Could it be his kindriess was only a taunt within itself? He withheld his wrath and punishment as long as she was subservient. She remembered how brutaly he had taken her after her open defiance of him at Ben"s death. She had never seen him so angry. She trembled just recaling it. She knew she had seen the look of death in his eyes that day. She knew he had forced himself to overcome his temptation to do so; but she did not know why. Poor Ben, what did you have to tel me that was so important it cost you your life? You said, "The brave can..." Can what? Can kil me? Can punish me or ravish me? I already know those things. What did you feel was so urgent I learn?
Would it make any difference to him if I could learn to accept this life of thraldom? Would total submission to him change anything? Does he prefer for me to remain his enemy or accept him and his dominance? I think he loves to be a ruthless tyrant, making me cower before him in awe and fear, showing off his power and superiority over me and my people.
If only I had the courage to remain aloof and resistant to him and his threats. But how long could I hold him at bay, mentaly or physicaly? I can"t go through with those tortures like the others did, or be sent to that teepee like Kathy...
If I pushed him too far or too hard, he would surely do one or the other to me. Would he kil me if I blatantly refused to be his harlot and servant? I can"t risk testing him, even though I despise living like this at his beck and cal. I dare not defy him. And yet, I dare not leave my heart open to him. He would rip it from my soul and devour it like some demon.
Don"t let a little kindness and a brief reprieve erase his deeds, Don"t let a little kindness and a brief reprieve erase his deeds, she warned herself. You must keep your guard up and never trust him or his motives. To trust or love a man like that would only bring anguish and then death. The only place he can have in my life is as my master and protector, for now. Later, none...
In al her anxiety, she never thought to question why he chose that very moment to kil Ben; nor how he knew what Ben was saying to her. Had she thought more on the scene and words, she would have grasped the deadly truth-he heard and knew exactly what Ben was saying and wanted to silence him forever. Far worse, she would have realized the ful extent of her predicament-he knew and heard al her words to and about him. She pushed the painful scene far back into her mind and tried to forget it. She wondered, is Kathy the only other prisoner left? Were the other women dead or sold to other tribes? How could Kathy hate me so much? I can"t bear to think of the terrible abuse and suffering they must have endured in that teepee. For her to see me clean and free with the very man responsible for it al must have angered her. Can I realy blame her for her feelings, no matter how wrong she is?
If only she knew the truth! At least, she doesn"t have to live with the guilt that she might be responsible for al the deaths and sufferings. I guess I should be grateful to him for taking me and keeping me here with him. I couldn"t endure being a harlot for his tribe as she is. I"d die if he ever took me there. I"d just die...
Tears filed her eyes and began to rol down her cheeks as she recaled the arduous trek to this land of death for men and their dreams. They had begun the trip with great antic.i.p.ation and high spirits. They had moved slowly and seemingly endlessly at times. Living in a covered wagon for a year had proven to be a hardship for many. To others, it had been exciting, stimulating, educational for many. To others, it had been exciting, stimulating, educational and strengthening. She recaled al she had learned, seen and done. At times, the going had been hard, but there was always someone or something there to inspire them to press on. There had been many complaints, heartaches and problems along the way, but they had overcome them al. There had been good and happy times, too.
She reflected on the ones who had given up along the way and returned to the colonies, or settled where they were at that time. Others remained at the nearest settlement to where they had lost the strength to go on. She remembered the many graves left along the trails from sickness, accidents or just loss of the wil to live and push on and on.
She thought of al the things they had so carefuly carried for such a long way, now lying burned and ruined at the fortress. Al of their hard work had gone up in smoke and ashes. Al because of one man...
The blurred details of their trip slowly returned to her. Most of their days had been spent traveling or doing ch.o.r.es, and their nights in exhausted slumber. There had been little time to socialize with the other settlers, for there had never seemed to be enough time to complete their ch.o.r.es.
They would travel until the last streaks of light were gone and be up again at the first light of dawn to push on once more. Joe told them they were moving too slow and had to hurry to make more progress before winter halted them. Once it hit, they would have to stop where they were during the worst of it and wait it out. He hoped to make this stop near an established settlement or fort. To get her mind off her present problems and turmoil, she began to reminisce about the trip. She recaled the first stop they began to reminisce about the trip. She recaled the first stop they had made at a settlement built in 1758 and named Morgantown. They had lingered there only a short time for rest and supplies. They had planned to folow the Ohio River west in order to have their backs protected and to be near water. It was at Morgantown she had her nineteenth birthday. It came and went, unnoticed by al except her and Uncle Thad. Perhaps that was why she thought of Morgantown first.
Later, they had pa.s.sed the settlement of Clarkesvile in the Indiana territory. It was there she realized most of the exploration and settlements were French. Nearly al the forts, towns and trading posts they visited were run by and surrounded by the French. It was immediately made clear to everyone the French and Indians were friends and it behooved the settlers to be friendly to the French. That situation had proven very difficult for many of the men who had fought against the French many times before coming to the colonies. Bigotry and prejudice were slow to die in the hearts of many of the men.
