I rub my cheek against his, drawing in his familiar scent. "Because I know you."
Gray is very still for a breath. Then he eases back. His hands settle on either side of my neck, his fingers so long they bracket my jaw. Gently, as though I"m suddenly breakable, he presses a kiss to my forehead, my cheeks, my closed eyes, the tip of my nose, and finally my lips.
"Every inch, Ivy," he whispers against them.
I open my eyes and smile. My arms wind around his neck, holding him close. "You said that once, before your last game. But you never really told me what it means."
Gray"s hands move to my waist. "Before you, it meant I"ll fight for every inch of yardage, never give up until I"m in the end zone. But now?" His blue eyes meet mine. "It means I"ll fight for every inch of you. That I love every inch of you."
For a second, the air between us goes heavy and still. His words settle on me like a warm blanket. It sinks beneath my skin when he slowly smiles, as if he"s realized what he"s said and likes it.
"I love you, Ivy Mac." His smile grows and he cups my cheek. "I really do. So much." A husky laugh leaves him. "It feels good saying that."
He loves me. No man has ever said those words to me. I"ve never wanted to hear them from anyone else but Gray.
I draw in a tremulous breath, my heart swelling within my chest. "I love you too."
The corners of his eyes crinkle. "Yeah?"
Standing on my toes, I softly kiss his forehead, his cheeks, eyes, his smiling mouth. "Every inch, Cupcake."
Gray sighs and hugs me close, his lips skimming along my neck. "I"ve never been in love before."
I have to smile as I snuggle closer. "Neither have I."
Gray breathes in deep. "Drew was right. It"s better than football."
A shocked laugh bursts out of me. "Oh, wow. That"s huge."
Gray pulls back to look down at me. The love in his eyes comes through crystal clear. "Huge as in, "Oh Gray, let me give you a celebratory b.l.o.w. .j.o.b" huge?"
I give him a look. "You"re killing the moment, Cupcake."
But Gray grins, his big hand caressing my side. "It"s turning you on. Just admit it."
I snicker, leaning into his touch. "Yeah, okay," I whisper. "A little." s.e.xy stranger Gray was exciting, but this is the Gray I love with all I am.
He chuckles low, contented, and gently cups my breast. "I knew it." He palms me, moving in a slow circle. "Let"s go home, and we can celebrate properly."
I"m about to agree when he hits a spot that is tender. "Ow, careful."
Gray frowns. "That hurt you?"
"Yeah, it"s a little sore."
His face grows eerily blank as he gently touches the spot, then draws a sharp breath. "What the f.u.c.k?"
"What?" I ask, alarmed.
"This," Gray hisses, wrenching my shirt further down. With a grim look, he bends close and prods at my breast. "This...lump." The word comes out like a curse.
Frowning, I bat his hand away and feel for myself. Okay, there"s a small lump on the fleshy side of my breast. "Huh. I"ve never noticed that."
"Never noticed?" he cries in outrage. "Jesus, Ivy. Don"t you check your b.r.e.a.s.t.s?"
Normally I"d laugh, never expecting a guy to even know about that. But this is Gray. He"s seen his mom die from breast cancer. So I keep my voice low, calm. "Of course I do. This is new."
"New?" He presses his fingers to his eyes. "f.u.c.k. f.u.c.k." His hand falls and he levels me a blue-eyed glare. "You have to get it checked. Now."
"I can"t go now. It"s late at night-"
"We"ll go to a clinic." He paws at my breast again, moving it this way and that, angrily prodding it as if he can will the lump away.
"Gray," I snap, pushing at his hand and trying pull up my shirt. "Would you stop?"
"No." He"s beside himself, his voice almost shrill. "Are you even listening to me? You need to get this checked."
My temper breaks. "Calm the f.u.c.k down. Someone is going to come in here any second."
As if timed, there"s a knock on the door and a tentative, "Uh, is everything okay in there?"
"Fine," I shout, just as Gray yells, "Go away."
"Not helping," I snarl at Gray. But the distraction lets me get my top up and my b.r.e.a.s.t.s covered.
"I give a f.u.c.k what that guy out there thinks," Gray snaps back. "You"re not taking this seriously. You have a lump." He"s shouting now. "A G.o.dd.a.m.n lump. Do you even care?"
I"ve never seen him like this. His skin is ashy, his eyes wide and wild. He"s shaking so hard now, I"m afraid for his health. "Gray, baby, you need to calm down. It"s okay-"
"It"s not okay," he bellows. "You have a lump. f.u.c.k." Gray stumbles back, his hip hitting a shelf and sending brooms clattering to the floor like matchsticks. "f.u.c.k! I can"t..." He grabs the ends of his hair and clutches them as he stumbles backward to the door. "Can"t breathe."
"Gray!"
But he"s wrenching the door open. "I can"t do this again."
Before I can say another word, he flees. Gone so fast, I swear I feel the air stir. And I"m left alone, wondering what the h.e.l.l just happened.
Twenty-Five.
Ivy
It"s scary how quickly life can turn to s.h.i.t. One second, you"re the happiest you"ve ever been. The next, your head is spinning and your heart is a bleeding wound within your chest. Thirteen hours after Gray"s complete meltdown, I"m still reeling. And I can"t find him. He"s just gone.
