Gray Eagle had left quickly, not trusting himself to be near her any longer. Something drastic must be done, he decided, and I dread it. I must be alone to plan how to handle this matter. He walked along in a deep, solemn mood. Quietly, he pa.s.sed He walked along in a deep, solemn mood. Quietly, he pa.s.sed the rows of teepees and corral where the horses grazed contentedly on lush buffalo gra.s.s. His scent was so familiar they hardly noted his pa.s.sing.
He finaly halted on a smal, sandy knol and gazed intently out across the vast, empty plains. Barren, and yet, he knew even now in the soft twilight, life was just beginning for the night creatures. When hunwi showed her face at night, she gave them the signal to come to life and carry on with their purpose.
This night was so like, and yet so unlike, many others before it. Many times, he had walked alone in the night or ridden off alone in the cool pre-dawn to ponder his thoughts and troubles. When he would go out alone and sit quietly on a gra.s.sy knol or on a high boulder in the rosy dawn or silver twilight, he was as one with the land and the Great Spirit. He could think, plan, and listen with his mind and heart. He could reason what was best for him and his people. His burden was so great with his father away. He must prove his wisdom, courage and leadership to himself and his people.
Why now, of al times, had he found this white girl who was such an obsession with him? Why was her life so important to him?
Was he not a great and fierce warrior of the mighty Oglala? Was he not Wanmdi Hota, son of a chief, and she, a mere white female slave, worthless of al possessions? Why had the wasichus not remained in their own lands to the East? Why did they have to encroach and defile his lands and forests?
I cannot hold out my hand to her in love or acceptance. I must stand true in strength and honor before my people and the Great Spirit. The laughter from the other tribes at my taking her would be heard as coyotes in the wind. They think she is unworthy of my heard as coyotes in the wind. They think she is unworthy of my touch and acceptance, or any warrior"s. They do not see the winyan I see and know. They did not see her courage at her fortress against her own people for me. They have not seen her suffer at my hands for herself and her people.
He could not comprehend why this should matter to him either. He should be rejoicing in her suffering, or that of any white eyes. He should laugh and be happy when he saw her pain and sadness. But my heart does not beat happy at these things, he grieved. I cannot tel her what she must do or why. I cannot tel her why her people must be punished and die. I cannot praise her work and learning, even though both have been great and good. These are things a slave must accept in silence. Why is this problem so difficult to solve and understand? The sadness and pain in her eyes and voice rip at my heart like the eagle rips at his captured prey. The time for possessing her heart and spirit was the night of the storm when she came to me so openly and freely. That time has pa.s.sed and cannot be returned. If I had but given her a word or a sign of love that day ... no! She is a ska ista and I am Oglala. Our paths are set and guided by the Great Spirit. Each must walk his own. She wil forever be a white slave, and I, an Oglala warrior. I must be strong! I must not let her love and my desire for her reach me, except on my o-winza at night. We met as enemies and so it must remain until Wakantanka wishes to change it. I can only pray and hope he wil some day.
The capture of the wahmunkesa tonight forced her to turn once more to Wanhinkpe Ska instead of me. If only for one moon I was not Wanmdi Hota, then I could love and comfort her. In my anger and suspicion, I strike out at her too harshly, causing much more pain and hate. Submission wil be easier for her if she did more pain and hate. Submission wil be easier for her if she did come to fear and hate me, but do I want it so?
His heart cried out, you do not wish her to hate you. Fear you, sha, but hate, never. His brain replied, but why should it matter to you if she hates you? You could kil her with one slash of your knife, or sel her for only one crippled horse! He smote his breast and shouted aloud, "I am Wanmdi Hota! How dare she do this to me. I could crush her with my bare hands if I wished it so." Pride and power surged through him at these thoughts.
He stood up and stared up at hunwi. "I wil yield to no winyan!
Does she not see I cannot? Surely she cannot believe a warrior could love a white slave! Winyans are to work for their owners and obey them in al things. She is not even my winyan. She is only my slave. I own the very life she has. She must come to learn this. It is not my way to feel these things for a winyan. She brings out a weakness in me which I cannot alow to show. These thoughts and feelings send warnings to my mind. A warrior cannot hold these feelings in his heart for the life of an enemy."