When their group made stops at these forts or posts, they would stock up on depleted supplies, rest, and talk with the trappers and traders about newer and better routes and newly settled places. Alisha thought, if we had al been French, everyone wo"ld probably stil be alive. But, of course, the brave would not have been our enemy or treated as he was.
These Plains Indians were entirely different from those she had seen and met along the trail. The Miami and others had been pleasant or ignored their pa.s.sing. There had never been any open hostility from any of the tribes or bands they had contact with. Alisha had not realized the tribes they met had been friendly with the white man for a long time. Other tribes had simply learned the futility white man for a long time. Other tribes had simply learned the futility of resisting the white man and his weapons. The Miami had thought it wiser not to attack a group of whites who had no intention of settling on their lands.
It had been about that time the men had decided to abandon the river trail and head overland to the settlement of St. Louis. Some of the men had argued bitterly about this decision. Along that trail, they had pa.s.sed a settlement named Vincennes and moved on to Cahokia in the Ilinois territory.
Their longest stop had been where the Mississippi River, referred to as the "Big River," joined with another river caled the "Big Muddy." There they built rafts. It had been a slow and dangerous crossing on the light rafts. Some of the wagons and a few lives had been lost in the swift, swirling red waters. She recaled how awesome and terrifying it had been for her. How had she found the courage to keep from crying that day?
Some of the others had been too frightened to cross after witnessing tragedy and failure by others. Those who refused to make the crossing headed for the settlements of Kaskaskia and Ste. Genevieve. The ones who were successful were jubilant and proud. She had found their stay at St. Louis enlightening. There was a very large trading post built in 1764 situated near the river and surrounded by numerous homesteads and smal settlements. She had learned the Spanish had controled this area at one time and had offered large land grants to anyone who would come and help settle it. Their ploy had been unsuccessful and they soon lost and sold their claims to the French.
The owners and proprietors of the trading posts there were the ones who convinced them to head on for the Dakota Territory. They told many stories about the vast, open ranges for grazing and They told many stories about the vast, open ranges for grazing and farming; the forests filed with game for food and skins; the numerous streams and rivers for water supply; the serenity and safety because of the nearby military post, Fort Pierre; and of the gold brought back by some of the traders and trappers. Alisha asked herself, what good had that fort been to them?
Had it helped or protected them in their greatest hour of need? It might have been on the other side of the world for al the difference it had made for her people.
She reflected again on her journey. The traders and trappers in St. Louis did not, in their desire to see this area settled and more populated, tel the settlers of the dangerous living conditions and strife between the whites and Indians, especialy the Sioux. They had believed the increasing number of settlers and soldiers would help their businesses to grow. A greater number of whites would increase the chances of their pushing the Indians farther north or west, leaving the trapping grounds and gold-filed streams and hils open for the taking. Either way, they were sitting pretty at the crossroads between the East and West. It would be far safer for them to have whites at the back door than hostile Indians. Their journey had been much rougher after they left St. Louis. Winter had overtaken them sooner than expected. Joe Kenny, their scout, had told them they were lucky for that was one of the mildest winters he had seen in these parts. If that was what he caled a mild winter, Alisha joked to herself, I would hate to be caught in one he considered harsh.
I can recolect days we didn"t make any progress and others, only a little. I remember those worst days when Joe would make us form a circle and wait out the storms and deep snows. Then, he would push us on and on as soon as the weather cleared and the would push us on and on as soon as the weather cleared and the trails were pa.s.sable. Perhaps he was in a big hurry to be out of this area. No, if he had known what we realy faced, he would have told us. If he did, they didn"t listen or wouldn"t turn back. If our men were smart enough to bring two extra wagons of feed and hay for the animals when gra.s.s couldn"t be found in the snow, why couldn"t they be smart enough to sense our danger or the signs of trouble brewing? We should have been wise enough to turn back on those days filed with overwhelming problems and bickering.
Thank goodness for those books I brought along or I would have been as irritable and edgy as they were on those layovers. But there were good times, too. Alisha smiled as she recaled their Christmas on the trail. It had been wonderful and beautiful. For a change, nearly everyone had been helpful and friendly to each other. Thankfuly, that Christmas brought out the best in their group. Perhaps it had been because of the children. They inspired a happiness and gaiety al their own, and spread it to those around them.
That was the time I gave Uncle Thad that funny little pipe Mr. Parsons carved for me, Alisha thought wistfuly. It had taken nearly al my smal savings, but it was wel worth it. Uncle Thad, I miss you so much. Why did they have to take you from me? Why did you force me into that trench? I would not be in this situation if I had refused.
Oh, G.o.d, how I dread another winter here! Those high snowdrifts and ice; I"ve never been so cold in my life. I hated the way the wind made my nose and cheeks hurt and turn red. My feet and hands would get so numb they didn"t move. They felt like dead weights and ached with the cold. There were even times when it weights and ached with the cold. There were even times when it hurt to breathe and my teeth would chatter so loud I couldn"t sleep al night. I was never so happy as the day when winter was over and spring came.