Though hurt at Gray"s abandonment, I did as he asked. I"d swallowed back the urge to cry or rant and went to see the on-call doctor. One exam and a few tests later, I have my answers and am free to walk out of the clinic on legs that feel wooden and uncoordinated.
Standing on the sidewalk, I stare blankly at the parking lot. My brain has gone on vacation or something, because I can"t seem to process what I"ve been told. The results were not what I"d expected, not at all. In the distance, my little pink Fiat shines like a beacon. I focus on it, trying to bring my thoughts to order. Gray. I need to find him. I need him.
Hot rage surges up my throat, and I grind my teeth against the urge to scream. He left me. Ran away. And I know why, I do. It doesn"t stop the anger. Especially now.
I look down at the papers I"m clutching. My hand shakes a little, and I draw in a deep breath of cold December air.
Jamming the papers in my purse, I fish out my phone. The shaking has stopped, replaced by a steely determination that makes my muscles strain. Dialing, I start striding to my car.
Drew answers on the third ring.
"It"s Ivy." My throat feels like raw meat. "I can"t find Gray."
It"s hard telling Drew the whole, s.h.i.tty story. But he needs to know why Gray took off so he can help me track him down.
"h.e.l.l," Drew says when I finish. "I think I know where he might have gone. Let me talk to him, okay?"
"You do that." It amazes me how calm I sound. When inside, I"m falling apart.
"Ivy." Drew hesitates. "You have to understand-"
"I do," I cut in. "Doesn"t make it right."
"No," he agrees slowly.
I sigh, wrenching open my car door. "Just let me know when you find him. I..." My voice almost breaks. I keep it together with sheer force of will. "I need to talk to him."
"Will do," Drew says quietly. Then hangs up.
Sitting in the little car that still carries Gray"s scent, I wrap my fingers around the steering wheel. My nails dig into the puffy, pink grips as my breathing accelerates. I won"t cry. I won"t. But a sob breaks free.
I cry myself dry in the car where it all began.
Gray
I"ve got to go back. I need Ivy, and Ivy needs me. But I can"t seem to make myself move. I"ve been working out for hours, until my body gave out on me. Sitting on the floor of the team-gym showers isn"t productive, but the scent of bleach and deodorant is familiar. Safe.
It"s quiet now, the gym long since closed. So I sit, curled up in a corner, asking myself what the f.u.c.k I"m doing. No answers come. Only this sick, f.u.c.ked-up fear and the need to curl in on myself and shut everything out.
Some distant voice in my head tells me I"m losing my s.h.i.t in a big, bad way. On the field, I"m a fighter. I never give up. I have got to get my head in this. But everything is silent, numb.
"Thought I"d find you here."
I jump at the voice. My head is heavy as a rock when I lift it to find Drew in the doorway. I can"t seem to say a word. His cast thuds on the floor as he walks over. Slowly, he lowers himself next to me, his broken leg stretched out in front of him.
He doesn"t say anything, just sits close enough to press his shoulder against mine. And I remember. The night his parents died, I"d hunted him down, found him in the locker room of his school gym. I"d sat with him as he quietly lost it on my shoulder.
The memory works like a ball snap. All the terror and panic I"d been holding down rushes up. "f.u.c.k," I choke out, pressing my fists against my forehead as I bring my knees to my chest. "f.u.c.k."
Drew"s shoulder pushes harder against mine. "What"s going on, Gray?"
There"s a clump of pain inside my throat the size of a baseball. I push past it. "Ivy. She had a lump..." I take a harsh breath. "On her... And I remembered Mom. When she told me about the lump and how she- f.u.c.k."
I can"t breathe. I"m choking on my fear, my body shuddering. I don"t know when Drew put his arm around my shoulders. But he"s hugging me to his side. And it all pours out of me in the form of tears and snot. Not my best moment.
But Drew doesn"t care. He remains silent and lets me do what I need to.
"I can"t do this with Ivy," I rasp. "I can"t see her..." s.h.i.t, I"m going to lose it again.
Drew"s grip goes hard. "You don"t know what"s going on with Ivy."
I don"t, because I can"t handle knowing. But I can"t seem to handle not knowing, either. I have never run from adversity, and yet I just walked out on the most important person in my life. The thought makes me sick. "I"ve screwed this up badly."
"We all screw up. Kind of think it"s a requirement of being human."
I snort, but I"m too weak and sorry to really make a sound. "I"ve got to make this right."
"Yeah." Drew gives my head a tap. "But get yourself together, first. "Cause you look like s.h.i.t."
Wiping a hand over my face, I glance back at him. He smiles, but his expression is too serious to carry it off. Lightly, I elbow his side. "Thanks. For being here."
"Man, you know you don"t have to say that."
I do know that. He"s the brother I wish I had instead of the f.u.c.knozzles I"ve been stuck with.
Just like that, all things circle back to the family I have left and what I"ve lost. Blinking rapidly, I grind my fists against my lips. Because I need to find the one person I want to be my family. Ivy.
And I realize that she is here. She"s found me instead.