"I can"t." I press my lips together, not wanting to give my secret away. "I"m trying to stay off alcohol."
Lily"s eyes narrow and she studies me for a long, nerve-wracking time. "Why?" she asks skeptically.
"Because it"s bad for your skin." I shrug.
"Honey, if that"s the case where you"re concerned, I"d recommend you chug a bottle of the stuff because your skin looks terrible right now. You"re so pale, and you have dark circles here." She runs her finger below one eye, then the other. "And here."
I bat her hand away. "I don"t want to talk about it."
"Why not?" She rests her hands on her hips, her expression one of pure skepticism. She doesn"t believe anything I"m saying and I can"t really blame her. I"m a terrible liar.
More than anything, I don"t want to lie to Lily. I want to tell her the truth. Then I won"t feel so alone anymore.
Turning away from her, I start for the door. "I"d better get out there. I"m sure Daddy needs my help with ... something."
"He"ll survive." She follows after me, I can hear the click of her heels, but I don"t look back. I exit the bathroom and start for the door that leads back out to the party but she grabs my arm, stopping me from leaving her.
"Tell me what"s going on, Rosie. Spill." I try to pull out of her hold, but she won"t let me go. "And if you don"t tell me, I"m going straight to Dad and telling him something"s up with you."
"You wouldn"t." I glare.
She raises a brow. "Try me."
d.a.m.n it. She will. Lily plays dirty. She always has. Glancing around, I step closer to her, lowering my voice almost to a whisper. "You have to promise you won"t tell anyone. Not even Violet."
Her brows go up. I"ve surprised her. "So Violet doesn"t know your deep, dark secret?"
"This is not a laughing matter. Promise me, Lily."
"Fine. I get it. I promise."
I haven"t uttered these words out loud yet and suddenly I"m scared. What if Lily breaks her promise? G.o.d, what if she runs off and tells our father? I will flip the f.u.c.k out. "I"m ..." I take a deep breath and close my eyes, exhaling shakily before I open them and force the words out. "I"m pregnant."
Lily"s eyes are so wide I swear they"re going to bug out of her head. "Are you serious?"
"No, I made it up. April fool"s." I roll my eyes. "Yes, I"m serious. I"m almost nine weeks along."
She covers her mouth with her hand, slowly shaking her head again and again. "Ah, Rosie. How did this happen? When exactly are you due? Who"s the father?" Realization dawns at the exact moment she says that and I know she knows.
I start to open my mouth but clamp my lips shut. There"s no use explaining or arguing. What"s done is done.
Lily snaps her fingers. "This doesn"t have anything to do with that guy Violet asked me about a couple months ago? The one you were messing around with in London?" I must give myself away because she starts shaking her head. "You"re pregnant with Caden Kingsley"s baby? Oh, my G.o.d!"
"Sshh." I glance around, thankful no one"s near. At least we"re having this conversation near the bathrooms. Why does everything seem to happen by the bathrooms? "Say it a little louder so everyone outside can hear you. G.o.d."
"Rose! This is crazy. Does he know? You have to tell him. Make that sc.u.mbag pay, because he owes you."
"Stop it. He"s not a sc.u.mbag and he doesn"t owe me anything. I"m the one who owes him-an explanation. I haven"t told him because I don"t know where he is."
"He can"t be that hard to find," she says drolly. "I"ve heard his mom is in Miami. Maybe we need to start there."
Miami? I frown. Caden never mentioned Miami to me ever.
"And no one else knows? Daddy is going to lose it when he finds out."
I really don"t need the reminder. I want to enjoy this pregnancy. I do. But it"s so hard when I"m feeling so awful and Caden is not around. I miss him. I want him back. He deserves to know he"s going to be a father.
He will also probably freak the f.u.c.k out when he finds out he"s going to be a father.
"Have you considered having a ..." Lily flicks her chin, looking uncomfortable. "An abortion?"
"No," I say vehemently. "I"m not against them. They have their place. But ... I can"t do it. I know it"ll be hard being a single mom, but I want this baby."
"You"re just so young. I don"t know what I would do if I found out I was having a baby. I"d be the worst mother ever." Lily laughs, but it doesn"t sound sincere. More like it sounds sad.
"You don"t know that, Lily. And you can test out your mothering skills on your future niece or nephew."
She slaps her hand over her mouth again, tears springing to her eyes just before she hauls me into her arms and hugs me tight. "If you need me, I"m here for you," she whispers. "Whatever you want, I"ll come over whenever. You can"t go through this alone. And you need to tell Violet."
Violet will kill me. She will hit me with I told you so and all of those other annoying statements I don"t want to hear at the moment. I"m beating myself up quite well on my own, thank you very much. "Not yet," I tell Lily. "Give me time to work up to it."
