But Rhiannon hasn"t told me much of anything at all about herself recently-I should have pushed, should have made her tell me everything. I know she"s angry. I know she doesn"t have a lot of friends here. And I know about Derrick. It"s been months, is he still even in the picture?
I take out my phone, wishing I had time to charge it a little before leaving the house, and search Facebook for any sign of Derrick. If I can get in touch with him, he"ll know how to get in touch with Rhiannon. If he cares about her at all, I can"t imagine he wouldn"t try to hide her from her worried family. But Rhiannon isn"t friends with anyone named Derrick, no matter how I try to spell it.
On a whim, I try messaging Rhiannon over Facebook as well, just in case she"s somewhere with a computer even if she"s avoiding her phone.
Reagan: Everyone is worried about you. Can you please just come home? I"m not even convinced you"ll be in trouble, Mom and Dad will be so glad to see you.
I hit enter and wait, but it still shows Rhiannon as being off-line.
Reagan: Come on, Rhiannon. Whatever it is, we"ll figure it out. I just really need to hear that you"re not dead.
Rhiannon: Not dead.
The response comes right away, and at first I double check to make sure I didn"t imagine it. She"s answering, she"s just been screening her messages.
I can"t just leave it there.
Reagan: Pretty sure that"s what a murderer would say if he had your phone.
Rhiannon: A murderer wouldn"t know you left your soggy towel on the floor of our bedroom this morning. Now, I"m fine. I"ll be home eventually.
Eventually. What kind of c.r.a.p is that?
Reagan: Where are you?
I"m not surprised when I don"t get an answer. Sending back one last message, I ask her to at least touch base with Mom and Dad. But just in case she doesn"t, I send out a quick message with an update to everyone else.
Reagan: Just heard from her. She"s okay, but still won"t tell me where she is or why she"s doing this.
I almost add in a quick note about good news, she"s not dead. But I doubt my parents will find that funny. Still, I"m glad she"s not dead.
When I look back down at my phone in my hands, I"m surprised to find I"m shaking a little, even though in theory, everything is more okay than it was a minute ago. Rhiannon"s okay, at least physically. And that counts for a lot.
It"s only once I know she"s fine that my mind truly comprehends that it was possible she wasn"t.
This still hasn"t had a happy ending, but it"s hard to wrap my mind around all the things that could have happened.
I need to find my sister.
Already, I"m getting texts back from my family, hoping for more information, but I already told them literally everything that happened. Instead, I use my phone to call Rhiannon. Or at least attempt to. Just like I"d been told, her phone went straight to voicemail. So either it"s off, or she has it set to block calls. But if it"s the latter, in theory, her phone is trackable. And I would think she would know that.
a.s.suming she truly doesn"t want to us to find her, then she"s using something else to get online. And even though I"ve lived in Fairview four months now, I really haven"t done much exploring of what the town has to offer. I kind of a.s.sumed there wasn"t much, at least not compared to Richmond. I have an idea, but I"m not sure who to ask. Kent seems like the obvious solution, but I"ve already asked so much. Instead, I search out Rosie"s number from when she called me earlier.
Reagan: Quick question. Probably a long shot. Is there anywhere in town with public computer access?
Rosie: Fairview isn"t some hick town with no amenities, you know? Just because this isn"t the big city doesn"t mean we don"t have a library. :P Yup. I"m an idiot. Of course Fairview has a library, and a quick search online tells me it"s open for another hour. It"s about a ten minute walk, and I could be going in the wrong direction if she"s somewhere else entirely, but it"s the best guess I have. Because Rhiannon would absolutely think of a library. She"s probably been there for school stuff a million times already.
I find the building without too much trouble even though I spent most of the walk hunched over trying to keep my face protected from the wind, attempting to notice some town landmarks as I go so I can make my way back later. The convenience store, bus stop, a used clothing store, and then the library. It"s a small building, about the size of my doctor"s office in Richmond. But it"s a library, and the sign out front advertises everything from a book club to free Internet access.
