_Chat._ Thy needle, old witch! how so? it were alms thy soul to knock!
So didst thou say the other day, that I had stol"n thy c.o.c.k.
And roasted him to my breakfast, which shall not be forgotten, The devil pull out thy lying tongue and teeth that be so rotten!
_Gammer._ Give me my nee"le! as for my c.o.c.k, chould be very loth That chould here tell he should hang on thy false faith and troth.
_Baily._ Your talk is such, I can scarce learn who should be most in fault.
_Gammer._ Yet shall ye find no other wight, save she, by bread and salt!
_Baily._ Keep ye content a while, see that your tongues ye hold.
Methinks you should remember this is no place to scold.
How knowest thou, Gammer Gurton, dame Chat thy needle had?
_Gammer._ To name you, sir, the party, chould not be very glad.
_Baily._ Yea, but we must needs hear it, and therefore say it boldly.
_Gammer._ Such one as told the tale full soberly and coldly, Even he that looked on--will swear on a book-- What time this drunken gossip my fair long nee"le up took, Diccon, Master, the Bedlam, cham very sure ye know him.
_Baily._ A false knave, by G.o.d"s pity! ye were but a fool to trow him.
I durst aventure well the price of my best cap, That when the end is known, all will turn to a j.a.pe, Told he not you that besides she stole your c.o.c.k that tide?
_Gammer._ No, master, no indeed; for then he should have lied.
My c.o.c.k is, I thank Christ, safe and well a-fine.
_Chat._ Yea, but that rugged colt, that wh.o.r.e, that Tib of thine, Said plainly thy c.o.c.k was stol"n, and in my house was eaten.
That lying cut is lost that she is not swinged and beaten, And yet for all my good name it were a small amends!
I pick not this gear, hear"st thou, out of my fingers" ends; But he that heard it told me, who thou of late didst name, Diccon, whom all men knows, it was the very same.
_Baily._ This is the case: you lost your nee"le about the doors, And she answers again, she hase no c.o.c.k of yours; Thus in your talk and action, from that you do intend, She is whole five mile wide, from that she doth defend.
Will you say she hath your c.o.c.k?
_Gammer._ No, marry, sir, that chill not.
_Baily._ Will you confess her nee"le?
_Chat._ Will I? no, sir, will I not.
_Baily._ Then there lieth all the matter.
_Gammer._ Soft, master, by the way!
Ye know she could do little, and she could not say nay.
_Baily._ Yea, but he that made one lie about your c.o.c.k-stealing, Will not stick to make another, what time lies be in dealing.
I ween the end will prove this brawl did first arise Upon no other ground but only Diccon"s lies.
_Chat._ Though some be lies, as you belike have espied them, Yet other some be true, by proof I have well tried them.
_Baily._ What other thing beside this, dame Chat?
_Chat._ Marry, sir, even this.
The tale I told before, the self-same tale it was his; He gave me, like a friend, warning against my loss, Else had my hens be stol"n each one, by G.o.d"s cross!
He told me Hodge would come, and in he came indeed, But as the matter chanced, with greater haste than speed.
This truth was said, and true was found, as truly I report.
_Baily._ If Doctor Rat be not deceived, it was of another sort.
_Doctor Rat._ By G.o.d"s mother, thou and he be a couple of subtle foxes!
Between you and Hodge I bear away the boxes.
Did not Diccon appoint the place, where thou should"st stand to meet him?
_Chat._ Yes, by the ma.s.s, and if he came, bad me not stick to spit him.
_Doctor Rat._ G.o.d"s sacrament! the villain knave hath dress"d us round about!
He is the cause of all this brawl, that dirty s.h.i.tten lout!
When Gammer Gurton here complained, and made a rueful moan, I heard him swear that you had gotten her needle that was gone; And this to try, he further said, he was full loth; howbeit He was content with small ado to bring me where to see it.
And where ye sat, he said full certain, if I would follow his reed, Into your house a privy way he would me guide and lead, And where ye had it in your hands, sewing about a clout, And set me in the back-hole, thereby to find you out: And whiles I sought a quietness, creeping upon my knees, I found the weight of your door-bar for my reward and fees.
Such is the luck that some men gets, while they begin to mell.
In setting at one such as were out, minding to make all well.
_Hodge._ Was not well blest, gammer, to "scape that stour? And chad been there, Then chad been dress"d, belike, as ill, by the ma.s.s, as Gaffer Vicar.
_Baily._ Marry, sir, here is a sport alone; I looked for such an end.
If Diccon had not play"d the knave, this had been soon amend.
My gammer here he made a fool, and dress"d her as she was; And goodwife Chat he set to scold, till both parts cried, alas!
And Doctor Rat was not behind, whiles Chat his crown did pare.
I would the knave had been stark blind, if Hodge had not his share.
_Hodge._ Cham meetly well-sped already among"s, cham dress"d like a colt!
And chad not had the better wit, chad been made a dolt.
_Baily._ Sir knave, make haste Diccon were here; fetch him, wherever he be!
_Chat._ Fie on the villain, fie, fie! that makes us thus agree!
_Gammer._ Fie on him, knave, with all my heart! now fie, and fie again!
_Doctor Rat._ Now "fie on him!" may I best say, whom he hath almost slain.
_Baily._ Lo, where he cometh at hand, belike he was not far!
Diccon, here be two or three thy company cannot spare.
_Diccon._ G.o.d bless you, and you may be bless"d, so many all at once!
_Chat._ Come, knave, it were a good deed to geld thee, by c.o.c.k"s bones!
Seest not thy handiwork? Sir Rat, can ye forbear him?
_Diccon._ A vengeance on those hands light, for my hands came not near him.