One of my friends told me, that he had suggested to the patriarch the grand reason why I did not believe in the pope, which was, that among other doctrines of his, he taught, that he could not commit an error, and that now, though a pope should see any one of his predecessors had erred, he could not say this, for fear that _he_ also should appear to be an unbeliever. This friend also told me, that the patriarch wondered how I should pretend that I held to the Christian religion, and still converse in such abusive terms against it; and _I_ also wondered, that after he saw this, he should not be willing so much as to ask me, in mildness, and self-possession, and forbearance, _for what reasons_ I was unwilling to receive the doctrines of the pope, or to say I believed as he did; but he would not consent that the above mentioned Armenian priest should hold a discussion with me, and more than this, laid every person, and even his own brother, under excommunication, if he should presume to dispute or converse with me on the subject of religion.
Under this prohibition from conversation, and this bereavement of books, from what quarter could I get the necessary evidence to believe in their opinion?
Another cause I had of wonder, which was, that not one of all with whom I conversed, after he saw me to be heretical and declining from the truth, thought proper to advise me to use the only means of becoming strong in the faith, viz. prayer to G.o.d the Most High, and searching his Holy Word, which a child may understand. I wondered, too, that they should ridicule me, and report me abroad as one mad and after all this, be so fearful to engage in a dispute with the madman, lest he should vanquish them in argument, or spoil their understandings, or turn them away from the truth.
After some time came the bishop of Beyroot. I gave him the usual salutation, and was greatly rejoiced to see him, as I knew the excellency of his understanding, and his quickness of apprehension, and hoped that, after some discussion between us, he would explain the truth, and that he would rest on clear evidence to support his views.
But in this case also, I was disappointed; for one day, when I asked him a question, and during the whole short conversation which followed, whenever I began to bring evidence against him, he was angry, and finally drove me from my chamber in a fury, and that with no other cause, as he pretended, than that he did not wish to converse with a heretic.
Some time after this, Hoory Joseph Shaheen came down to the convent of Alma, and I endeavoured to get him to unite with me in persuading the patriarch to send out among the people preachers of the gospel, or that there should be preaching in the churches as before mentioned. But he would not co-operate with me in this, and I was again disappointed.
Then, when the patriarch and the bishop of Beyroot wished to dispute with me, I expressed the hope that the discussion might be in meekness, and without anger. It was concluded that the discussion should be in writing, that no one afterwards should be able to alter what he had once said. They then commenced by asking me questions; the first question was, in amount, this, "Has the Messiah given us a new law?" At first, I did not grant that he had, strictly speaking, given us a new law, and quoted the words of John, that "the law was given by Moses, but grace and truth came by Jesus Christ;" but when I afterwards saw that by "_a new law_," they meant merely the gospel, or the New Testament, I answered in the affirmative. They then asked me if there was not to be found in this new law some obscurities. I answered, "Yes." They then asked me, Suppose any difference of sentiment should arise between the teachers of Christianity, how are we to distinguish the truth from the error? I answered thus;--"We have no other means of arriving at the truth, than searching the word of G.o.d, with learning, and reason, and inquiry of learned spiritual teachers, with purity of motive, and with disinterestedness of inclination. If the obscurities of the word of G.o.d cannot be understood by these means, our ignorance is excusable, and will not prevent our salvation. If the pa.s.sages, which still remain obscure, concern faith, it is sufficient for a man to say, I believe according as the truth is in itself before G.o.d, or I believe in the thing as G.o.d inspired it to the writer. And if the obscurity respects our practice, after making use of the means above mentioned, if that branch of our practice be forbidden, or under a doubt, desist from it, but if it is not forbidden, do it, and _Blessed is he that condemneth not himself in the thing which he alloweth._"
After I had given them this answer, they brought no evidence to prove any error in it, and moreover afterwards never put to me any question to writing.
Once, as I was walking with the bishop of Beyroot, he began to tell me how much they all felt for me; and how unwilling they should be to put me in chains to die a lingering death; and that were it not for the sympathy and their love towards me, there were people who had conversed with them, who were ready to take my life. Some further conversation pa.s.sed, and I began to introduce the subject of religion, and to ask how we could believe in the pope that he was infallible. He quoted for proof the words of our Saviour, _Thou art Peter, &c._ I asked him if it was proper to suppose that all things bestowed on Peter, were also given to the pope? If so, why does not the pope speak with tongues; and why is he not secure from the evil effects of poison, &c.? He answered, that these last things were not necessary. "But how do you prove it necessary,"
said I, "that the pope should not err? Is it not sufficient if any one has doubts, to ask his teacher who is not infallible? if you say _yes_, then the opinion of the fallible man will answer. But if you say _no_, and that we _must_ go to the pope, what must become of the man who dies before the answer of the pope can reach him?"
