I left the Temple. M"Cwyie was a seated statue. My boots were still where I had left them.
All day I roared up and down the dunes, going no- where To the crew of the Aspic I must have looked like a sandstorm, all by myself. Finally, I had to return for more fuel.
Emory came stalking out.
"Okay, made it good. You look like the abominable dust man. Why the rodeo?"
"Why, I, uh, lost something."
"In the middle of the desert? Was it one of your son- nets? They"re the only thing I can think of that you"d make such a fuss over."
"No, dammit! It was something personal."
George had finished filling the tank. I started to mount 151 the Jeepster again.
"Hold on there!" he grabbed my arm.
"You"re not going back until you tell me what this is all about."
I could have broken his grip, but then he could order me dragged back by the heels, and quite a few people would enjoy doing the dragging. So I forced myself to speak slowly, softly: "It"s simply that I lost my watch. My mother gave it to me and it"s a family heirloom. I want to find it before we leave."
"You sure it"s not in your cabin, or down in Tirellian?"
"I"ve already checked."
"Maybe somebody hid it to irritate you. You know you"re not the most popular guy around."
I shook my head.
"I thought of that. But I always carry it in my right pocket I think it might have bounced out going over the dunes."
200.
He narrowed his eyes.
"I remember reading on a book jacket that your mother died when you were born."
"That"s right," I said, biting my tongue. "The watch be- longed to her father and she wanted me to have it. My father kept it for me."
"Hmph!" he snorted. "That"s a pretty strange way to look for a watch, riding up and down in a jeepster."
"I could see the light shining off it that way," I offered, lamely.
"Well, it"s starting to get dark," he observed. "No sense looking any more today. > "Throw a dust sheet over the jeepster," he directed a mechanic.
He patted my arm.
"Come on in and get a shower, and something to eat.
You look as if you could use both."
Little fatty flecks beneath pale eyes, thinning hair, and an Irish nose; a voice a decibel louder than anyone else"s. . . .
His only qualification for leadership!
I stood there, hating him. Claudius! If only this were 152 the fifth act!
But suddenly the idea of a shower, and food, came through to me. I could use both badly. If I insisted on hurrying back immediately I might arouse more suspi- cion.
So I brushed some sand from my sleeve.
"You"re right. That sounds like a good idea."
"Come on, we"ll eat in my cabin."
The shower was a blessing, clean khakis were the grace of G.o.d, and the food smelled like Heaven.
"Smells pretty good," I said.
We hacked up our steaks in silence. When we got to the dessert and coffee he suggested: 201.
"Why don"t you take the night off? Stay here and get some sleep."
I shook my head.
"I"m pretty busy. Finishing up. There"s not much time left."
"A couple of days ago you said you were almost fin- ished."
"Almost, but not quite."
"You also said they"ll be holding a service in the Temple tonight."
"That"s right. I"m going to work in my room."
He shrugged his shoulders.
Finally, he said, "Gallinger," and I looked up because my name means trouble.
"It shouldn"t be any of my business," he said, "but it is.
Betty says you have a girl down there."
There was no question mark. It was a statement hang- ing in the air. Waiting.
Betty, you"re a b.i.t.c.h. You"re a cow and a b.i.t.c.h. And a jealous one, at that. Why didn"t you keep your nose where it belonged, shut your eyes? four mouth?
"So?" I said, a statement with a question mark.
"So," he answered it, "it is my duty, as head of this expedition, to see that relations with the natives are carried on in a friendly, and diplomatic, manner."
"You speak of them," I said, "as though they are aborigi- nes. Nothing could be further from the truth."
153 I rose.
"When my papers are published everyone on Earth will know that true. I"ll tell them things Dr. Mooie never even guessed at. I"ll tell the tragedy of a doomed race, waiting for death, resigned and disinterested. I"ll tell why, and it will break hard, scholarly hearts. I"ll write about it, and they will give me more prizes, and this time I won"t want them.
"My G.o.d!" I exclaimed. "They had a culture when 202.
our ancestors were clubbing the saber-tooth and finding out how fire works!"
"Do you have a girl down there?"
"Yes!" I said. Yes, Claudius! Yes, Daddy! Yes, Enwry!
"I do. But I"m not going to let you in on a scholarly scoop now. They"re already dead. They"re sterile. In one more generation there won"t be any Martians."
I paused, then added, "Except in my papers, except on a few pieces of microfilm and tape. And in some poems, about a girl who did give a d.a.m.n and could only b.i.t.c.h about the unfaiiness of it all by dancing."
"Oh," he said.
After awhile: "You have been behaving differently these past couple months. You"ve even been downright civil on occasion, you know. I couldn"t help wondering what was happen- ing. I didn"t know anything mattered that strongly to you."
I bowed my head.
"Is she the reason you were racing around the desert?"
I nodded.
"Why?"
I looked up.
"Because she"s out there, somewhere. I don"t know where, or why. And I"ve got to find her before we go."
"Oh," he said again.
Then he leaned back, opened a drawer, and took out something wrapped in a towel. He unwound it. A framed photo of a woman lay on the table.
"My wife," he said.
It was an attractive face, with big, almond eyes.
"I"m a Navy man, you know," he began. "Young officer 154 once. Met her in j.a.pan."
"Where I come from it wasn"t considered right to marry into another race, so we never did. But she was my wife. When she died I was on the other side of the world.
203.
They took my children, and I"ve never seen them since I couldn"t learn what orphanage, what home, they were put into. That was long ago. Very few people know about it."
"I"m sorry," I said.
"Don"t be. Forget it. But"-he shifted in his chair and looked at me-"if you do want to take her back with you-do it. It"ll mean my neck, but I"m too old to ever head another expedition like this one. So go ahead."
He gulped his cold coffee.
"Get your jeepster."
He swiveled the chair around.
I tried to say "thank you" twice, but I couldn"t. So I got up and walked out.
"Sayonara, and all that," he muttered behind me.
"Here it is, Gallinger!" I heard a shout.
I turned on my heel and looked back up the ramp.
"Kane!"
He was limned in the port, shadow against light, but I had heard him sniff.
I returned the few steps.
"Here what is?"
"Your rose."
He produced a plastic container, divided internally.
The lower half was filled with liquid. The stem ran down into it The othel half, a gla.s.s of claiet in this hor- rible night, was a large, newly opened rose.
"Thank you," I said, tucking it into my jacket "Going back to Tirellian, eh?"
"Yes."
"I saw you come aboard, so I got it ready. Just missed you at the Captain"s cabin. He was busy. Hollered out that I could catch you at the barns."
"Thanks again."
204.
155 "It"s chemically treated. It will stay in bloom for weeks."
I nodded. I was gone.
Up into the mountains now. Far. Far. The sky was a bucket of ice in which no moons floated. The going became steeper, and the little donkey protested. I whipped him with the throttle and went on. Up. Up. I spotted a green, unwinking star, and felt a lump in my throat. The encased rose beat against my chest like an extra heart. The donkey brayed, long and loudly, then began to cough. I lashed him some more and he died.