That Christmas day had not been cold or wet. Perhaps the good weather that day had been a gift to al of them. She suppressed laughter as she pictured the little tree the children had cut and fixed. They scampered around like chipmunks confiscating and colecting anything they could to decorate it with. Mrs. Dooley had conniptions over her missing red ribbons and Mrs. Blackstone over the cotton puffs from her husband"s medicine bag. But how lovely the tree had been when they finished! Everyone had been delighted and amazed by the children"s pooled efforts. I can stil hear the singing and laughter ... Ben and his deep voice ... I bet he had been nipping from that little jug he kept hidden away for "special occasions," as he caled them. When he started to dance around the tree, I thought I would die laughing. Mrs. Frazer sure was angry with him for acting that way. You always were a show-off and clown, Ben. Sadness touched Alisha as she realized she would never hear his laughter or see his antics ever again.
The remainder of that night had been spent drinking hot b.u.t.tered rum and tea and exchanging smal sentimental presents. There would be no old-fashioned Christmas with plum puddings and yule log, as they had planned. But she did have beautiful, wonderul memories no one could ever take from her. Alisha tried to sleep, but it would not come, for her mind was too ful of thoughts of those days and times. Time had slipped by swiftly after that night and spring was near. She vividly recaled the first buds on the trees, the early shoots of gra.s.s, the unfolding petals first buds on the trees, the early shoots of gra.s.s, the unfolding petals on impatient wildflowers, and the first warming of the sun after al the snow and ice were gone. The sky had never seemed clearer or bluer. The air had smeled fresh, crisp and clean. It was like witnessing the rebirth of nature in a virgin land of unexceled beauty. Her uncle had commented to her, "This land"s a woodsman"s delight, Lese." It was abundant in lush green forests filed with elders, pines, spruces, red cedars, elms, ashes, poplars and others which even he could not name.
He had shouted excitedly, "Look, Lese! Wood for every need! Hard woods for furniture, homes and fences, and soft, pliable woods for carving everything we need or want."
Game had once more become abundant. The hunters had had no problems bringing back plenty of meat. During their rest stops, the girls and women could pick wild berries and fruits to be used in delectable pies and desserts. The lengthening days gave more time and light for ch.o.r.es and socializing.
She recaled the loud cheering and joyous celebrating when they finaly reached their goal in May. None of them knew the war they had feared and fled had already begun back East. The first thing they had done was to set about building a strong, high fortress for protection. Then each family built a smal, one-room cabin. They had worked hard, long hours to finish before the violent thunderstorms, accompanied by hail, heavy rains, and crashing lightning, hit them. They had been told this was a common thing in June. The few storms Alisha had witnessed had been at a distance. She greatly feared violent storms.
She had thought the fortress a waste of time and energy, for the Indians she had seen and met had al been friendly. Bitterly, she added, it was a waste ... it did not protect us or our homes. It added, it was a waste ... it did not protect us or our homes. It might just as wel have been made of blades of gra.s.s. I thought the journey had forged me into a stronger, braver person. Where is al that courage and strength now? To think I actualy held a gun on my people to prevent the brave"s beating and death! How he must have laughed at me! This new land and search for freedom was not worth its cost. To think of al we sacrificed and endured ... for what? To die! Those who died on the way here were lucky! They wil never know that al the sacrificing and suffering were futile. I wil never forget the day it al began to shatter -the day I first met Wanmdi Hota!
She roled over on her side and faced the teepee, listening to the sounds of nightingales caling to their mates. Stilness settled in as the night darkened.
Chapter Six.
Gray Eagle lifted the flap and entered his teepee. The fire had died down to glowing embers, casting a soft light inside the darkened teepee. His keen vision could make out Alisha"s form on his mat. Opalescent moonlight filtered down on her, creating a soft, romantic setting.
He moved over to a side pole to hang his weapons. He undressed and came to lie beside her. His alert senses had already told him she was not asleep. He remained stil for a time, relaxing and thinking. He roled to his side and propped up on his elbow, gazing down at her. Instantly, he saw her stiffen and alarm race across her face. She wanted to move away, but it was too late to feign slumber. Besides, it would not make any difference to him if he had other things on his mind.
He read her thoughts. She fears I wil take her roughly as before. No, Cinstinna. Tonight, I wil show you love and desire. She trembled as he leaned forward and kissed her. She spoke so softly he almost could not hear her. "Please, Wanmdi Hota, don"t hurt me again. Hiya ..."
He puled her rigid body to him and began to kiss her. He pressed warm, moist lips to hers. Light kisses began to linger and deepen. He halted to remove her dress and breech cloth. She offered no resistance, for fear he would cut this one off, too. There was no doubt in her mind if he wanted it off, it would come off one way or another. She would rather be naked before him in private, than before his people.
than before his people.
"Please, hiya..." she pleaded against his lips as their naked bodies met. "Please, Wanmdi Hota, hiya..."
He raised his head and looked down into her terror-filed eyes. He spoke to her in a firm, husky voice, "Sha, Lese. Niye mitawa. Kokipi sni." She did not understand his words, but his tone of voice and gentle mood had a soothing quality. She did not beg again, but tensely waited for him to continue.