Tormented, he asked himself the dreaded question, "Why do I not remove this temptation from my life and sight? Why do I not kil her this very night?" But his heart answered for him, if you do, you wil be forever parted, for the wasichus do not walk the Mahpiya Ocanku. His mind argued again, why do you not sel her to another? Once more, his heart responded, you cannot alow any man to take what has been yours, or place his seeds of life were you have placed yours. Nor can you alow another to feel and know the love which beats in her heart for... Fool! he scolded himself. After tonight, she wil hate you forever. During the past few months, he recaled, life has been happy with her. Each time I have forced her to admit her love and need for with her. Each time I have forced her to admit her love and need for me has brought happiness and joy to my heart. Each time I have seen her learn something new, my pride has soared like the eagle. She has learned much since coming here. If she is as different from the others as I truly believe, then why do I treat her as the same?
Why do I not accept this one, special wasichu?
Why do my heart and blood pound wildly when she is near?
Why does the very scent of her, or sound of her voice, or sight of her bring this longing to my heart and body? Why does her image appear before me in the stream, or in my mind at night? Why do I wish her close to me at al times? He could not face the answer to his questions, for it would be to admit he loved and needed her. He thought, I knew as soon as I saw her face tonight she would defy me and the death of her people. The others would not have accepted her attack on me again. If she had raged out at me or fought me as before, I would have been forced to kil her to save my honor before them. Why can she not see and know these things?
I have her, and yet, I do not have her. I cannot keep her, and yet, I cannot give her up. "Help me, Wakantanka," he prayed fervently. "What must I do with this girl? Is her death necessary to free me from her power of love? Must I sacrifice her life for my honor and that of my people? Is there not some way I can save face and keep her also? Can I not have both?
"You have given me great strength and courage. I now ask for wisdom and strength for what must be done. How can our lives and hearts touch when we remain enemies? Why did you let me find and take her if only to lose her now? Do you test my courage and obedience once more?
"I am a great warrior in my people"s eyes. Give me the girl"s "I am a great warrior in my people"s eyes. Give me the girl"s life and the freedom to take and keep her. You are al powerful and al knowing, Wakantanka. Give the heart and life of Lese to me and the acceptance of my people. This war within my heart brings out only my cruelty to her."
He sat down cross-legged and stared off into the darkness, waiting for an answer to his prayer. He tried to clear his mind of al thoughts and his heart of al emotions so the Great Spirit could speak to him. Patiently he waited...
The night creatures became stil and silent for a time. Clouds drifted before the ful moon, obscuring its light. The whole land seemed to be hushed and waiting. This quiescence seemed to be Wakantanka"s way of saying, I cannot see or speak to you. It is not the time for my answer. Soon, I wil show you what you must do. Until then, you must wait and be patient.
Perhaps the Great Spirit was testing both of them. Perhaps he waited to see if the white girl deserved to live and belong to him. Perhaps he waited to see just how important she was to him and to see what changes she would bring about in his heart and life. Perhaps she must be taught obedience and respect first. Thankfuly, the Great Spirit left him with hope by not asking for her death. Did he have some plan for them which he did not see or understand yet?
Somehow their destinies were locked together, but he did not know how.
His mind reasoned with him, the eagle soars alone and so must you, Wanmdi Hota. At least, for now. You must be strong and show no weakness. You must take this girl when you desire her, but you must not alow her to touch your heart until Wakantanka says it can be.
Until the Great Spirit tels me what I must do, her defiance Until the Great Spirit tels me what I must do, her defiance must be struck down. If I cannot do this, then she must die. His decision was hard and bitter, but he accepted the truth of it. He arose and began his way back to his teepee with heavy heart. As he walked along, he pondered, how can I force this obedience? I must prevent her turning to Wanhinkpe Ska. What punishment would she fear the most? What would bring this fear to her heart? Would she fear losing me and my protection enough to yield to me completely? If she feared I was going to give her to another, or others, would she come to me and beg me to keep her?
Would she promise to never interfere or disobey again? If I could show her how bitter and harsh her life would be without me, would she come to me once more in submission and love? She must be taught this lesson. She must see and know it is Wanmdi Hota she needs and must obey. She must learn I have the power to keep her or to cast her aside. She wil learn that no one, not even Wanhinkpe Ska, can help her if I forbid it. This lesson must be quick, cold and cruel. I must find the one thing which wil reach her...
He sat down by the stream and tossed smal pebbles into the water, watching the ripples spread out into the darkness of the water. He could see her in his mind"s eye as she splashed in the water and ran laughing through the tal gra.s.s and flowers with his koda. That"s it! Wanhinkpe Ska... He is the one person she likes and trusts. He wil be the one to bring her the most hurt and sadness. She thinks he is her koda. Cruelty from him would serve both purposes. It wil force a wedge in their closeness and cause her to turn only to me. It wil also force her to see I control her life. But how could Wanhinkpe Ska punish her without realy hurting her? What would cause her to hate him and fear me? It must be a pain to her spirit and not her body. She is very brave and be a pain to her spirit and not her body. She is very brave and suffers too long in silence. What would bring pain to her heart? He searched his thoughts. The wokasketipi... yes, she would meet him there. After that, she would no longer have these mixed feelings for him. She wil fear my sending her there again as punishment if she defies me again. I wil be the only one she can turn to in her sadness and shame. She wil be sure to never provoke me to such anger again. Yes, the wokasketipi is the answer, but it must be done quickly.
