People pile into the house, introducing themselves to my parents before finding a place in the living room to sit. I hope my parents will realize that they need to get out of here soon or things will only get more awkward. By the time the doorbell rings again, they"ve already gone. They"re probably still hovering in the kitchen and listening to everything"s happening. But at least they are not right here making things weird.
Although, things may end up being all kinds of weird all on their own. Parties are not my natural habitat. But at least this time around both Reece and Reilly are there to help get things going and before long Reece"s old friends are talking to her new friends like they"ve all known each other forever. Jen is still hanging around with Reilly"s friends, leaving Nadine as my only retreat if I don"t want to keep standing in the hallway looking like it"s the last place in the world I want to be.
"I suck at parties," I say, more honestly than I intend. But it"s not like this is news to her.
"Don"t think of it as a party," she suggests. "It"s you and your sisters having people over. Like you did at home. And this is a lot of the same people, and it"s still your house. This is your comfort zone, own that."
It"s hard not to give an appreciative smile. I"m not sure if I think of this new house, or these new people as my comfort zone yet, but I still welcome the advice. A big part of me understands there"s no reason not to be comfortable here. It doesn"t help that much, but it"s a start.
Just when I"m starting to wish I"d found a way to get out of this party thing all together, Rosie appears in the front hall, jacket in hand. After everything else, I"m more than a little worried she"ll head over to Jen and join that group too, making it perfectly clear to Nadine how on the outside I still am with my new group of friends. But within seconds of taking off her shoes she"s walking toward the couch where the two of us are doing our best to look engaged in conversation, rather than left out.
Yup. I"m the life of the party.
"Hey," Rosie says with a wave. "This house is amazing. I"ve always wondered about it but never got the chance to see inside. It"s like this icon of the town, but it"s weird to think that people actually live here."
"Thanks," I mumble before introducing Rosie to Nadine. "This is the part where I should jump in with some fantastic icebreaker, but as usual, I got nothing. "
"Actually," Nadine says, "Reagan was just offering to give me the grand tour."
I blink at Nadine. She"s been here for more than a day and has seen much every corner of the house already. She stares back at me expectantly. Like she"s trying to tell me something.
Oh.
I pop up out of my seat. "Yeah. I mean, there"s not that much to it but if you wanted to check it out, you should come with us."
Rosie looks around and quickly seems to make up her mind, but instead of simply taking me up on the offer she turns toward the other side of the room and calls out. "Jen! Reagan"s going to show me the house. Want to come?"
Within a minute, five different people are up and ready to check out one of Fairview"s oldest homes. Most of our friends from Richmond stay back with my sisters. As I look over the living room, Reilly mouths at me, "Want me to come?" I shrug helplessly. But in the end she stays put and I"m on my own.
For the first time today I"m glad Nadine is there with me.
"You guys saw the living room and dining room," I start as we move into the kitchen and try to figure out something to say beyond the name of each room. "This is where we eat. It"s a kitchen. Really not that much to see." And to my surprise, the group behind me laughs like I"ve said something funny.
"Let me guess," one of Reese"s friends says. "You guys redecorated? There"s no way Doctor Halbertz"s kitchen looked this good. I swear, his entire office was covered in wood paneling."
As easy as that everyone"s chatting as we make our way through a quick rundown of the backyard which we can barely see in the dark, and the laundry room. Soon, we"re upstairs. The next stop is in front of our bedrooms and I explain who shares with who, popping the doors open but not stepping inside. I hope people will take hint, but instead they are soon sticking their heads inside our bedrooms and having a look around. I really wish I had thought this through and tidied up a little more, but thanks to Rhiannon our room is never really that bad. Reece and Reilly"s on the other hand is a disaster. No one says anything about all the laundry that"s everywhere but I can"t help but notice that our room gets a few more compliments than theirs does, despite the fact that no one would ever accuse Rhiannon and I of being the cooler duo in our family.
"And that"s my parents room," I say pointing to the end of the hall. "I"m guessing they"re hiding in there and don"t exactly want us going in. But it looks like a bedroom, in all its bedroom glory. There"s two bathrooms on the floor as well, but I promise they are not all that exciting. And that is the attic."
I lead the crowd upstairs, looking over my shoulder to see Nadine and Rosie chatting at the back of the group. "This is the attic. We"re still renovating it, but the idea is it will be a bit more s.p.a.ce for the four of us to spread out since we can all drive each other kind of crazy if we"re stuck in close quarters for too long."
