His meaning was obvious. If his endurance had taken a hit, mine had been pulverized. He was always in incredible shape, a well oiled machine, lean and powerful.
I rolled my eyes, wishing he"d leave me alone, but knowing that wasn"t his style.
"I thought you liked to be challenged?"
Without waiting for my response, which would have contained some choice words, he leaned over to change my settings to match his. My comfortable incline soon increased until we were both in a full sprint. I wanted to dish out some trash talk but saved my breath for the run that I felt certain would be testing me shortly.
What the h.e.l.l was I thinking? I hadn"t exercised outside of the bedroom or a yoga studio in months. I couldn"t remember the last time I"d slept through the night. I was running on fumes. My lungs burned and my muscles ached as I struggled to keep up speed. Only sheer pride kept me from admitting defeat. I couldn"t give him the satisfaction, even now, when it hardly mattered.
Several minutes later, I was silently praying for relief, unsure how much farther my legs would take me on the mile sprint Blake had committed our machines to. Drenched and drained beyond recognition, I finally slowed to a walk.
Blake hopped off his machine and leaned casually on the railing behind us. I could barely stand, let alone walk. Somehow I kept my legs under me and disembarked, wondering how I was going to drag my sorry a.s.s home in this condition.
"How are your legs?"
He gave me a smirk that made me want to slap it off his beautiful face.
"f.u.c.k you," I managed between the jagged breaths. I took a long swig of my water. Our little jaunt clearly hadn"t had nearly the same effect on him. He barely looked winded.
"Gladly, but you seem a little wiped out. Hope you didn"t have any plans for later."
He lifted the bottom of his T-shirt to wipe the light sheen of sweat from his forehead, blatantly showcasing his abs. They looked as good as ever. He wasn"t exactly letting himself go.
"Hey." James walked up to us, his chest puffed out at the sight of Blake.
Blake gave him the kind of look he reserved for other unfortunate men who had made the mistake of getting too close to me. Pure disdain, as if James"s mere existence offended him. This wasn"t good on any level. As much as I insisted that James and I weren"t sleeping together, Blake had an uncanny propensity for finding us in the same place at the same time.
"You done?" I said to James, hoping to break the stare down between them.
"Yeah, ready when you are." James"s eyes didn"t move.
"I"ll see you later, Blake."
I gave James a gentle push on his chest, prompting him to turn and follow me out. When I looked back, I caught Blake"s tense expression, his hands fisting tightly around the railing.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN.
Friday was the day I was going to meet with Daniel"s campaign people. I chose a chocolate brown scoop neck dress that flowed loose at the hemline. I paired it with a thin belt and my nude heels. The look was sophisticated and more in line with who I was professionally rather than who I was auditioning to be. I refused to wear a suit at this pretend interview for a job I didn"t even want.
The governor"s election was still a couple months off, but people buzzed around the headquarters office as if today were the big day. Campaign signs filled every window. Paperwork was everywhere, scattered on people"s desks and piled up on every available surface. A dozen or so people were on the phone talking, their voices mingling into one unintelligible audio blur.
Young men and women my age pa.s.sed by me, moving across the office as if they were coordinating the moon landing or something. The perpetual sense of urgency put me on edge.
I stood there somewhat stupidly, taking it all in, when a tall young man emerged from one of the few enclosed offices and walked toward me.
"Erica?"
"Yes."
"I"m Will, the a.s.sistant campaign manager. Come on back and we can talk."
We stepped into his office. The room was windowed on two sides. He shut the door and all the noise of the main room with it. I relaxed, immediately relieved by the separation. Thank goodness I didn"t have this reaction to our office. Even Blake"s office, which had two or three times more people, didn"t feel this hectic.
Will sat down at his desk and shuffled through some papers. He was probably in his mid-thirties. Attractive with dark blond hair that seemed slightly s.h.a.ggy and overgrown, he looked like a more mature version of the interns and volunteers out on the floor. His eyes were slightly glossy and he radiated a kind of energy that I knew from personal experience came from copious amounts of caffeine and minimal sleep.
"So thanks for coming in. I understand that you know Mr. Fitzgerald already?"
"Yes." The word came out awkwardly. We sure knew each other, but Daniel hadn"t prepped me on how we were supposed to know each other officially. "We have some mutual business connections." I hoped that was vague enough to discourage any further prodding on the subject.