But for the first time in his life, his courage and daring seemed to falter.
He returned to the vilage and went to Wanhinkpe Ska"s teepee. He clearly and slowly related his plan to him. He told him exactly what to do and how. He was determined to teach her of her place this very night and have it done with. He said only the Brown girl was in the red teepee.
He stated his plan to White Arrow firmly, "I wil bring her there to you in a short time. You wil handle her very roughly with great desire. You wil kiss her and place your hands on her as if you are about to rape her. You can do what you must to convince her she is about to be attacked by you, but you are not to hurt her. After she is filed with great fear and the truth of her position, you wil let her flee the teepee sa. I wil be close by. She wil run to me, begging for my mercy and help. I wil grant both. She wil be so scared and grateful to me that she wil never defy me again."
White Arrow stared at him in disbelief as he related this brutal plan. He blurted out, "You cannot be serious, my koda! You cannot truly wish to do this thing to her! Is this lesson so important that you would hurt her this way? Did you not already punish her this night? You wil cause her much sadness and shame. I do not this night? You wil cause her much sadness and shame. I do not wish to be a part of this trick. You must ask another to do this for you. She is white, but I cannot find hate or contempt in my heart for her."
Gray Eagle exclaimed tersely, "No! It must be you for the plan to work."
White Arrow paced around nervously and pondered just what it realy was his friend was asking him to do. He was fuly aware that he would be able to embrace, kiss and caress the woman he loved and desired for the first time and with his friend"s consent and knowledge. Many times he had longed to take her into his arms and never let her go. He had hungered to feel her lips pressed next to his, to feel her arms around his neck, and to have her beneath him in love. Surely she would resist my forced attack on her, he a.s.sumed. Or would she? Is it possible she wil be too frightened to fight me, or be submissive to provoke Wanmdi Hota? Could this night reveal things Wanmdi Hota wil be forced to face which he does not expect? Perhaps she wil turn to me completely in revenge. She wil know he orders this thing. I must not be brutal to her. I must let her feel my love in my kiss and touch. These thoughts brought a raging fire to his loins.
Suddenly, p.r.i.c.kling, cold sensations ran down his arms and spine.
"I cannot do this for you, my koda," he stated simply. "You ask too much of me, and perhaps of the girl also."
Gray Eagle demanded, "You must! It wil be quickest and cruelest coming from you. If I chose someone else, she would only turn to you instead of me out of anger and hurt. I cannot alow that. It must be you and tonight."
White Arrow was apprehensive at the approaching deception. White Arrow was apprehensive at the approaching deception.
"But she trusts and accepts me. Is this why you realy chose me?
You know she wil hate me and reject my friendship after this. I feel you wil long regret this night if you go through with this."
White Arrow"s reasoning was to no avail. Gray Eagle ordered his friend, "Go to the teepee sa and I wil bring her to you. May this night bring an end to her resistance and renew our truce." He left White Arrow standing there looking after him with a pain-filed heart.
White Arrow gazed up at the ful moon and thought, this wil be a night long remembered. It wil cause great pain for many. I feel a coldness in the night air like death. He shivered again uncontrolably. He went to his appointed place to wait. Gray Eagle returned to his teepee and caled for Alisha to come with him. She had been sitting on the buffalo skins, silently praying for his mercy and understanding. His voice told her nothing. Dispirited and unsuspecting, she rose and folowed him. It was but minutes before she realized they were standing before the entrance to the wokasketipi. She focused horrified, disbelieving eyes on him. Surely, he doesn"t mean ... His expression quickly told her that her darkest fear was a reality. Anything but this, her mind screamed.
She began to back away in panic. White-faced and shaking, she shook her head and protested, "No! You can"t put me in there. Please, Wanmdi Hota. I"l do anything you ask. I"l never defy you again, in anything or any way. Please, hiya."
His granite features never changed. She turned to flee, but he easily overtook her. He captured her arms in a grip of iron and puled her struggling body into the teepee sa.