"This is amazing," Rosie says. We"ve just moved our desks upstairs, and there isn"t much here besides the couch. There"s even still a fair sized pile of blankets in the middle of the room from the slumber party the night before.
I can"t help but grin. "This was totally my favorite part of the house before we moved here," I admit. "I love the idea of having a whole floor to ourselves."
"Not anymore?" This time it"s Nadine who pipes up with the question. "This place seems so you."
I have to think about that. I barely think of this house as home, and even then the effect is incomplete. "Too early for favorites."
And just like that tour is done and we all head back downstairs to see what everyone else has gotten up to. Now there"s both music playing and a TV on in the background playing a movie I don"t recognize. At first, the party mostly breaks up into Fairview people hanging out together and Richmond people talking in the corner, with my sisters and I flitting in between. Yes, even me. It looks nothing like the high school parties I"ve seen in movies, but we make it work and for that one brief night our two worlds collide. But it"s hard not to remember that one of those worlds is quickly slipping away from us. If we did this again in a year, what would the ratio be between people from our old lives and those from our new ones?
If Nadine and I aren"t best friends anymore, a year from now will we even be friends at all?
The weight of betrayal hits me all over again, but only for a second. I"m already kind of looking forward to Nadine going back home so that we can sort all this out from the safety of our computer screens and cell phones. There"s no way I"ll be ready to talk about this in person. I don"t even want to talk about it at all.
Around eleven the Fairview parents start arriving to bring their kids back home. And I"m happy enough with how things went. I managed not to make an idiot of myself, which is more than I manage at most of the parties my sisters drag me to.
Rhiannon and Marybeth quickly take over our bedroom once again, making it clear that who will be sleeping in our beds is not open for negotiation. But I"m not at all surprised when Nadine doesn"t try to make a play for the other bedroom. Tonight, I think we"re both happier sleeping in a crowd of people where we don"t need to face one another or our thoughts.
Chapter 17.
The next morning everyone leaves early, back on the train so they have time to get back home before the weekend is completely over. Tomorrow, life goes back to normal. Our new normal. Back to school, back to homework and routine. But not back to being best friends with Nadine.
Nadine officially crossing me off the list as her best friend makes me want to do the same. Do I need an official best friend? Will I be able to confide in her the same way I had before, knowing she doesn"t care about me like she used to?
It"s possible I"ll get over it, but right now it doesn"t feel like it. This sucks.
I end up in the attic with my sisters, cleaning up after the weekend and trying to get the floor that belongs to us into some sort of final configuration that makes sense. There is a ton of room up here, and we try to make the most of it. It is just one big s.p.a.ce, so breaking it up into different parts looks awkward and forced. And I"m still dreaming about the day when we"re able to add an extra bathroom to this floor. a.s.suming the town gives us an okay. But if they argue with something that could add to the value of the house, I"ll be convinced that they"re just being difficult. There has to be a way to pull this off.
We ended up aligning our desks along the far wall, with a room divider in between each so we can pretend we each have a separate office s.p.a.ce. All anyone has to do is roll her chair back to see the people beside them, but if nothing else it means that our desks are finally out of our bedrooms and we have a little more room to move around and avoid the sister we"re stuck sharing with.
So far, I hadn"t made much of a play for trying to get two bedrooms put upstairs, not wanting to rush in and put my parents on the defensive-ensuring it will never happen. I casually mentioned to my dad a few weeks before about how there"s so much s.p.a.ce up there, they could easily fit a few more rooms in, but I immediately dropped the subject. If there"s anything my dad loves, it"s a project. But if he comes up with the idea for renovating the attic on his own-or so he"d think-then it becomes a possibility.
For now, we have to wait and see.
"So, that was equal parts fun and weird, right?" Reilly asks as she piles up folded blankets in the corner of the room beside the couch.
I"m doing my best to organize some of the stuff on the shelving units Dad put up last weekend. But it"s mostly random textbooks and unreturned library books and it looks like a mess no matter what I do with it.
"For sure," Reece says. "I think everyone got along though, not that it matters."
It"s hard not to agree. The party was actually fun, but the weekend as a whole was more weird than anything. And probably weirder for me than it was for them.
"Nadine told me I"m not her best friend anymore," I say, speeding up before can stop myself. "Pretty much out of nowhere she announced that the Laney girl from back home is her best friend now."
Even though my back is to the rest of the room, I can sense everyone else stop what they"re doing and hone in on me. I turn to find Rhiannon staring right at me, head tilted slightly to the side. "Wait, what?" She asks. "You guys have been best friends for almost our whole lives."
