"I gave him up. What else do you want?"
"He wasn"t yours to give."
"Are we done here? "Cause you"re acting like a lunatic, and I"d like to go home."
She waves her hand carelessly and lifts me off the pillar of the bridge. I am now in midair, just like her. But unlike her, I don"t have any wings. Terror washes over me. My face is frozen with fear. I stand perfectly still as if that will convince gravity not to take me down, should she decide to let me go.
"Watch how you speak to me, human. I"m trying really hard not to kill you. Help me, won"t you?"
"What do you want?"
"I want you to come to terms with the truth."
"What truth?"
"You"re a liar, Emerson Baxter. You act and talk like you"re in love with Marcus. That can"t possibly be the case. Because if the most powerful human on Earth had told me that I would bring Marcus to the end of his life and the failure of his only mission, I would do anything to make sure that didn"t happen."
"I gave him up."
"Gave him up? Every time I turn around he"s rescuing you, holding you, comforting you...."
She"s right. I had not been the distant, un.o.btrusive girl that I said I was going to be. I had been in their love life, and even in their kiss. I wasn"t out of the picture. I was the picture.
I remain silent. She drops me and I quickly fall several feet. I scream all the way down. I"m going to hit water. I can"t swim. Even if I could, I"d still die. Oh, no. My mom will never stop crying.
I am halted in the air just as abruptly. Ameana flies down to my level.
"I just wanted to make sure you were paying attention."
"I hate you."
"Yes, well there"s something we have in common after all."
"Don"t drop me again, okay? If you want to get rid of me, then do, it but stop toying with me." I am hardly able to get the words out.
"All this time I have been talking to you, I have done so as Marcus" girlfriend. I love him and I want him to be protected. But now I am talking to you as the Second-in-Command. Don"t mix up the two. As his girlfriend, I want you to back off and get a life."
"As the second Guardian, what do you want?"
"To succeed on this mission. Nothing else can matter besides that. I would even give up Marcus if that"s what the mission called for. I will do any and everything to ensure we are successful. And if you get in the way of that, I can circ.u.mvent Marcus by calling in the council and presenting my case to them."
"You"d betray him like that?"
"I would even take myself out if that is what needs to happen."
"I love him."
"Than start acting like it and do what"s best for him. Let him go."
"I can"t."
"You will, or I will destroy you."
She comes even closer and wipes the tears that are running down my face. She holds my face gently in the palm of her hand.
"Your courage is in your tears. Every time you cry, you lose a little bit more of it. That"s why you"re so breakable. Not because you"re human, because you"re always shedding courage from your eyes."
I look away from her while keeping my face in her hand.
"Emmy, look at me." I do as I am told.
"Cry for Marcus and the love you will never have with him. But then be done with it. Shed no more courage. You"ll need all of it to save the other humans."
The thing that gets to me isn"t what she just said, it"s the thought that I am destroying Marcus by wanting him. I can"t allow that. So here, on the Golden Gate Bridge, I cry my last tears and say good bye to the thought of Marcus and Emmy, good bye to the love that really never stood a chance.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN: PUNISHMENT.
I wake up at home in the safety of my bed. I have come to three conclusions. One, drinking is the stupidest thing ever invented. My head is pounding. Every single sound in my apartment is amplified a billion times over.
But the one cliche about drinking that isn"t happening to me is memory loss. I unfortunately remember every embarra.s.sing moment of my party.
Now I am moving like I"m one hundred and ten years old; every movement somehow reminds my head that it should be pounding, and so it does. I brush my teeth and that p.i.s.ses off my head and makes it hurt even worse.
The second thing I know is that I have to recommit myself to forgetting Marcus. I mean it this time. Ameana"s tactics were less than angel-like, but she was right. I come out of my room with faded jeans and a messy ponytail. I don"t have the strength to pull my hair back and make it nice. Did I mention that drinking sucks? Okay, just checking.
My mom is on the phone when I walk into the kitchen. She says good bye to whomever she was talking to and hangs up.
"Hey, birthday girl."
"That was yesterday."
"Well I"m your mom; I can extend the celebration if I want. How was the party?"
"Good."
"What is it about teenagers refusing to give up more information? Miku called and said you may not be feeling well."
"Yeah, I ate something that made me throw up. It was fun."
"You ate something or you drank something?"
"What?"
"I came into your room last night and I smelled alcohol and vomit. I"m not an idiot Emerson."
"Well...."
"Don"t lie to me."
"I"m sorry. It was just one time."
"So what? You"re only 16 years old. Who else was drinking?"
"No one."
"So, you got the alcohol on your own?"
"Yeah, no one gave it to me."
"I told you I don"t want anymore lies."
"I"m not lying. I went and got it myself."
"From where?"
"I had some guy get it for me at the store."
"What guy?"
"Some guy. I don"t know his name."
"I don"t believe this. What is going on with you? Is it Marcus and his friends? Are they driving you to break the rules?"
"No, I just wanted to try it."
"You know better than that."
"Mom, please stop shouting. My head hurts."
"Well, maybe that will teach you about under-age drinking, but just in case you did not get the message I will help you. You are grounded for two months."
"What-two months? But I said I was sorry."
"I"m sorry too, Emmy. I"m sorry that I trusted you to make the right choice and that you let me down."
"I just did it that one time because I was stressed out. I needed to blow off steam."
"You can blow off all the steam you want for the next two months in your room. You will not go anywhere. You will not use the phone and you are not allowed company."
"That"s not fair. You have no idea what I"m going through."
"Then tell me, Emmy. What is happening with you?"
"Forget it," I snap and head off into my room. She calls after me.
"Get back here, now." I reluctantly turn back.
"Do not walk away from me. I never said our conversation was over."
"What else is there?"
"Sit down." I do as I"m told and take a seat at the kitchen table.
"Why were you drinking?"
"I just wanted to try it, I guess."
"Who else had drinks?"
"I was the only one. I told you that."
"We"ve talked about drinking. We"ve talked about drugs and we"ve talked about s.e.x."
"Mom-"
"No. You and I have talked about every uncomfortable subject there is. I did that so you would know that you can turn to me. I"m worried about you, Emmy. I love you and I want to know that you"re okay."
The look on her face is one of deep sadness. She thinks that she"s losing me to the angels and that I will somehow end up like a bad after-school special.
"Marcus and Ameana being together was hard for me to deal with. Then yesterday I saw them kissing and I made a stupid mistake. They didn"t tell me to drink. They tried to stop me but I didn"t listen."
"That"s all this is about? Your crush on Marcus?"
"It"s not a crush. I love him."
"Okay, this is only about loving Marcus? Nothing else?"
I think about telling her that it hurts to be unwanted. She"d say that she loves me and wants me. But that wouldn"t help. She didn"t want me before she had me. It wasn"t like she planned to have a baby and poured over fertility books to figure out the best time to have me. Her life was on the right path until I came.
"Nothing, Mom. I just need to come to terms with not being chosen, that"s all."
"Well, drinking isn"t a way to come to terms with anything."
"I know."
"If you ever drink again, when you get out from being grounded, you"ll be so old you"ll need a nurse to help you get around. Do you understand me?"
"Yes."