Instantly, she was humiliated by what was taking place Instantly, she was humiliated by what was taking place between Kathy and a young brave. She turned away, face flaming, to come face to face with White Arrow. She begged help from him. The look on his face made her blood run cold and her body stiffen in alarm. There was no sign of compa.s.sion or kindness written there. Instead, she read a look of bold, open desire. He licked his lower lip in antic.i.p.ation as his burning eyes caressed her. He reminded himself he must play his part in this game to the fulest. She panicked. Had she been brought here as punishment? Or was she here as payment for some deed he had done for Wanmdi Hota? Perhaps she was going to be put here for good to be used by any brave. Was he giving her up? Did he no longer want her?
"No, not you, Wanhinkpe Ska..." she whispered. "You can"t be a party to this new degradation."
Any doubts vanished. She knew he was and there was nothing she could do about it. "He has chosen my persecutor wisely and carefuly." She felt crushed and defeated by this new torture and betrayal. She suddenly felt totaly alienated from both of them, and even from life itself. It was more than she could endure. She turned to Gray Eagle and intently searched his face as she had done with White Arrow. She knew immediately she had guessed correctly. Al doubts were dismissed. Her pulse raced wildly as she panted through slightly parted, parched lips. That wintry face told her al she dreaded to believe. His icy eyes bored into hers. She swayed slightly at the ful comprehension of the meaning of her situation. He would never want her back after tonight. He was far too proud to accept a common, used squaw. The ful extent of his hatred and cruelty was like a vicious slap in the face. To find he could do something like this tore savagely at her heart. This was incredible after al they had been to each other. heart. This was incredible after al they had been to each other. Lies! Al of it had only been lies and taunts.
She knew it would be useless to yield defeat this time. It had gone far beyond a battle of wils between them. Yes, he had chosen her attacker wisely, for he had selected the only Indian who was her friend. Tears weled in her eyes and she blinked to clear her vision. She shuddered visibly and struggled to breathe.
She spoke almost inaudibly, "I"l never forgive you if you alow this. I"l hate you and curse you until the day I die. If you feel anything, anything at al, for me, then stop this charade now before it"s too late for both of us. I"l die before I let him or anyone else take me this way. This I swear to you, Wanmdi Hota!" She shivered and trembled as if she were standing in snow. White Arrow puled her around to face him. He entwined his fingers in her soft, silky hair and puled her face to his. Her pupils became suddenly very large and a dul glaze settled over them. Her crying had ceased and her face paled. She did not plead again, nor did she resist when White Arrow puled her into his loving embrace. He lowered his lips to hers and kissed her pa.s.sionately. Only moments before, Gray Eagle had heard her mutter softly, "I hate you ... I hate you both ..." This was the last thing she would remember of this treacherous night.
White Arrow"s lips traveled across her face and throat with hungry, fiery kisses to return to her unresponsive lips. He took her mouth fuly with great desire. Stil, there was no reaction from her. She stared unseeing beyond him into s.p.a.ce. Her skin chiled like ice covering a winter pond. Her body was rigid as the rocks. Her mind had traveled a great distance away. Her spirit had gone to hide in that secret world where one neither sees, hears, feels nor knows any pain or reality.
any pain or reality.
She did not feel his kisses or caresses. She did not see him rip her dress to the waist. She did not see the look of l.u.s.t or love in his eyes for her and her beautiful body. She did not feel his hand gently caress her breast. She did not hear the words he murmured softly to her. For Alisha, time stood stil...
White Arrow was the first one who was alerted of something wrong. At first, he had thought her reaction as one of shock and fear. But now, he knew better. She neither responded nor resisted him in any way. He leaned back and gazed into her pale, trance-like face. He studied it for a few moments, then looked past her to Gray Eagle with a look of worry and concern on his face. Gray Eagle had not left yet and knew from White Arrow"s expression something was wrong. He had observed her rigid body give neither response nor fight. He came forward and puled her around to face him. He, too, noted the vacant stare and a chil pa.s.sed over him. He pa.s.sed his hand before her eyes ... nothing. He shook her by the shoulders and caled her name... nothing. Alarmed, he slapped her. Stil nothing, except for the livid red print upon her ashen face. She had not even blinked. From al appearances, she did not even breathe. He recaled her words of death before submission. He panicked. Could a person wish death upon himself? he wondered in dread. He looked troubled and bewildered, not knowing what to do.
White Arrow spoke up, "I told you this would be too much for her. She has fled to the Great Spirit for protection. He has accepted her and wil not alow her to be hurt anymore. She is important to him in some way for he has watched over her many times. He may not let her return to you for I have felt the chil of death in the wind this night. There is evil in this deed, my koda. I death in the wind this night. There is evil in this deed, my koda. I tried to warn you, but you would not listen."
