I told her that I"d better get back to my apartment. She didn"t acknowledge me. I wanted to do something to help her.
"Would you like to get something to eat?" I asked meekly.
She shook her head.
"Do you want to write me another essay?" I asked. "Do you want to write about what just happened?"
Catrina liked to write essays, which I read so that we could discuss them. This was a good way for her to talk through her aspirations as well as the shadows of her past: intense poverty and a bad family situation that I was just starting to learn about.
She shrugged. I couldn"t tell if that meant yes or no.
"Well, I"m happy to read it if you do write something. Whenever."
"Thanks," she said. The barest hint of a smile came to her face, and she pushed her thick, black-framed gla.s.ses up on her nose. She started sniffling and reaching for a tissue. She looked no more than twelve years old. "I"ll see you around," she said. "I"m sure things will be okay."
With Catrina having gone quiet and Ms. Bailey at the hospital and C-Note and the other squatters nowhere to be seen, there wasn"t anyone left for me to talk with. I thought about visiting J.T., but every time I asked him anything about Ms. Bailey, he"d shut me down. "You want to know what she"s like, you you hang out with her," he said. "I ain"t telling you s.h.i.t." J.T. didn"t care much for Ms. Bailey"s authority, as it occasionally challenged his own. It was well within her power, for instance, to close off the lobby to his sales crew. J.T. wanted me to experience Ms. Bailey for myself to see what he had to deal with. hang out with her," he said. "I ain"t telling you s.h.i.t." J.T. didn"t care much for Ms. Bailey"s authority, as it occasionally challenged his own. It was well within her power, for instance, to close off the lobby to his sales crew. J.T. wanted me to experience Ms. Bailey for myself to see what he had to deal with.
I took the bus back to my apartment but decided to stop first at Jimmy"s, a local bar where a lot of U of C professors and students hung out. No one knew me there, and I could sit quietly and process what had just happened in my fieldwork. Sometimes I would go there to write up my notes, but more often I just sat and stared blankly into my gla.s.s. With increasing frequency, Jimmy"s was a ritual stop on my way home. At Jimmy"s, as at the best bars, no one cared what troubles I brought to the table. Most of the people were sitting alone, like me, and I figured they were dealing with their own problems.
Jimmy"s gave me a place to take off one hat (the fieldworker) and put on the other (the student). I needed this break, because I was starting to feel schizophrenic, as if I were one person in the projects-sometimes I caught myself even talking in a different way-and another back in Hyde Park.
Increasingly I found that I was angry at the entire field of social science-which meant, to some degree, that I was angry at myself. I resented the fact that the standard tools of sociologists seemed powerless to prevent the hardships I was seeing. The abstract social policies that my colleagues were developing to house, educate, and employ the poor seemed woefully out of touch. On the other hand, life in the projects was starting to seem too wild, too hard, and too chaotic for the staid prescriptions that social scientists could muster. It struck me as only partially helpful to convince youth to stay in school: what was the value in giving kids low-paying, menial jobs when they could probably be making more money on the streets?
In the poverty seminars that Bill Wilson sponsored, where some of the best academic minds congregated to discuss the latest research, I acted as if I had a unique insight into poverty by virtue of my proximity to families. I prefaced my questions by blurting out a self-serving objection: "No one here seems to have spent much time with the poor, but if you did, you would see that . . ." or, "If you actually watched poor people instead of just reading census tables, you would understand that . . ." I felt as though the other scholars were living in a bubble, but my arrogant tone did little to help anyone hear what I was trying to say. I worried that my behavior might embarra.s.s Wilson, but I was too bitter to take a moderate stance.
I wouldn"t say that I was disillusioned with the academic life per se. I still attended cla.s.ses, worked with professors and met my dead-lines, earned pretty good grades, and even received a few prestigious fellowships. I still saw myself on the road to being a professor like Wilson. But day by day, it was getting harder to reconcile my life at the U of C with my life in the projects.
Rather than sharing my frustration with my girlfriend, my room-mates, and my friends-most of whom were actually quite supportive and curious about my research-I just kept my experiences to myself. How could I explain the vigilante justice that C-Note and the others had just delivered? How could I explain my own role in the beating? I didn"t understand it myself, and I feared that I"d open myself up to my friends" advice: You need to call the police if they don"t. . . . You"re getting too involved. . . . You"ve gone too far. . . . You need to call the police if they don"t. . . . You"re getting too involved. . . . You"ve gone too far. . . .