This is somewhere I can volunteer later, once I"ve put it off for as long as I can.
The building is quiet as I slip inside, and the interior looks like I imagined it. The checkout desk is small, and an older, bespectacled woman sits at the computer out front. Fairview obviously hasn"t adopted self-checkout for library books yet. The woman looks up when I enter, but when she does, her head snaps back toward me for a second look.
While I am beyond tempted to search out the fantasy and young adult sections here, I"m on a mission. I"m just going to have to remember to come back later and give the library the time it deserves. I find the computers at the back of the building, and with them my sister.
Rhiannon"s brand-new red hair is impossible to miss, hunched over the third computer. The one beside her has out of order sign stuck to its monitor. I sidestep so I"m hidden behind a shelf, giving myself time to regroup.
Now what? I never figured I would be the one to find her first. And I"m not sure what I"m supposed to do. It"s easy to guess what my parents would say-call them and they would take care of it. But now that I see her, and it"s not like she can make a daring escape from the building, there"s time to be a little more cautious. There"s no way all of this was all because Rhiannon wanted a little alone time at the library. There"s more to what"s going on, and until I know what it is, I can"t risk bringing anyone else in to risk p.i.s.sing her off more. They know she"s safe, that will be good enough for a few more minutes.
I try to walk quietly toward the computers, but my foot hits a creepy spot in the floor and Rhiannon"s head jerks up.
"Reagan. You didn"t see me here. Just go." Rhiannon"s expression is hard, and I"m not expecting any more jokes about would-be murderers. There"s no question she did not want to be found. She didn"t want us to worry she"d been horribly slaughtered either, but her eyes flare with disappointment that I tracked her down.
I ignore her request and sit down at the broken computer. "Rhiannon. Everyone is freaking out. You just disappeared and no one knew where you were. How did you imagine everyone would take that?"
"They"ll get over it. They get over everything else easily enough."
I don"t even ask what she means. "You need to come home at some point. The library closes soon, and I don"t think Fairview has a great nightlife."
"I"ll be gone by then." Rhiannon stairs pointedly at the computer screen in front of her, browsing some forum for nerds who actually enjoy school.
Gone. There is nothing I can say in response to that. So I wait, and stare at her intently.
"I"m going back to Richmond," Rhiannon says. "The bus leaves in about forty minutes."
d.a.m.n. If I"d taken even a little longer to get here, we wouldn"t even be having this discussion. She"d be gone already.
She can"t believe for a second that I can let her get on that bus without calling my parents in a panic to stop her. Now that I"m here, she has to see there"s no way she"ll be able to see this plan through.
"So, what? You"re running away from home? That"s what this is? You"ve decided it"s too much work being part of this family so you"re just going to... Hide in Marybeth"s house until you graduate from high school?" Rhiannon must hear how ridiculous I think this all is. This isn"t anything like her. Stupid plans are Reece"s thing, sometimes mine, maybe Reilly"s. Never Rhiannon.
"Don"t be an idiot. I was just going for a visit, and there was no way Mom and Dad would go for it. So I"m going to catch the bus, stay for the weekend and be back by Sunday night. What"s the big deal?"
Yes, she"s fine now, but that doesn"t mean she"ll stay fine if she takes a bus across state lines, when no one knows where she is. I want to say that the big deal is that we are fifteen, and she"s a crazy person, but I don"t think that would go over well. The fact that I"ve made it this far without p.i.s.sing her off is already a miracle and I"m not going to push my luck. Mostly, she seems tired.
I smack my head downward into the keyboard of the computer in front of me, trying not to think about all the germy fingers that must"ve used it in the past. "Seriously? How did you even get a ticket for the bus? You need to be eighteen."
"Derrick is eighteen."
I keep my head down and force myself not to groan out loud. All of this was so she could go see some guy she"s never even bothered to introduce to us? And he was willing to just buy her a ticket so she could do it?
After sitting up, I shake my head slowly. I"ve gone through so many emotions today that I can no longer put a name to whatever it is I"m feeling now.
