"I can"t."
I stared at him and couldn"t help but reach up and touch his smooth cheek. He flinched and that cut me deep. "Why can"t you tell me?"
"Because you"ll take it the wrong way and a.s.sume I"m pressing you into something," he said, his voice barely above a whisper.
"How do you know I"ll take it the wrong way?"
He gave a droll look and rolled his eyes. "Please Gwen, don"t try an" sit there and tell me that you"d be fine hearin" about how much it tears what"s left of my heart out to watch you throw yourself at men who"ve had centuries to get their acts together, yet they never did. And you"d love knowin" how confused I am when you"re near me. I don"t want to lose your friendship and I will if I tell you why I"m upset."
I sat there for a minute, too stunned to speak. I especially didn"t want to be the one to point out that he"d just confessed everything to me.
James jerked away from my touch. "b.l.o.o.d.y h.e.l.l, I f.u.c.kin" just spit it all out. Didn"t I?" He hit the steering wheel and I was surprised that he didn"t break it. "See, Gwen, I told you I"m confused when I"m around you.This better f.u.c.kin" wear off."
"What better wear off?"
"This whole mate, bonding thing."
I shook my head slightly. "We"re not even sure how or why it happened.
What makes you think it will wear off?"
The look in his blue eyes would haunt me for the rest of my life.
"Because I"m d.a.m.ned if I do and d.a.m.ned if I don"t. Giving into the way I feel would enhance the way you felt about me, but it would never work out. Caleb and Pallo will destroy anyone or anything that gets in their path. h.e.l.l, we"re lucky the two dumba.s.ses haven"t killed each other yet."
I bit back a laugh. He was right, they were dumba.s.ses. "Hey, what do you mean by "enhance the way I feel about you"?"
He shifted slightly in the seat. "You know earlier, in your room ... I wasn"t guarding my feelings enough and the next thing I know, we were neckin" like ... like...."
"We were in love." I finished his thought for him. I had felt something wash over me in my room. There was no woman singing, no weird buzzing energy. There was just James and I. "So, are you telling me that your vampire mojo-stuff is making us feel that way?"
The muscles in his neck tightened. "No, Gwen. My "vampire mojo-stuff" is the only thing holding the feelings at bay."
My jaw dropped. "What? If you let your powers down we"ll be all over each other again?" That thought was both terrifying and exhilarating. Awe, all nutty and wrapped up in one neat lil" package. How sweet.
James c.o.c.ked an eyebrow at me. "You want proof?"
"Yes ... no. NO! We don"t need that right now."
"Tell me about it."
A gut wrenching thought hit me. I grabbed James" hand, not caring if welost control or not. "You"re not going to leave now and stay away from me are you? James, we can go talk with Nana ... or even Giovanni." The minute I said his name I cringed. Last time I"d said his name out loud, he"d shown up within minutes.
Instantly, I felt his presence. He wrapped his cool energy around me and surprisingly enough, it radiated peace. Bella, are you hurt?
"No."
James narrowed his gaze on me. "No what?"
I ignored him and concentrated on Giovanni. I"m fine ... err ... thanks for checking though.
Thanks for checking though? What the h.e.l.l was that? I"d officially lost my mind--again.
The sound of Giovanni"s soft laughter filled my head. It wasn"t in malice. It was soothing and genuine. I couldn"t help but smile.
This situation with James is most curious, bella. Most curious indeed. He sighed. You have but to call and I will come to you.
Thank you.
With that, Giovanni pulled his energy away.
"Gwen, haven"t lost your marbles on me now have you?"
"What? Umm, no ... sorry, it"s been a long day. Where were we ... right, you leaving. Are you going to distance yourself from me?"
"Do you want me too?" He looked series, so unlike my James.
I turned and looked out the window, biting back tears. I"d no right to guilt him into staying. He was my best friend. He"d replaced people who"d known me for years and he"d only known me a short while. The thought of losing him, his laughter, his stupid jokes, his odd phrases--his everything scared the h.e.l.l out of me.
