"You want me in your life?" She could not believe this was happening. "And you want me to trust you? Are you kidding?"
"I"m definitely not kidding," he answered, his expression calm, his gaze turbulent.
Taking a deep breath, she tried to calm her agitated nerves. "Fine. You want to be with me? How about you come with me and my dad to Aspen for the New Year?" She threw the offer out, not meaning it. She had no plans on spending it with her father, but she wanted to see what Nick would say.
Her dad would probably kill her for bringing Nick. And prior to this major confession, she hadn"t a clue there was any animosity between them.
How in the dark had she been these last few years?
Nick grimaced. "h.e.l.l no. I don"t want to ring in the New Year with Walter Cavanaugh." He practically spit out her dad"s name.
"Right, because you"re with me out of some sort of twisted revenge, and you"re trying to get back at my father," she threw back at him.
He ran a hand through his hair, sighing in defeat. "I"m not, Will. I swear to G.o.d. I want you. But not like this."
Not like this. Meaning he wanted her to change or disown her father or...G.o.d. She had no idea what he wanted from her.
"You should go," she said, dropping her gaze so she didn"t have to look at him any longer. It was painful, letting him go.
Again.
"You want me to leave." His voice was flat, devoid of any emotion.
"Yes." She nodded and chanced a glance at him, immediately wishing she hadn"t.
He looked upset. Angry. More than anything, he looked sad. Defeated.
"No matter what, I can"t win with you, huh?" He blew out a heavy breath. "I"m honest with you and you tell me to leave anyway."
"Did you just hear yourself? Everything you said?" She refused to feel guilty for pushing him away. He deserved the push.
He asked for the push.
"I know it sounds bad but it"s not. I swear to G.o.d, darlin". I care about you. I want you back in my life on a permanent basis."
"You say you do, but then you go and admit the only reason we"re together in the first place is because you blackmailed me into going out on dates so you can get back at my father. And that"s all sorts of messed up, you know?"
"I never freaking said that. You put words in my mouth."
"How can I trust you?" She let out a shuddery exhale. "Even if we did get back together, it"s always going to lurk in the dark corners of my mind that you"ll leave me."
"You have zero faith in me, huh? I can"t ever get past what happened when I wasn"t even the one who wanted to break up. Your father threatened me. Told he he"d ruin my career, ruin my life. I was young and dumb and scared s.h.i.tless."
"Your career was worth more than me," she whispered.
"f.u.c.k yes, it was! I worked practically my entire life to make it into the NFL! My parents were counting on it. My friends were counting on it. My entire d.a.m.n hometown was counting on it, and I didn"t want to f.u.c.k it up. I only just met you, Will. You were so beautiful and sweet and smart and every time I touched you, you responded like I was the best thing that ever happened to you. The only thing that ever happened to you. I-I was so f.u.c.king in love with you but I didn"t realize it then. I wanted you, but I couldn"t disappoint my family. I couldn"t let go of my dream."
"Couldn"t let go of your dream for the girl you loved? I...I get it." She did get it. Her heart cramped with his admission. He"d loved her. She"d loved him. They"d never said it to each other once. She would"ve killed to hear those words drop from his too perfect, too s.e.xy lips. She just did. But he"d said it in past tense.
He wasn"t in love with her now.
"That"s not fair-" he started but she cut him off.
"Life isn"t fair," she countered.
"You"ll never let me back in, will you? I f.u.c.ked up. And I can"t guarantee I won"t do it again but I swear to G.o.d, I"m a better man now that I have you back in my life. You"ve changed me. I know what I want." His eyes softened. "And I want you."
"I want to believe you," she whispered. "Really I do."
They remained silent for so long she was afraid to look at him. She kept her focus on her lap once more, sitting cross-legged on the bed, having the most important discussion of her life, and it was crumbling right before her eyes.
The mattress shifted as Nick climbed out of the bed and she looked up, watched as he slipped on his clothes methodically, his expression grim, his eyes dark with anger.
Shock coursed through her. Had she ever seen him look that mad? "So you"re leaving?"
"Isn"t that what you want? This isn"t going to work and you know it. I"m honest with you, and you still toss it back in my face. You can"t even trust me to f.u.c.king stay with you." He slipped on his jeans, zipped, and snapped them closed. "I was twenty-one. Twenty-stupid-one and you won"t ever let me forget how I tossed you aside like yesterday"s trash. You don"t think that bothers me? That I don"t beat myself up for it every single day? I hate that I hurt you so much. I hate that you didn"t know how much I wanted to stay with you when your father pushed me right out of your life. And I was too much of a p.u.s.s.y to tell him to f.u.c.k off and be with you anyway. I was in love with you, Will. I bet you didn"t know that, huh?"
