"_Da_," said he, "I am a lucky fellow. It is a great thing. Few men have had such an opportunity at twenty-five."
"_Nutchozh?_ And how do you propose to utilize it?" I asked.
"_Och_, I must conduct the paper on the same general lines," he said; "of course, with improvements."
"Amongst the latter the omission of the anti-Semitic bias, I hope."
He stared at me. "Certainly not. The proprietors make its continuance on the same general lines a condition. They are very good. They even guard me against possible prosecutions by paying a handsome salary to a man of straw. _Ish-lui_, it is a fine berth that I"ve got."
Should I tell him the thing was impossible--that he was a Jew? No; time for that when all other means had failed. "_Och_, you have accepted it?" I said.
"Of course I have, father. Why should I give them time to change their minds?"
"I should have thought you would have consulted me first."
"_Nu, uzh_, I have never consulted you yet about accepting work," he said in a wondering, disappointed tone.
"_Nuka_, but this puts you finally into a career, does it not?"
"Certainly. That is why I accepted it, and I thought you would be glad."
"That is why you should have refused it. But I _am_ glad all the same."
"I do not understand you, father."
"_Nuka_, _golubtchik_, listen," I said in my most endearing tone, drawing my arm round his neck. "Your struggles for existence were but struggles for the sake of the struggle. You are not as other young men. You have succeeded; and the moment you win the prize is the moment for retiring gracefully, leaving it in the hands of him who needs it. Your fight was but a game I allowed you to play. You are rich."
"Rich?"
"Rich! Nearly all my life I have been a wealthy man. I own land in every part of Russia; I hold shares in all the most successful companies. I have kept this knowledge from you so that you might enjoy your riches more when you knew the truth."
"Rich?" He repeated the word again in a dazed tone. "_Ach_, why did I not know this before?"
"You had not succeeded. You had not had your experience, my son, my dearest Paul. But now your work is over, or rather your true work begins. Freed from the detestable routine of a newspaper office, you shall write your books and work out your ideas at leisure, and relieved from all material considerations."
"_Da_, it would have been a beautiful ideal--once," he said; then added fiercely: "Rich? And I did not know it."
"But you were the happier for your ignorance."
"No, father. The struggle is too terrible. Often have I sat and wept.
_Ish-lui_, time after time my book--destined as it was to success--came back to me from the publishers. And I could have produced it myself all along!"
Pangs of remorse agitated me. Had my plan been, indeed, a failure?
"But you have the pride of unhelped success."
"And the bitter memories. And once--" He paused.
"Once?" I said.
"Once I loved a girl. She is dead now, so it doesn"t matter. There were many and complicated obstacles to our union. With money they would have been overcome."
"Poor boy!" I said wonderingly, for I knew nothing of this apparently new love episode. "Forgive me, my son, if I have acted mistakenly.
Anyhow, from this moment your happiness is my sole care."
"No," he said, with sudden determination. "It is too late now. You meant it for the best, _papasha_. But I do not want the money now. I have money of my own--and glory. Why should I give up what my own hands have won?"
"Because I ask it of you, Paul; because I ask you to allow me to make reparation for the mischief I have done."
"The truest reparation will be to let things go unrepaired," he said, with a touch of sarcasm. "I shall be happier as editor of this paper.
What finer medium for my ideas than a great newspaper? What more potent lever to my hand for raising Holy Russia to a yet higher plane?
No, father. Let bygones be bygones. Give my share of your wealth to a society for helping struggling talent. I struggle no longer. Leave me to go on in the path my pen has carved out."
I fell at his feet and begged him to let me have my way, but some obstinate demon seemed to have taken possession of his breast. I opened my desk and showered bank-notes upon him. He spurned them, and one flew out into the night. Neither of us put out a hand to arrest its flight.
I saw that nothing but the truth had any chance to alter his resolve.
But I played one more card before resorting to this dangerous weapon.
"Listen, my own dearest Paul," I burst out. "If money will not tempt you, let a father"s pet.i.tion persuade you. Learn, then, that I dread your taking this position because you will perpetually have to attack the Jews--"
"As they deserve," he put in.
"Be it so. But I--I have a kindness for this oppressed race."
He looked at me in silence, as if awaiting further explanation. I gave it, blurting out the shameful lie with ill-concealed confusion.
"Once upon a time I--I loved a Jewess. I could not marry her, of course. But ever since that time I have had a soft place in my heart for her unhappy race."
A look of surprise flashed into Paul"s eyes. Then his face grew tender. He took my hand in his.
"Father, we have a common sorrow," he said. "The girl I spoke of was a Jewess."
"How?" I exclaimed, surprised in my turn. It was the same affair, then.
"Yes, she was a Jewess. But I taught her the truth. Christ was revealed to her prisoned soul. She would have fled with me if we had had the means, and if I had been able to support her in some other country. But she did not dare be baptized and stay in Moscow or anywhere near. She said her father would have killed her. The only alternative was for me to embrace Judaism. Impossible as you may think it, father, and I confess it to my eternal shame, at the very period I was correcting the proofs of my book, I was wrestling with a temptation to embrace this Satanic heresy. But I conquered the temptation. It was easy to conquer. To renounce the faith which was my blessed birthright would, as you know, have cost me dear. Selfishness warred for once on the side of salvation. Rachel wished to fly with me. I knew she would have been poor and unhappy. I refused to take advantage of her girlish impetuousness. I heard afterward that she had drowned herself." The tears rained down his cheeks.
"We had arranged to wait till I could save a stock of money. _Voi_, the delay undid us. One day Rachel"s father called on me. He had got wind of our secret. He fell at my feet and tore his hair, and wept and conjured me not to darken his home and his life. A Jewess could only wed a Jew, he said. If I had only been born a Jew all would have been well. But his Rachel had, perhaps, talked of becoming a Christian. Did I not know that was impossible? As well expect the sheep to howl like the wolf. Blood was thicker than baptismal water. Her heart would always cleave to her own religion. And was my love so blind as not to see that even if she spoke of Christianity it was only to please me?
that she only kissed the crucifix that I might kiss her, and knelt to the Virgin that I might kneel to her? At home, he swore it with fearful oaths, she was always bitterly sarcastic at the expense of the true faith. I believed him. My G.o.d, I believed him! For at times I had feared it myself. I would be no party to such carnal blasphemy, and charged him with a note of farewell. When he went I felt as if I had escaped from a terrible temptation. I fell on my knees and thanked the saints."
"But why did you not tell me this at the time?" I cried in intolerable anguish.
"_Nu_; to what end? It would only have worried you. I did not know you were rich."
"And at this time you offered to send _me_ money!" I said, with sudden recollection.
"Since I had not enough, you might as well have some of it. Anyhow, father, you see all this has made no difference to me. I shall never marry now, of course; but it hasn"t altered the opinion I have always had of the Jews--rather corroborated it. Rachel told me enough of the superst.i.tious slavery amid which she was forced to live. I have no doubt now that her father lied. But for his pigheaded tribalism, Rachel would have been alive to-day. So why your love for a Jewish girl should make you tender to the race I do not see, dearest father.
There are always exceptions to everything--Rachel was one; the woman you loved was another. And now it is very late; I think I will go to bed."
He kissed me and went out at the door. Then he came back and put his head inside again. A sweet, sad, winning smile lit up his pale, thoughtful face.