He put the car in gear and from the sudden tension in the air, perceivedmy silence as a yes. It was then that I faced him, not bothering to hide my tears any longer. "No, James. I don"t want you to walk out of my life.
You"re the ONLY thing in it I trust and ... not only that ... I want ...
no, I don"t want you to go."
"That"s good to know, "cause if you"d have said yes I"d of lifted my "vamp mojo-stuff" and made you change your mind," he said, with a smile on his handsome face. The odd tone in his voice that told me he wasn"t joking. I should have been mad. I wasn"t.
"Where should we go now? I"m thinking that sittin" out her all night is fun and all, but come mornin" you"ll have your vampire well-done if you know what I mean."
"I don"t want to go home."
"I know."
I put my head back on the seat and closed my eyes.
Chapter 19.
James found a little motel on the outskirts of town. Its neon blue sign was partially burnt out. It now read Stark, instead of Star Dusk. I didn"t care. I didn"t want to go home, not after hearing that Pallo hadn"t left yet. James didn"t think Pallo had any intention of leaving me. I wasn"t too sure about that.
The motel room was small, but cozy. It had two double beds and a tiny bathroom. The manager gave us a discount because the television wasn"t working properly. Apparently, it wasn"t picking up all the pay-per-viewmovies correctly. James laughed and claimed that his night would be ruined--no p.o.r.n. The manager took him seriously and gave us a discount.
The room was done in several different shades of pink. I couldn"t be certain, but after staring at the pattern on the wallpaper long enough, it looked like it was moving. I had to tear my eyes away from it--it was making me nauseous. I plopped down on the bed closest to the bathroom.
James walked over to me.
"Are you goin" to take a shower?"
"Is it that obvious that I need one?"
He shifted his weight back and forth a bit. "It"s just that ... well, I saw Ken earlier and I suspected, but when I hugged you I knew." He took a deep breath before he continued. "I knew that you"d had s.e.x with Ken before you told me. I can smell him all over you."
I"d forgotten how keen a vampire"s senses were. I rolled my eyes at him as I climbed out of the bed. He had unintentionally made me feel like a tramp, not that I hadn"t acted like one. James would never hurt me outright, and I appreciated his heads up. If he could smell it, then Pallo would, too.
I stepped into the tiny stand-up shower and unwrapped the bar of soap.
The motel only had a tiny bottle of shampoo conditioner mix in there. The bottle wouldn"t wash all my hair. Having hair that hangs to your b.u.t.t takes a h.e.l.l of a lot more than a half an ounce of shampoo, it would take at least four of those. Even if I could get away with using it, I"d never get a brush through my hair when I was done. I had to use a ton of conditioner every time I washed my hair. I wrapped my hair into a French twist to keep it dry.
The warm water felt great against my cool skin. I noticed that my lower abdomen and b.r.e.a.s.t.s were extremely tender. James was right, I was getting chubby. It only seemed to be my stomach, but I noticed it. I had developed the tiniest of pooches. I"d never really had to put much effort into working out, but I had a feeling that I was going to have to start.
When I came out, James was sitting on the edge of the bed by the door. He looked up at me, saw me wrapped in the white hotel towel and smiled.
"That"s a nice look for you, love.""Thanks, I thought I might wear it more often. Maybe I could start a new trend."
I climbed under the covers, still wrapped in just a towel. I had a sneaky suspicion that my clothes carried the scent of s.e.x with Ken. I didn"t want to come right out and ask James. It was a little weird for even me.
See, even I have my limits.
James turned the lights off and lay back on the other bed. He leaned over and turned the volume down on the television set. I always wondered what possessed the people who owned motels to secure the remote to the bedside table. It was in no way more convenient than using the k.n.o.bs on the TV and I didn"t know of many people who had use for a remote that wouldn"t work with any other TV.
"Thanks for doing this for me, James."
"You don"t have to thank me, Gwen. That"s what I"m here for."
"No, you"re here for so much more than that." I wanted to reach out and hold his hand, but I knew better.
Chapter 20.
The sounds of chanting men surrounded me as I stood in the circle room.