"Lily Fowler, is that you?" A booming, gravelly male voice asks and my sister and I spring away from each other, Lily hurriedly wiping away the tears from her cheeks. Of course, she looks beautiful while crying, her hazel eyes this brilliant color, while I"m a red-nosed freak. Sometimes I really hate my sister.
But right now, I love her more than anyone else I know. She wants to help me. And I need her. More than I want to admit.
"Cash, is that you? Oh my G.o.d!" Lily squeals as she runs and throws herself into a man"s arms and he clasps them tight around her waist, picking her up off her feet as he spins her around. He"s older, much older, with very tan skin and very white hair and wearing a pair of thick-rimmed black gla.s.ses that somehow look good on him.
"Baby girl, it has been far too long since I"ve seen your pretty face. How have you been?" He squeezes her again and I a.s.sess his age as at least seventy. Possibly older. I really, really hope this isn"t one of Lily"s ex-boyfriends. I wouldn"t put it past her, but if she messed around with this guy?
Ick. He"s probably older than our dad.
"I"m doing well," she says as he sets her back on her feet and she releases her hold on him. "How about you? You look great, Cash."
They make small talk and I try to sneak past them, but Lily"s having none of it. "Have you met my baby sister, Rose?" She snags my hand and stops me so I"m standing right next to her. "Rose, this is Cash. We"ve known each other, oh, what? Since forever?" She laughs, her gaze meeting mine. "An old boyfriend of mine introduced us a few years ago when we were out in Miami. We"ve stayed in loose contact ever since, huh, Cash?"
Miami again. Weird coincidence.
"Why, no, I haven"t had the good fortune to meet your sister yet. Though I"ve heard plenty about her." He turns toward me, his smile wide, his teeth blindingly white. He"s a good-looking man, if a bit plastic, as if he"s been well preserved. But his warmth is genuine and I take his offered hand, which he shakes vigorously. "A pleasure. And aren"t you a pretty little thing? All you Fowler girls are beautiful, almost as beautiful as that pretty necklace you"ve got around your neck, Rose."
I reach up, touching the stones absently. I regret wearing it. All I can think of is Caden.
Of course, I think of him always, necklace or not.
"Oh, stop trying to flatter us, you big flirt," Lily teases good-naturedly.
"Hey, hey, no flirting allowed. I"ve given it up for good. I"m here tonight with my new lady friend." His smile grows wider if that"s possible. "She"s a real beauty, Lil. You"d like her. A little ditzy, but I think that"s my favorite quality of hers."
They both laugh and I try to do the same, but I just can"t. It"s as if I"m ... broken inside. Nothing"s funny, and I feel so c.r.a.ppy it"s all I can focus on. I"m also thirsty. As in, my throat has turned into the Sahara Desert. I"m about to excuse myself to go in search of something to drink when the women"s bathroom door opens and a beautiful older woman glides through it, a serene smile on her face, her eyes lighting up when she spots Cash.
"Darling." She comes toward us and stops at his side. Cash slips his arm around her waist and pulls her in close, sending her a look of pure adulation.
Seeing it makes my heart hurt. Caden used to look at me like that.
"This is my lady friend, Cora. Rose and Lily Fowler, meet Cora Kingsley." Cash sends me a knowing look that confuses me for a brief moment.
Until I get it.
My head spins and everything starts to fade. Cora smiles at me-G.o.d, I recognize that smile-and reaches out her hand to shake mine. But I don"t grab it. I feel like I"m frozen. My ears are roaring with my thundering heartbeat and I hear Lily call my name, but she sounds so far away.
"Rose. Rosie!" I hear just before my eyes roll to the back of my head.
And I collapse on the floor.
Chapter Twenty-five.
Caden
"Met someone you might know," Cash says conversationally as I sit across from him. We met on my lunch break since he called me first thing this morning, saying he wanted to see me.
We"re at a crowded restaurant that"s close to where I work. Yes, work. I have a job. A job that I love. One that"ll pay almost enough to maintain Mom"s many expenses, though I"m guessing the man sitting across from me might help me with the load considering they"ve been dating hot and heavy since I returned from London.
Weird but true. They finally made it happen. Mom is head over heels in love and I think Cash is, too. They"re already talking marriage. At the very least, they"re going to move in together. Mom"s already preparing to sell the condo.
"Who was it?" I ask just as the waitress sets my plate in front of me. I lift the bread off my turkey sandwich to check for pickles and yep, there they are, the offending little b.a.s.t.a.r.ds. I pick them off, wipe my hands on my napkin, and then take a big bite. I"m starved.
Only just got my appet.i.te back, too, since I"ve been a miserable little f.u.c.k the last two months.
