"Here"s more to-morrow," was his toast, and he seemed to toss it off at a single swallow.
"By Jawve!" drawled Paulding. "You must be thirsty!"
"I am. Have been all day, as I said before. It was hard stuff last night, and we went the rounds. My head needed hooping when I arose from my downy couch this morning."
"Well, you shouldn"t have gotten intoxicated, in the first place," said Parker.
"I didn"t. It was in the last place. If I"d gone home before we struck that joint I"d been all right."
"Wow!" whooped Tad Horner. "You seem full of "em!"
"Oh, I am. I"ve been eating nothing but red pepper lately, and I"m hot stuff. Let"s have another one all around."
More ale was ordered.
"Your neck must be dry enough to squeak, old man," said Parker, addressing Browning. "It doesn"t seem natural for you to go thirsty.
Won"t you have just one?"
"Not one," smiled Bruce, lazily. "I"ve got too much flesh on me now, and I"m trying to get some of it off."
"Going to try for the football team--or what?"
"Nothing of that sort--but I have a reason."
"We know."
"You do?"
"Sure."
"What is it?"
"You"re laying for Merriwell, and you mean to do him. I am right, am I not?"
The king of the soph.o.m.ores smiled in a lazy way, but did not reply.
"That settles it," laughed Parker. "I knew I was right. Well, somebody must curry that young colt down and it must be done right away."
Browning showed sudden animation. He looked around at the faces of his companions and then said:
"This crowd is straight, and I am going to make a few remarks right here and now. I feel just like it."
"Drive ahead." "Go on." "We are listening."
"I am not inclined to talk this matter over publicly," said Bruce, "but I will say that the time is ripe to get after these confounded freshmen, and we must do it. I want to tell you what I found this morning. Open wide your ears and listen to this."
His companions were quite prepared to listen.
"You know I am getting up every morning and taking a stiff walk. I turn out at daybreak."
"Good gracious!" gasped Tad Horner. "How do you do it?"
"Well, I"ve got one of those electric alarm clocks, and I put it just as far away from my bed as possible."
"Why is that?"
"So I won"t get hold of it and smash thunder out of the thing when it gets to going. You know it won"t stop its racket till somebody stops it or it is run down, and it takes an hour for it to run down after it starts in to ring you up."
"By Jawve!" drawled Paulding; "I hawdly think I"d like to have one of the blooming things in my room."
"I don"t like to have one in my room, but it is absolutely necessary that I do. Hartwick, my roommate, admires it!"
The listeners laughed.
"I should think he might," said Puss Parker. "He"s got a temper with an edge like a cold-chisel."
"Oh, yes, he admires it! I"ve got so I believe I should sleep right through the racket, but he kicks me out of bed and howls for me to smother the thing. So you see I am bound to get up at the proper time.
Once I am out of bed, I stay up. The first morning after I bought the clock the thing went off just as it was beginning to break day. I got up and stopped it and then went back to bed. Hartwick growled, but we both went to sleep. I had been snoozing about five minutes when the clock broke loose once more. Hartwick was mad, you bet! I opened my eyes just in time to see him sit up in bed with one of his shoes in his hand.
Whiz! Before I could stop him he flung the shoe at the clock. I made a wild grab just as he did so, struck his arm, and disconcerted his aim.
The shoe flew off sideways and smashed a mirror. Hartwick said several things. Then I got up and stopped the clock again. I dressed and went out for my walk, leaving Hartwick in bed, sleeping sweetly. When I came back I found him, about half dressed, jumping wildly up and down in the middle of the bed, upon which was heaped all the bedclothes, all of Hartwick"s clothes except those he had on, all of mine, except those I was wearing, and as I appeared he shrieked for me to tear down the window shades and pa.s.s them to him quick.
""What"s the matter?" I gasped. "Are you mad?"
""Yes, I am mad!" he howled, tearing his hair. "I am so blamed mad that I don"t know where I am at!"
""But what"s the matter?"
""Matter! Matter! Hear it! Hear the daddly thing! It has driven me to the verge of insanity! I tried to stop it, but I couldn"t find how it works. And now I am trying to stifle it! Hear it! Oh, bring me a club!
Bring me something deadly! Bring me a gun, and I will shoot it full of holes!"
"Then I found that I could hear my clock merrily rattling away under that heap of clothes. It seemed to be defying Hartwick or laughing at him.
"I got him off the bed, pawed around till I found the clock between the mattresses, and then stopped it. Hartwick offered me three times what it was worth if I"d let him use his baseball bat on it. I told him it seemed to be a very willing and industrious alarm clock, and it was mine. I warned him to injure it at his peril. Since then I have learned how to stop it so it will stay stopped, but it barely commences to rattle at daybreak when I feel Hartwick"s feet strike me in the small of the back, and I land sprawling on the floor. That explains how I succeed in getting up at daybreak."
"You started in to tell us what you found this morning," said Punch Swallows, to Browning, lighting a fresh cigarette.
"So I did, and the alarm clock ran me off the trail. Well, I got up this morning as usual--when Hartwick kicked me out to stop the clock. I went out for my walk and crossed the campus. What do you think I found?"
"A diamond ring. We"ll all have ale."
"Oh, no, Tad, it wasn"t a diamond ring. I noticed something stuck up on one of the trees. It was a big sheet of paper, and on it was skillfully lettered these words:
""Bruce Browning will wear a new set of false teeth to chapel to-morrow morning.""
Browning stopped and looked around. He was very proud of his even, regular, white teeth. They were so perfect that they might be taken for "store teeth" at first glance, but a second look would show they were natural.
The sophs laughed, and Bruce looked indignant.