Gray Eagle ignored his admonishment and told him to go for the shaman"s helper. "Bring him to my teepee. I wil return her spirit to her body this very night. I wil not let her go. She is mine, Wanhinkpe Ska! He wil send her back to me." But silently and prayerfuly he added, He must!
He wrapped a blanket around Alisha. He gently lifted her body into his quivering arms and carried her toward his teepee. White Arrow quickly went to summon the shaman"s helper in the medicine lodge.
Kathy would never know just how lucky she was that neither of the two men had seen her vengeful smile or heard her pleased, cruel laughter after they left the teepee. If either had, she would have been kiled instantly. She maliciously thought, she has seen what it is like to be a real prisoner for a change. Whatever she did to lose favor with her brave, I bet she does it again. How I would love to see him put her here for good! If she were here, I"d never have to be used again. She would be the one to claim al those red savages" attention. Perhaps I could choose whom I would like to give my attentions to. Maybe even go to one brave as his own. Perhaps the handsome brave who has her now, or his friend. Both are handsome and powerful and neither appears to be very mean if you don"t cross them. If I plan it just right, I could wind up in his teepee in her place. She laughed to herself thinking how nice life would become as a slave to such a virile warrior. The brave above her grunted and thrusted forcefuly into her. She surprised him by hungrily taking al he gave and begging for more, mentaly pretending it was Gray Eagle who was taking her. She squirmed teasingly and raised her hips to meet each thrust. Her She squirmed teasingly and raised her hips to meet each thrust. Her arms went up around his back and she clung to him in animal l.u.s.t. Her response inflamed him to greater hunger and pa.s.sion, believing his lovemaking had such power even a white slave couldn"t resist him. Arrogance and pride swept through him and he worked on her with greater l.u.s.t.
His fire and pa.s.sion soon pa.s.sed to Kathy. Forgotten were thoughts of pretending he was Gray Eagle or of resistance and deceit. Animal l.u.s.t and pleasure filed her mind and thoughts. Al the nerves in her body were tense and tingling. Liquid fire ran in her veins. She was consumed with the desire for fulfilment of these strange new cravings and feelings. The more she responded and worked with him, the better the feelings and the higher the cravings. When ecstasy was reached, she realized what she had been denying herself al these years with men and al this time here in the teepee. She thrashed about wildly under him and moaned with pleasure. Slowly, the feeling ebbed and pa.s.sed and relaxation came. At that moment, she decided she would give her al to any brave who came to her from now on. Just look how her meager response had been rewarded-the brave had openly desired and wanted her, and there were the other rewards deep within her own body. How she wished she had known of these things sooner!
Soon, Kathy thought, Alisha"s brave or his friend wil come to me. I wil fil him with such pleasure he wil be unable to resist me. And you, my little Alisha, wil take my place here. He wil learn that I can please him in ways she knows nothing about. She smiled, confident she would soon possess Gray Eagle or White Arrow for her own and leave the tipi sa forever. Patheticaly, Kathy did not realize she had just set and sealed the pattern and destiny for the remainder of her life.
remainder of her life.
Chapter Nine.
Gray Eagle rushed straight to his teepee with Alisha and laid her down on his mat to wait for the shaman"s helper. Tension mounted inside him as he stared into the blank, unseeing eyes before him. He held her cold, rigid hand in his and spoke softly to her. Nothing...
Ckulaketua entered the teepee and examined the inert girl. He asked many questions about what had brought on this state. Gray Eagle painfuly related the events in the wokasketipi. Ckulaketua pictured this gentle-spirited girl in his mind and what she must have endured. He fuly understood and recognized her condition. He had seen it a few times before. He told them it usualy folowed an event which was too difficult for a person, most often women or children, to accept. He caled it spirit-hiding. He explained how her spirit had gone to hide and heal the hurt and shame the brave had forced on her tonight.
He said this condition could last for hours, days or longer. There was no real danger to her life unless she refused to awaken soon. Her fight to keep her spirit hidden would be determined by how deep and painful the hurt and shame were. Spirit-hiding was used as a protection against madness and reality. He mixed a fine yelow powder with water in a smal crucible. He forced this potion down her throat, holding her nose to force her to swalow. He began to shake a smal wagmula as he chanted softly and melodiously. Slowly the potion took effect. Her eyes closed and the color began to return to her face. He ceased his closed and the color began to return to her face. He ceased his chanting and touched her arm. The chil left her body and she relaxed in a deep sleep.
Ckulaketua smiled and said this was a good sign. It meant her spirit did not hide too deeply or resist being forced to return to them. In his chant, he had caled on the spirit helpers to lead her wandering spirit back while she slept, and to protect it on its dangerous journey. He told Gray Eagle she would sleep for a long time, then he departed silently.