He then resorted to another mode of proof, saying, "Is it not desirable that the pope should be infallible?" I a.s.sured him I wished he might be so. "Well, is not G.o.d able to render him so?" "Yes, He is able to do all things." He wished to infer his point from these two premises. But I said, "your reasoning with regard to the _pope_, may be applied to all the bishops of the church; for it is desirable that they should all be infallible, and G.o.d is able to make them so." He said, "No, for the bishops feeling less their need of the pope, would not look to him, or submit to him as their head, and then there would be divisions and contentions in the church." But why, said I, did not divisions and contentions arise among the apostles? Were they not all infallible as well as Peter? He would not say they _were_ infallible. I told him, that was an opinion that could not be believed, that the pope was infallible, and the apostles not; for it was well known to all, that the Holy Spirit descended upon the apostles in a peculiar manner. I asked him again, how it could be made to appear that divisions would be produced if all bishops were infallible, for if they were all of one opinion, as they of course would be, their union must be the more perfect. We conversed farther at some length, when he concluded by saying, "You are possessed of a devil."
The next day, as the patriarch and the bishop of Beyroot were seated under a tree without the convent, I went out to them, and said, "Your holiness sent to me to come hither for employment, and I came, and have remained here a considerable time. What do you wish me to do for you, for I cannot remain here in idleness?" He said, "What do you wish to do?" If your holiness pleases, that I teach in the school of Ain Warka, I will do that. "No, I cannot have you go to Ain Warka, to corrupt the minds of those who are studying science, and to contradict my opinions."
But I will instruct in grammar. "No, the youths of the college are now attending to _moral_ science." Well, I only beg you will let me know what I am to do, and if you have no employment for me, I wish to return home. The bishop here broke in upon the conversation, saying, I will not suffer you to go back among my flock to deceive them, and turn them away to heresy. Will you then debar me, said I, from my home? If so, let me know where I shall go, what I shall do? The bishop then said to the patriarch, "Indeed I will not suffer this man to go abroad among my people, for he is even attempting to make heretics of us also." Yes replied the patriarch, it will not do after this, to afford him a residence in any part of the land. The bishop then turned to me, in the bitterest anger and rage, reviling me and saying, "If you go among my people again, I will send and take your life, though it be in the bosom of your own house." I said, "Well, what would you have me to do, and what will you do with me? If you wish to kill me, or shut me up in prison, or give me up to the government, or whatever it may be, I wish to know it." "You must wait here till spring or summer," said the patriarch, "and then we shall see how you are." I answered him in the words of that christian who was given by his judge ten days to deliberate whether he would worship an image: "_Consider the time already past, and do what you please._"
I asked the bishop his reasons for wishing to kill me. What evil had I done? He was filled with high and bitter indignation, saying, "What, miscreant! Shall we let you go forth to corrupt my flock for me? Is not what has pa.s.sed enough?" I rose and said to them, "G.o.d at least is with me," and left them. The patriarch sent after me his nephew, requesting me, in soothing words to return, and saying that he would do what I wished.
But when I contemplated the hardness of heart manifested by the bishop, I could not restrain myself from reproving him, hoping that he would grow mild. I said, therefore, "Our Lord Jesus Christ said, _out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh_, and that Satan, who was in his heart, wished to kill me, for Satan was a murderer from the beginning." I told him, moreover, that he was not a true disciple of Christ. And when I had left them a second time, the patriarch again sent his nephew to enquire of me what I wished; whether it was money, or what else, promising that he would answer my enquiries.
I returned and told him, that I had a request to make of _one thing only_, and that I hoped he would answer me, not as to a little child, who would ask a childish thing. He asked me what it was. I said I have to ask of you the favour to send from your priests two faithful men to preach the gospel through the country, and I am ready, if necessary, to sell all that I possess to give to them as part of their wages. He promised me it should be done. But I had reason to expect that he would receive such a request as from the mouth of one out of his reason. Now there was at the convent a man called Hoory Gabriel, who was said to be insane, and was known to all his acquaintance as a man that never would say a word on the subject of religion, and he was a scribe of the patriarch, and from the time of my arrival until that day, had never asked me a single question about my faith, or opinions, nor had given me the least word of advice about any of my errors. The same night, as this priest was pa.s.sing the evening in company with the patriarch, bishop, and other individuals, as if they had been conversing on my idiocy in making the request of to-day, the patriarch sent for me to come and sit with them. I came. The patriarch then asked this priest and the others present, if two proper men could be found to go and preach the gospel.
