His hand slid down to her b.u.t.t.
Tammy had killed, invoked the forbidden arts, and tried to sacrifice the world for her own gain, but she wondered what she"d done to deserve this.
"Aw, c"mon, baby. We can just make out. We don"t have to do anything serious."
Death had not diminished his hormones nor made him any less annoying. If Chad the ghost was anything like Chad the living, it was just easier to give him a screw and get him off her back.
"Oh, alright," she sighed.
He wrapped her in powerful, yet yielding arms and kissed her. It was strong, pa.s.sionate, electrifying without being overwhelming. Heat washed through her, and she pushed him away.
"What? Did I do something wrong, babe?"
She took a moment to adjust. Chad had always been a lousy lay when alive. He"d possessed the enthusiasm and the desire. Everything but the talent. He"d always tried, but clumsy hands and a feeble endurance had been his downfall. But ectoplasm was a construction of the soul, and somewhere in Chad hid the soul of a lover.
She kissed him again. The merest touch of his lips made her weak in the knees. She shoved him roughly to the ground. There were worse ways to kill time, she supposed.
He grinned stupidly in a way she found surprisingly charming. Then he opened his mouth and said something stupid to ruin the moment.
"Are we going to do it?"
"Chad."
"Yeah?"
"Shut up."
Deep within the earth, the old G.o.ds grumbled. Only Tammy, among the living and the dead, heard.
And she just ignored them.
Earl shoved with all his might, but all the unnatural strength of the undead couldn"t fit a steamer trunk into the back seat of a used Volvo. He admitted defeat, dropping the trunk to the ground.
"Guess we"ll have to tie it to the roof."
"Guess so," Duke went into the diner to borrow some rope.
Earl glared at the stubborn little car. It was a poor replacement for the reliable old pickup Frush"ee"aghov had taken from him.
Cathy sat cross-legged on the hood. He leaned on the b.u.mper beside her and took her hand.
"Do you think he minds me coming along?" she asked.
"Who? Duke? Naw, he"s alright with it."
"And what about Napoleon?"
The terrier, complete with a whole head and tail, sniffed around the tires. He raised a leg and took an ectoplasmic whiz.
The ghost pee pa.s.sed through its target and evaporated upon hitting the gravel. Napoleon proceeded to tour the three remaining targets.
"Duke likes animals."
"Are you sure?"
"Oh yeah."
Earl was reasonably positive. Duke hadn"t said anything about it yet. When Earl had mentioned Cathy was going to be traveling with them, he"d just nodded and shrugged. It seemed like a good sort of shrug.
"Y"know, it"s funny," she said. "It all came so close to ending."
"Best not to think about it."
"Guess so."
He hopped onto the hood and put an arm around her.
"Cathy, I know we"ve only known each other a few days and all, and I don"t expect you to feel the same way." He fidgeted and twitched. He didn"t know why this had been so much easier when he"d thought he was about to die. "And I don"t want to scare you or pressure you into saying something you don"t really mean or anything, but . . . "
She graced his cheek with a soft peck. "Earl."
"Yeah?"
"I heard you the first time."
She leaned in. Their lips met, and a long minute pa.s.sed in a tender embrace.
"I love you, too."
She ran her fingers through his thin hair. He smiled crookedly.
Duke and Loretta appeared. Earl tried to wipe the smile off his face, but it stayed in place. He didn"t care. He braced himself for whatever cruel remark Duke might throw at him, but Duke just shot Earl a look that, try as he might, he couldn"t interpret in any bad way.
"Got the rope."
They threw the steamer on the roof and tied it down. Earl shook his bed to make sure it was in place.
"That"ll do."
Loretta awkwardly lowered her ample frame on one knee so she could pet Napoleon. The interdimensional crisis had left her and Marshall Kopp with a talent for seeing ghosts. Though she couldn"t pet the dog who had saved her life, she could stroke the air. It seemed enough for Napoleon.
"You boys sure you have to go?" Loretta asked. "Wouldn"t mind some help fixing the diner up."
"Thanks for the offer," Earl said, "but it"s time we moved on. Nuthin" personal. Just the way we"ve been doing things for so long. Helps to keep us out of trouble. Usually."
Loretta rose with much effort. She dug into her tight shorts and pulled out a wrinkled fifty-dollar bill.
"That ain"t necessary," Duke said. "You already bought us a car."
She slapped the bill into his hand. "Take it. You boys saved the world. It"s the least I can do."
"You sure keeping the diner open is what you wanna do?"
"Figure a portal to h.e.l.l should have somebody keeping an eye on it, and there ain"t a whole lot of business opportunities in Rockwood. All part of the Good Lord"s plan. According to Hector, all it"ll take is a few minor renovations to make the diner into a lock instead of a key."
Earl questioned her wisdom, but if she wanted to live atop an interdimensional rift, that was her choice. He did find some comfort knowing the formidable waitress would be guarding the Gate.
He glanced up at the starry sky. "We should get going, Duke. Like to get a few miles under our belt before sunrise."
Loretta slid into Duke"s arm. Duke lifted her bulk, calling upon every available ounce of werewolf muscle, and they shared a brief kiss. If planets could make out, Earl supposed that was about what it would look like. Duke set her down.
Loretta adjusted her tangled yellow hair. "You boys feel free to drop by if you"re ever pa.s.sing through again." She threw Duke a wink and a smile and trod back into the diner.
Duke"s mouth betrayed a very slight grin.
"You h.o.r.n.y b.a.s.t.a.r.d," Earl grunted.
They shared a chuckle.
"Give me the keys. I"m driving."
Duke tossed them over the roof. Earl was about to ask Duke to sit in back when he did so without prompting. He whistled, and Napoleon hopped on the seat beside him. The Scottish terrier"s tail wagged as Duke went through the motions of scratching Napoleon"s chin.
Earl went around and opened the door for Cathy, even though doors meant little to specters. While he was there, he leaned in Duke"s window. "Uh, one more thing before we get going. I just wanted to thank you for, uh . . ." He lowered his voice to a whisper so she wouldn"t overhear. "Thanks for not killing me."
"Forget it."
Earl climbed behind the wheel and started the car. The Volvo wasn"t much to look at, but the engine purred with only the occasional hiccup. A brown police cruiser pulled into the lot as Earl was backing out. Sheriff Kopp stepped out of his vehicle. He tipped his Stetson.
"Where you folks off to?"
Glances were exchanged amidst the pa.s.sengers. Finally, Cathy spoke up. "I"ve always wanted to see Las Vegas."
"I went there once. Be sure and catch a magic show while you"re there."
The Volvo"s occupants all frowned.
"I think we"ve seen enough magic for a while," Earl replied.
"I guess you"re right. Well, have fun anyway." Hands on his belt, he stepped back. "And don"t forget to buckle up now. Seat belts save lives."
"Will do."
Earl pulled onto the dirt road alongside the diner. "Vegas, here we come."
"Uh, Earl," Cathy said, "isn"t it the other way?"
"She"s right," Duke seconded.
"You sure?"
Napoleon yipped.
"Alright, alright."
Cathy by his side, Earl couldn"t work up to his standard of irritation. He just smiled, turned the car around, and headed down the road leading out of Rockwood and to wherever the law of Anomalous Phenomena Attraction might lead him. With a vampire, a werewolf, and two ghosts in the car, it was only reasonable to expect a lot of weird s.h.i.t. Hopefully later rather than sooner. But, for now, there was just Earl, his best friend, his girlfriend, one spectral dog, and a long dirt road heading into a distant horizon and a nice, quiet, normal night.
end.