Having omitted to remove the elastic band prior to descent, Herr Franz von Flopp feels that the trial exhibition of his new parachute is a failure.]
[Ill.u.s.tration: Old Saws and New Meanings----By Bairnsfather.
There is certainly a lot of truth in that Napoleonic maxim, "An army moves on its stomach."]
[Ill.u.s.tration: n.o.bbled.
""Ow long are you up for, Bill?"
"Seven years."
"Yer lucky ----, I"m duration."]
[Ill.u.s.tration: The Intelligence Department.
"Is this "ere the Warwicks?"
"Nao. "Indenburg"s blinkin" Light Infantry."]
[Ill.u.s.tration: Valuable Fragment from Flanders: It All Comes to This in Time.
"This interesting fragment, found near Ypres (known to the ancients as Wipers), throws a light on a subject which has long puzzled science, i.e., what was the origin and meaning of those immense zigzag slots in the ground stretching from Ostend to Belfort? There is no doubt that there was some inter-tribal war on at this period."--_Extract from_ "_The Bystander_," A.D. 4916.]
[Ill.u.s.tration: In Nineteen Something: General Sir Ian Jelloid at Home.
Having picked up this cherished possession for a mere song at a sale near Verdun, the General has now let his country seat, "Shrapnel Park,"
and says he finds the new abode infinitely cheaper, and not a bit draughty, if you keep the breech closed.]
[Ill.u.s.tration: In and Out (I).
That last half-hour before "going in" to the same trenches for the 200th time.]
[Ill.u.s.tration: In and Out (II).
That first half-hour after "coming out" of those same trenches.]
[Ill.u.s.tration: THE 1ST BLOBSHIRE RIFLES EXPERT GAS & BOMB MANIPULATORS TRENCHES TAKEN AT SHORTEST NOTICE COUNTER ATTACKS QUOTED FOR OUR SPECIALITY: HOLDING MINE CRATERS FOR 24 HOURS
TELEGRAPHIC ADDRESS "PLUMAPPLE" PLUGSTREET
Pushfulness at Plug Street.
Colonel Ian Jelloid, of the Blobshire Rifles, being an energetic and businesslike man, believes in advertising as an antidote to stagnant warfare.]
[Ill.u.s.tration: His Secret Sorrow.
"I reckon this bloke must "ave caught "is face against some of them forts at Verdun!"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: Are you there?
"Only just"
"S.O.S."
The Hard Lines of Communication.]
[Ill.u.s.tration: The New Submarine Danger.
"They"ll be torpedoin" us if we stick "ere much longer, Bill."]
[Ill.u.s.tration: This interesting view for 6 months ... or
This for half an hour
War!
--As it is for most of us.]
[Ill.u.s.tration: A Matter of Moment.
"What was that, Bill?"
"Trench mortar."
"Ours or theirs?"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: The Saint.
That indiscriminating orb, the moon, gives Private Scattergood a saintly appearance, sadly out of keeping with his thoughts. He"s filling 100 sandbags at 11 p.m.]
[Ill.u.s.tration: Those Tubular Trenches.
"Is this right for "eadquarters?"