They then answered one to another, such an one, and such an one, would be the fittest persons, some mentioning one and some another, looking at me in the mean time laughing, to see what I would say.
I smiled in a pleasant manner at all this, and when one asked me, why I laughed? I said to the patriarch, "Have you not perfect confidence in the integrity of the priest Gabriel?" He said, "Yes." I then said, pray let this priest then examine me for the s.p.a.ce of a few days, and if he does not conclude that I am a heretic, I will for _one_, take upon myself this duty of preaching. This remark put an immediate end to the conversation.
The third day, when the bishop wished to mock me before the patriarch and a shekh of the country, I answered his questions according to his own manner; but in a little time he began to revile me, and rebuke me for blasphemy against the eucharist, against the virgin Mary and the pictures, and that because I had said before one of his deacons, that were it not for fear of the patriarch, I would tear all the pictures to pieces and burn them. I gave him answer to every particular by itself, and when he found that he could produce against me no accusation, he increased in wrath. I then said, if this is your pleasure, I will say no more. I told him that I had said, that pictures were not G.o.ds; that such was my opinion always; and that I wished to tell all the common people so, that they might understand it. But to this he would not consent. He then began to accuse me of saying of the eucharist, "Let them smell the scent of it, and know that it is but bread and wine still." I told him that if he would give me leave to speak, or if he wished to hear my views, I would speak; "but how is it that you bring against me accusations, and do not suffer me to make my defence?" Here again he was not willing that I should speak, but the patriarch said to me, "_Speak_." I then observed, that St. Ephraim says, "Come, eat the fire of the bread, and drink the spirit of the wine;" and began to say from this, that our eating the body of Christ was not natural, but spiritual.
Then again he fell into a rage against me. I said to him, "It is written, _be ye angry and sin not_. I told you before, that I would keep silence and not speak without your consent, and whatever you wish, tell me that I may act or refrain accordingly." At this the patriarch smiled.
But the bishop fell into a pa.s.sion still more violent, against the patriarch as well as myself, and rose and went away. I also left the room. In the evening, when were collected together the patriarch and bishop and all the monks, with priest Nicholas, whom they were about to ordain bishop on the morrow, the patriarch began to ask me questions respecting my faith. When I saw that their object was neither to benefit me, nor receive benefit, I gave them answers calculated to continue the conversation in a trifling strain, saying, "My faith is the faith of Peter, and the faith of Peter is my faith. I believe all that G.o.d has given by inspiration to the one only holy catholic church." He asked me, What is the church? I answered, "The church is the whole company of those who believe in the Messiah and his law, on all the face of the earth." But where is the place of the church? "The place of the church is the whole world, it is made up of every nation and people." "What,"
said he "the _English_ among the rest?" "Yes, of the English also."
Afterwards, when he continued to question me, and I saw that he had no other object than to try me, I a.s.sured him, this is my faith, and to this faith will I hold, whether it is worth any thing in your estimation or not. I then asked him if he was willing to hold a discussion on the subject; but he would not permit it in any shape. He afterwards requested me to tell my faith again without fear and without concealment. I referred them to the priest that was about to be ordained, saying, that I had conversed with him on all points particularly, and that he was able to make answer for me. The priest then bore testimony on the spot, that I had said before him that I believed the pope to be infallible, while I never said this to him at any time. Afterward, when I was in his company privately, I inquired how he could bear such testimony as he had done. He confessed in the fullest terms, that he knew it was a falsehood, but that he said what he did, that they might cease talking with me. The same night I had resolved on quitting them; so at about midnight I left the convent, committing myself to the protection of G.o.d, who never deserts them who put their trust in him, and arrived at Beyroot, on the morning of Thursday, March 2, 1826.
Here then I remain at present, not that I may take my views from the English, or from the Bible men, nor that I may receive my religion from them. No, by no means; for I hold to the word of G.o.d. This is beyond all danger of error. In this I believe; in this is my faith; and according to it I desire to regulate my life, and enjoy all my consolations. By this I wish to show what I believe and not to confer with flesh and blood, that I may not run now nor hereafter in vain; for I know and am persuaded, that the true religion is not according to the teaching of men, but according to the inspiration of G.o.d: not according to the custom of education, but according to the truth, which is made manifest by the word of G.o.d. I therefore say to myself now, as I did in the convent with the patriarch, where I wrote thus:
"Far from me be all the commandments of men. Nothing is to come into comparison with the teaching of Jesus by reading the New Testament. If our _hearts are not transformed_, there is the greatest danger that we die in our sins. If any thing in the doctrine of Jesus seems burdensome, let us pray that he may make it light; and if there is any thing that we do not understand, let us pray that he would instruct us and reveal the obscurity to all who truly believe in Jesus. There is nothing more delightful to the soul than he. O taste and see that the Lord is good!
