Hakushaku to Yousei

P. 196

(1) What I wish to forget

The Christmas carol that was being sung by the children could be heard throughout the park surrounded by the desolate, wintery groove of trees.

Ever since this morning, ladies and gentlemen had gathered under the fir tree that stood out in the open s.p.a.ce to listen to the singing children.

Edgar’s name was called and so he turned around.

The lady looked up to glance at Edgar’s golden hair and blushed at the cheeks. She lowered her eyes down in embarra.s.sment however keeping a smile on her lips and in a cute manner, folded her hands together.

P. 197

Yes, today was Christmas. Perhaps due to the sense of guilt they felt from their daily lives, there were a mult.i.tude of private charities and philanthropies happening, and the people in the upper cla.s.s who lived their lives normally in great extravagance tried to satisfy their guilty conscience by giving away a small amount of money.

"I’m glad I could be of some use, Lady Emily. In fact, I was more touched in your devotion to this charity."

"You are a saint."

Edgar was well aware how he appeared in front of others. He was blessed in looks and knew the right timing to show his n.o.ble upbringing and education in his art of conversation.

P. 198

It hadn’t been that long since he came to know this heiress, but it seemed like she was infatuated with him. And that didn’t make him feel unpleasant, so he was able to put on a show as it was needed.

"Yes of course."

He liked young woman who had their guard down. From here it would go according to his wish which gave him a good feeling.

She had no idea what Edgar had done in America.

To the interrupting voice, Ms. Emily made a face like she woke up from a dream.

To the appearance of such a woman, the younger lady drooped her head as if she yielded to the more powerful, and lightly bowed and left.

"Oh, even boys?"

"If you truly love children, then you should hurry and marry."

"Then I must have interrupted you. That young lady just now, was she your target?"

When Edgar feigned ignorance, she brought her slender fingers hidden under white gloves and brought them up to her red lips that made a smirk. She was a n.o.blewoman who couldn’t help but attract the attention of men around her by just one of her natural movements.

However those gazes were s.h.i.+fted to the children to applaud them for finis.h.i.+ng their carol song. The two of them started to walk off to get away from the crowd of people.

"I’m a man who prefers to have her jealous. Having a wife that is too tolerant is not my taste."

"That is the problem."

"Shall I verify that for you? You can find out if her love for you will vanish instantly or if she is so infatuated about you that she becomes jealous."

She drew her face close to Edgar like lovers would and whispered into his ear.

"Is that for my sake? Isn’t it because you wish to drive away your young lover that you grew tired of?"

He was the only one who had a look of despair on his face while there was laughter and excited voices coming from the center of the park where warm milk-tea and Christmas presents were being pa.s.sed out to the children.

P. 201

He didn’t hate married n.o.blewoman who enjoying romance like a game because he would be able to play along with that game as well.

As a game it would surely be delightfully enjoyable. And it was clear as day that she wanted someone to play around with, so if he were to give in to her invitation he wouldn’t be bored at all tonight.

It wasn’t bad.

Edgar’s fiancée or the woman Edgar wanted to marry wouldn’t believe him even when he promised that he wouldn’t cheat and so she asked for her Christmas vacation and returned to her home countryside.

He was trying not to think about her but he couldn’t help it.

"Oh how unfortunate."

P. 202

"Then I shall ask for your help on another occasion, Lord Ashenbert."
She seemed so indifferent. That’s why Edgar wanted to argue that having a relations.h.i.+p with women like her shouldn’t even be considered cheating but Lydia would not be convinced with that.

In a small town south of Edinburgh, there were enormous rocks that stood on the ground behind the rows of clergy houses next to the church from the past.

She heard that those lonely rocks which stood in the gra.s.sy plains were remains from the prehistoric times and the rocks weren’t only placed on the gra.s.s plain but existed at the outskirts of town or hilltops but since the gra.s.sy plain rocks were the closest to her house it was the perfect playing ground for Lydia when she was a child.

Long ago, there was someone who recognized that distortion and if that was the reason they placed these powerful stones here, Lydia was put at ease at the thought that someone like her wasn’t peculiar at all. 