His hands roamed over her quivering body with soft caresses. Combined with his fiery kisses, his touch made fires ignite and burn deep within her. This time was unlike the others. Why didn"t he just take her and stop this slow torment to her senses? What was he doing to her? What were these strange, tingling sensations inside her and al over her body?
Soon, she found it impossible to resist the emotions he was loosening within her. Nor could she stop them. She felt herself weakening and her resistance giving way to his lips and touch. His kiss and touch brought ecstasy and hunger she did not understand. Reality flooded her. He is using my own body against me! I must fight these feelings. I must not give in to him wilingly! I wil act the harlot for no man, especialy him! He has taken enough from me! I wil not give him my heart and soul as wel!
Her mind screamed warnings and rebelion to her traitorous body. Fight him, Lese! Don"t show a weakness for him. Resist! Be anything, but his lover! Slave, yes, prisoner, yes, lover, no, no, no...
But as he continued his slow, deliberate a.s.sault on her, she knew she was losing ground to his greater knowledge and vast experience. He is a savage! her mind screamed. Why does he make me feel this way? He wil only use me until he tires of me, and then cast me aside. Why doesn"t he hurry and be done? How much cast me aside. Why doesn"t he hurry and be done? How much longer can I fight this hunger for him? I must concentrate on other things-his cruelty, the dead, their suffering and pain, of anything but what he is doing to me...
Her b.r.e.a.s.t.s were swolen and firm and her nipples taut with pa.s.sion and desire. When he teased or kissed them, she felt she would surely go mad if he did not soon possess her completely. She could not free her lips from his, nor her body from his grip. She could not stop the hands which started an aching deep in the pit of her being. Her pulse and heart raced madly with each other. Finaly, she could no longer restrain her desire for him nor could she reason with her conscience. She was as pliable as putty in his hands.
What did it matter anyway? He would take her, wiling or not. Why fight him? Why resist him? These feelings which refused to be queled tore at her reason. His kisses and touches had whetted her love-starved appet.i.te, and it demanded to be fed and sated. She couldn"t understand how he could hold off like this. She could feel his heated ardor. Was he only teasing her? Was he showing her he had complete power and control over her in every way? He was tantalize her to the brink of begging for fulfilment. She was his prey, and he devoured her with his hunger. She wanted ... she needed... what? She did not know for sure. At last, he heard what he had been waiting and working for, "Sha ... sha, Wanmdi Hota. Sha, sha .. ." she moaned the words out in final defeat and desperation.
He moved to top her, parting her unresisting thighs with his knees, and gently entered her. She inhaled deeply as he filed her. His thrusts were slow and deep. Her resistance sank lower, until their lovemaking was the only reality to her. She moaned softly as their lovemaking was the only reality to her. She moaned softly as she was caught up in the heat of pa.s.sion. She didn"t know when her arms had encircled his back and embraced him tightly. Her lips and body responded feverishly to his kisses and nonverbal instructions. Pa.s.sion climbed higher and higher. Soon, his thrusts increased in depth and speed. As she molded herself to him, it happened, for the first time. As the shock of release came, her eyes flew open wide and she stared into his. There was no pain this time, only the sweet pa.s.sion and pleasure they had bespoken. He smiled down into her astonished face as his lips reclaimed hers. Waves and waves of ecstasy crashed over her. Together, they rode the crest of pa.s.sion-filed waves until they had subsided. Afterwards, they lay spent, breathing heavily.
Suddenly, ful comprehension came to her of her unbridled behavior and what had just taken place between them. She fought to pul away in shame and anger at herself and him, but he held her tightly and securely, refusing to release her.
"Hiya, Lese," he said firmly. She ceased her futile struggles and lay limp in his embrace.
She cried out weakly, "What have I done? Why did I let you make me act like some... like some... oh-h-h! You"re mean and cruel. How could I let you, of al men, make love to me? How did you force me to lose control and respond to you like that? Wel, never again! I"l never submit to you again. Never!"
The wild spouting of words ended, but he stil held her and would not let her go. She was totaly bewildered by her fierce abandonment, but more so by the emotions and pleasures she had just experienced with him.
She struggled again. "Let me go! I can"t sleep like this, with you touching and holding me. Leave me be! Hiya, Wanmdi Hota,"
you touching and holding me. Leave me be! Hiya, Wanmdi Hota,"
her last few words spoken with intense pleading in her voice. Tears of self-betrayal and anger slid down her flushed, rosy cheeks until she finaly relaxed in his embrace and went to sleep. She slept peacefuly and was stil al night in his powerful arms. He smiled into the darkness, knowing she did not possess the knowledge to resist him, nor the wilpower. He gazed down into her sleeping face and tenderly pushed little wisps of hair from her dampened forehead.
"Waste cedake." He suddenly realized he had spoken the very words he had feared to think or feel, that he loved her...
For the next few weeks, it.was as if there was an unspoken truce between them, during the days. He was not the harsh, cruel master to her, and she behaved as a perfect slave, doing al the things expected of her without defiance and showing great ability and inteligence in her strange new life and surroundings. But each night she fought his touch, kiss and lovemaking until he overcame her resistance, and then she would cling to him pa.s.sionately in surrender and hunger. Emotions she had never felt before were alive and in ful play. Gray Eagle did not seem to object to her resistance in his mats. In fact, he relished the nightly duel of wils and her final defeat each time. He knew she wanted him as much as he wanted her, but her pride and honor forced her to hide this from him and even from herself.