"Yeah, are you sure you didn"t misread this somehow?" Reilly asks.
"How? She made it pretty clear. I"m sure. That first night, when she didn"t want to sleep up here. She said it was because the floor was uncomfortable, but really she just wanted to get me alone somewhere so she could friend dump me." I can hear the anger rising in my voice and attempt to keep calm. But I know no matter how I play this, my sisters will see right through me. Nothing about this doesn"t suck.
The more I say aloud, the more humiliating all of this sounds. But there"s no taking it back. It"s out there now and my sisters are looking at me with a mix of sadness, worry and anger.
Somehow, we end up crowded around the small shared TV my dad let us have up here, with Reece and I on the couch, my legs spread out over hers, and Reilly and Rhiannon squished into the loveseat opposite us. And without meaning to, I"m crying. I"m still trying to fumble out what happened, but I can tell I"m not making much sense. But none of this makes much sense to me.
"I"m kind of glad you didn"t tell us earlier," Reece says, seething. "Because I definitely would"ve said something to her. This weekend was not the time to bring up any of her overdramatic c.r.a.p. This was supposed to be a good time."
"I still had a good time, I think. Last night was fun. But yeah, when I remember this weekend, this is what I"m going to think about." For some reason, the idea of my sisters being angry on my behalf makes me feel the tiniest bit better.
"And your new friends seem really cool," Reilly adds. "Rosie seems like a lot of fun." I note that she doesn"t seem to think the same about Jen, but I"ll take what I can get when it comes to the seal of approval on the new people I hang out with. Because if I don"t end up finding just one new friend here, essentially someone that would fill Nadine"s shoes for me, I"d never hear the end of it. For some reason, teasing me about my lack of social circle is okay.
But n.o.body mentions that no one from Fairview turned up for Rhiannon last night. Thankfully, she managed to be more friendly and made an effort to talk to everyone else, so maybe this would be the introduction she needed to start making friends here as well. If we could pry her away from her textbooks long enough for her to get to know anyone.
"What I want to know is how you two," I look at Reece and Reilly, "managed to meet that many people already."
"I had three people here," Reilly says. "Only one more than you. But you shouldn"t be keeping score. I just met some decent people in my cla.s.ses so far."
Reece on the other hand, had five people show up to see the house and meet her friends from home, all of them pretty and athletic. She keeps quiet during this discussion, but still looks somewhat proud of herself. It"s not like I actively want to be more popular, though I"ve always liked the idea of people secretly thinking I"m more interesting than I am. If I ever got stuck in a room with any of Reece"s friends, old or new, we"d have absolutely nothing in common. But back home I would always watch her during lunch, surrounded by this huge group of friends, guys and girls who seemed to shift in and out of her group constantly, and wonder what it would be like.
Now, at least I have my own little group of my own, even if we usually hide out during lunch instead of parading around the cafeteria and making as much noise as possible.
It"s hours before we finish the attic. The final touches take the longest. The sloping ceiling that leads up after the stairwell has been covered in photographs. Between the four of us, we have a lot of pictures. We also have a lot of abandoned, empty photo alb.u.ms.
As a group, we decide we"re giving up on any sort of formal memory storage. Everything"s on Facebook now anyway. Our new plan is to have the photograph wall build out from the first three feet or so we put together today, and hopefully span the entire attic one day.
The anger and hurt hasn"t gone away. Nadine and I... Okay, it still sucks. But if she doesn"t want to be my best friend anymore, then I don"t want her. Or maybe I can convince myself of that. Because I have something she"ll never have. That most people will never have.
For me, Nadine"s spot as my best friend was never the true top of the people I cared about. I have three sisters, just like me and also so different, for whom the term best friend pales compared to the reality of our relationship. There"s no question that they will always have my back. In the end, it"s Donovan sisters first. It"s always been that way. And that"s something that no one will ever be able to take away from me.
The rest of the night slogs on, like our usual weekend routine had never been disturbed.
Of course, most of my teachers took advantage of the long weekend to pile on even more homework than usual, none of which I"d done during the past few days. So I had working on all of that to look forward to.
I was just finishing up taking all the dirty plates from the table so that Reilly and I could tackle the dishes, our usual Sunday night ch.o.r.e, when the doorbell rang.
For a second, all six of us stare at one another, not sure what to make of the disturbance.
"Is anyone expecting someone?" My mom asks, looking at us. "Because at least two of you still have papers to finish before bed."
Almost as one, we shrug.