When I did try talking about my fieldwork, I felt awkward. In fact, I sometimes came off as defending the gangs and their violent practices or as romanticizing the conditions in the projects. So, to stay sane, I"d usually just tell people about Autry"s work at the Boys & Girls Club or, if pushed, a few stories about life in the gang.
I was growing quieter and more solitary. My fellow graduate students and even some faculty members thought of me as unapproachable. Rumors circulated that I was too ambitious, too aloof, but I figured I"d just have to live with them. A small part of me hoped that life would get back to normal once my fieldwork was over. But the end didn"t seem very near, so I just kept to myself.
I was eager to know more about the incident with Bee-Bee. Why had Ms. Bailey sicced the squatters on him instead of leaving it to the police? Had Had the police been called-Catrina said they hadn"t, but I wanted to be sure-and if so, why didn"t they respond? What were the consequences for Ms. Bailey of taking such matters into her own hands? the police been called-Catrina said they hadn"t, but I wanted to be sure-and if so, why didn"t they respond? What were the consequences for Ms. Bailey of taking such matters into her own hands?
I waited until "check day" to go see Ms. Bailey. That"s when welfare checks were distributed, which meant that most tenants were out buying food and clothing and household items-and not, therefore, coming to Ms. Bailey with demands.
On the way up to her office, I stopped in to see J.T. He was lying on the sofa, watching TV. Ms. Mae gave me a big hug and told me to sit down for lunch. She had cooked some of my favorites-okra, greens, mac and cheese-and so I gladly obliged. J.T. quipped that I was eating his share of food. "You"re becoming the little brother I never wanted," he said.
I told him about Ms. Bailey and the Bee-Bee incident. "Oh, man!" he said with a laugh. "That"s why she"s so upset. She keeps asking if I"ve seen you."
"Why"s she upset at me me?"
"Because you beat the s.h.i.t out of that man, the one who beat Taneesha. I told you to be careful with Ms. Bailey, not to do things for her."
"First of all, I didn"t do anything. Blue was choking, so I kicked the guy to help him."
"That"s not really really why she"s upset." J.T. sat up. "She thinks that you were spying for us. Remember when I said that she doesn"t use us as much anymore? We could"ve taken care of the man who did that, but she didn"t ask us. She asked those fools, C-Note and those crackheads." why she"s upset." J.T. sat up. "She thinks that you were spying for us. Remember when I said that she doesn"t use us as much anymore? We could"ve taken care of the man who did that, but she didn"t ask us. She asked those fools, C-Note and those crackheads."
I knew that J.T. had tried to persuade Ms. Bailey to call him when a woman in the building got beat up. But I also knew, from Catrina, that Ms. Bailey wouldn"t call J.T. because his gang members were known to physically and s.e.xually abuse women.
By now J.T. was in lecture mode. "That"s why I told you not to do things with her. Because I can"t be there to protect you. She already knows that you"re with me, so she doesn"t trust you." According to this theory, Ms. Bailey must have thought I was spying for the gang, keeping track of how often she used non-gang affiliates for enforcing justice in the building. why I told you not to do things with her. Because I can"t be there to protect you. She already knows that you"re with me, so she doesn"t trust you." According to this theory, Ms. Bailey must have thought I was spying for the gang, keeping track of how often she used non-gang affiliates for enforcing justice in the building.
I was taken aback when J.T. said that I was "with" him. I hadn"t thought my relationship with J.T. would affect my work with Ms. Bailey-and I certainly wouldn"t have predicted she would see me as a spy. His casual aside left me unsure of how to talk with different people in the projects. Once again I was being asked to pick sides. Was it possible, I wondered, to be in the projects for any length of time and remain neutral, an outsider, an objective observer?
J.T. urged me to go see Ms. Bailey immediately. "You might as well deal with this s.h.i.t," he said. "It"s not going away." He changed the channel.
As I headed for Ms. Bailey"s office, I thought that I should probably just confess the truth: I hadn"t asked her permission to join C-Note, and I had partic.i.p.ated-however minimally-in the beating of Bee-Bee.
