"The moon was noon-high by then an" filterin" down through the leaves wonderful soft, an" things was still--I remember thinkin" it was like the hushin"-up before a bride comes in, but there wasn"t any bride.
"When we come to our house--just as we begun to smell the savoury bed clear out there on the walk--we heard something ... a little bit of a noise that I couldn"t put a name to, first. But, bless you, Calliope could. She stopped short by the gate an" stood lookin" acrost the road to the corner house where the New People lived. It was late for Friendship, but upstairs in that house a lamp was burnin". An" that room was where the little noise come from--a little new cry.
""Oh, Liddy," Calliope says--her head up like she was singin"--"Oh, Liddy--the New People have got their little child."
"An" I see, though of course she didn"t anywheres near realize it then, that she was plantin" herself another cedar."
XIX
HERSELF
After all, it was as if I had first been told about refraction and then had been shown a rainbow. For presently Calliope herself said something to me of her having been twenty. One would as lief have broken the reticence of a rainbow as that of Calliope, but rainbows are not always reticent. I have known them suggest infinite things.
In June she spent a fortnight with me at Oldmoxon house, and I wanted never to let her go. Often our talk was as irrelevant to patency as are wings. That day I had been telling her some splendid inconsequent dream of mine. It had to do with an affair of a wheelbarrow of roses, which I was tying on my trees in the garden directly the original blossoms fell off.
Calliope nodded in entire acceptance.
"But that wasn"t so queer as my dream," she said. "My dream about myself--I mean my rill, true regular self," she added, with a manner of testing me.
I think that we all dream our real, true, regular selves, only we do not dream us until we come true. I said something of this to Calliope; and then she told me.
"It was when I was twenty," she said, "an" it was a little while after--well, things wasn"t so very happy for me. But first thing I must tell you about the picture. We didn"t have so very many pictures. But in my room used to be an old steel engraving of a poet, a man walkin"
"round under some kind o" trees in blossom. He had a beautiful face an"
a look on it like he see heaven. I use" to look at the picture an" look at it, an" when I did, it seemed almost like I was off somewheres else.
"Then one night I had my dream. I thought I was walkin" down a long road, green an" shady an" quite wide, an" fields around an" no folks. I know I was hurryin"--oh, I was in such a hurry to see somebody, seems though, somebody I was goin" to see when I got to the end o" the road.
An" I was so happy--did you ever dream o" being happy, I mean if you wasn"t so very happy in rill life? It puts you in mind o" havin" a pain in your side an" then gettin" in one big, deep breath when the pain don"t hurt. In rill life I was lonesome, an" I hated Friendship an" I wanted to get away--to go to the City to take music, or go anywheres else. I never had any what you might call rill pleasure excep" walkin"
in the Depot Woods. That was a gully grove beyond the railroad track, an" I use" to like to sit in there some, by myself. I wasn"t ever rill happy, though, them days, but in the dream--oh, I was happy, like on a nice mornin", only more so."
Calliope looked at me fleetingly, as if she were measuring my ability to understand.
"The funny part of it was," she said, "that in the dream I wasn"t _me_ at all. Not me, as you know me. I thought somehow _I_ was that poet in my picture, the man in the steel engravin" with a look like he see heaven. An" it didn"t seem strange to me, but just like it had always been so. I thought I rilly was that poet that I"d looked at in the picture all my life. But then I guess after all that part wasn"t so funny as the rest of it. For down at the end o" the road somebody was waitin" for me under trees all in blossom, like the picture, too. It was a girl, standin" there. An" I thought I looked at her--I, the poet, you know--an" I see that the girl was me, Calliope Marsh, lookin" just like I looked every day, natural as anything. Like you see yourself in the gla.s.s.
"I know I wasn"t su"prised at all. We met like we was friends, both livin" here in the village, an" we walked down the road together like it had always been that way. An" we talked--like you do when you"re with them you"d rather be with than anybody else. I thought we was goin"
somewhere to see somebody, an" we talked about that:--
""Will They be home, do you think?" I says.
"An" the girl that was me says: "Oh, yes. They"ll be home. They"re always home," she told me. An" we both felt pleased, like when you"re sure.
"An" then--oh," Calliope cried, "I wish I could remember what we said. I wish I could remember. I know it was something that seemed beautiful, an" the words come all soft. It was like bein" born again, somewheres else. An" we knew just exactly what each other meant, an" that was best of all."
She hesitated, seeking to explain that to me.
"When I was twenty," she said, "I use" to want to talk about things that wasn"t commonly mentioned here in Friendship--I mean, well, like little things I"d read about noted people an" what they said an" done--an" like that. But when you brought "em up in the conversation, folks always thought you was tryin" to show off. An" if you quoted a verse o" poetry in company, my land, there was a hush like you"d swore. So gradually I"d got to keepin" still about such things. But in that dream we talked an"
talked--said things about old noted folks right out an" told about "em without beginnin" it "I happened to read the other day." An" I know I mentioned the sun on the leaves an" the way the clouds looked, right out, too, without bein" afraid the girl that was me would think I was affected. An" I said little things about--oh, like about goblins in the wood an" figgers in the smoke, without bein" scared that mothers would hear of it an" not let their children come to see me. An" then I made up things an" said--things I was always wantin" to say--like about expectin" to meet Summer walkin" down the road, an" so on: things that if I"d said so"s they"d got out around Friendship, folks would "a"
thought I was queer an" not to be trusted to bring up their mail from town. I said all those kind o" things, like I was really born to talk what I thought about. An" the girl that was me understood what I meant.
An" we laughed a good deal--oh, how we laughed together. That was "most the best of all.
