"There may be something in that," admitted Frank. "I knew a parson once on a time who never mentioned religion unless some one broached the subject, except when he was in the pulpit. His name was Lamfear. He did not go around with his face drawn down, asking everybody if they had received salvation and loved the Lord. I admired him more than any parson I ever knew, and I used to go to his church Sundays to hear him preach. He was a good man, although he seemed to enjoy seeing boys play baseball and skate and coast and fly kites. I remember that one time he put on skates himself, and took a spin on the river with the boys and girls. Now I know that man did more good by keeping still about religion than he could have done had he dinned it into the ears of everybody he met. Every one saw he was a good man, for his daily life told that. All the young folks admired him as much as they disliked another old parson who was forever talking about the wickedness of the world and the goodness of the Lord, and collaring persons everywhere to ask them why they did not attend church oftener. Good old Parson Lamfear! May his tribe increase!"
"Well," said Griswold, "we"ll let Parson Lamfear rest. What we want to know is if you are with us to-night."
"To go, or not to go? that is the burning question," murmured Browning, as, still stretched on his back, he struck a match, lighted a cigarette, dropped part of the match on his chin, and gave a howl of pain.
Frank suddenly made up his mind.
"I"ll go," he said.
CHAPTER XXV.
THE THEATRE PARTY.
It was a gay party that left South Middle that evening and started for the theatre. Merriwell had not said a word to Rattleton concerning the receipt of the second warning. A spirit of sheer reckless defiance led him to accept the invitation to the theatre, even though he had not wished to spend his time that evening in such a manner.
"This may be a jolly," he told himself; "if I were to stay away the fellows would have a horse on me sure."
Creighton had a beautiful tenor voice, and as they started out beneath the elms, he sang:
"I shot an arrow into the air, It fell to earth--I know not where----"
Danny Griswold seemed to take a fiendish delight in giving a humorous twist to anything sentimental, and so he interrupted with:
"The next day a man came around And sold me dead dog at a dollar a pound."
"If that were original I wouldn"t mind," said Creighton; "but you got it from some star vaudeville performance, you little runt."
"That"s where I get all my gags," frankly confessed Griswold. "I store them up for use, and they come in handy some time."
"Some time, when you spring a stale joke, I shall be led to a.s.sa.s.sinate you," declared Bruce Browning.
"Impossible!" cried Griswold. "That would be a crime."
"Well, what"s the odds?"
"You are too fat to commit a crime."
"How is that?"
"It is difficult for fat persons to stoop to anything low, you know."
"You seem to find considerable amus.e.m.e.nt because I am somewhat overweight," said Bruce, with attempted severity.
"Not at all," chirped Danny. "Some men are well enough in their weight, but this doesn"t apply to coal dealers."
"Say, Griswold," called Rattleton, "what"s the average fate for a wool--no, I mean the average weight for a fool?"
"A simple ton," replied the little fellow, quick as a flash.
Frank clapped Danny on the back.
"Good boy!" he exclaimed, laughing. "Rattleton didn"t get ahead of you that time."
"It is hard for anybody to get ahead of me," declared Griswold. "I am really a lively man in a footrace, for my father is a watchmaker, and he has given me instructions in the business."
"I fuf-fuf-fuf, fail to see huh-huh-how that applies," said Joe Gamp, a lad with a serious impediment in his speech.
"Why, you see I have learned how to make good time," chuckled Danny.
Gamp roared with laughter. He was a big, raw-boned, hulking fellow from New Hampshire, and his laugh was like the braying of a mule. Creighton had invited Gamp to the theatre for the amus.e.m.e.nt the country lad would provide.
"He"ll break the performers all up if he ever gets started laughing,"
said Charlie to Merriwell. "When he gets going in good style nothing will stop him."
There was something about the country boy that Merriwell liked. Frank quickly decided that Joe was a big-hearted, honest fellow, such a blunder-heels that he was certain to provoke ridicule, and yet thoroughly worthy and deserving.
In laughing, Gamp opened his mouth to the widest extent. He suddenly closed it, and clapped his hand to his jaw.
"Jee-ru-sa-lem!" he gasped; "there gug-gug-gug-goes that old aching tut-tut-tooth of mine! I was careless to let the night air gug-gug-get into it."
"Why don"t you have it pulled out?" asked Diamond.
"I"m going to have it pup-pup-pup-pulled and all the rest of my "tut-"tut-"tarnel teeth just as soon as I can afford the money to bub-buy a new set," declared Gamp, honestly.
"Why spend your money in such a foolish way?" said Griswold, with apparent seriousness. "Save the dentist"s bill. I know a dog that will insert a full set of teeth free of charge."
Open flew Gamp"s mouth again, and his braying laugh caused a pa.s.sing pedestrian to dodge so suddenly that he jumped from under his own hat.
"Say!" exclaimed Charlie Creighton, getting hold of Griswold; "save those till we get to the theatre. Then you can set him going, and we"ll have sport."
"Can"t save them," declared Danny. "They have to come when the opportunity offers."
And so they went on their way to the theatre, laughing and joking, singing s.n.a.t.c.hes of college songs, and having a jolly time generally.
Creighton had made no mistake in saying a large number of college lads would be present. It seemed that there were at least two hundred in the theatre, and it was apparent that they were there for "a racket."
The moment Creighton"s party entered the box a tall young man in the first row of orchestra seats arose and faced the house, soberly saying:
"Ladies and gentlemen, this is a most auspicious, not to say suspicious, occasion. It is probable that many of you were not aware that we were to be honored to-night by having the privilege of witnessing the performance in company with royal personages, but such is the fact. The party that has just entered the box on the right is the Prince of Chow-chow, who is accompanied by the Duke of Dublinstout, the Earl of Easytogetajag, the Emperor of Buginhishead, the High Mogul of Whooperup, the Chief Pusher of Whangdoodleland and the Great Muckamuck of Hogansalley. Gentlemen, it is your privilege to salute them."
Then every college boy in the house arose and bowed with great gravity toward the box.
"Well, this is sure to be a hot time!" laughed Merriwell, delighted.
"You bet it is!" a.s.sured Charlie Creighton. "We"ll make _Simon Legree_ regret that he is living."