"In time ..." he would muse to himself each night.
It was the Indian custom for captives to be turned over to the women to be taught ch.o.r.es or for punishment to be meted out to disobedient slaves. But Gray Eagle chose to keep Alisha to himself, alowing no one else to conquer her spirit. If he could not manage to be with her or nearby, he would have Matu or White Arrow be with her or nearby, he would have Matu or White Arrow accompany her around the vilage or to the forest. This unusual situation was quickly noted by many of the women and warriors. Only his great respect and honor, along with her total submission and obvious value and beauty, prevented any open talk or taunts. Without her knowing, his people began to see her lack of contempt and hatred for them. Reluctantly, they came to accept her presence. Only Chela and Matu refused to look past her skin color and position in Gray Eagle"s life to see the woman Alisha. Even though no one spoke to her or acknowledged her, she was not treated cruely or taunted, and for this she was thankful. It seemed to her that she was invisible to everyone except Gray Eagle, White Arrow, Chela and Matu, but she was wrong. She was noticed by envious women who saw her in Gray Eagle"s teepee and at his side, and by the other warriors who agreed with his good luck at finding such a prize. He received many offers for her in trade, but lightly turned them down. His spirit would soar with pride at those times. She was indeed a rare prize, fit for the son of a chief. If only she were not white...
When Matu was busy and Gray Eagle was out hunting or gone on a raid, she would be left in White Arrow"s care. As the days pa.s.sed, she found herself spending more and more time with him. She found it easy to respect and like him. He seemed the only person who liked her and viewed her as a friend, not a slave. She felt completely at ease in his presence, and he in hers. He had never known it would be pleasant to be with a winyan, especialy one who was an enemy. He was soon very fond of her and enjoyed her company over his own kind. Acceptance and friendship came quickly and easily between them. Within days, he found himself wanting more.
wanting more.
With her smal Indian vocabulary and signs, they could almost talk to each other. He would catch himself smiling or laughing with her when she struggled with his tongue. Once she was filing the mni skins and leaned over too far and tumbled into the stream with a big splash. Another time she was caught in the briars while gathering berries. She did not get angry at him for laughing at her. Instead, she usualy laughed at herself with good humor and honesty. She was alive and vital, one who enjoyed life with its ups and downs. She found happiness and joy in the smalest of things. White Arrow recaled the time she made him climb the th.o.r.n.y wanhu tree to return a baby bird to its nest. Or the time she tricked him into releasing the beautiful, colorful pheasant he had snared. She possessed a tender heart and did not like to see anything or anyone suffer. Since this was an intricate part of his religion and beliefs, it pleased him greatly. He came to respect and admire her more and more for these qualities and traits.
Sometimes when al her ch.o.r.es were finished she would run through the meadow chasing the wind, or b.u.t.terflies, or picking wildflowers. Once, she had made a headband of flowers and placed it on his head. She had merrily danced around him, bowing and laughing, caling him a "wasichu chief." Only his dignity as a warrior had kept him from joining her playful behavior and game. He enjoyed watching her eyes sparkle with life, and listening to her voice ringing with laughter. He was alert and quick to notice she preferred his company and guard over others, and was the most relaxed and happy around him. When they would return to the vilage, or others were around, she would adopt an air of respect and reserve. She had never brought embarra.s.sment or taunts to him for her att.i.tude or behavior toward him. His heart would warm with for her att.i.tude or behavior toward him. His heart would warm with admiration and love for her because of her concern for his honor. He would seek some smal way to repay her kindness. White Arrow did not realize Alisha"s demure actions were brought about by her fear of the others" intolerance and misunderstanding of their closeness. True, she did not wish him to be taunted for his acceptance and friendship; but she feared their taunts would halt their friendship and happy times. She knew she must not make herself a burden to him, or he might withdraw his affection, leaving her totaly alone in this demesne. She became more and more aware daily of what White Arrow and his friendship meant to her. She did not want to do anything, anything, to dampen or destroy it.
Without knowing how or when, White Arrow came to accept her as his koda and Gray Eagle"s winyan. He no longer thought of her as a wasichu, but he tried not to think of her in other ways. He found he had to remind himself constantly that she was his best friend"s woman. It would bring great shame to him and dishonor to his friend if he alowed himself to forget this for a minute. He would sometimes find himself wishing she were the slave of another, for then he would not feel guilt at taking her or wanting her. If she had been the slave of an enemy, he would dare any danger to go and steal her for himself. The more he was with her, and the more he came to know and understand her, the harder it became to pul back from her emotionaly. Stil, he knew he must.