The altar was lit up by hundreds of candles. I backed up and b.u.mped into Pallo. He was so quiet that I hadn"t heard him. I"d seen the way this dream had ended and didn"t want to have a repeat performance.
I reached up and stroked a piece of his brown hair from his face. Tuckingit behind his ear, I looked into his chocolate brown eyes. His hand came up and met my naked waist and I pushed it away from me. As much as I craved his touch, I knew that my mind would betray me. I knew that I would twist the dream around and it would end badly.
"Gwyneth?"
"I"m sorry. I"m afraid of you now ... here." I motioned to the surrounding room.
"I would never purposely hurt you. Remember what we discussed. You kno w what you must do if I...."
I shook my head. I wouldn"t hurt him. It didn"t matter what he turned in to. I"d never kill him. I took another step back and felt arms grab hold of me. I looked up at Pallo. He was suddenly surrounded by robed men as well. He tossed some of them off like they were flies while trying to get to me.
I hit one of the robed men in the gut and tried to strike out at another one. I missed and ended up with four of them pinning me back against the wall. The cool touch of metal clamped over my wrists as they chained my arms to the wall. I tried to kick out at them and then stopped. It was my dream and fighting it seemed silly. I knew I was dreaming. I could get control over this--eventually we"d wake up and be fine, right?
I heard the m.u.f.fled sound of someone calling my name. I knew that voice.
It was James. I knew he was near me.
"JAMES! James wake me up! Now! Wake me up!"
The men"s chants grew louder and turned into a language that I could no longer recognize. Pallo cried out and threw his head back. His body twisted and a growl emanated from deep within his throat. I knew what I"d see when he looked at me. I knew that he had just crossed that line between himself and his demon.
The faceless monks gathered around Pallo. He moved towards me. I felt like the fly and he the spider. I struggled to free myself. It was pointless."Feed the seed ... feed the seed...," they chanted over and over again as Pallo stood before me.
Reaching up, he touched my exposed b.r.e.a.s.t.s. Under normal circ.u.mstances I would have been elated, now I was just terrified. As hard as I tried to fight it my body was excited by the idea of having him touching me. The louder the chants became the more I wanted s.e.x. Then it was there, the faint sound of a woman singing. The odd buzzing energy filled the cavern.
Pallo moved his hands down over my b.u.t.t, to the back of my legs. He lifted me to him. It took everything in me to keep from kissing his now distorted face. I didn"t want to do this with him when he was like this, not when he was in full out vamp-mode. I wanted my Pallo back.
"Pallo?"
He snarled at me. I screamed and this seemed to excite him more. He pulled my legs around his waist and I fought to put them back down. He prepared to enter me. He aligned his c.o.c.k with me and seized hold of my hair.
"JAMES!".
"Gwen! Gwen, wake up!"
My eyes opened and James held me upright. My cheek stung--someone had slapped me. I grabbed it and centered my gaze on him.
"Sorry about that, you..." He looked over at the bed and back to me. I was in the center of the room, naked with James" arms wrapped tight around me. "You levitated, Gwen. Your body lifted up off the b.l.o.o.d.y bed. I tried to wake you. I heard you say Pallo"s name and you sounded terrified, then you called for me. I didn"t know what to do. I had to wake you up, so I...."
I touched my hot cheek. He had smacked me! Amazingly enough I wasn"t mad at all. I was grateful. I wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him tight. Doing this put his face directly in my naked b.r.e.a.s.t.s. My nipples went erect as my body reacted to him. The buzzing energy that I"d come to recognize as a bad thing surrounded us. And, I heard the faint sound ofchants all around us.
"Do you hear that?" I asked.
James said something that sounded m.u.f.fled. I realized that I still had his face stuffed between my bosoms. I let go of his neck and he set me down.
"Not that I"m complainin", love, but what the h.e.l.l was that about?"
I didn"t answer him. The sound of drums beat loudly in my head as the buzzing grew. My heartbeat matched the steady rhythm. My muscles contracted and my palms burned--itched to touch flesh.
Take the vampire into you. Take him into you now, a woman"s voice said in my mind. I tried to push her out, keep her at bay, but she thrust her power at me. Take him now!
"Gwen?"