Catrina was leaving as I entered. She said nothing, just shook her head as if in disapproval. I stepped into Ms. Bailey"s office. "Ms. Bailey, I have to apologize." I told her about my involvement with Bee-Bee.
She stared at me for a while. I fidgeted.
"That"s not really what bothers me, Sudhir," she finally said. "What bothers me is that you are seeing things and you may not be ready for it."
"I"m not sure I understand."
"See, if you were in a war and you were a reporter, you could just say what"s going on. No one would be mad at you. But this ain"t a war. I try to tell you that all the time. It"s every day. every day. Every day something happens like what happened to "Neesha. And you"re getting yourself in the middle. People are saying, "Sudhir"s tough, he beat up that man almost by himself. He"ll do things for us." You understand why that"s a problem?" Every day something happens like what happened to "Neesha. And you"re getting yourself in the middle. People are saying, "Sudhir"s tough, he beat up that man almost by himself. He"ll do things for us." You understand why that"s a problem?"
"I"m not sure. You think they"ll hire me to beat up people?"
"They might, they might not. But they will will start talking about you. Sometimes they"ll give you credit, and sometimes they"ll blame you. Understand?" start talking about you. Sometimes they"ll give you credit, and sometimes they"ll blame you. Understand?"
I didn"t answer.
"And when you say, "No, I can"t help you with that," they"ll say, "But you helped "Neesha, so why won"t you help me?" Then they"ll say, "Sudhir don"t care about us, us," or "Sudhir is "Neesha"s manager." Then they"ll say, "Sudhir is working for Ms. Bailey, and he don"t do nothing unless he gets paid." Get it?"
"I think I get it." I sat silently and stared into my hands. "When do you think I should should see these things?" see these things?"
"Well, why why do you want to see what we do? I mean, why don"t you hang around the police? You should figure out why they don"t come." do you want to see what we do? I mean, why don"t you hang around the police? You should figure out why they don"t come."
"Ms. Bailey, I wanted to ask you about that. Did you really call the police? Or the ambulance?"
"Sudhir, the hardest thing for middle-cla.s.s white folk to understand is why those people don"t come when we call."
Ms. Bailey didn"t think I was actually white, but she always tried to show me how my middle-cla.s.s background got in the way of understanding life in the projects.
"They just don"t come around all the time. And so we have to find ways to deal with it. I"m not sure how much better I can explain it to you. Why don"t you watch out for the next few months? See how much they come around."
"What about Officer Reggie?"
"Yes, he"s a friend. But can I tell you how he can be helpful? Not by coming and putting Bee-Bee in jail. Because he"ll be out in the morning. But Officer Reggie can can visit Bee-Bee after we"re through with him. Maybe put the fear in him." visit Bee-Bee after we"re through with him. Maybe put the fear in him."
"Put the fear in him? I don"t understand."
"He could visit Bee-Bee and tell him that we won"t be so nice the next time he does that to "Neesha. If Bee-Bee knows that the cop don"t care if we kick his a.s.s, that may make him think twice. That That is what we need Officer Reggie for." is what we need Officer Reggie for."
"Ms. Bailey, I have to tell you that I just don"t get it. I"ve been watching you for a while, and it just seems to me that you shouldn"t have to be doing everything you"re doing. If you got the help you needed, you wouldn"t have to act like this."
"Sudhir, what"s the first thing I told you when you asked about my job?"
I smiled as I thought of something she"d told me months earlier: "As long as I"m helping people, something ain"t right about this community. When they don"t need me no more, that"s when I know they"re okay."
But she"d been helping for three decades and didn"t see any end in sight.
One day in the middle of February, the Wilson family lost their front door. The Wilsons lived on the twelfth floor, just down the hall from Ms. Bailey. Their door simply fell off its hinges, leaving the family exposed to the brutal cold of a Chicago winter.
Even with with a front door, the Robert Taylor Homes weren"t very comfortable in the winter. Because the galleries are outdoors, you can practically get blown over by the lake wind as you walk from the elevator to your apartment. Inside, the winter wind inevitably finds its way through the seams in the doorframe. a front door, the Robert Taylor Homes weren"t very comfortable in the winter. Because the galleries are outdoors, you can practically get blown over by the lake wind as you walk from the elevator to your apartment. Inside, the winter wind inevitably finds its way through the seams in the doorframe.
