It was high noon when he got there. Or rather, he was high and it was noon. Utopia didn"t look like much of a place-not any more, at least. There was a railway track, a small station house and a church, but the gra.s.s around it had grown high and the sign sticking out of it read, The Lak-of Fir-is real The Lak-of Fir-is real. The stores were boarded up but for the gas station, which looked like a giant corrugated tin can, cut in half, laid on its side with a storefront nailed on where the lid used to be. There was a large cardboard ice cream cone with three scoops and, next to that, a placard that read, The Best Darn Chips-EVER!!! The Best Darn Chips-EVER!!! Gas cost fifteen cents less than it did on the highway. Gas cost fifteen cents less than it did on the highway.
There was a quick ringing, like Tinker Bell descending. A heavy-set woman came out of the store and put her hand up, shielding her eyes and squinting at Mason, as if he emanated light.
"Hey there," he said. When he heard his voice he realized how f.u.c.ked up he was.
"Yup. What can I do you for?"
A tricky question at the best of times.
"Just pa.s.sing through," said Mason, which was a silly thing to say.
"How "bout something to drink?"
"Actually, I"ve got water."
"You want food?"
"I"ve got hotdogs and chips."
"Well, you you come prepared, don"t you?" She kept her hand up as a visor, and looked at the sky. He walked towards her. come prepared, don"t you?" She kept her hand up as a visor, and looked at the sky. He walked towards her.
"Do you want some?"
"What"s that?" She squinted back at him.
"A hotdog? Chips?" He didn"t know where he was going with this. As he came into the shade she dropped her hand and raised her eyebrows-as if only now she saw the city in him. He took off his sungla.s.ses. "I sell them."
"What, chips? You"re a travelling chip salesman?"
Mason laughed. "I own a hotdog cart. I"m a hotdog salesman." He opened his hands, as if to ill.u.s.trate: I, too, am in the roadside food industry I, too, am in the roadside food industry. "In fact," said Mason, "my cart broke down, back on the highway there."
"You"re selling hotdogs on the highway?" Apparently this was where the humour had been lurking. She said it slowly, emphasizing hotdogs hotdogs and and highway highway, then started to laugh, with little, ascending hoo-hoo-hoos hoo-hoo-hoos.
"Not exactly," said Mason. He looked around while she laughed it out. There was a sign hanging from the railway house. It said Constance Constance.
"I thought this was Utopia."
The woman caught her breath. "It is."
He pointed at the sign.
"Well it used to be Constance, when the train stopped here. Then after that, they changed it."
"To Utopia?"
"Come in," she said. "We"ll get you some lemonade."
"Anything stronger?"
She laughed again and Mason followed her into the store.
49. I mostly remember happy things.
50. Hospitals are better than parks.
By one o"clock he was back on the road. He"d traded in the plastic bag for a small backpack with a Canadian flag on it. In one hand he carried a beer, in the other a tiger-stripe ice cream cone. The cocaine made eating unpleasant and the ice cream was rapidly melting, his arm now streaked with orange and black stripes. Once out of view of the gas station he tossed the cone over a fence. He poured beer onto his arm to wash away the ice cream then poured some water to wash away the beer. The sun beat down.
He opened another can, and pulled out the map that Gas Station Joanie had drawn. "Google can"t help you here," she"d said, as she sketched: only two lines, but a half-dozen reference points. She"d said them aloud as she wrote them down: "The signpost with no sign ... Gary"s old Ford ... that electrical transformer thingy ... the Chalmers place (it"s got a busted swimming pool out front) ... the start of the woods ... a wet woodpile ... the turnoff to Apple Road ..." Mason stopped. At the mouth of the road, leading into an old-growth deciduous forest, was a signpost that read Apple Road Apple Road-the one marker she hadn"t included. It made the rest of them pointless.
He folded the map, put it back in the bag, and turned down the road into the forest. He looked around at the thick looming trees. No lack of fir here No lack of fir here, he thought. That was a good one. Gas Station Joanie would have liked it: hoo-hoo-hoo hoo-hoo-hoo.
Apple Road was long. Mason"s reborn love of travel receded, replaced by a tired nervousness. After a half-hour he stopped, opened another beer, did another line. His thoughts had been running away from him, disappearing into the dark parts of the wood.
What the h.e.l.l are you doing?
Do you even have a plan?
He decided to stop considering things, drank down half the beer, and kept on walking.
Finally he arrived at 10 Apple Road. The address was singed into a glossy piece of wood, chest high. Beneath the sign, hanging from gold chains was another piece of wood in the shape of an apple. It read The Follows The Follows.