P. 203

But before she found out that the number of people who could see fairies was extremely low, Lydia had been playing around with fairies thinking all children were did so. 

If it was her mother Lydia was found immediately and she wondered why that was as a young child but she realized that the world she and her fairy doctor mother could not be seen by her father and the townspeople a few years after her mother pa.s.sed away and became mature.

It must be the time when the small fairies were sleeping, or perhaps they were hiding because it was Christmas as she couldn’t find any small fairies about. Lydia walked in a circle to the back of the rocks and rested herself against the stone wall.

This enormous planet was so motherly and magnificent that it felt it was engulfing her along with the human world and the fairy realm and made her worries seem so small and insignificant.

The root of Lydia’s worry was the engagement moonstone ring that was on her ring finger and her eyes would always be led to it. She was still engaged to Edgar due to his whim and now she could not take it off.

Since I’m not Edgar’s lover.

"Hey, no one is here."

It seemed like they couldn’t see Lydia who was in the shadows of the rocks from their side. Or perhaps they couldn’t see her because she had stepped into the otherworld already.

Who is it? thought Lydia as she leaned her head to the side.

Lydia’s father should be at the clergy house. The pastor was one of her father’s friends and her father had stopped by to greet him but their conversation looked like it would take a while so Lydia decided to take a walk.

One of the men asked the other, so she felt hesitated to go out to meet them now. 

What? thought Lydia as she unconsciously made a frown under furrowed eyebrows.

"But Andy, you haven’t seen her for quite some years now right? If you met up with your childhood friend, normally you’d wish she had become really beautiful right?"

"You say childhood friend but it wasn’t like we got along or were close or anything."

She remembered hearing that he entered a boarding school far away and so it had been a while since she saw him in town. He might have returned home for Christmas a number of times before but the two of them were not close that they would make the effort and see each other.

"What do you mean strange?"

"She claims she can see fairies. Her mother came from a very rural part of the country and did things similar to a magician."

"So what are you going to do if she was pretty?"

"Your life in a school with only men is still going to go on. The only time you have to spend with a woman is during the holidays. The girls that we saw at the church service just a while ago who I thought looked good all said they were engaged. Anywhere you go, the pretty ones are going to be taken away quickly. But this girl you’re talking about, if she is who you say she is, is probably not sold yet. Andy, if you aren’t interested in her, then lend her to me. You can’t take back your word after you find out that she was pretty all right?"

"Even if she was a little slow up here, it would be fine as long as she was pretty."

"Stupid and plucky? Even better."

P. 207

Hearing the conversation of the two, Lydia was finally starting to feel aggravated and so she jumped out of the rock shadow. 

As she gave Andy a glare she also made a threatening glance to the other. 

P. 208

(2) What to remember

"What a peaceful Christmas. Don’t you think so, Raven?"

The houses on the street corners were decorated with holly trees and mistletoe. The window displays of the shops and the people who were looking at them as they walked by looked happy as they smiled even more than usually. 

The last Christmas he spent in England according to his memory was at the family manor house where there was a large Christmas tree decorated with sparkling Christmas ornaments. There were also countless candles placed around the whole manor which had bright ribbons and flowers decorating the candle base and a mountain of presents were stacked below the tree. 

What surrounded all of that was the smiles from his family and friendly acquaintances. Even his father, who was usually stern and serious seemed like he was smiling. 

However the people from his memories no longer existed. The only person who remembered that sight was Edgar. 

"…..Yes."

Out of all his comrade friends, the only ones who survived were Raven and Ermine. 

He felt that way probably because Lydia wasn’t by his side. 

"The girl named Lydia, I wonder if she really exists. I worried if the time I spent with her was all my imagination."

P. 210

Being told that flat-out by Raven he felt relieved. However Edgar was thinking about the possibility that Lydia would not return at this rate. 

He just had to remove her from the position as the private fairy doctor of the Ashenbert family. Lydia probably wouldn’t even complain and accept it even if it was an unreasonable discharge. 

Edgar kept thinking that he needed to make a commitment, to solidify his resolve. 

He tried to change the subject, but that didn’t mean he stopped thinking about Lydia. 