"That"s always good. I"m a.s.suming you are up to speed with the position"s requirements?"
"I am, but I"d love to hear your take on what exactly you"re looking for."
We spent the next ten minutes discussing the structure of their marketing efforts, shortcomings, and concerns, and how they were hoping to improve. I listened intently, taking notes to fill in the gaps from the doc.u.ments Daniel had given me.
"I"m probably not supposed to mention this in an interview, but we don"t have a lot of time to dance around things here. Mr. Fitzgerald seems especially eager to find a way to work with you. I"m guessing you feel the same way?"
Wow, was that ever a loaded question. I clicked my pen. The stubborn part of me wanted to scream out, No! Instead, I smiled politely and withdrew a thick doc.u.ment from my bag. The size of it rivaled the marketing plan that Daniel had given me the week prior.
I dropped it on his desk. "Will, I have a proposal for you."
The meeting with Will went well, but I wasn"t sure how or when Daniel would react to what I"d proposed. I had a feeling he wouldn"t be too pleased, even though I"d laid out a plan that made perfect sense for everyone involved. He"d likely see it as another attempt to negotiate the hard line he"d drawn. I"d still try to convince him all the same. I had to.
Mark was dead, but as long as Blake was safe, I was going to fight Daniel on this. Because the kind of life he had planned for me wasn"t much of a life at all, as far as I was concerned. At least for now, I was willing to face the repercussions of standing up to him and hope for the best.
Letting someone else run my life went so far against the grain of who I was as a person. I was growing weary of Daniel"s attempts to coerce me with violence and fear. In the long run, no one could possibly win. Any talent he expected to extort out of me would be swiftly crushed if I followed him blindly into this new life.
I pushed the apprehension out of my mind. Daniel would let me know his thoughts on the matter sooner or later. I wouldn"t worry about it in the meantime.
Back at the office, I was talking with Chris and Sid when something caught my eye out the window. Blake"s Tesla had zoomed up to the curb. My heart leaped. Even without seeing him in the flesh, the terrible ache that haunted me resurfaced. The ache was quickly replaced with a fiery rage as I watched him help Risa out of the car. She was smiling and laughing, her hand flat on his chest.
Oh h.e.l.l no. I found my legs and rushed downstairs, meeting them a few seconds later.
"Erica, hi." Risa froze, a white-knuckle grip on her purse.
I quickly a.s.sessed her, desperate to find a hair out of place, some indication of what had gone on during her overlong lunch hour. I continued to stare, imploring her to feed me an excuse.
"Um, Blake wanted to go over some of the new marketing numbers with me. So we decided to grab lunch."
"Did he?"
She nodded anxiously. I stared at her a moment longer. I couldn"t stomach even the loose vision my imagination was stringing together right now.
Blake going behind my back to get information about the business was one thing. Coercing Risa into bed, with presumably very little effort, was another matter entirely.
"I should go up and get back to work," she said.
"You should."
I turned my focus to Blake, whose face twitched with the slightest of satisfied smirks. He circled the vehicle and slipped into the driver"s side before I could say anything. He zoomed off as quickly as he"d arrived, while I stood there trying to figure out his angle.
Risa had long disappeared into the building by the time I walked back in. I was hoping to buy myself some more time. My mind was spinning with the things I wanted to say to her. Trying to separate professional from unprofessional might have been a lost cause at this point. James met me on the landing, looking concerned.
"What"s going on?"
"Blake just dropped Risa off from a abusiness lunch.""
"Okay, so what?"
"First of all, he has no right to meet with my employees behind my back, and secondly, I could tell right away that the meeting was anything but innocent. First I had to tell her to leave you alone and now she appears to have set her sights on Blake. She"s f.u.c.king relentless. The nerve that he has, showing up like this." I was talking fast, not taking much care with what I was saying. "No part of that is going to fly. There are plenty of other people out there. He can stay out of my office."
Risa sure knew how to get what she wanted. That was all fine and well until now. Blake knew better. I paced back and forth over the landing. He wouldn"t get away with this.
"You go on in. I"ll be back in a little bit." I turned to go back down.
Before I could make the first step, James caught my elbow and spun me toward him.
"Where are you going?"
"I"m going to give him a piece of my mind."
"Why don"t you wait a while and cool down. You"re taking this too personally."