Ckulaketua paused outside the teepee to lift his head and give thanks to the Great Spirit for his help. Never had the pain of a white-eyes touched him before. Why this fragile creature brushed his heart and pity, he could not understand. As surely as I am Oglala, he thought, she is protected and used by the Great Spirit. He has used me to heal and restore her spirit for his purpose. Sleep for a long time was exactly what she did. She slept al night, the next day and al the folowing night. Gray Eagle watched over her closely and protectively during the long hours. When she finaly awoke, she stil felt drowsy and weak. The facts of the night before, as she recaled them, painfuly flooded her mind. But she could not recal anything past the first few, agonizing minutes. What had happened after that? Had Wanhinkpe Ska raped her? She couldn"t or wouldn"t remember. If so, she hoped and prayed she never would remember that night.
She was filed with anguish as she recaled how close they had become and how good he had been to her. She had trusted him and accepted him as her friend. She had helped to save his life. Her only friend ... how could he do this horrible thing to her? Had he only feigned his acceptance and friendship? Had he only been waiting for the day when Wanmdi Hota would let him take her? Surely he the day when Wanmdi Hota would let him take her? Surely he hadn"t believed she would respond out of grat.i.tude to him. Perhaps she had misread his intentions al along. Was it al deceit and lies?
Was it al some cruel joke to taunt her and make a fool of her?
Were they al laughing at her stupidity?
How could he have done this to me if I am truly his koda? My whole life here has been filed with lies and deceptions. I am al alone now. No one loves or cares for me. I doubt if he ever did. She wondered if the wokasketipi would be a part of her life from now on, perhaps as punishment or reward to friends for deeds. In torment, she cried out, "I wish I had never awakened. I wish I had been murdered at the fortress with al the others. No torture could be as brutal as last night"s. Ben and the others are lucky-they can suffer no more. Wil this Hel never end? How much more suffering wil I be forced to endure for helping and loving him? Let my debt be paid or forgiven..."
Gray Eagle had entered moments before and stood silently listening to her tormented words. She felt his presence and turned. She glared at him as though she could punish him with only a look. There was no visible light or sparkle in those large, sad eyes which glowered at him.
Her thoughts screamed at him. Her eyes chiled and narrowed as she thought vehemently, I wil never accept this kind of brutality to my people or myself! Never wil I go wilingly to the wokasketipi!
I wil be your slave and harlot, but never the other things! I wil force you into kiling me first!
He remained stil, returning her long, chily stare until she turned away from his scrutiny. Why did she always feel as if he were reading her deepest, most secret thoughts? It was as though he probed her very heart and soul with those piercing, ebony eyes. he probed her very heart and soul with those piercing, ebony eyes. He would gaze deeply into her eyes and read her like a map or open book. She mused bitterly, if he realy can, then he knows how much I loathe and despise him, and long for the day I am free from him and this place, even if death is the only way out...
He touched her shoulder and said, "Woyetu, mni, Lese. Kuwa." His gentle tone angered her greatly. She jerked her shoulder back as if he had burned her with his touch. She moved so abruptly she nearly fel over. Struggling to remain upright and show no weakness or pain to him, she shouted, "Don"t touch me! Ever! I hate you!"
She lowered her face to her hands, trying to conquer her confusing dizziness. Her head felt light, but her body heavy. Unaware she had been unconscious for two days, she was bewildered by this strange feeling. She wanted to refuse the food and water, but quickly realized she would need her strength to escape if the chance ever arose. Surely a chance would come some day soon.
She reluctantly gave in. She turned to look where he had been standing, but he had silently left, leaving the food and water where he had been only moments before. Angrily she thought, if starving me would only hurt and not kil his slave and harlot, chances are he would do it. To be completely dependent on him for her very life and existence was maddening.
I must be free of him, she resolved. I must! I wil surely go mad or die if my chance doesn"t come soon.
Don"t wait for a chance to slap you in the face, Lese, she scolded herself. Make your own chances... She toyed with the idea for a time. I must plan and prepare. I must be ready to flee at a moment"s notice. One day, he wil be looking the wrong way, or be moment"s notice. One day, he wil be looking the wrong way, or be gone hunting, or stay al night in the medicine lodge, and I wil escape him and this savage land. He wil never see or hear of me again. I only regret I can"t repay his cruelty or make him feel the shame and hurt he has inflicted on me. If he were my prisoner for only one week, I would... I would ... Her train of vindictive thoughts halted, for she knew deep inside she could not do anything any different that she had the first time he had been a prisoner to her people. d.a.m.n him! she cried, for I stil could not bring myself to hurt or hate him. G.o.d help me for I have lost my heart and soul to a brutal savage.