"Don’t you think she smiles so cute?"

"She’s a kind girl. For a daughter of a n.o.ble family, she doesn’t think high of herself either."

"But I can’t bring in a woman to the earl family who you don’t like."

"I’m just saying as an example. But there is nothing bad if you had a good sharp eye in judging a woman. There are endless women and countless times you can meet any one of them. Someday I will surely marry someone so I just might want to ask for your opinion."

"Then I recommend Miss Carlton."

Lydia could see fairies so she could understand the spiritual being that existed within Raven’s bloodline. 

"If you proposed to her, then Lydia might seriously consider it."

"I meant as a lady to serve."

Just then, their carriage stopped in front of the Bostner residence.

"Enjoy your stay, my lord."

When the lover’s feeling don’t connect or the timing is right or their feelings change, there are numerous love relations.h.i.+ps that don’t work out and it isn’t like there is only one woman which exists in the world. 

If that become true, then it was for the best for Lydia. 

The guests enjoyed the sweet aroma of the expensive tea as they conversed as they listened to the pianist’s performance and shared each other’s opinions on the poet’s new piece of work he wrote for Christmas. 

P. 213

As time went by, Emily appeared out of the blue like she was trying to interrupt their talk and spoke to Edgar. 

Edgar could easily tell that she had thought this over and was using all of her courage in coming over and asking so he couldn’t help but smile.

Then it should be all right to enjoy that opportunity to its fullest extent. 

At her cousin’s remark, she grew red as an apple while she puffed her cheeks. 

"I don’t mind, my lady. If it’s Christmas, then one should play a cracker game once."

In the next room, there was a gathering of men and women and they arrived when the Christmas crackers which were wrapped in bright, colorful wrappings were being pa.s.sed out. 

P. 214

What came out of the ripped wrappings were bonbon candies.

"Looks like Emily got cheery red. So the gentleman who got the same color is……"

"h.e.l.lo again, Emily."

Edgar slid his glance to see a different man watching them with a look like he wanted to say something. 

It seemed like his message of lending him the role of Emily’s pair had gotten through. There wouldn’t be anyone who would deliberately come out with the truth and make a happy and excited young woman show a disappointed reaction. 

"If the pairs are decided then let’s begin in turn. The hiding place is drawing room at the end of the hall, as long as you hide in there it will be fine."

"I am very lucky. I was praying that I would wind the same candy as you."

"Oh, I’m curious to know who you always pray to become pairs with."

"Then you still haven’t experienced your first love?"

She gazed at him with soft fawning eyes.

"Maybe so," she replied.

To begin with this game was favored because a man and woman were allowed to spend time alone together by using the excuse of hiding the candy. 

P. 216

When they stepped into the room, Edgar spoke. 

"…..Yes, but it’s still daylight."

They silently gazed at each other. When he placed his hand on her cheek, she closed her eyes. 

No, this was how it normally should be. Lydia was just so difficult. 

Who could it be that might meet Lydia under a holly mistletoe tonight. It was surely not him who was in London so far away. 

However, there was no guarantee that there wasn’t a man who shared the same small foolish feeling that Edgar was feeling towards the young girl in front of him towards Lydia. 

As he put on a foolish act and whispered so into her ear, Emily opened her eyes and for a moment looked confused but immediately understood him and smiled. 

"I thought it was improper to do wrong on holly Christmas."

Even if he were to hold back now, where was the meaning in that. That wouldn’t mean that the person beside Lydia would also relinquish their role like he did. 

He was made of lies.

If she found out about the true Edgar, then she was sure to go running in terror. It was no easy feat for anybody to accept Edgar’s pain and suffering and what burden he carried with him. 

The only one he wanted by his side was Lydia. Because she knew the real Edgar, the Edgar made of lies, Lydia was the only one who wouldn’t believe his marriage proposal. 

P. 218

The man named Guy Nash apparently attended the same boarding school and was the roommate of Andy. 

Even so, what was the meaning of calling someone stupid?

As Lydia came near the water, the water surface moved and rippled and a black horse appeared from the river. 