No way did he just say that again.
"I left and I felt empty without you. Only you could make me whole, but you were off-limits. So life went on. I played ball, I traveled a lot, and I met a bunch of women. My life turned into one big, never-ending party. Girls just wanted to get with me, you know?"
She flinched. "I don"t want to hear about all your other girls."
"Fine. You"re right. They don"t matter. You"re the only girl who matters. You"ll always be the only girl who matters to me. But I guess I f.u.c.ked it up too much to make it work. So I"m outta here."
He fled her bedroom, and she scrambled out, following right behind him, still clutching the sheet to her naked body. "So this is how it"s going to end?" Why did she just ask that? And why did she want him to stay? He used her. Everything he said she couldn"t take at face value. He was a liar.
He was in love with you. He probably still is. And you"re in love with him.
She stopped short, her lips parted, the words dying to fall from her tongue. But she clamped her mouth shut before she could say them and make a fool of herself.
"Yep." He wouldn"t even look at her. Just headed straight toward her door with all the determination of a p.i.s.sed off bull looking again for that flash of red. "Just know that I"m not the only one behind our first breakup. Remember that."
Her heart twisted. She could hardly wrap her head around the idea of her father telling Nick to leave her alone. Was it the truth? It had to be. Nick wouldn"t lie to her about something like that. "What about our remaining dates?" she called to him, wishing he would look at her. "We still have three to go."
"Consider them canceled." He reached for the door handle and paused, his back still to her, his shoulders hunched.
She had the sudden urge to run to him, to cling to his body and quietly beg him not to leave. Plead with him to come back to bed so they could snuggle. h.e.l.l, she even wanted to...apologize. And she rarely apologized.
What would she do without him? Just that quick, he"d wormed his way into her life-and heart-and now just as quick, he was leaving her?
Typical.
"Then go," she whispered. "Leave, like you"re so good at. I dealt with your abandonment before. I can deal again."
"That"s not fair." His voice was ragged as he tipped his head down, hitting the door with a soft thump.
"I never said I played fair. You never did either." She closed her eyes, trying to stop the tears that threatened, but it was no use. One slipped down her cheek, not that he would ever see it. He wouldn"t even look at her. "Just go," she whispered.
And he did.
"So what happened? Did you convince Willow to go back home with you for Christmas?" Harvey asked hopefully.
They"d just come in from a particularly brutal practice. The last thing Nick wanted was to talk to the overeager publicist. "Aren"t I Aubrey"s responsibility now?"
Harvey flashed him a smile. "She"s handling an interview for Foley at the moment. Besides, this was our deal, right? So tell me. What"s going on?"
"Nothing. Absolutely nothing"s going on." Nick headed into the locker room, Harvey trailing after him. "She"s not going with me, Harv, so quit following my a.s.s."
"She"s not going with you? Are you serious?" Harvey asked incredulously. "d.a.m.n it, I just sent out a press release about your relationship."
Of course he did. "Don"t I sound serious enough for you?"
Harvey stopped short when Nick turned on him. "What happened? Did she say no?"
"We split up," Nick answered grimly. h.e.l.l, he didn"t know what else to say. How can two people who were never really together break apart? He still couldn"t believe he"d confessed everything, come clean with her, and she still pretty much tossed him out on his a.s.s.
Well, he could believe it. He looked like a jerk for what he did. But his blackmail scheme had quickly turned into something else. Something real. Brought all of those old dormant feelings he had for Willow roaring back to the surface.
He was in love with her. And she hated him. Still blamed him for their split, even though her father had played a heavy hand in their demise.
That hurt. And p.i.s.sed him off. Though really the only person he could be angry at was himself.
"Now I have to rescind that press release. h.e.l.l." Harvey ran a hand through his hair though not a strand fell out of place. "Well, that"s a d.a.m.n shame but seriously? She was never the one for you. Too bossy, too tough. You were a miserable son of a b.i.t.c.h the entire time you were with her."
Nick wanted to plow his fist into Price"s smug face. Christ, he was an a.s.shole. "How do you even know how long I was with her? Never mind, it doesn"t matter."
"Take Aubrey. She"s more than willing to go, I"m sure."
"I am not taking that sweet girl to go meet my parents under false pretenses. h.e.l.l no." Nick shook his head.
"Listen." Harvey glanced around, making sure no one was paying them any attention, and no one was. Players tended to scatter when Harvey was in the locker room. "I think the two of you would make a fabulous, for real couple. Give her a chance."