Weak and exhausted, she reclined on the mat and laid her limp arm across her eyes. She vainly tried to drive al thoughts of him and what he had done to her from her battle-weary mind and heart, at least for a little while. She needed to rest and plan. As she dozed lightly, she did not hear him enter. He stopped at the teepee"s entrance and studied her for a minute to see if she were sleeping. Guessing not, he caled for her to come to him. At the sound of his voice and command, she lowered her arm and sat up. Her new resolve and determination to rebel against him were quickly forgotten as she faced him. He caled for her to come with him once more. This time the command was given more sternly. Why do I always cower in fear to him? she asked herself in disgust. Why not just refuse and stand up to him and his evil treatment of me? What more can he do to hurt me? Instantly, she knew what he could do. Fear stormed her brain. The wokasketipi... Surely he wouldn"t take me there again. Is he angry at the way I treated him a while ago? Can"t he understand how upset I was? No, he wouldn"t understand anything like compa.s.sion, mercy or pity.
mercy or pity.
When wil I ever learn to curb my tongue and outbursts? It doesn"t do any good to argue or resist. It only makes things worse for me. Wouldn"t he have left me there last night if he didn"t want me for himself? Maybe he won"t tolerate the slightest rebelion from me now. I proved to him last night how powerful and devastating this new weapon is. He"l use it without mercy against me. Her head and heart were pounding wildly. No... not again!
She placed her cold, trembling fingertips to her temples and began to ma.s.sage them with smal, circular movements. She closed her eyes. He saw her fear and hesitation, and came over to her. He puled her to her feet and guided her outside. He released her hand and said for her to folow him. He headed in the direction of the forest, away from the wokasketipi. She watched his retreating back and turned to stare toward the tipi sa.
Realizing she did not folow, he halted and returned to her. He folowed her gaze with his eyes and read her thoughts. He puled her around to face him. Lifting her chin to force her to look at him, he stated firmly, "Hiya wokasketipi. Ku-wa, yuzaza." He caught her arms to steady her as she nearly swooned with relief. At least for a while, I"m safe, she thought with relief. But I won"t go back there. I must do exactly as he says and wants. Soon, I wil be free. I won"t give him any reasons to take me there again before I can get away.
They went along the forest path to the stream in silence. Gray Eagle glanced back at Alisha. She was looking up and did not catch his look. He saw the warm sunlight play across her face, shine in her eyes and bring her auburn hair to life. How he wished this beautiful girl was not white! He returned his attention to the path, wondering what Wakantanka thought about this white girl he had taken what Wakantanka thought about this white girl he had taken captive. Would he object to one so innocent and so like his own people in her thoughts and ways? She seemed to revere and respect the work of Wakantanka and Makakin. Many times, he had thought she was like an Oglala except for her skin. At times, she totaly accepted him and her life here.
He looked back once more, thinking how Wi seemed to caress and touch her in some hidden, special way. She closed her eyes, and let her face and body absorb the sun"s warmth as he watched curiously. Why did the Great Spirit watch over and protect her, a white slave and his enemy? Was he not there at her fortress to capture her? Does he not leave her in my keeping now?
She was like the work of Makakin herself-hair of fiery bark, skin of white snow, eyes as green as newborn leaves or gra.s.s, and voice like a babbling brook near a waterfal. Hunger for her smile and warmth came to him, and he knew he must have her touch and tenderness again. She must be mine in body and spirit, he resolved. I know and feel this is what she wants, but she is afraid. She cannot resist my touch, but fears and hates the touch of others. When she forgets for a time that we are enemies, her eyes sparkle with love and she smiles with tenderness. Her laughter sounds of a gentle breeze in the leaves at night. The day wil come when she accepts her fate here and she wil stop this resistance. We wil both be happy then.
Her resistance forces me to hurt and punish her over and over. She must come to learn the place of the Indian winyan is not as it is with the wasichus. When she learns this obedience and submission, then I can withhold my hand. She must learn I cannot show weakness to her before myself or my people. She must learn to yield to me before the others and not to defy me openly. Her yield to me before the others and not to defy me openly. Her courage and gentleness are winning many of my people to her. If she would but learn respect and obedience, she could earn their acceptance in time.