Chris Wilson worked for the city and moved in and out of Robert Taylor, living off-the-lease with his wife, Mari, and her six children. Chris and Mari were, unsurprisingly, pretty anxious when they lost their door. It wasn"t just the cold; they were worried about being robbed. It was common knowledge that drug addicts would pounce on any opportunity to steal a TV or anything else of value.
The Wilsons tried calling the CHA but got no response. They put up a makeshift door of wooden planks and plastic sheeting, but it didn"t keep out the cold. Neighbors who said they"d keep an eye on the apartment didn"t show up reliably. So after a few days, the Wilsons called Ms. Bailey.
Ms. Bailey leaped into action. She asked J.T. to station a few of his gang members in the twelfth-floor stairwells to keep out potential burglars. As a preventive measure, J.T. also shut down a nearby vacant apartment that was being used as a crack den. Then Ms. Bailey contacted two people she knew at the CHA. The first was a man who obtained a voucher so the Wilsons could stay at an inexpensive motel until their door was fixed. The second person was able to speed up the requisition process for obtaining a new door. It arrived two days after Ms. Bailey placed her first call.
The door didn"t come cheap for the Wilsons. They had to pay Ms. Bailey several hundred dollars, which covered the fees that she paid to her CHA friends, as well as an electrician"s bill, since some of the wiring in the Wilsons" apartment went bad because of the cold. Ms. Bailey presumably pocketed the rest of the money. Mari Wilson was, on balance, unperturbed. "Last summer we didn"t have running water for a month," she told me, "so one week without a door was nothing."
Having watched Ms. Bailey help women like Taneesha and families like the Wilsons, I was left with deeply mixed feelings about her methodology-often ingenious and just as often morally questionable. With such scarce resources available, I understood why she believed that the ends justified the means. But collaborating with gangs, bribing officials for services, and redistributing drug money did little to help the typical family in her building. Ms. Bailey had told me that she would much rather play by the rules if only the rules worked. But in the end I concluded that what really drove Ms. Bailey was a thirst for power. She liked the fact she could get things done (and get paid for it), and she wasn"t about to give that up, even if it meant that sometimes her families might get short shrift. Many families, meanwhile, were too scared to challenge her and invite the consequences of her wrath.
I was left discouraged by the sort of power bestowed upon building presidents like Ms. Bailey. People in this community shouldn"t have to wait more than a week to get a new front door. People in this community shouldn"t have to wonder if the ambulance or police would bother responding. People in this community shouldn"t have to pay a go-between like Ms. Bailey to get the services that most Americans barely bother to think about. No one in the suburb where I grew up would tolerate such inconvenience and neglect.
But life in the projects wasn"t like my life in the suburbs. Not only was it harder, but it was utterly unpredictable, which necessitated a different set of rules for getting by. And living in a building with a powerful tenant leader, as hard as that life could be, was slightly less hard. It may have cost a little more to get what you needed, but at least you had a chance.
SIX.
The Hustler and the Hustled Four years deep into my research, it came to my attention that I might get into a lot of trouble if I kept doing what I"d been doing.
During a casual conversation with a couple of my professors, in which I apprised them of how J.T."s gang went about planning a drive-by shooting-they often sent a young woman to surrept.i.tiously cozy up to the rival gang and learn enough information to prepare a surprise attack-my professors duly apprised me me that I needed to consult a lawyer. Apparently the research I was doing lay a bit out of bounds of the typical academic research. that I needed to consult a lawyer. Apparently the research I was doing lay a bit out of bounds of the typical academic research.
Bill Wilson told me to stop visiting the projects until I got some legal advice. I tried to convince Wilson to let me at least hang out around the Boys & Girls Club, but he shot me a look indicating that his position was not negotiable.
I did see a lawyer, and I learned a few important things.
First, if I became aware of a plan to physically harm somebody, I was obliged to tell the police. Meaning I could no longer watch the gang plan a drive-by shooting, although I could speak with them about drive-bys in the abstract.