The kelpie murmured in an irritated tone as he stuck out his head out of the water surface. 

"To me it’s horrible. The sound of the bell is so annoying and if I even try to get near the town, there are those holly trees or mistletoes or disgusting charms that get in my way."

P. 219

"But I brought a Christmas present for you."

Kelpie transformed into his human form and walked up to the riverside where Lydia was standing and carelessly took it. 

"Don’t complain."

Surprisingly, he took it without a fight and returned back into the river. It looked like Kelpie really didn’t like the Christmas air. 

Feeling slightly disappointed, Lydia turned around to walk back on the trail by herself. 

Even the seelie court fairies didn’t come out of their hiding places that much. 

When she walked through the kitchen from the back door, she smelled someone baking a pie. For the Carlton family Christmas dinner, their female chef was working so busily. 

P. 220

Since the Carlton family house usually was empty, the housekeeper and chef who they hired to come and work for a few days were preparing the Christmas feast for their own families as well. Because of that, there was an unbelievable amount of dishes and drinks that a father and daughter could not possibly eat.

It was a peculiar thing, but the smell of delicious food had the effect of calming one’s emotions and so simply, Lydia was starting to feel better.

She heard her father’s voice and so she headed towards the drawing room.

However she stopped in her tracks without thinking at the doorway because she saw a man who was not her father, a young man in the room. 

The root of Lydia’s bad feeling turned to face her and innocently said "Welcome home."

"He was kind enough to carry in our Christmas tree."

"Since there is only a young daughter in the Carlton family, I heard that you wouldn’t have prepared a tree that requires quite a lot of strength to carry. That’s why I brought an extra one from a clergy house."

"If you don’t hurry up Christmas is going to be over. You should help out with putting on the ornaments."

"I wonder how many years it has been since there was a tree in our house. Lydia, don’t you think this Christmas is going to be a festive one? You should thank this young man."

"Oh, thanks is not necessary."

Most likely, her father must think that there weren’t any men in this town who would deliberately get close to Lydia with any ulterior motives. It was true that all her life, there wasn’t anyone who approached Lydia who was rumored to be the town oddball. 

P. 222

When her father didn’t waste any time to walk out of the room, Guy smiled at Lydia who remained standing in the room frowning as if he was trying to soothe her temper. 

"Thank you very much for the tree. But we can’t have Pastor Millar and his family’s important guest waste his precious time helping us out. I will do the rest, thank you, by myself."

That might be true.

This man is sure full of himself isn’t he?

"You’re not going to follow your friend’s advice? I might be a crazy girl who is out of my mind."

"I have no responsibility to satisfy your curiosity. I am not a giraffe or elephant."

He looked like he was troubled. That part of him was a little bit more cuter than a certain someone who would talk someone into something and left no room for mistakes.

"I’m just as Andy described me as."

It isn’t imagination.

He stopped his tracks in surprise when he tried to approach her.

"……..Uh-huh."

That wasn’t his fault so Lydia went ahead and offered him a seat because she started to feel guilty about continuing to be in a bad mood.

"Are you going to go to the party of the landlord?" asked Guy.

"Why?"

As Lydia said that, she recalled all the countless parties that she was taken to in London by Edgar.

In the upper cla.s.s, there are still some that condemn the idea of bringing along a middle cla.s.s girl, but the atmosphere that Edgar created around himself influenced others so that they viewed Lydia favorably. 

"Because you are seen as an oddball? Then let’s go together. I’m an outsider and I was thinking that going to a party where everyone but me knew each other was bothersome. Let me escort you."

"So as long as I’m okay with that you’re agreeing to go?"

P. 225

She never imagined she would be invited to go to a party from a man other than Edgar.

I wonder what Edgar would do if he found out about this. For her to think of such a thing, she must really be out of her mind.

"Guy! You’re taking so much time, I came to get you!"

The one who came running into the room was Andy’s younger sister who was one year younger than Lydia.

"Oh sorry about that, I was the one keeping him in here,"

"Oh Mr. Carlton, you really shouldn’t have that. I have to finish a chess match with Guy before we have lunch."

