It was all in your mind," Chade told me sometime later, and it stung that he dismissed so lightly all that I had endured. All of life, All of life, I wanted to tell him, I wanted to tell him, is in our minds is in our minds. Where else does it take place, where else do we add up what it means to us and subtract what we have lost? An event is just an event until some person attaches meaning to it. Where else does it take place, where else do we add up what it means to us and subtract what we have lost? An event is just an event until some person attaches meaning to it.

I survived it. Anyone who makes a difference between such an herb and a poison has never been plunged into such depths as I sounded. At some point that night, Chade sent Riddle looking for me. He draped a blanket around me and hurried me, barefoot and clad in the ridiculous Elderling robe, back to the Prince"s tent. There, if I recall correctly, I spent several hours telling Chade just how much I despised myself. Dutiful later told me that he had never lived through such a tiresome recounting of any man"s imagined sins. I recall that several times he tried to reason with me. I spoke openly of killing myself, a fleeting notion that I had often considered but never before uttered. Dutiful was disgusted at such a maudlin fancy and Chade pointed out to me that it would be a selfish act that would not correct any of my stupidity. I think he was more than a bit weary of me by then.

And yet, it was not my fault. It was the despondency of the drug, not any rational consideration by me, that kept me talking through the night and on into dawn. By morning, Dutiful knew far more of my youthful excesses than I had ever planned on divulging to him. If he had ever been tempted to experiment with elfbark or carris seed, I am sure that long evening cured him of his curiosity.

When Thick could stand no more of my overemotional account, Riddle was summoned to escort him to the Witted coterie"s tent, where Web took him in hand and settled him for the night. Chade and Dutiful had planned to attempt to contact Nettle with the Skill that night, but my indisposition made it impossible for them to focus. Before Thick fled, they made an attempt as a coterie to reach me with the Skill. They had no more luck than the Fool had. When I told Chade about that encounter, his face darkened and I knew he disapproved that I had even attempted that experiment with the tawny man.

The next day, both Riddle and Web walked with Thick and me. I am sure that Riddle was a.s.signed the task by Chade, but I think Web came for me. To this day, I wonder what Thick told him to make him think it necessary that he attend me. I walked in a silent black despair, through an endless torment of bright ice and gently blowing snow. Riddle and Thick walked ahead of us, speaking little. Web came right behind me, and said not a word all day. Summer had regained its grip and the wind that sculpted the dunes into fantastic forms was gentle and almost warm. I remember that Web"s bird circled over us twice, crying forlornly, and then went back to the sea. The presence of his Wit-beast reminded me savagely of the absence of mine, and sent me into a fresh pit of mourning. I did not sob but the tears ran down my face in a steady flow.

Emotion can be more exhausting than physical endeavor. By the time Peottre announced that we would set our tents, I no longer cared about anything. I was without volition as I stood and watched them put up the tents. Vaguely, I remember that Peottre apologized to Chade because his "courage rations" had so incapacitated me. Chade accepted the apology in an offhand way, replying that I had always had an unpredictable temperament and been p.r.o.ne to abusing herbs. I knew why he said such words, yet they struck to my heart like a dagger. I could not bring myself to eat the bowl of porridge that Web eventually brought me. I went to my blankets while everyone else was still awake. I did not sleep, but stared up at the shadows of the tent"s recesses and tried to imagine why my father had ever lain with my mother. It seemed an evil thing they had done. I heard Web playing his little instrument for Thick outside the tent, and I suddenly missed the funny little man"s Skill-music. Eventually, I must have slept, and heavily.

When I awoke, it was late in the day. All around me were the tousled pallets of the men-at-arms, empty. I wondered why they had not wakened me and why we had not struck camp and begun our day"s march. I crawled shivering from my blankets, grimaced at the robe I still wore, and hastily pulled on my coat and outer trousers. I stuffed the robe into my pack, still wondering at the silence of the camp. I dreaded that some threat of the weather had forced us to delay our journey.

I emerged from the tent into a steady sweep of mild wind, laden with tiny crystals of snow swept down from the bulging shoulder of glacier that loomed over us. Around me, the camp seemed almost deserted. Web was tending a kettle of food on a tripod over a tiny fire in a clay pot. The pot was settling into the snow as its heat melted the ice around it. "Ah, you"re awake," Web said with a welcoming smile. "I trust you"re feeling better."

"I . . . yes, I am," I replied, somewhat surprised to find it was true. The unreasoning blackness of yesterday"s mood had lifted. I did not feel cheery; the loss of my Skill still weighted me heavily and the task before us daunted me, but the deep despair that had led me to wishing to end my life had lifted. Slowly, a dull anger began to rise in me. I hated Peottre for what he had put me through. I knew that Chade"s strategy with the man required me to refrain from any vengeance, but I refused to believe that those "rations" held an ordinary amount of elfbark that his comrades could consume without devastating effects. I"d been deliberately poisoned. Again. I hoped that sometime before I returned to the Six Duchies, fate would afford me the chance to even things with Peottre. All my training as an a.s.sa.s.sin forbade me the luxury of vengeance. Ever since King Shrewd had first made me his, I had been taught that my talents were used at the will of the Crown, not at my personal judgment or for private vengeance. Once or twice I"d strayed outside those guidelines, with devastating results. I reminded myself of that several times as I surveyed the area around me.

Our camp was pitched on a gentle slope of snow. Not far away, a ridge of black rock broke jaggedly through the snow"s crust. Above me towered a steep mountain. It was like a cup with a piece broken out of its lip. Here and there, black stone outcropped from the snow crust. Its bowl cupped ice and snow, a frozen cascade that sloped down toward us. We were camped on the final, flattest spread of the spill.

"You"re very quiet," Web observed gently. "Are you in pain?"

"No. Thank you for your concern. I"ve just been given a great deal to think about."

"And your Skill Magic has been stolen from you."

At the glance I gave him, he held up a fending hand. "No one else has deciphered that secret. Thick was the one who accidentally explained it to me. He was quite distressed for you. Annoyed by you too, but worried for you. Last night, he tried to explain to me that it wasn"t just your bleak mood and constant talking and fidgeting that alarmed him, but that you were gone from his mind. He told me a story from when he was small. His mother let go of his hand one night on a crowded street during a fair. He was lost for hours, and he could not find her, not with his eyes or his mind. From the way he told his tale, I think she abandoned him, and then thought better of it later that night and came back for him. But he took a long time to explain to me that he knew his mother was there, but she wouldn"t let him touch her thoughts. With you, he says, you are just gone. As if you were dead, as his mother is dead now. And yet you walk around and he sees you. You frighten him, now."

"Like a Forged One I must seem to him."

Web winced sympathetically. I knew then that he had experienced the chilling presence of Forged Ones, for he said, "No, my friend. I feel you still, with my Wit. You have not lost that magic."

"And yet what use is it to me, without a partner?" I asked the question bitterly.

He was silent for a moment, then spoke resignedly. "And that is yet another thing I could teach you, if ever you have the time to sit and learn."