"No, I"m not. This is totally unacceptable."
"Why are you letting him get under your skin?" He frowned, seeming genuinely irritated.
I didn"t care. I was furious. "I"m not letting him screw my employees, okay? I don"t think that"s him getting under my skin."
He took a step forward, bringing our bodies dangerously close. I tore my gaze away from his penetrating eyes. I focused on the wall behind him, trying not to think about how he made me feel when he was this close.
"You have no idea if he"s s.c.r.e.w.i.n.g her or even pursuing her." His voice was low and matter-of-fact. "But you can"t stay away."
I shut my eyes tight and prayed for strength to get through this moment and the rest of the day without losing my mind.
"Erica."
"What?" I kept my gaze low, unable to face him. I couldn"t give him what he needed. I was barely surviving in the aftermath of my break up with Blake. I had no heart left to give to someone else.
"Will you hear me out, first, before you go running to him?"
I bristled slightly at the way he said that. I didn"t like how it sounded at all. "What do you have to say?"
His expression softened slightly, as if he sensed my irritation.
"I know this is complicated. You and me. But as much as you want to ignore it, there is something between us. I can feel it, and I know you can too. I care about you, and I can"t stand to see this guy torturing you, ripping your G.o.dd.a.m.n heart out."
I sighed. "Believe me when I say you truly don"t understand what I"m going through."
"The only thing I don"t understand is why you can"t admit that you have feelings for me. Why do you keep fighting this?"
I couldn"t give him an easy answer to that.
"I"m not so blind that I can"t see what I do to you." He ran his thumb across my cheek lightly.
"Maybe you"re overestimating your effect on women," I lied. He had an effect on me. I had no idea why. Since I"d met Blake, other men didn"t come onto my radar, but James was right in front of me, impossible to ignore.
He laughed softly. "You flush whenever we"re close like this, like you need to catch your breath around me." His thumb came down along my jaw and brushed over my lower lip. "And the way you part your lips when you do...it"s all I can do not to kiss you right now. Because somewhere underneath it all, I know you want me to."
My breath rushed out of me. The second my eyes flashed to his, his mouth was on me, kissing me with soft and tender strokes that stole my breath. I tensed, waiting for the voice in my head to start screaming at me, but she didn"t. Maybe she was as tired of fighting as I was. Something inside me let go. Through all the doubts, I gave myself permission to want James in this moment, for as long as this moment lasted. When he tightened his embrace, I arched into him and slipped my arms around his neck.
"James." I whispered his name, letting the sound of it settle over me. I tried not to think about all the ways he felt different from Blake. The way he smelled, the way his body felt against my own.
"I"ll make you forget all about him. Just let me in, Erica," he whispered between kisses. His hands were everywhere, soft, tentative touches, but instead of fire, they left a chill across my skin. I shivered as I played his words over in my mind. Just let me in.
No. The little voice had just enough energy to speak up. James"s lips tried in vain to coax me back, but whatever I"d felt in the heat of the moment had pa.s.sed. The fire that had swept through me and overtaken my senses so quickly had faded just as fast.
And that"s when I knew. Blake was the only one I"d ever let in. Somehow he"d rooted himself in my soul, and no amount of l.u.s.ty chance encounters with James would change that.
"What"s wrong?"
I shook my head. "I can"t do this."
"What do I have to do? Please, just tell me."
"You don"t want to be with someone like me. G.o.d knows, I don"t even want to be with myself most days." I straightened and took a step back, trying to gain some distance between us.
"Why don"t you let me be the judge of that?"
"There"s nothing you can do, James. I can"t be what you want me to be. This... This isn"t fair to you."
"Will you stop? Don"t push me away because you"re scared of what you"re making me feel. I can watch out for my own feelings."
"Maybe I"m scared for myself then. You"re right. I am attracted to you. I can"t deny that, but you need to understand that I can"t love you." The truth of the words struck me as I spoke them. I wasn"t capable of loving anyone else right now, or possibly ever, no matter how great of a person he might be.
"I"m not asking you to love me. I"m asking for you to give us a chance. You have no idea what we could be because you won"t even let us start."
I squeezed my eyes shut. For weeks I"d been holding myself together with the emotional equivalent of duct tape. All I wanted was someone to help put me back together again, but James wasn"t that person.