I give the rolling chair Rhiannon is sitting in a nudge with my foot, forcing her to face me. Tears are forming in the corners of her eyes.
"You"re not going to Virginia. I don"t want to get you in any more trouble, but there"s no way I"m letting you get on the bus. It"s not safe. And it"s not worth it."
Rhiannon tilts her head back as though trying to hide her face from me. "I know." She looks back at me and tries to blink away tears, but instead one escapes and rolls down her face. "I screwed everything up."
"Text Derrick and tell him you"re not coming. Otherwise, I"m stealing your phone and giving him a piece of my mind." As I give her instructions, I feel like Rhiannon"s big sister again for the first time in a long time. I hate how defeated she looks, but I also don"t want to fight anymore. Not now. I expect this weekend will be a bit of a nightmare in terms of screaming matches, hurt feelings and crying sessions.
I was barely involved in any of this and I need to hide in a corner somewhere and have a good cry. And I"m not even sure Rhiannon will make it all the way home before she has hers.
When Rhiannon takes out her phone, I do the same. "Don"t." Rhiannon moves her hand to cover my screen. "Please don"t tell them to come pick us up. I don"t want to be stuck in a car with either Mom or Dad right now. Not yet. I need time to sort all of this out."
"Okay," I agree. "Let"s go home."
"That"s what I was trying to do."
I know responding by telling her she is already home is not only super cheesy, but isn"t going to fly. And I haven"t even really started to think of Fairview as home yet either. But home is where my sisters are where my parents are. And even though Rhiannon is hurting more than I am, it still sucks a little to think she doesn"t see it same way.
"Fine. I won"t tell them where to come get us. But I have to tell them I"ve found you. You have to understand what this feels like for them. For all of us. I was imagining grisly murders, Rhi!"
Rhiannon doesn"t apologize for everything she"s put us through, but she does pull her hand back. I think she realizes that she isn"t in much of a position to bargain from anyway.
While Rhiannon crafts her own messages, I type out mine. It"s less than a minute before I have five responses back, with everyone having been glued to their phone waiting for news. Mostly, they"re just relieved. Reece seems to be the only one of us who has immediately shifted toward anger. But we"ll deal with that when we get home.
I don"t bother asking what Rhiannon has told Derrick. I doubt she"d tell me anyway. She"s still crying, and it both makes me uncomfortable and breaks my heart all at once. I hate seeing other people sad and never knowing what I can do to make it better. If I hadn"t decided to wait two weeks before talking to Rhiannon, would all of this have been avoidable? Okay, so giving her s.p.a.ce had been the wrong move.
The two of us leave the library together, side by side. I wave to the bewildered librarian and brace myself for the incoming cold that whooshes in to surround us as we step out the door.
My mood shifts from confused and bewildered to miserable in five minutes flat as walk home. I have to think even Rhiannon is regretting insisting we walk in this weather, but she doesn"t say a word. We both notice when a bus pa.s.ses us, heading out of town. She would"ve been on that. And it"s possible she would"ve simply come back a couple days later, but I can"t be sure. I don"t think I"m any more ready to talk to her about what is happening here than she is to talk to me.
More than once, I consider pulling out my phone and calling Dad for a ride home. But we"ve come this far, and if Rhiannon needs time to clear her head this desperately, then I can do that. But she"s going to make it up to all of us later. She"d better.
When we turn onto our street, we"re greeted with an array of colored Christmas lights up and down all the houses, making the scene appear less gloomy than it feels. I"m sure that at least someone will be watching for us from the window, so in just a few minutes Rhiannon"s self-imposed solitude is going to come to an end.
"Get rid of the bus ticket. If you still have it," I say, not sure what made me think of it. "If there is any chance of avoiding Mom finding out about your big plan, you want to take it."
