Ever since we were moved to this room, we"ve been having more peaceful times.
After all, the only danger here is the medicine during meal time. For normal children, it"s the same as torture but, for better or for worse, I"m here. Better yet, it"s just downgraded to something to increase magic power.
It also helps when practicing how to control magic power and lately I"ve been sending some magic power to the girl as well, so her magic power has probably increased a lot.
So, we just mostly spend our time either reading books– as suspected, it was by the man"s orders –, studying, singing, or sleeping. There hasn"t been any attempt to on her life as she sleeps, too.
The girl"s dances have been evolving day by day and lately I noticed that she has been dancing while being conscious of her body movement, even her fingertips.
Even if she"s just twirling, her center is so stable, even I can tell the difference. Still, I"m not really well-learned about dancing - or even singing, to be honest - so I don"t really know how it looks to other people.
The food, as usual, is hard bread and weak tasting soup. It doesn"t taste anything special but just the fact that it does have taste makes it completely different from when we were at the cell.
Still, since she"s always on her guard on the only time that there are any other people, she really gives a cold and unfeeling impression. Well I do think that it"s just natural, seeing at how they treated her.
She also leaves the same impression when she"s reading by herself, but when she"s teaching me and dancing, she smiles quite a lot.
Because of her smile, I can still keep going on. Seeing it this way, I really can"t thank her enough.
I wonder how long it has been since we started this unchanging life.
I finally have better understanding of this world"s language, so we decided to officially have a proper talk with each other.
After all, even though we"ve been with each other for years, we don"t even know each other"s name. It might have been better for me to have introduced myself when I was already able to talk even with broken speech. However, since our situation is quite complicated, I wouldn"t have been able to explain to her with a limited vocabulary.
Besides, she likely doesn"t have a name. She seems to understand the concept of what a name is, but she doesn"t seem to know if she has one.
At the very least, even during meal time, the masked-faced butler hasn"t called her by name. He always used words that are roughly 「Hey」or 「You.」
If you ask me, using my name when I was alive would probably need some explanation, since it sounds completely different to the language here. And most of all, since I"ve already died using my old name feels weird, so I"m practically half-nameless now.
Again, I"m still hesitating on telling her that I was formerly male.
After all, all the men around her are her enemies. Rather, around her are nothing but men and nothing but enemies. And since that incident, I suspect that she at least has a considerable issue with men.
I might need to say it someday, but I don"t think that it needs to be now. If possible, I"d like at least make sure that I can support her until we can escape and find her a place where she can live in peace.
And now, we"re about to have our first conversation, but having a heart to heart talk with a someone the age of a primary school student feels really bizarre .
Though in her case, she"s awfully wise and matured for her age, so I"m instead worried that I"m the one that"s going to be seen as the younger one.
「In this situation, I"m supposed to introduce myself first, right? But I think you"ve already noticed, I don"t have a name.
That"s why, can I ask yours instead? 」
『For now, my name is「Ainsel.」 Please call me Ain.』
This name was something I thought about using if I ever manage to communicate with her.
Ainsel is just something I borrowed from one of story I"ve heard before. Rather than my old name, I feel like this one is more fitting for me. With how smart she is, she probably already noticed that it"s just an alias.
The polite speech is the only way that I could think of hiding my masculine speech habits. She might find it the way I talk weird especially with how I"m not used to the language yet, but it"s better that her knowing I was a man.
Even her way of speaking is a bit awkward, so I"ll just consider that we sound just about the same.
After all, except when talking to me, she only speaks as little as possible. At worse, even just this exchange might be more than how much she had spoken in the past few days to people other than me.
And maybe being happy to have something to call me, she repeatedly whispers Ain to herself for a few times.
「Hey, Ain. I know that we probably have a lot of things we want to say to each other.
But before that, let me thank you. I"m sure that the only reason I"m still here, is because Ain protected me, right?
If Ain wasn"t there, I would have definitely died. And if I hadn"t heard your song, I probably would have given up on life.
That"s why, thank you, Ainsel. I"m sorry that I haven"t said it before.」
『–』
Her words had made all of my hardships ever since being reborn feel like it was worth doing it after all.