"I"ll get it then," Reece says, standing up. While this neighborhood seems to be big on getting to know the people who live around you and involving one another in your lives, I can"t imagine any reason someone would be compelled to come bug us on a Sunday night at the end of a long weekend. The last thing I want to do was deal with company.
"It"s for Reagan!" Reece"s voice echoes through the house, snapping me back to reality. I look over my shoulder, convinced that my sister has misspoken. Reilly nudges me.
"Go," she whispers.
I put down the plate I"d been scrubbing while I rack my brain for who could have shown up, hoping to see me tonight. Absolutely no one comes to mind.
Reece is standing in the hallway, grinning. Beside her, is Kent.
Nothing about what I"m looking at makes any sense. Kent hadn"t mentioned coming over tonight, or ever.
"Reagan, there"s someone here to see you." Reece waggles her eyebrows, looking ridiculous. And probably trying hard to embarra.s.s me, which I have to say is going pretty well.
"I can see that, thanks." She continues to stand there looking between Kent and I. "I"ve got this."
Reece takes the hint and goes back to the kitchen. I can already imagine what she"ll say to everybody else. Or the interrogation I"ll have to sit through later. But I can worry about that once I got through this.
I remind myself to exhale.
Kent stands, staring down sheepishly at his feet. "Sorry to just randomly show up like this," he says, looking up. "But my dad was just dropping me off back at home and I wanted to stop by and apologize again for not being able to make it this weekend."
Oh. "You didn"t have to do that. I knew it was a long shot with Thanksgiving." He came all this way just to apologize? It was just some stupid party, but I don"t say that out loud. For some reason, he made the effort to come here tonight and I"m not sure how to respond. A smile is struggling to fight its way onto my face but I"m determined to play it cool.
"Did you want to come in?" I ask before remembering what he just told me. So much for cool.
"No, my dad has to drive back home so I don"t want to keep him waiting." He locks eyes with me. "So how was last night? I heard both Rosie and Jen came out. They loved seeing the house up close."
"I really can"t figure out why people care about this house." But if I"m being honest with myself, I couldn"t figure out why most people in this town cared about any of the things they did. And maybe complaining wasn"t the best way to continue this conversation. "But yeah, it was fun. A little weird having those two different groups of people all here together. But I think it went well."
"Rosie said she had a great time. And Jen managed not to find anything to complain about. So that"s a good sign."
"I promise, you didn"t miss much. If you want, I can do a private tour just for you some other time." Did I actually just say that? "Although at this point, I feel like I should add some plastic bats falling from the ceiling just liven things up. People seem to have high expectations for this place."
"And low standards for haunted houses."
I laugh. "That too."
A dish clangs from behind me and I turn around in time to see someone"s head popped back out of the doorway. Great, so we have an audience. And everyone in my family is clearly going to read way more into this than they should. Kent is just being polite. It"s super sweet, and granted, more polite than anyone would ever think was necessary. But it"s not like it means anything.
Right?
"Well, I"ll let you go. I still have to finish pretty much every piece of homework I got for the weekend."
"I did most of it at my dad"s place since there wasn"t anything else to do. But I"m still going to thank Mr. Sullen a thousand times for not adding on some ridiculous paper just because teachers seem to think they need to give us homework whenever there"s a chance we might be enjoying our free time instead."
I grin and say goodbye, wishing I could be the kind of person to spontaneously hug people. I stay and watch from the door as Kent made his way back to his dad"s car. His dad had been sitting in the driveway, and is now politely looking at his phone instead of at us. He has dark skin and hair a little curlier looking then Kent"s. Even from here, I can see that Kent looks more like his dad then he does Mindy, something I"ll forever be grateful for.
It"s a surprising reminder that besides Rosie, I really don"t know that much about my new friends outside of their school lives. Has everyone else met Kent"s dad? What are Jen"s parents like?
Is that why Nadine had decided that Laney would make a better best friend? Was I too self-involved? And how often does everyone hang out outside of school without me?
No. Not now! This is not the time to let these stupid thoughts get the best of me. I"ve made an effort to get to know people outside of school now, and I"m not going to let Nadine ruin this part of the weekend for me too. Kent just showed up at my house, just to be nice!
I wave goodbye and close the door, leaning my head briefly against the door frame as I collect myself all over again. That had been the most unexpected dishes detour in a while, but I can"t stop grinning.
Even if Kent had just stopped by to be polite, he"d done it all the same. He was thinking about me. And I"d gotten to see him on a weekend. Which was pretty much a first for me and any guy, ever.