Blessed are all that put their trust in him! Cast thy burthen on the Lord and he will sustain thee. Sweet is the sorrow produced by his word; for it gives us an aversion to all the consolations of time. Let us therefore seek refuge in G.o.d. Alas for thee, O thou that trustest to the doctrines of men, especially if they give rest to your conscience, for that rest is false and deceitful, proceeding from the thoughts of men, and preventing you from attaining that true rest, of which the Apostles speak, saying, _We do rest from our labours._ Take heed lest there be in any of you an evil heart of unbelief in departing from the living G.o.d.
Read the word and it shall teach you all things necessary to your salvation. If you say you do not understand it, behold the promise of St. James, _If any may lack wisdom, let him ask of G.o.d, who giveth to all men liberally and upbraideth not, and it shall be given him._ The divine word is a most precious treasure, from which all wise men are enriched. Drink from the fountain itself. Again, I say, vain is the philosophy of men; for it recommends to us doctrines newly invented, and prevents our increase in virtue, rather than promotes it. Cast it far from you."
This is what I wrote some time since, and I would revolve these thoughts in my mind at all times. The object in all that I have done, or attempted, or written, in this late occurrence, is, that I may act as a disciple and servant of Christ. I could not, therefore, receive any advice, which should direct me to hide my religion under a bushel. I cannot regulate myself by any rules contrary to those of Christ; for I believe that all who follow his word in truth, are the good grain, and that all those who add to his word, are the tares sown by the enemy, which shall soon be gathered in bundles and cast into the fire unquenchable. And I beg every member of my sect, i. e. of the Maronite church, who loves truth, if he sees me in an error to point it out to me, that I may leave it, and cleave to the truth. But I must request those who would rectify my views, not to do as did a priest at Beyroot, who after a considerable discussion, denied the inspiration of the New Testament. Men like him I do not wish to attempt to point out my errors; for such men, it is evident, need rather to be preached to, than to preach; and to be guided, rather than to guide. But if any understanding man will take the word of G.o.d and prove to me from it any doctrine whatever, I will respect him and honour him with all pleasure. But if a doctrine cannot be established thus, it is not only opposed to the doctrines of Christ, but to the views of the early christians, the fathers of the church; such as St. Ephraim and others. Such doctrines I cannot confess to be correct, although it should cost me the shedding of my blood. Be it known, that I am not seeking money, nor office; nor do I fear any thing from contempt, nor from the cross, nor from the persecution of men, nor from their insults, nor their evil accusations, so far as they are false. For I am ready for the sake of Christ to die daily, to be accounted as a sheep for the slaughter, for he, in that he suffered being tempted, is able to succour those that are tempted. I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that shall be revealed in us. I believe that Jesus is our High Priest for ever and hath an unchangeable priesthood, wherefore he is able to save them to the uttermost that come unto G.o.d by him, for he is the one Mediator between G.o.d and man, and he ever liveth to make intercession with the Father for us; and he is the propitiation for our sins, and to him be glory with the Father and his Holy Spirit of life for ever and ever--_Amen._
I would only add, if there is any one, whoever he may be, that will shew me to be under a mistake, and that there is no salvation for me unless I submit to the pope, or at least shew me that it is lawful to do so, I am ready to give up all my peculiar views and submit in the Lord. But without evidence that my views are thus mistaken, I cannot give them up, and yield a blind obedience, until it shall be not only _told_ that I am mad, but until I shall be so in _fact_, and all my understanding leaves me. Not until men shall have burned not only the Bibles printed by the English, but all the Bibles of the world. But these two things, understanding and the Bible, I pray G.o.d to preserve both to me and to all the followers of Christ, and that he will preserve and save all you, my friends, in the Lord.
ASAAD SHIDIAK.
_Interview with several of his Relatives._
6. Among those who came to see Asaad to-day, were three of his brothers and an uncle. Mansoor, the oldest of the brothers, we had never before seen. He is a furious bigot, and perfectly ignorant and regardless of the first principles of religion. The second, Tannoos, or Antony, has lived among us as a teacher, and has good native and acquired talents; but, though he might be a protestant if he were left at liberty, he thinks it altogether preposterous to attempt to quarrel with bishops and patriarchs on the subject of religion.