Nick scrubbed a hand across his jaw, suddenly weary with all the bulls.h.i.t. Beyond weary. More like completely intolerant. "Did Aubrey put you up to this? Is she crushin" on me or something?"
"Of course not."
"Then stop. Just stop with the matchmaking or whatever the h.e.l.l you want to call it. Makes no d.a.m.n sense, Harvey. You get Jared and Sheridan hooked up and now you think we all need someone by our side? I don"t get it."
"I think she"s sweet and funny and would tolerate your a.s.s. Much easier than Willow Cavanaugh," Harvey sneered.
"Say one more bad thing about her and I"ll knock you on your a.s.s," Nick threatened, his voice tight.
"Whoa, sorry there, tiger. Didn"t realize you still had a thing for her." Harvey shook his head.
"It"s only been a few days, a.s.shole. Of course I still have a thing for her." He blinked. Hard. d.a.m.n, he would always have a thing for her.
Why did it take him this long to realize it?
"But why?" When Nick c.o.c.ked his hand back, ready to sock Harvey in the mouth, the publicist threw his hands up in front of him. "I"m only asking because the entire time you two were secretly together, you were a grump. The fans were concerned. They missed their happy-go-lucky Nick."
Letting his arm fall to his side, he thought about what Harvey said. He"d been a grump because at first, the s.e.xual frustration was getting to him. Then, Willow herself started getting to him. Until finally, he flat out missed her when he didn"t have her around.
d.a.m.n it, he wanted what Jared and Sheridan had. He wanted Willow at the games, giving him a good luck kiss before he ran out to the field, cheering him on. He wanted her tough as nails and full of sa.s.s, or soft and sweet and s.e.xy as h.e.l.l in his bed. More than anything, he wanted her to trust him that he"d never screw it up.
"You know what"ll make me happy?"
Harvey"s eyes lit up. Nick would bet a million dollars he thought he had the answer. "What?"
"Having Willow by my side, as a permanent part of my life. That"s the only thing that would make me truly happy," Nick said grimly.
"Not even a potential Super Bowl win could cheer you up? I have a feeling we"re going all the way. It"s looking good so far."
Speculation was high and they still had two playoff games to go. Nick believed deep in his heart it could happen, too, but he refused to even talk about the possibility for fear of jinxing them. He was superst.i.tious as h.e.l.l. They all were. "There"s a lot of time between now and the freaking Super Bowl, Price. So stop talking like that." Shaking his head, he turned away from Harvey, dismissing him without a word.
After he changed he fled the locker room, acknowledging no one, not even Jared. He wasn"t in the mood to talk. He wasn"t in the mood for anything but Willow and since that wasn"t going to happen any time soon, he was headed home. To the s.h.i.tty condo he owned nearby with the lacking furniture, the blank walls, and the giant TV. He"d watch some SportsCenter and go to bed because...yeah.
That"s all he had now. And wasn"t that pitiful as s.h.i.t?
"Hey Nick, can I talk to you?" called a voice from behind him as he headed out to the parking lot.
Nick inwardly groaned. He"d recognize that voice anywhere. "Not now, Foley. I"m in a hurry."
Flynn jogged over so he walked beside him. "Ah, come on. It"ll only take a minute. It"s just one question."
Nick stopped, turning so he faced Foley. Might as well get this over with. "Shoot."
"Well, I"ve overheard some talk coming from the publicity camp. What"s this about you and Aubrey?" Flynn lifted an expectant brow, his gaze intent as he waited for Nick to answer.
Nick frowned. "What about me and Aubrey?"
"Are you two seeing each other?" Foley didn"t move so much as a muscle. In fact, he held Nick"s stare, looking downright territorial.
Interesting.
"What if we were?" Nick contemplated Flynn. He was a good-looking kid. Sorta shy with the women, which of course, the women loved. He was fast gaining a legion of female fans. Word on the street was that he was a freaking virgin and the women ate that up with a spoon.
The idea of de-virginizing the virgin stud football player got a lot of women hot, apparently.
Flynn clearly wasn"t amused. "Well, are you or aren"t you seeing her? It"s a simple question."
Nick wanted to laugh. Flynn Foley was clearly irritated with the idea that he and Aubrey could be seeing each other. Was Flynn hot for the new publicist? He never seemed hot for any woman. "We"re not seeing each other."
A smile flickered on Flynn"s face. "Really?"
"Really. That"s just Harvey talking out his a.s.s." Nick shoved at Flynn"s shoulder. "You like her?"