What did he care if some of the warriors taunted him about being a man who watches over winyans and kaskapis? He would grin and chide them for their envy. They would al laugh and jokingly chalenge him for his coveted position. Soon, it became a joke they played and enjoyed, knowing White Arrow"s courage and daring played and enjoyed, knowing White Arrow"s courage and daring were beyond reproach. Luckily, White Arrow was an easy-going man and did not mind their jesting, serious or not. One warm, sunny afternoon, he explained his pet name for her. He had never caled her Lese or Alisha as she had told him many times. He would cal her "Pi-Zi Ista." She did not know what it meant, but came to answer to it. She was sitting by the stream with her bare feet dangling in the water. She turned to him and asked, "Pi-Zi Ista?"
He threw back his head and laughed heartily. He puled up a handful of gra.s.s and pointed to it, saying, "Pi-zi." He then pointed to her eyes and said, "Ista." Pointing to the gra.s.s first, then her eyes, he put the two words together, "Pi-Zi Ista."
She looked bewildered for a moment, thinking, gra.s.s ... eyes ...
She exclaimed in delight, "Gra.s.s Eyes!"
Her green eyes had looked like gra.s.s to him and he had chosen to cal her this. "Sha," she said, smiling her pleasure at his choice. "Pi-Zi Ista ... Sha."
He stood up and caled to her, "Ku-wa, Pi-Zi Ista."
She smiled up at him and rose to folow. "Sha, Wanhinkpe Ska." They both laughed at her way of saying his name. "I should give you another name, too. Something easier to say, like Daniel or Brandon. How about Sapa Ista?" He grinned, knowing she had made some reference to his black eyes. He walked on with her folowing close behind.
Many more days pa.s.sed by, but Matu stil refused to change her att.i.tude toward her. She persisted in treating her with coldness and contempt. She disliked having to teach Alisha her ch.o.r.es or watch her doing them. She was openly pleased Alisha preferred watch her doing them. She was openly pleased Alisha preferred White Arrow"s company, for he surely did not seem to mind hers. In fact, Matu read more than tolerance in his eyes. She blamed Alisha for this also.
Alisha was unaware of Matu"s deep-rooted hatred for white women, especialy those with auburn hair and green eyes. Each time she looked at Alisha, she did not realy see Alisha, she saw Jenny. She would silently curse her as she recaled past pain-filed days. Matu would ask herself what Alisha possessed that her kind did not possess better. She would think, she is soft and spoiled. She must be shown and taught everything. She cannot be left alone and must always be guarded. She is weak and beneath my people, the Si-Ha Sapa. She is even beneath the Oglala and al other tribes. Why do great warriors like Wanmdi Hota and others lower themselves to capture and keep these white women? "Ska witkowins!" she spit out bitterly. They could have their choice of any winyan in their vilages, or even winyans from other tribes. Any winyan would be honored and pleased to take a man such as Wanmdi Hota or Wanhinkpe Ska. It was beyond her to understand and accept this.
Matu knew she must do as Wanmdi Hota told her, but she did not have to like it, or the girl. She would not dare to cal her a witkowin again. He had been very angry with her. But why? She was his wh.o.r.e, was she not? Stil, she must not cal her that again, at least, not out loud.
On those days when Alisha was in Matu"s care, she was taught which berries, wild vegetables and herbs to gather. She was shown how to properly prepare and cook them. Certain berries were used in the pemmican they caled wasna, others in soups, others for eating plain, others for cooking in breads, some for dyes others for eating plain, others for cooking in breads, some for dyes and as medicines. They would gather certain roots to be cooked in several ways; some boiled, baked or smoked.
The hunters had just returned from a very successful hunt, and meat was plentiful. Along with the buffalo meat, the hunters would bring home other game, such as deer, rabbit, squirrels and hehoka, the Oglala name for elk, moose or antelope. Most of the buffalo was used in preparing the wasna for winter rations and the remaining meat for eating now. Alisha quickly learned how to cook buffalo meat in various ways for the different cuts and parts. She had been surprised to find it had a venison flavor which was very tasty and nourishing. Matu was very careful to suppress and hide Alisha"s progress as a cook and worker.
Alisha learned which herbs and greens to use to flavor and tenderize the tougher cuts of meats. Her most disliked ch.o.r.e was helping with cleaning and gutting the animals for cooking. Each time she did this ch.o.r.e, she had to fight constantly to overcome her feelings of weakness and nausea. The sight of blood on her hands and the mutilating of the animals" bodies made her nervous and uneasy. At this time, she did not realize the reason for her discomfort and tension.
Nearly every day or two, Gray Eagle and White Arrow would bring home fresh meat of some kind to her, Matu or other women who had no warrior to hunt for them. It appeared to her that generosity and a.s.sistance to others in need were great deeds to be honored and praised. She became very much aware of his actions and deeds. She saw the great respect, honor and love his people felt for him and showed to him. But she was unaware of her heart softening and reaching out to him more and more as the days pa.s.sed.
pa.s.sed.
