She jumped off the desk and stared at him. "You"re here."
"In the flesh. Is he here?"
He didn"t have to tell Nevada who he meant.
"Ah, sure. In his office." She gestured toward the rear of the building.
"I can find it," he told her, then pointed to the receiver she held. "You"re still on a call."
"What? Oh." She returned her attention to the call.
He walked between the desks, which were mostly empty. The engineers and sales staff would be out calling on customers or at job sites.
At the rear of the building was a large lunch room, an alcove with office supplies and several big printers, and a single door with Ethan"s name on it. Josh knocked once, then pushed it open.
Ethan sat behind his desk, working on his computer. His expression was intense as he used his mouse.
"Not my problem," he said, his attention still on the screen. "I don"t care about your engineering degree. You"re wrong about the bridge and I"m going to prove it to you."
"Huh. And here I thought I had a business degree."
Ethan looked up. He raised his eyebrows. "I thought you were Nevada."
"Apparently."
Ethan motioned to the seat across from his desk, saved his work, then faced Josh. "This is a surprise."
"For me, too," Josh admitted before sitting. "I came to talk to you."
Ethan stared at him, his expression unreadable. "So talk."
Now that he was here, Josh didn"t know what to say. He"d had ten years to plan for this conversation and the h.e.l.l of it was, he couldn"t remember half of what had happened between them.
"I"ve left you phone messages," he said. "First every few months and then every couple of years, I tried to get in touch with you."
Ethan"s left eyebrow raised. "The effort was very meaningful."
"You didn"t call me back."
"I was waiting for you to man up and come see me in person."
"Here I am."
"I can see that." Ethan shook his head. "You were gone, Josh. You"d been a part of my life, a part of my family"s life and then you just disappeared. Do you know how that made my mom feel?"
Josh felt his gut roll. "No, but I know it was bad."
"Worse than bad. Mom loved you like you were one of her own. She kept a G.o.dd.a.m.n sc.r.a.pbook of your racing career."
Josh wished there was a nearby rock. Crawling under it would feel better than this.
"I f.u.c.ked up," he admitted.
"You sure did."
They stared at each other.
"The accident wasn"t my fault," Josh said at last. "You ran into me. I"m lucky I didn"t go down, too."
Ethan leaned back in his chair, but didn"t speak.
"You got hurt," Josh continued. "It happens. You moved on, you"ve got a great life. Look at this place. It"s what, double the size it was when your dad ran it? And the windmill company. You"re a success."
"I know."
Ethan wasn"t giving anything away, which really p.i.s.sed Josh off. He stood.
"I"m done feeling guilty. It"s not my fault that you had to give up racing. I"m done paying for it. I was wrong to stay away and I"ve apologized for that. So you need to get off my a.s.s."
Ethan waited a couple of seconds. "You about done?"
"Yeah." Josh sat back down.
Ethan leaned toward him. "I was never on your a.s.s."
"What are you talking about?"
"I never blamed you for what happened." A smile flashed. "I had that race locked." The smile faded and his expression hardened. "After the accident, you didn"t come to see me in the hospital. You were like a brother to me and you didn"t want to get close, in case getting injured was something you could catch."
Josh shifted on his seat, feeling ashamed and stupid. "It wasn"t that," he began, then shook his head. "No. It was that. You were great, Ethan, and I knew if it could happen to you, it could happen to anyone. So I stayed away. I"m sorry."
"We were like brothers."
Josh nodded.
"You kept staying away."
"I didn"t know what to say," Josh admitted.
"I figured."
"What? Then why didn"t you come talk to me?"
"I knew you"d be back one day." Ethan looked smug. "I just didn"t think it would take ten years. Of course I"ve always been the one with the brains. And the good looks."
"In your dreams."
There was more to say. More to explain and apologize for, but that would come later. Right now, the first step had been taken. All he could think was how much time he"d wasted-they"d both wasted. Gladys was right-men were idiots.
Josh stood. "Want to go to Jo"s and get a drink?"
"Sure."
They headed out. Nevada was still on the phone. She stopped talking and stared at them as they left.
"You"re going to be getting some calls later," Josh said, as they headed for Jo"s.
"From the girls and Mom. Should make for an interesting day."
They walked into the bar and grabbed a table against the wall. A few of the women already there looked twice, then went back to watching some dating reality show. Jo walked over.
"The usual?" she asked.
Josh nodded. Ethan did the same.
She glanced between them. "You two kiss and make up?"
"There wasn"t any kissing," Ethan said. "Unless you"re offering."
She rolled her eyes. "You so couldn"t handle me." She walked back to the bar.
Josh glanced at his friend. "Jo?"
He shook his head. "No. We flirt, but it doesn"t mean anything. She"s not my type."
"Since when do you have a type?" Josh asked, then wished he hadn"t. Ethan had been married. He"d loved and lost in the worst way possible. "Sorry."
"It"s okay. So I hear you"re competing again."
"It"s one race."
"That"s all it takes to get back in the game."
Josh wasn"t sure he wanted to be in the game. Right now he was mostly interested in proving something to himself.
"It"s been a long time," he said. "I"ve been riding, but not seriously."
"That has to change."
"I know."
"It"s all about fundamentals," Ethan said. "Get back to the basics. Training and focus. There"s an element of luck when you win and being prepared is the best luck you can bring to the game."
Ethan grabbed a couple of napkins and together they sketched out a training schedule. Grueling, Josh thought as he stared at the breakdown, but worth it. He didn"t tell Ethan that winning was the least of it. Right now competing would be enough of a win.
Josh finished the last of his beer. After tonight there wouldn"t be any more drinking. His diet would be as strict as his training schedule. He didn"t have much time to get in the best shape of his life.
He turned his attention back to his friend. "If you weren"t p.i.s.sed at me, why have you been in a bad mood for the past few years?"
Ethan shrugged. "Why else? A woman."
"NO ONE WANTS ME THERE," Charity said, as she sat in the pa.s.senger seat of Josh"s car.
"I want you there," he said.
They were in the parking lot of a local television studio where a reporter from one of the sports networks was going to interview Josh.
While she appreciated the invitation and all, she wasn"t sure how to tell him everything about this situation made her uncomfortable. She knew she and Josh were involved, but this felt too much like being a celebrity girlfriend. Like she was hanging on to get noticed by the media. It reminded her that once Josh started racing again, his world would be totally different from hers.
She angled toward him, intent on explaining. But before she could speak, he said, "I had a fling with her.
Years ago. Right after the divorce."
It took Charity a second to put the pieces together.
"The reporter?"
"Uh-huh."
"You had s.e.x with her?"
He nodded, looking chagrined. "Kind of."
She didn"t know if she should be hurt or annoyed. "Why did you agree to the interview?"
"It was set up by the race committee. They sent me an e-mail and asked me, so I said yes. We need the publicity. I hoped it wouldn"t be Melrose doing the interview, but it is." He stared at Charity. "I"m not interested in her. What happened before was a mistake.
A really stupid one."
She could accept that, but she was still confused. "You had to know this could get you in big trouble with me. So why did you risk that and bring me?"
He cleared his throat and shifted his gaze to the window. "She, ah, called to talk to me a couple of days ago. She sounded really happy that we were going to be spending some time together. Too happy."
If Charity didn"t know better, she would swear there was a hint of fear in Josh"s eyes.
"And?" she prompted.
"I knew it would be awkward. Having you around makes things more clear."
The annoyance and hurt faded. "You"re scared of her."
He stiffened. "I"m not scared."
"You"re terrified."
"It"s not like that."
She grinned. "You expect me to protect you."