"I went to this rooftop party. Got invited ... not sure how, but I"m not questioning it. Big shindig. Took your mom and she was dazzled. She met your friend, too. Once we got over the initial shock of her pa.s.sing out cold, Cora found her a truly lovely person."
I go still. I have no idea who he"s talking about and he"s being evasive. Drawing this out. I know lots of women in Manhattan and most of them I"ve done wrong. Hence my happiness that I"m working in Brooklyn. I know hardly anyone here and I like it that way.
"What do you mean? Are you talking about Mom?" Worry consumes me and I set down my sandwich. "Is everything okay with her?" She"s getting older. Her health could be failing for all I know.
"She"s fine. Stop your worrying." Cash waves a hand and grabs his sandwich, taking a bite. His expression is contemplative as he chews. "Though maybe you should start worrying once I tell you what I found out," he says after he swallows.
I push my plate away. "Quit being so mysterious and just spit it out."
"So cranky. Jesus, you haven"t been the same since you returned from England-you know that, right?"
"I have my reasons," I mutter, wishing I could have a beer. Not that I"ve been drinking excessively or anything, but a few beers help numb the pain. Help me cope with my troubles. Help me forget I"m missing a particular woman so much my entire body aches.
"Well, maybe I can push you out of that s.h.i.t mood once and for all." Cash leans over the table and lowers his voice. "I saw Lily and Rose Fowler Sat.u.r.day afternoon."
What the f.u.c.k? "Are you serious?" I swallow hard, trying to get past the lump that formed in my throat. "You met Rose?"
Cash nods, looking smug. "So did your mother."
Holy s.h.i.t. "Wait a minute." My mind is racing, going over everything Cash just said. "Who pa.s.sed out? Was it Lily or-"
"It was Rose," Cash says, interrupting me.
My heart grows heavy and I absently rub at the center of my chest, messing up my tie. Now that I"m a working stiff, I have to dress like one. I bought a few new suits and dress shirts and a handful of ties. Though I usually come to work in trousers and a b.u.t.ton-down shirt with the tie, nothing too formal. I like my boss, Stanton, and I like my job. I"m d.a.m.n good at my job.
Considering it"s pretty much all I have, I put my heart and soul into it, vowing I wouldn"t f.u.c.k it up. I can"t afford to f.u.c.k it up. I refuse to go back to my old lifestyle.
"You going to ask what happened or what?" Cash says, blasting me from my thoughts.
"Tell me," I say, worry clawing at my chest. I hope Rose is all right. I miss her so d.a.m.n much. I"ve been working hard to make myself a better man. I had a loose idea of what I needed to do to make things right. Secure myself in my job, guarantee I"m not going anywhere after the ninety-day grace period, and then go to her with my heart in my hands and words of undying love falling from my lips.
Sappy and ridiculous, but that was my plan.
"She looks frail, Caden. I"m not going to lie. A little pale and tired, and when I introduced your mother to her-"
"You introduced her as my mother?" Holy h.e.l.l. I"m sweating. No wonder Rose dropped to the ground.
"No, jacka.s.s, I introduced her as Cora Kingsley. But I knew she"d put it together. Or at least a.s.sume something. Or think of you. I don"t know what she thought." He shrugs and takes another bite of his sandwich, chewing for what feels like forever. "All I know is once I said the name Kingsley, Rose fainted."
"She fainted?" Aw, h.e.l.l. What did that mean? Is she okay? Cash said she looked frail. Why? What"s going on? I should call her. She might hang up on me-not that I can blame her, I still regret that stupid letter-but I need to make sure she"s all right.
Cash sets his sandwich down, his expression serious. Scary serious. "You need to know what"s going on, son. Your mom was in the restroom and overheard a few ... things, which was semi-confirmed after Rose fainted."
"Jesus, what is it?" Cash is talking in circles and he"s losing me. I hate it. The panic has grabbed hold of me and isn"t letting go. I feel its fingers sinking deeper and deeper ...
"There"s no easy way to tell you this, so I"m just going to be frank." Cash"s eyes narrow. "We think she"s pregnant."
Panic has its claws fully embedded in me now. I feel like I can"t f.u.c.king breathe. "Are you serious?"
He says nothing, just gives me a tiny nod.
"Pregnant? With my baby?" Of course it"s my baby. Why didn"t she call me? Holy s.h.i.t, this is all my fault. Those few times we had s.e.x without protection and now she"s paying the ultimate price ...
I start to push away from the table, ready to go in search of her, but Cash reaches out, clamping his hand around my wrist and keeping me in place. "Where do you think you"re going?"
"I have to find her. I have to talk to her." My mind is going a hundred miles a second and I"m desperate with the need to see Rose.
"You need a plan, son. You can"t just go after her and, say, burst into her office at Fleur and offer your undying love or whatever the h.e.l.l. She"s probably mad at you."