These past years, all my effort wasn"t just pointless. I"ve saved a life. Just hearing it, saved me.
However, I know that I"m not someone qualified to receive her grat.i.tude.
My contrasting senses of fulfillment and guilt clash inside me, I can"t think of words. If this goes on, I might start endlessly apologizing, just as I did on that day.
If I do that, only I would feel gratification, I"m sure that she"ll only be bothered.
But even if I don"t do anything, probably already bothered by me, she worriedly asks 「……Ain?」 and tilts her head.
『I, was unable to protect you. For that reason, I"m, not qualified to receive your grat.i.tude.』
I was so lost for words that I ended up saying these shameful words. However, it"s still my true thoughts.
I can"t take back what I said, so I wait for her reply feeling like a criminal waiting for their judgment. Then, she shakes her beautiful white hair and denies my words.
「That"s impossible. Ain"s songs, have always healed my heart.」
『Still….. I was the cause, for your lifelong scar. Just when I should"ve to protected you, if I was just, just more cautious of that man……!』
Unable to honestly embrace her kindness, I forget myself squeeze my words out.
However, as though to forgive all of my failures, she smiles to me with and starts spinning her words.
「Ainsel. My gentle person. It was inevitable.
No matter how much you could"ve protected me, my father, that man would have never given up.
After all, I was born only for that moment. If ever we had displeased that man, he would have killed us. That"s why, it"s alright. More importantly, I"m really glad that that man didn"t discover Ain.」
『…… But still!』
「Of course I know that, as a girl, it might cause some problems in my life later on.
I don"t really feel it, though.
But you know, it"s doubtful that I can even live in the first place.」
Certainly, in this mansion, you can never be sure with your life.
A powerless infant would probably die in a day. An ignorant child would be lucky to last two. Even a grown adult could die here any time.
As long as we"re in this mansion, if that man"s aim was her virgin blood, no matter how much I protect her he would probably never stop.
In that sense, it certainly may have been inevitable and was probably a necessary rite. But still, I just can"t accept it.
「More importantly, I have something to ask you, Ain. 」
『Me?』
When I was about to sink into my own thoughts, she called out to me.
The sudden change in topic was probably her way of distracting me from my thoughts. As I suspected, this child is clever.
Rather, maybe it"s me that"s not good in communicating. It"s been a few years since I"ve talked to someone like this. I might have forgotten how.
「Would you think of a name for me」
『A name?』
「Ainsel is also a name Ain came up with, right? That"s why, it shouldn"t be hard, I think.」
『So it really was obvious…… my alias.』
「Ain didn"t really try to hide it, after all. But still, I won"t ask why, so don"t worry.」
She lets out a giggle saying so.
I"d be troubled if she ever expands on the topic, so I replied 『Understood.』 and decided to think of a name.
Looking at her, the ones that probably make most of an impression to me are her jewel blue eyes and now white hair.
Her white hair itself looks quite healthy compared to an elderly white.
Blue and white. The first things that come to mind are…… the sea and sky of my previous life. Will it be the same color in this world, too? Wondering so, what came to mind was a name a.s.sociated with them.
『How does Cielmer sound?』
「Cielmer…… in that case, intimate people would call me Ciel, right?
Thank you for the beautiful name. Until now and from now on, please take care of me, Ain.」
『Of course, Ciel.』
She, Ciel, smiled at me happily so, even just in my mind, I smiled back.
Lately we"ve spent peaceful times here, but having a moment this tranquil may be the first time.
Singing is enjoyable too, but it"s a different, enjoyable gentle time. Now that I can talk, I desperately wish for more of these kinds of days.
Heya! Today it ends with a bit of good vibes, it seems.
Sat.u.r.day chapter time! Or more like, I can only post on either Wednesday or Sat.u.r.day now! So yeah, I"m going to be a bit busier for 2 months, so at worst I"ll be posting only on Sat.u.r.days. For Succubus, I"m cooperating with SirMetal and Re:Library so it"ll be more consistent in updates.
So yeah, as usual, please feel free to comment any typos, constructive criticism, nonconstructive criticism if you"re feeling spicy, general opinions, theory crafting even, edit fixes needed and any suggestions. Thank you for waiting and see you soon.
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