When my father returns, he wil know of her value. He wil agree with the council"s decision this day that I be alowed to keep her as my kaskapi. I have earned the right to have her if she wil only accept my captivity without defiance. They have shown great wisdom, for they, too, have seen more than a white girl in Lese. When I marry Chela, I wil keep Lese with me. I have not felt such joy in my life since entering manhood or since the day of my sun dance. The Great Spirit has accepted my flesh and blood in grat.i.tude, and given me flesh and blood in return in Lese. I have seen this in my vision last night and this day, she was returned to me. She is a part of my sacred life circle and without her my life wil not be complete. She was sent to fil the loneliness and hunger in my heart. She is my reward from the Great Spirit.
They had reached the stream and were bathing as troubled thoughts filed both their minds. It no longer bothered Alisha that he watched her when they came to bathe. If she refused to undress and bathe, either she would be the one to suffer, or he would simply force her to bathe by stripping her and tossing her into the water. She had always loved long baths and swimming. She slowly learned to accept his watchful stare and bathe happily and leisurely with her back to him.
This daily event of bathing in the cool stream was one of her most cherished things. It seemed to have a soothing, relaxing, and reviving effect on her. She would not leave the water until he caled for her to come. Only then would she reluctantly leave and dry herself off.
herself off.
She had to admit Gray Eagle had shown her one great kindness-she did possess three deerskin garments, each beautiful, soft, and trimmed in a different design of beadwork or quils. Three garments provided her with a clean change every day. For this, she was very grateful to him, and to Matu who had made them at his command. She had one to wear, one to wash and one drying from the day before. This hot climate, so unlike the English one, made a daily bath and change of clothes a miracle.
She had become accustomed to the strange undergarment and liked it better than the bloomers she used to wear. It was much more comfortable and definitely cooler.
On the days she washed her hair, she would rebraid it later in their teepee. Other days, she simply left it braided and squeezed the water out after her bath. When al was completed, she would gather her things and folow him back to camp and their teepee. Such was their routine on most days, but not today. This day was different from the others. Today, her mood was melancholy, and her thoughts and feelings in upheaval. She had undressed, bathed, dried off, dressed, and sat down to wait for him to finish. Today, she did not linger in the water, nor did it soothe and relax her. Today, she was not singing or happy. Today, her mind was on freedom from the cruelty and love of Gray Eagle.
Subconsciously, she sat watching him. He lifted water in his hands and chanted in his deep voice as he shook the water into his face and onto his chest. He performed this same ritual each time they came to bathe. She was completely unaware of the effect his voice and the sight of his nude body was having on her. The melodious baritone of his voice made her skin tingle and the virility of his body inflamed her emotions. His lithe body moved with ease of his body inflamed her emotions. His lithe body moved with ease and grace. She would feel the warmth spread throughout her body and ache with longing for him at times like this. She would have to force herself to tear her eyes from him before he caught her admiring him so openly and boldly. She tried to forget the many times he had turned and found her staring at him, those aluring, green eyes pools of darkened desire. He often wondered if she realized how great her desire for him was. The heat from her eyes was enough to burn and inflame him at any distance. Today as she watched the ritual, she sarcasticaly thought, even savages pray to their pagan G.o.ds. She had given a great deal of thought to their worship of the sun, but without a wider vocabulary, she would never be able to fuly comprehend or understand their beliefs and ways.
She could shut her eyes and picture him as he faced the rising sun each morning and chanted a prayer. This was the first thing he did each new day. On rainy days, he would sit cross-legged just inside his teepee, face east and chant softly. At these times, there was a different lilt to his tone. Why, she did not know. When she would face the sun with closed eyes to absorb its warmth and life, she would find him studying her and looking bewildered. He would look as if he were trying to solve some deep mystery about her and this act. Then, he would simply smile as if she had pleased him in some way.
As he finished his ritual and bath, she looked away as he came out of the water. She shifted uneasily as the sounds of his drying off and dressing reached her alert ears. She was stil too timid to openly look at his nude body, but had done so several times secretly. She had watched from lowered lashes, unable to prevent her eyes from straying there. He was as graceful as an antelope-long, sinewy straying there. He was as graceful as an antelope-long, sinewy legs; flat, hard bely; brawny, powerful arms and back; hard, smooth, muscular chest; and ... He was like Apolo in human form. She flushed and fidgeted just recaling these images and thoughts. He had dressed and was caling for her to folow. She arose to accompany him back to his teepee. Shortly, they were back inside. She sighed with happy relief because they did not meet either Kathy, Chela or Wanhinkpe Ska. She could not deal with contact with any of them. In fact, she wished she could avoid al three forever.
Before Gray Eagle had come inside, he had halted to speak with a brave. When he finaly entered the teepee, he took a smal parflech and began to pack it with bread and strips of dried meat. He took a ful mni skin and extra buffalo skin he used as a mat on hunts and put them down beside the parflech. He gathered his weapons and sat down to check and prepare them.