Days began to slip by more swiftly as she worked under the watchful eyes of Matu. She gathered pokeberries, which they caled pakon. The shoots were cooked and eaten, the purple berries used for a dye, and the roots dried and pounded into a medicine. They also gathered chokecherries for food, medicine and dye. They gathered buffalo berries for eating. Other days, they colected wild cabbages, onions, prairie turnips, horsemint, cama.s.s bulbs, and roots from the bitterroot plant. Al of these she learned to identify and cook, much to Matu"s frustration and chagrin. Her polite manner, interest, quickness and grat.i.tude did not sit wel with Matu. Alisha thought the hardest task was gathering the buffalo berries. They grew on trees which were about fifteen feet tal and covered with thorns. The tree had silvery leaves and an egg-shaped fruit which was sweet and delicious. This fruit turned a yelowishred when it was ready for picking. Matu had tricked her the first time they gathered this fruit. She had made her climb the sticky tree to pluck the fruit and drop it down to her.
After White Arrow had removed al the thorns from her arms, hands and feet, he taught her to use a long branch to dislodge the fruit with a light touch. He was very angry with Matu, but Alisha would not let him punish her.
"Hiya, Wanhinkpe Ska," she begged, holding his arm. She did not wish to tattle or cause more conflict between herself and Matu. It would be unwise to force him to take sides between them. The deed was done and punishing it would only lead to more hatred and resentment. Perhaps her forgiving att.i.tude would ease some of the tension between them.
One of her favorite tasks was the gathering of items for dyes and paints. They would join some of the other women as they and paints. They would join some of the other women as they gathered and colected earth pigments and plants. They would make yelow from buffalo galstones; yelow, orange, and red from ochers; blue from wanhu and pokeberries; red from vermilion; black from charcoal; and other colors from gra.s.ses, clays and flowers. Sometimes they would mix the extracts and particles with water, and other times, with grease or oil from animals or plant stems. Perhaps one day, Alisha daydreamed, Gray Eagle would alow her to paint some scene on his teepee or designs on his horse. She secretly wished to do even the body painting for ceremonies, but not for war or raids against her people.
Early each morning, she would hear their prayers and chants to their G.o.d, Wakantanka, or to the sun, Wi. She was taught in the beginning what things she was not to do or touch. She was taught never to touch his weapons; his pipes, caled canduhupa; his candi tobacco; his medicine bundle, caled pezuta wopahte; or his ceremonial headdress, which was the top part of a buffalo head. He had shown her these things and shaken his head and said, "Hiya!" firmly after each one. He had repeated the sequence to be sure she understood his instructions. She nodded her understanding by pointing to each one and stating "hiya" after each. Even on those nights when she was alone or bored, she did not dare to disobey. She would often look at or study the items, but never touch or handle them. Such an offense was considered bad medicine and evil. For an enemy, or sometimes a woman, to touch such personal things could cause them to lose their power and magic. Such an offense was punishable by death or the loss of a hand.
She had soon comprehended the woman"s place in Indian life. Even though she labored hard and long hours, she was highly Even though she labored hard and long hours, she was highly respected, and treated with dignity. The warriors did no domestic tasks of any kind, or anything which appeared to be female work. The Indian women accepted this way of life as easily as breathing. They did their work with efficiency, reserve and pride. It was quickly apparent to Alisha that the men were the supreme rulers in this domain also, just as it was back in her homeland. But there was a very noticeable difference in the att.i.tudes and manners of these women. They quietly and wilingly accepted their lot in life, whereas many of the white women hated their lots and destinies. She had witnessed many of her friends" anger at their pre-arranged lives and marriages. Alisha knew she would have done the same if she had been forced to marry one of those same men. She wondered if women would ever be free to choose their own mates and ways of life.
She came to understand that his tribe was ruled by a council, of which Gray Eagle and White Arrow were members, and caled the "Oyate Omiciye." They would often meet in one of the most elaborately decorated teepees in the inner circle. The most influential leaders and warriors lived in the first three inner circles. She could see they were the ones in charge of the laws, punishments, raids and hunts. Many times she had watched as a group of hunters or warriors would raise Gray Eagle"s arm and cheer him as the "tiospaya itancan" for their coming raid or hunt. She had watched him leave their teepee and go to the council lodge when the old man caled out, "Oyate Omiciye kte lo."
White Arrow had pointed out the medicine lodge to her one day. He had caled it the Pezuta Teepee. He had pointed out where the Yuwipi Wicasta lived, but his teepee was empty at this time. She thought perhaps he had gone to colect some special herbs for She thought perhaps he had gone to colect some special herbs for medicines, or to perform some secret incantations. With her smal, inadequate vocabulary, there was no way for her to ask about the things she did not understand.
She also noticed there was another teepee empty in the inner circle. It was the largest and most beautiful of al. Its skins told tales of many fierce battles and daring hunts. The hero in al scenes wore a flowing, ful bonnet of yelow feathers. She knew this must be their chief"s teepee. But where was he? Why was he not here? She had no way of knowing Chief Suntokca Ki-in-yangkiyapi and Pezuta Wapiye Wicasta Itancan Torlac were in the Paha Sapa, their sacred lands of healing.
She stil had not learned or guessed Gray Eagle"s true status, but knew him to be in high esteem in his people"s eyes. Perhaps he was the chiefs son as Simon had said. She tried not to show too much personal interest in him and forced herself not to ask him or White Arrow those questions which plagued her mind. For some unknown reason, she felt danger in asking or knowing about their chief. This was a wise decision, for it would only have reminded them he was not here because a white trapper had shot him, nearly kiling him.