The girl pulled Guy’s arm as he was scratching his head to hurry him to leave. And then she glanced at Lydia with very challenging eyes.

P. 226

It was silly of her to think about his offer for even a second.

"Good-bye, Mr. Nash. Have a nice Christmas."

After Guy has hurried along by the young girl pulling his arm and left, her father spoke to her in a humored voice.

"Good-looking? I don"t think so."

"What, no, I"m not comparing at all!"

But even if that someone to be as handsome as Edgar, to be that flirtatious would be out of the question.

Ever since she got her holiday time off work, she had been thinking that over to herself over and over.

"More importantly, Father, what about the Christmas tree decorations?"

Lydia softly opened up the box that her father set down onto the table.

"I remember. These were made by Mother, weren"t they."

As a finis.h.i.+ng touch, the tree was magically lit up by bright candles and s.h.i.+ned beautifully. Lydia recalled how she sat on her mother"s lap and gazed as its beauty. 

When tomorrow came, she thought she would be able to say thank you honestly. 

That was what Andy, the pastor"s son said a little while after Guy had left.

P. 228

As Lydia listened to her father"s denying reply, she was about to bury the Christmas presents for the fairies beneath the window.

She place some silver coins and walnuts down in the hole.

"Hey Lydia, don"t you smell something good."

"Welcome home, Nico. The turkey is almost done baking."

"Of course."

P. 229

P. 230

Thanks to Nico who was like that, the Christmas which was originally going to be celebrated by father and daughter would usually become quite festive and loud but when a cat who would use a knife and fork at the dinner table would partic.i.p.ate, it was natural that they weren"t able to invite other people.

"Oh yeah, that pastor son, he sure is strange,"

"What do you mean strange?"

"Nico, you were listening to their conversation?"

"I had no intention of it turning out like that, but humans who can"t see us fairies don"t even pay attention to the fact that we are right there and go on starting a conversation as they like so I can"t help it."

"The reason why Guy shows any interest in me is just curiosity. So Andy must have wanted Guy to not come to our house so often for his and his younger sister"s sake."

P. 231

"Maybe he was just taking Father in regard."

"That"s what I don"t understand. In the end, he just personally feels nervous about you right. And yet, he"s more troublesome and worse than the humans who say bad things to your face because he would do those kind of things when there were teachers or adults around. And yet when it was just you kids, he would go around the adult"s back and call you an oddball and strange."

Or else, she would have thought he was just someone who didn"t like her or hate her, but was just someone indifferent about her situation or character. 

Because their first encounter was horrible.

During a certain occasion, his parents had nearly found out he had done a childish prank, and he was fighting against the temptation that he didn"t want to be scolded and the feelings of guilt about telling a lie.

P. 232

From Lydia"s point of view, she was just playing with some fairies and Andy suddenly walked in on them. The fairies who were dancing in a circle were suddenly interrupted with a boy stomping in and ruining their circle had turned on him by started to climb and pinch all over his body and so she just tried to scare them away.

He believed that Lydia was a witch and become horrified and cried for the Lord"s mercy and scurried back home. 

At the same time, by thinking that Lydia was a crazy, strange child, he must have come to the conclusion that there was no magical powers to be scared of. 

And apparently it was Andy who was the one to make one of his friends write a love letter as a prank to Lydia.

Lydia stood up.

"Is that some sort of charm spell?"

".....Yes, that"s right."

"Weren"t you talking to someone?"

Nico was already done on all four feet and pretended to be a cat and scurried off and so Lydia came up with the best response she could.

"Fairies, huh. I see you haven"t grown up at all."

He must have become disgruntled since he went silent.

“Why don’t you say that to your sister and not me?”

What? Because I don’t look like the type of girl who is used to being approached by men? Does he mean that I would jump to believe that what he said was true?

Why must I be told this by him?

She was twisted around Edgar’s finger because she wasn"t accustomed to a man’s approach.

She knew that and yet she was nearly on the verge on believing him and becoming scared of that, Lydia asked for a holiday vacation and escaped to Scotland.

When she was approached with that much persistently, then she couldn"t blame herself to think he might serious, but if she just exchanged a few routine remarks with someone, she wouldn"t become conceited and pretentious.

