To pa.s.s a plate with a knife or fork upon it, or a cup with a spoon in it, are acts of rudeness. Put your spoon in the saucer, and your knife and fork on the table, until you are served.
Never hurry away from the table as soon as you finish eating, if others remain to converse. If you are obliged to leave before a meal is finished or immediately after, ask to be excused for so doing, and apologize for the necessity.
Never mention at the table any subject that is likely to disgust others. It is a piece of rudeness only too common, and is to be severely censured. Many who are utterly without affectation are really sensitive on such points, and their meal and comfort are both spoiled if disgusting a.s.sociations are suggested at table.
At home, if you use a napkin-ring, fold your napkin and replace it in the ring when you have done with it. If you are dining out, never fold your napkin, but place it beside your plate.
None but a clown would use the table-cloth for a napkin, pick his teeth with his fork, put his fingers in his plate, or wipe his face with his napkin.
If you are unfortunate enough to find anything disgusting in your food--a hair in the soup, a coal in the bread, a worm in the fruit, or a fly in your coffee--do not loudly exclaim, or disturb the appet.i.te of others by mention of your mishap. Remove the disgusting object quietly, or change your cup or plate without remark.
The French poet, Delille, tells of an interview between himself and Marmoutel, which rather humorously points out how table etiquette may change.
Delille and Marmoutel were dining together, in the month of April, 1786; and the conversation happened to turn upon dinner table customs. Marmoutel observed how many little things a well-bred man was obliged to know, if he would avoid being ridiculous at the table of his friends.
"They are, indeed, innumerable," said Delille, "and the most annoying fact of all is, that not all the wit and good sense in the world can help one to divine them untaught. A little while ago, for instance, the Abbe Cosson, who is Professor of Literature at College Mazarin, was describing to me a grand dinner to which he had been invited at Versailles, and to which he had sat down in the company of peers, princes, and marshals of France.
""I"ll wager now," said I,"that you committed a hundred blunders in the etiquette of the table."
""How so?" replied the Abbe, somewhat nettled. "What blunders could I make? It seems to me that I did precisely as others did."
""And I, on the contrary, would stake my life that you did nothing as others did. But let us begin at the beginning, and see which is right. In the first place, there was your table napkin--what did you do with that when you sat down to table?"
""What did I do with my table napkin? Why, I did like the rest of the guests: I shook it out of the folds, spread it before me, and fastened one corner to my b.u.t.ton-hole."
""Very well, _mon cher_, you were the only person who did so. No one shakes, spreads, and fastens a table napkin in that manner.
You should have only laid it across your knees. What soup had you?"
""Turtle."
""And how did you eat it ?"
""Like every one else, I suppose. I took my spoon in one hand and my fork in the other."
""Your fork? Good heavens! None but a savage eats soup with a fork. But go on. What did you take next?"
""A boiled egg."
""Good. And what did you do with the sh.e.l.l?"
""Not eat it, certainly. I left it, of course, in the egg-cup."
""Without breaking it through with your spoon?"
""Without breaking it."
""Then, my dear fellow, permit me to tell you that no one eats an egg without breaking the sh.e.l.l, and leaving the spoon standing in it. And after your egg?"
""I asked for some _boulli_."
""For _boulli_!" It is a term that no one uses. You should have asked for beef; never for _bouilli_. Well, and after the _bouilli_?"
""I asked the Abbe de Badenvillais for some fowl."
""Wretched man! Fowl indeed! You should have asked for chicken or capon. The word "fowl" is never heard out of the kitchen. But all this applies only to what you ate; tell me something of what you drank, and how you asked for it."
""I asked for Champagne and Bordeaux from those who had the bottles before them."
""Know, then, my good friend, that only a waiter, who has no time or breath to spare, asks for Champagne or Bordeaux. A gentleman asks for Vin de Champagne and Vin de Bordeaux. But now inform me how you ate your bread."
""Undoubtedly like all the rest of the world: I cut it up into small square pieces with my knife."
""Then let me tell you that no one cuts bread; you should always break it. Let us go on to the coffee. How did you drink yours?"
""Pshaw! At least, I could make no mistake in that. It was boiling hot; so I poured it, a little at a time, in the saucer, and drank it as it cooled."
""_Eh bien_! Then you a.s.suredly acted as no other gentleman in the room. Nothing can be more vulgar than to pour tea or coffee into a saucer. You should have waited till it cooled, and then have drunk it from the cup. And now you see, my dear cousin, that so far from doing precisely as the others did, you acted in no one respect according to the laws prescribed by etiquette.""
ETIQUETTE WITH CHILDREN.
IT is against the rules of strict etiquette to take a child when making formal calls, as they are a restraint upon conversation, even if they are not troublesome about touching forbidden articles, or teasing to go home.
Never take a child to a funeral, either to the house of mourning or to the cemetery.
Never allow a child to take a meal at a friend"s house without special invitation. It is impossible to know how much she may be inconvenienced, while her regard for the mother would deter her from sending the little visitor home again.
Never allow a child to handle goods in a store.
Never send for children to meet visitors in the drawing-room, unless the visitors themselves request to see them. Make their stay then very brief, and be careful that they are not troublesome.
Never take a child to church until it is old enough to remain perfectly quiet. Although you may be accustomed to its restless movements, and not disturbed by them, others near you will certainly feel annoyed by them.
It is not etiquette to put a child to sleep in the room of a guest, nor to allow children to go at all to a guest"s room, unless especially invited to do so, and even then to make long stay there.
Etiquette excludes children from all companies given to grown persons, from all parties and b.a.l.l.s, excepting such as are given especially given for their pleasure.
When invited to walk or drive, never take a child, unless it has been invited, or you have requested permission to do so; even in the latter case, the consent is probably given more from good nature than from any desire to have a juvenile third to the party.
Never crowd children into pic-nic parties, if they have not been invited. They generally grow weary and very troublesome before the day is over.
Never take a child to spend the day with a friend unless it has been included in the invitation.
Never allow children to be in the drawing room if strangers are present.
Never allow children to handle the ornaments in the drawing room of a friend.
Never allow a child to pull a visitor"s dress, play with the jewelry or ornaments she may wear, take her parasol or satchel for a plaything, or in any way annoy her.