The women"s lives were filed with various ch.o.r.es each day, and there always seemed to be something new for her to learn. On this occasion, she was helping the women gather sumac berries to be used in the treating and tanning of animal skins and hides. She had observed them for a long time in silence, watching and learning. They would stretch the skins taut and secure to a wooden frame, then sc.r.a.pe the fat and bits of meat from the skin with a sharp tool. When the sc.r.a.ping was thoroughly done, the skin was rubbed with animal brains to soften and condition it, then tanned. animal brains to soften and condition it, then tanned. Later, she had helped for a short while, until Matu became impatient with her sluggishness and nausea as she worked with the brains. Matu pushed her aside to observe some more. Alisha was only too happy to obey this time.
There were other women sitting close by colecting and treating sinews, which were used for binding skins and clothing together, much like the thread her people used for sewing. She watched as they removed and colected claws, teeth, feathers and quils to be used as decorations on clothing and belongings. The Sioux favored the use of the porcupine quils for adorning pipe bags, bow quivers, men"s vests, moccasins and women"s clothing. First, the quils were softened in warm water, then flattened and pressed with a heavy rock. Later, *they were braided or sewn onto the skins and hides.
The first time she had attempted this task, she only succeeded in p.r.i.c.king her fingers numerous times with the sharp quils. Unfortunately, the design was incorrect and had to be taken apart, inflicting more painful, b.l.o.o.d.y p.r.i.c.ks. Matu had delighted in her pain and trouble. She had continued to instruct Alisha until Gray Eagle guessed what was realy taking place with the lessons. He had caled for Alisha to come to do a ch.o.r.e for him. She had immediately answered his beckoning.
She had reddened when he took her two smal hands into his large, strong ones to examine them. Embarra.s.sed, she defended her lack of ability. "I guess I wasn"t very careful. I"m not very good at it yet, but soon..." She halted when she realized what she was saying and doing. Angrily, she continued, "You probably think I"m stupid and careless, just like the old woman does. I"l learn to do it yet, even if my hands are covered with p.r.i.c.ks and blood," she vowed, even if my hands are covered with p.r.i.c.ks and blood," she vowed, determined not to be bested by him or Matu.
He had made no comment, but had taken her to the Pezuta Teepee. There, he put some oily substance into the palms of her hands, then motioned for her to rub it in. She did so, and was surprised to find it numbed and soothed the stinging pain. The bleeding soon stopped. She looked up into his eyes and smiled her thanks. He ignored her smile. He caled for her to folow him back to their teepee to prepare their evening meal. Each such event would gnaw at her diminishing fear and mistrust of him. At al times, except during lovemaking, he held himself away from her in dignity, arrogance and coldness. He was lofty, forbidding and unreachable. He accepted her presence and services, but offered no outward friendship, attention or concern. She mused to herself, perhaps he pretends I am Indian in the dark. Or, at least, he can ignore my white skin as he makes love to me. It was apparent to even a naive girl like Alisha that he enjoyed her body, her resistance, her submission and her docile behavior, but not as a person. She would have been greatly shocked if she had but guessed how he truly felt.
He worked hard at suppressing and denying his feelings and thoughts about her to everyone, including himself. He constantly reminded himself she was only his slave and enemy. He would keep her at arm"s length at al times, except when he made love to her at night. On those occasions, he would think of it as a game, a show of power, or as punishment. He enjoyed forcing her to betray herself and submit wilingly to him, night after night. He did not realize how deep and strong his feelings for her were becoming. He dismissed such ridiculous thoughts.
In her plight of slavery without friends or family, she turned In her plight of slavery without friends or family, she turned more and more to White Arrow for the affection and happiness missing in her life. In return, White Arrow was drawn to her beauty and vulnerability like a bear to a honey tree, aware of both its dangers and rewards. To see her smile, to hear her soft laughter, to be a part of her happiness, and to watch her grow and bloom into a desirable creature before his eyes, was wel worth a few stings. Only the knowledge she belonged to his best friend, who was like a brother to him, held his attentions under control. As long as she belongs to Wanmdi Hota, White Arrow thought, I wil not touch her and dishonor him. When the day comes that he casts her aside, she wil be mine. Wanmdi Hota wil not dare to keep her much longer. The others wil begin to question his feelings for his white slave. The time for trading her wil come soon. When she is mine, I wil not be forced to give her up, for I am not a chief"s son. He must soon take his mate and cannot keep her then. What mate, especialy one like Chela, would alow him to keep a slave such as Pi-Zi Ista? He rationalized, when the time comes, she wil come to me wilingly, for we are friends and she trusts me. One night later, she sat watching Gray Eagle as he put some feathers in a pouch. She picked one up and admired its strength and beauty. She questioned, "Eagle?" making the sign for a bird. Instantly, his head jerked up at her word. She was examining the feather and did not see this curious reaction. He sighed in relief, but took advantage of this situation.
He said, "Wanhinkpe Ska." She looked up at him in confusion. He went on. He held up an arrow and said, "Wanhinkpe."
She brightened and replied, "Wanhinkpe, arrow," touching the arrow he was holding.