P. 235

Besides Edgar……

It was a ring that Edgar put on her finger. And now it became an engagement ring that only he could remove.

“You have nothing to worry about. I have someone I am seeing.”

She wondered why he would be so surprised like that, but Lydia gradually came to realize what she had just said and turned into a panicked state as she felt herself turning bright red.

“Is that true?”

“What? Yes, it’s true. Um, …..he’s a villain I met in London….., no I mean, anyway it’s true!”

P. 236

“Are you just being pompous?”

“It’s not a lie!”

“Hmm, well good for you then. I should go inform Guy.”

Lydia was left with an embarra.s.sing feeling lingering in her chest.

Edgar was not Lydia’s lover. His sweet talk and marriage proposal might have been done so he could forget about his one true love. 
Even though she was well aware of that, she couldn"t believe why she had said such a thing. 

(3) What to wish from the heart

“My lord, your guests have arrived,” announced the butler who appeared at his office at 2pm. 

“The dinner preparations are complete. We can begin anytime you wish.”

The butler was completely used to his master suddenly bringing up the topic about a woman out of the blue and so he didn’t show any signs of surprise. He straightened himself by stretching his round body as tall as he could and spoke.

“Lydia thinks that she doesn’t suit any man’s interest, but I think that there is no such thing.”

“Even if she says she was called an oddball in her hometown, there might be a man or two who might secretly have feelings for her.”

P. 238

“Which means, the reason why she hadn’t been romantically involved with anyone or asked to be was because there could be a man who was interfering with that.”

"Me? When?”

“Ohh, that was just a bad wind that blew the letter out of my hand and made it fall into a puddle, so it wasn’t like I lost it. Although his writing has surely faded.”

“Anyway Tomkins, that shameless man who is in Scotland might fall in love with Lydia who returned home after a long while all over again and might want to suddenly tell her his feelings. That might just happen.”

Even if he discussed this with Tomkins there was no answer to his problem, but he didn’t want to bottle up all those negative thoughts he couldn’t stop thinking about.

“Raven, sir? Why would he turn his back on you, my lord?”

“I would agree with him completely.”

“My lord, my family the Tomkins have served this earl family for generations and have loyally protected one rule of our house. It is we must not refuse the order of the earl. If I am given an order that is impossible, then I must ask you to allow me to quit.”

“…..I’m kidding, Tomkins.”

“I was aware, my lord.”

P. 240

Edgar combed his fingers through his golden blond hair and slumped down lifelessly back onto the back of his chair. 

It was useless to think about Lydia who was in far-away Scotland. 

If it were something that was going to happen in an undeniably far location, there was no way he could do any futile resistance or interfere. 

Edgar stood up.

And today the guests who had gathered at the Ashenbert house were bachelors who had nothing to do on Christmas. 

P. 241

Since it was just a gathering of well-acquainted friends, once the eating started, it started to feel like a home-party more than a formal dinner. 

Their discussion about what was best, gravy sauce or cranberry sauce for the roast turkey never ceased.

He believed that the Christmas table that was the same every year would always continue. 

“No, Lord Ashenbert, my cook is quite impressive, if I say so myself.”

“Of course. If you were to make the mistake of getting married, we would never be able to attend such a swinging party. I would never want to be cowering in the corner at my wife’s family house.”

“So someone like you?”

P. 242

“I was suggesting to Lord Ashenbert,” she replied.

“It sounds like a good idea, but your son is making a forbidding look.”

“Your son-in-law, Mother.”

Edgar whispered into his ear that those two are lovers, but he must have been drunk and couldn’t think straight as he smiled while saying “Oh marvelous.”

When there were small blue fires placed on the table and filling the room with a sweet smell, the party became even more lively and mirthful. 

Christmas was a day that was special for everyone. There was sure to be a party for just the servants only in the corner of the house from now. 

By the time they switched from the dining room to the salon, everyone was already acting relaxed like they were in their own home and were indulging a cigar to their liking. 
The vast plates of dishes and sweets that couldn’t possibly be eaten were probably going to be