These two brothers, and the uncle, (the last worse than the first,) came and conversed together with Asaad in his chamber a considerable time.
Hearing them very earnest, I took the liberty also to go in. They continued their rebukes and arguments, (especially the uncle,) in so harsh and unfeeling a manner, that it made me tremble to hear them. They contradicted Asaad, scoffed at and threatened him, calling him possessed, mad, under the power of Satan, and so on. Asaad consented to go home and leave the English, which was the great point they wished to gain, provided they would get an a.s.surance from the patriarch in writing, to say, on the faith of a christian, that he would not molest him.
"But," said they, "then you must hold your tongue, and not broach your new opinions among the people."
"What," replied Asaad, "must I go and live like a _dumb_ man? No, that I will never do. My religion binds me not to do it. I must love my neighbour as myself."
"Why do you not go," said they, "to the Druses, and the Moslems, and preach the gospel to them? You answer, because there is danger. So there is danger in the present case; this is not a land of liberty, therefore be silent."
_Asaad._--"Secure me but the free exercise of my conscience, and I will go with you. My religion is my all, and I must be free in it."
_They._--"We can give you no such security. n.o.body dares go to the patriarch with such a request. You cannot be permitted to publish your notions abroad among the people."
"Then," said Asaad, "there is no more to be said;"--rising, and with clasped hands walking the room;--"_Religion unshackled--Religion unshackled_, is my doctrine."
They rose and left the room in an angry despair. Mansoor returned, and wished to speak a word with Asaad at the door. In a moment, Asaad returned. "Do you know what Mansoor has told me?" said he. "His last words were, "Even if the patriarch and the emir should do nothing; if they make no attempts to take your life; be a.s.sured, _we ourselves_ will do the work: so take heed to your self accordingly.""
Asaad was much affected by the interview. As soon as he found himself at liberty, he stepped up into the loft where he sleeps, and threw himself on his couch in prayer.
While in this att.i.tude his next younger brother, Galed, knocked at the door. I called to Asaad to inform him of the fact; but he gave me no answer. I then invited Galed to another room, where Asaad soon joined us with a full and heavy heart. The two brothers saluted each other with embarra.s.sment. Asaad evidently wished to be alone, and the brother, after a few mild, unmeaning inquiries, left him.
_Begins to converse more pointedly with the People._
7. I yesterday advised Asaad to direct his conversations with the people, as much as possible to their hearts, and say little or nothing on the corruption of their church. He objected to the counsel. I referred him to similar advice he gave me some months ago. "Ah," said he, "I thought so then, but I now see that you cannot stir a step, but you meet some of their corruptions." However, he to-day made the experiment, and held an hour"s conversation with two visiters on the subject of regeneration. They both thought themselves renewed, but took too little interest in the subject to confine their attention to it.
"You see," said Asaad, after they had gone, "how little they feel on such a subject. It is painful to talk with such men. I would rather see them contradict, and dispute, and get angry, or any thing, than to appear so dead."
_Interview with a younger Brother._
Asaad"s brother Galed came again to-day, and discovered more feeling than yesterday on the subject of his brother"s leaving the English. He said he had brought an insupportable shame upon the family. Asaad insisted, that such shame was no argument whatever for his leaving us; that all the disciples of Christ were to expect it as a thing of course.
Galed a.s.sured him, that n.o.body would think of molesting him, if he were at Hadet. I asked Galed if his brother Mansoor did not threaten yesterday to kill him. He turned away, colored, and muttered something that I did not understand; but the whole was a full acknowledgment of the fact.
Asaad said, "I cannot confide in you."
"But," said Galed, "if any one were disposed to take your life, could they not do it as well here, as at home?"
I answered, "no; that the emir Beshir himself could not enter my house without my permission, and that if the relatives of Asaad did not cease from their threats, I should feel myself bound to shut them out of it."
After a long conversation, at the end of which he found Asaad as inflexible as ever, he rose abruptly, and was going out without a compliment, when Asaad started up, and asked, "Well, what do you conclude to do? Do you really intend to send some a.s.sa.s.sin to take my life in my room?" The youth, without deigning to look at him, closed the door in sullen grief, and departed.
Asaad turning to me, said, "I cannot please these people. Whatever I say, they are sure to be angry. Soft words, or hard words, it makes no difference to them. They come as if I were under their kingly authority.
They lay hold of my cloak, and say, "Give me this." If I say, "I will not give it," they are angry; and if I reason with them with all the mildness of which I am capable, and say, "Cannot you be accommodated elsewhere? Can you not wait upon me in a few days?" &c. they are equally angry."