The driveway was winding, so Mason couldn"t see the end of it. He drained his beer and put the can in his backpack.
What if no one"s home?
He stood there for a while, then looped the bag over one shoulder and headed down the driveway. He thought of doing another line, but his heart was already racing. And then he was there-out of the wood and into the clearing.
The house was large and rustic in a well-kept way. He could see roses on an arbour. In front of the house was lush green gra.s.s, then a gravel area where a dozen cars could park. Beyond the gravel-all the way to where Mason was standing-everything was bark mulch. To the left was a paddock, a barn and stables. Elm trees stood like quiet soldiers.
A woman emerged from the stables. "Hey," she said.
Mason almost said, Hay is for horses Hay is for horses, but he stopped just in time. He didn"t say anything.
She was tall and slender, in riding pants and a tight violet tank top bearing circles of sweat like dark, stylized hearts. There was dirt on her face. Again she said, "Hey."
"Hey," said Mason, and took a breath.
"What can I do for you?"
The syntax was normal, but still he thought of Gas Station Joanie. The beautiful woman was waiting. "I"m here to see Jonathan Follow," he said.
"Oh s.h.i.t." She tilted her head back and the tendons in her neck formed long shadows in the sunlight. "You"re the guy who called, aren"t you?"
"I ..."
She turned towards the house. "I left a message. I told you not to bother. He"s not even in the country right now."
Mason followed. "You didn"t say ..."
"I said not to bother. How"d you get this address?"
He was sweating, could feel it through his shirt. "It"s about his daughter."
"What?" She turned to face him. Her tank top was like the two of hearts.
Mason stammered. "I, I"m really sorry, but it"s really important. I know his daughter."
"Who?"
"Sissy."
"I"m Sissy." Sissy."
"Circe!"
"I"m Circe." Circe."
"No." His feet shuffled loudly in the gravel.
"Uh ... yeah." She looked at him like he was stupid. Or crazy. Or stupid and crazy and high.
He tried to check himself-pointed at her, then away, into the elms. "Circe Follow," he said, his voice dropping at the end. The tree branches seemed to do the same, reaching lower.
Elms ...
"I"m sorry, but you"re going to have to tell me what this is about."
"Jesus." Mason looked around. Everything was closing in. "Do you ... do you have a sister?"
"No." Her hands tightened at her sides.
"I"m ... this is important!" There was a wind picking up. Snorting from the paddocks. "You have horses."
"What is this about?"
"Do you-do you teach riding?"
"I used to, yes. Now what do you want?"
"There was a girl here. Sort of fat, with lots of acne, and orange hair. Or, I don"t know what her hair was like before ..."
"What are you talking about?"
Mason looked around, the wind lifting wood chips, dust rising from the paddocks, the heavy smell of horses.
She was here, once. And now she"s gone.
The scent like fresh mourning overtook him. His chest was constricting.
"Right here! She was right f.u.c.king here-but she couldn"t get up! You"re the one. You helped her up!"
Which is more than you ever did.
Mason"s arms were out, like he was lifting something.
"She started to cry! Right here!" He pointed at the dark, hooved earth. "She was crying right here!"
"Who are you talking about?"
"Sissy!"
"I"m sorry, I ..."
You"re too f.u.c.king late.
"Sissy!" He was looking around now, like maybe she was hidden, behind the trees, in the paddock. His heart was racing, his head rushing with blood. Five years since the smell of stables.
She hasn"t been here for a decade.
"I"m worried she might be dead!"
"You"re going to have to leave," said the beautiful lady of the horses. Her hands were clenched at her sides. She was moving backwards towards the house.
Mason followed her.
She"s scared of you. Look at the fear in her face.
"Stop," he said, "you"ve got to help me!"
The woman looked blurry now, as water welled in his eyes. He reached out and she took another step back, still staring him down. "If you don"t leave," she said, "I"m phoning the police." The mares were whinnying. She opened the door and shut it behind her. The thud of a deadbolt.
Mason dropped, cross-legged in the dirt. He was still shaking from adrenaline, but exhausted. Too high. Too low.
Can you stand up, sir?
If I could stand up I would have climbed the fence.
He let out a laugh. No doubt she was watching him through the window, the phone in her hand. Or maybe a hunting rifle. Sissy Follow. The beautiful daughter of a poet.
He sat there for a while. But he knew at some point he"d have to stand up again.
And then what?
The wind shifted.
The scent of horses was overpowering. It shook him to his heart.