Rhiannon stops walking and looks at me, her fingers already fumbling around in her pockets. She takes out a small piece of paper and rips it into quarters before letting it go in the wind. I want to mumble something about not needing to litter, but that seems beside the point now. At this point, littering is the least of her sins today. It"s hard to believe that when I remember my first ever date, this will be the overwhelming memory. Not Kent and I alone in a theatre, inching toward one another, with the possibility of holding hands. Not a first, nerve-racking kiss in some quiet corner of the mall while we wait for our parents to come collect us. Nope, instead I get this.
My heart thuds at even the thought of Kent leaning in to press his lips to mine, sending electricity right to my toes. But I don"t even get to enjoy that thought for long.
"So what do we tell them?" Rhiannon asks. She"s already ripped up the bus ticket, so I think we both know that lying to our parents is the best way to get out of this. Not all the way out. There"s no getting around just how nervous she made all of us, or around the fact that my mom had to call the town police to report one of her kids missing. But, I don"t think we need to tell them that Rhiannon was planning an unauthorized trip back to Richmond to go see her older boyfriend who our parents don"t know about. No one needs that kind of headache.
"Tell them whatever you want," I say, because I can"t be bothered to make up a lie for her. I"ll let her dig herself out, but I"m not doing the heavy lifting. "But you need to tell Reilly and Reese the truth. Tonight. This will not be some little secret that we pretend never happened. You"ve been avoiding us for months, and never really talk about anything anymore. And if letting you do that is what led to this, then you know that it"s not going to happen again."
Rhiannon groans but doesn"t argue with as she takes the first step up our driveway.
Chapter 25.
We don"t even get to the front door before my mom"s swings it open and immediately leans over to embrace both Rhiannon and I at once, and pull us inside. Now that my body is faced with the heat of the house, I"m shaking more than ever. "Any chance bringing her home wins me some hot chocolate?" I ask, teeth chattering. My mom looks five years older than when I last saw her, and I desperately want to get us back to normal. Also, I would really like to be warm again. I don"t even remember what the sensation feels like. Dad has been hovering in the doorway to the living room but retreats toward the kitchen, hopefully to grant my request. No one else says anything yet, but it has to be coming.
"I"m glad you"re home," Mom says before leaning over to plant a quick kiss on top of Rhiannon"s head. She isn"t much taller than we are now, so it looks a little awkward, but I can tell how deeply she means it. Soon after, she moves in for a second hug and whispers a thank you in my ear.
Neither Reese or Reilly goes in for the big reunion embrace. Ultimately, Rhiannon wasn"t even gone that long. But now there"s this huge emotional weight sitting on my chest anyway.
Somehow, Mom manages to wait until we"re all seated around the dining room table nursing big mugs of hot chocolate and pa.s.sing around a bag of marshmallows before she asks the inevitable question. "I don"t want to yell, Rhiannon. But I need to know what happened. And you need to tell me it is never going to happen again." Everyone"s watching Rhiannon and I can see her choosing her next words carefully. I never pressed her to figure out what she would say rather than the truth. And I"m not actually sure she has any idea. But I"m actually hoping she"s not stupid enough to tell the truth, because right here, right now, things are pretty okay. We are all here, everyone is safe and I need it to last.
"I wish I had some meaningful explanation to give you. It was stupid. I was just getting so cramped in this house, and I needed to get out. This town can be a little suffocating sometimes." Rhiannon somehow manages a perfectly timed lip quiver before looking down at her mug. "I"m really, really sorry. I tried to at least tell you I was okay but I wasn"t ready to talk. Honestly, I"m still not ready to talk. But if that"s what you guys need, I can do it. Whatever it takes to make this better, I"m in."
I can see Reese rolling her eyes from the other side of the table, but I can"t tell just how sincere Rhiannon is being right now. I have to think that her saying exactly what my parents want to hear, if there is such a thing in the situation, is something they could see right through. But neither of them respond, instead, my mom reaches across the table and puts her hand on top of Rhiannon"s, giving it a squeeze.