"Well, the dream dwindled off, like they will. An" when I woke up, I was nothin" but Calliope Marsh, livin" in Friendship where folks cut a loaf o" bread on a baker"s headstone just because he _was_ a baker. Rill life didn"t get any better, an" I was more an" more lonesome in Friendship.
Somehow, n.o.body here in town rilly matched me. They all knew what I said well enough, but when I spoke to "em about what was rill interestin" to me, seemed like their minds didn"t _click_, with that good little feelin" o" rilly takin" it in. My _i_-dees didn"t seem to fit, quite ball an" socket, into n.o.body"s mind, but just to slide along over. And as to _their_ i-dees--I rec"lect thinkin" that the three R"s meant to "em Relations, Recipes, an" the Remains. Yes, all I did have, you might say, was my walks out in the Depot Woods. An" times like when Elder Jacob Sykes--that was Silas"s father--said in church that G.o.d come down to be Moses"s undertaker, I run off there to the woods feelin" all sick an" skinned in soul, an" it sort o" seemed like the gully understood.
An" still, you can"t be friends when they"s only one of you. It"s like tryin" to hold a dust-pan an" sweep the dirt in at the same time. It can"t be done--not thorough. An" so settin" out there I used to take a book an" hunt up nice little things an" learn different verses, in the hopes that if that dream _should_ come back, I could have "em to tell--tell "em, you know, to the girl that was me. Because it hed got so by then that it seemed to me I was actually more that poet than I was Calliope Marsh. An" so it went along till the day I met him--the man, the poet."
"The man!" I said. "But do you mean _the_ man--the poet--the one that was you?"
Calliope nodded confidently.
"Yes," she said, in her delicate excitement, "I do. Oh, I"ll tell you an" you"ll see for yourself it must "a" been him. It was one early afternoon towards the end o" summer, an" I knew him in a minute. I"d gone up to the depot to mail a postal on the Through, an" he got off the train an" went into the Telegraph Office. An" the train pulled out an"
left him--it was down to the end o" the platform before he come out. He didn"t act, though, as if the train"s leavin" him was much of anything to notice. He just went up an" commenced talkin" to the baggageman, Bill. But Bill couldn"t understand him--Bill was sort o" crusted over the mind--you had to say things over an" over again to him, an" even then he "most always took it different from what you meant. So I suppose that was why the man left him an" come towards me.
"When I looked up in his face I stood still on the platform. He was young. An" he had soft hair, an" his face was beautiful, like he see heaven. It wasn"t to say he was _exactly_ like my picture," Calliope said slowly. "For instance, I think the man at the depot had a beard, an" the poet in my picture didn"t. But it was more his look, you might say. It wasn"t like any look I"d ever seen on anybody in Friendship. His hands were kind o" slim an" wanderin", an" he carried a book like it was his only baggage. An" he had a way--well, like what he happened to be doin" wasn"t all day to him. Like he was partly there, but mostly somewheres else, where everything was better.
""Perhaps this lady will know," he says--an" it wasn"t the way most of "em talks here in Friendship, you understand--"I"ve been askin" the luggageman there," he says, an" he was smilin" almost like a laugh at what he thought I was goin" to answer, "I"ve been askin" the luggageman there, if he knows of a wood near the station that I shall be likely to find haunted at this hour. I"ve to wait for the 4.20, an" it"s a bad time of day for a haunted wood, I"m afraid. The luggageman didn"t seem to know."
"An" then all at once I knew--I knew. Why, don"t you see," Calliope cried, "I had to know! That was just the way we"d talked in my dream--kind of jokin" an" yet meanin" somethin", too--so"s you felt all lifted up an" out o" the ordinary. An" then I knew who he was an" I see how everything was. Why, the girl that was me an" that was lonesome there in Friendship _wasn"t_ me, very much. Me bein" Calliope Marsh was the chance part, an" didn"t count. But things was rilly the way I"d dreamed o" their bein." Somehow, I had another self. An" I had dreamed o" bein" that self. An" there he stood, on the Friendship depot platform."
Calliope looked at me wistfully.
"You don"t think I sound crazy, do you?" she asked.
And at my answer:--
"Well," she said, brightening, "that was how it was. An" it was like there hadn"t been any first time an" like there wouldn"t be any end.
Like they was things bigger than time--an" lots nicer than life. An" I spoke up like I"d always known him.
""Why, yes," I says to him simple, "you must mean the Depot Woods," I said. "They"re always kind o" haunted to me. I guess the little folks that come in the en-gine smoke live in there," I told him, smilin"
because I was so glad.
"I remember how su"prised he looked an" how his face lit up, like he was hearin" English in a heathen land.
""Upon my word," he says, still only half believin" in me. "An" do you go there often?" he ask" me. "An" I daresay the little smoke folk talk to you, now?" he says.
""I go "most every day," I told him, "but we don"t say very much. I guess they talk an" I listen," I says.
"An" then the funny part about his askin" Bill for a haunted wood come over me.
""_Bill!_" I says. "Did you actually ask Bill that?"
"Oh, an" how we laughed--how we laughed. Just the way the dream had been. It seemed--it seemed such a sort o" _special_ comical," Calliope said, "an" not like a Sodality laugh. "Seems though I"d always laughed at one set o" things all my life--my everyday life. An" this was a new recipe for Laugh, flavoured different, an" baked in a quick oven, an" et hot.
"Well, we walked down the road together, like it had always been that way. An" we talked--like you do when you"re with them you"d rather be with than anybody else. An" he ask" me, grave as grave, about the little smoke folks.
""Will They be home, do you think?" he says.