Second, there was no such thing as "researcher-client confidentiality," akin to the privilege conferred upon lawyers, doctors, or priests. This meant that if I were ever subpoenaed to testify against the gang, I would be legally obligated to partic.i.p.ate. If I withheld information, I could be cited for contempt. While some states offer so-called shield laws that allow journalists to protect their confidential sources, no such protection exists for academic researchers.
It wasn"t as if I had any intention of joining the gang in an actual drive-by shooting (nor would they ever invite me). But since I could get in trouble just for driving around with them while they talked talked about shooting somebody, I had to rethink my approach. I would especially have to be clearer with J.T. We had spoken several times about my involvement; when I was gang leader for a day, for instance, he knew my limits and I understood his. But now I would need to tell him, and perhaps a few others, about the fact that I was legally obligated to share my notes if I was ever subpoenaed. about shooting somebody, I had to rethink my approach. I would especially have to be clearer with J.T. We had spoken several times about my involvement; when I was gang leader for a day, for instance, he knew my limits and I understood his. But now I would need to tell him, and perhaps a few others, about the fact that I was legally obligated to share my notes if I was ever subpoenaed.
This legal advice was ultimately helpful in that it led me to seriously take stock of my research. It was getting to be time for me to start thinking about the next stage: writing up my notes into a dissertation. I had become so involved in the daily drama of tagging along with Ms. Bailey and J.T. that I"d nearly abandoned my study of the broader underground economy my professors wanted to be the backbone of my research.
So I returned to Robert Taylor armed with two objectives: let people know about my legal issues and glean more details of the tenants" illegal economic activities.
I figured that most people would balk at revealing the economics of hustling, but when I presented the idea to J.T., Ms. Bailey, and several others, nearly everyone agreed to cooperate. Most of the hustlers liked being taken seriously as businesspeople-and, it should be said, they were eager to know if they earned more than their compet.i.tors. I emphasized that I wouldn"t be able to share the details of anyone else"s business, but most people just shrugged off my caveat as a technicality that could be gotten around.
So with the blessing of J.T. and Ms. Bailey, I began devoting my time to interviewing the local hustlers: candy sellers, pimps and prost.i.tutes, tailors, psychics, squeegee men.
I also told J.T. and Ms. Bailey about my second problem, my legal obligation to share notes with the police.
"You mean you didn"t know this all along?" Ms. Bailey said. "Even I I knew that you have to tell police what you"re doing-unless you give them information on the sly." knew that you have to tell police what you"re doing-unless you give them information on the sly."
"Oh, no!" I protested. "I"m not going to be an informant."
"Sweetheart, we"re all informants around here. Nothing to be ashamed of. Just make sure that you get what you need, I always say. And don"t let them beat you up."
"I"m not sharing my data with them-that"s what I mean."
"You mean you"ll go to prison?"
"Well, not exactly. I just mean I won"t share my data with them."
"Do you know what being in contempt means?"
When I didn"t reply, Ms. Bailey shook her head in disgust. I had seen this look before: she was wondering how I had qualified for higher education given my lack of street smarts.
"Any n.i.g.g.e.r around here can tell you that you got two choices," she said. "Tell them what they want or sit in Cook County Jail."
I was silent, trying to think of a third option.
"I"ll ask you again," she said. "Will you give up your information, or will you agree to go to jail?"
"You need to know that? That"s important to you?"
"Sudhir, let me explain something to you. You think we were born yesterday around here. Haven"t we had this conversation a hundred times? You think we don"t know what you do? You think we don"t know that you keep all your notebooks in Ms. Mae"s apartment?"
I shuddered. Ms. Mae had made me feel so comfortable in her apartment that I"d never even entertained the possibility that someone like Ms. Bailey would think about-and perhaps even page through-my notebooks.
"So why let me hang out?" I asked.
"Why do you want want to hang out?" to hang out?"
"I suppose I"m learning. That"s what I do, study the poor."
"Okay, well, you want to act like a saint, then you go ahead," Ms. Bailey said, laughing. "Of course you"re learning! But you are also hustling. hustling. And we"re all hustlers. So when we see another one of us, we gravitate toward them. Because we need other hustlers to survive." And we"re all hustlers. So when we see another one of us, we gravitate toward them. Because we need other hustlers to survive."