"You know what, we"ve all had a long night. I hope it goes without saying that you will not be going anywhere this weekend, but we will discuss this further once we all get some rest and sort ourselves out a little." She looks over at my dad, who nods. And the whole family meeting thing ends up lasting only a fraction of the time it took to get us here.
Our parents have never been strict, and Mom has always believed in parenting by letting us make our own mistakes. But between Rhiannon running away and Reese dying her hair without permission, both of which seem to have almost no consequences whatsoever, I"m wondering if I should have made some sort of big change or declaration before this new version of my parents wears off. Guilt from moving us back to Fairview can only last so long. But this is a little ridiculous.
And now I feel like a jerk for being mad that Rhiannon didn"t get in more trouble.
My phone sits in my lap and I use it to text both Reilly and Reese while my parents and Rhiannon are still distracted by one another. Because I"m not letting Rhiannon get off quite this easily. To be fair, my parents don"t know what I did, but Rhiannon scared us all and I"m not sure they"re driving that point home enough for my liking.
We agree to all meet in my bedroom in five minutes and promise not to let Rhiannon out of our site until we get her there. This is happening, and it"s happening now.
Rhiannon doesn"t argue when I nudge her up the stairs and lead her into our room where the other half of our unit is already waiting. Not unlike our birthday, we all crawl into bed, sharing s.p.a.ce and covers to find comfort in one another. But this time, everyone is sitting up and alert. Rhiannon sits up near the head of her bed, using her pillow as support against the headboard. Riley sits on the other end with her feet dangling over.
On my bed, Reece and I sit side-by-side, our bony hips digging into one another as we push our legs out over the bed, our feet stretching exactly the same distance. I give her a quick nudge with my foot, just to say I"m here. She nudges me back and the tension on my chest eases just a little.
Once we"re all settled, I"m faced with having no idea how to get the ball rolling. But Rhiannon speaks first. "Yeah, I suck. You guys don"t understand how hard this is."
Three heads turned toward her as one. "Umm... what?" Reece hardens her expression. "Because if you mean the move to Fairview. We went through exactly the same thing. Except that we"ve all been trying to deal with it whereas you"ve been moping for months now. We all left people behind. And if you think about it, you left... Never mind."
"Hey, you don"t understand anything about what I left behind." And even from across the room, I can feel Rhiannon getting her back up, something I can always trust Reece to lead the way on.
Reilly shifts uncomfortably beside her. "Well, that could be because you haven"t told us anything. I swear, we"ve all started keeping so many more things from each other."
"Well, to be fair," I say, "Rhiannon has been hiding this particular thing from us even before we moved."
"That"s not fair. I told you," Rhiannon snaps.
"Well, you didn"t tell me when you were planning to hop on a bus back to Richmond today to just get away for the weekend. Oh, I"m sure we would of all had a great time this weekend heading up the manhunt, looking for you." I match Rhiannon"s tone as my rising anger kicks its way out of me.
"What, seriously?" Reece sounds impressed. "You were going to take a bus back to Virginia all by yourself."
"To see a guy." I regret the words as soon as I say them. Not only was is not my secret to share, but it"s not going to do anything to win Reece back over to my way of seeing things. It"s probably something she wishes she would"ve thought of first. Though I don"t think she would"ve ever actually gotten up the nerve to do it. But two hours ago, I wouldn"t have thought any of us would have had the nerves to do something like that. Especially without telling one another first.
"I knew it!" Reece says, triumphant. "When you were sneaking out back in Richmond. I totally knew it, but you wouldn"t confess to anything." Yet somehow, this revelation has sucked some of the venom out of Reece"s tone. "Tell me more."
And Rhiannon actually does. She doesn"t sound quite as love-struck as she did when she first told me about Derrick, but she shares every detail anyway. She fills Riley and Reece in on everything that happened before we moved, and I can practically see the puzzle pieces falling into place inside their heads. Because it explains a lot about how Rhiannon has been acting since we moved. But as far as I"m concerned, it doesn"t excuse it.
After Rhiannon finishes, the four of us fall into silence once more. But this doesn"t feel finished. Not yet.