Jenkyns Soames is a scientific man.
"We mustn"t be _dull_," says Boodels, which I feel is covertly an objection to my friend.
[Ill.u.s.tration: JENKYNS SOAMES, ESQ.
(_Professor of Scientific Economy._)]
Chilvern says that he thinks we ought to have an old man.
What for?
Well, ... he hesitates, then says, politely, that with all young ones, won"t Mrs. Boodels be rather dull?
(_Happy Thought._--Old man for Mrs. Boodels, to talk to her through her ear-trumpet.)
Boodels says, "Oh, no! his grandmother"s never dull."
Milburd observes, that this choosing is like making up characters for a play. He takes in a theatrical newspaper, and proposes that we should set down what we want, after the style in which the managers frame their advertis.e.m.e.nts.
[Ill.u.s.tration: THE "LEADING HEAVY." "But--soft! I must dissemble!"]
_Wanted._--A First Old Man. Also A Leading Heavy.
He proposes "Byrton--Captain Byrton. He was in a dragoon regiment."
_Happy Thought._--Good for "Leading Heavy."
Milburd"s man is Byrton. Mine is Soames. I have an instinctive dislike to Byrton, I don"t know why, perhaps because I perceive a certain amount of feeling against Soames.
_Boodels" Proposal._--That we should meet once a week to determine whose invitations should be renewed, and whose _conge_ should be given.
_As President_ I say, "Well, but I can"t tell our guests that they must go."
Cazell strikes in, "I tell you what we ought to do--only ask everyone for a week, and then, if we like them, we can ask "em to stop on."
_Agreed._--That we take these matters into weekly consideration.
Milburd wishes to know who is to order dinner every day.
_Happy Thought._--Take it in turn, and I"ll begin as President.
Boodels, when this has been agreed to, says that we ought to have good dogs about and outside a large house like that.
I tell them that there is one--a very fierce beast.
Boodels says he"s sure I must be mistaken, as they went all over the house, and there was only a little snarling, growling puppy making darts at a mouse, or a rat, which he saw moving behind some door which was locked.
[_Happy Thought._--Keep the facts to myself. Only a Puppy! and I thought it was a mastiff! [Good name, by the way, for a novel--_Only a Puppy_.]
If I"d shaken that door again, then they could have let me out.]
We"ve all got dogs, except myself. I have, I say, my eye on a dog. I remember some one promising me a clever poodle a year ago. Will think who it was, and call on him.
Cazell is of opinion that we ought to wear some peculiar sort of dress, and call ourselves by some name.
_Happy Thought._--Why not be an Order?
Someone is just going to speak, when I beg his pardon, and say, "Look here!" I am
[Ill.u.s.tration: STRUCK BY A HAPPY THOUGHT.]
CHAPTER VII.
THE NEW ORDER.
A BROTHERHOOD--SIMPLICITY--A DIFFICULTY MET--ILl.u.s.tRATIONS-- PROCEEDINGS--INTERVIEW--QUESTION--ANSWER--MODELS--PEt.i.tS FReRES-- TERMS--RULES AND REGULATIONS--THE SCHEME DISMISSED--THE LIST SETTLED.
Apropos of the Home for Chaperons.
_The Happy Thought._--Why not start a new Brotherhood?
A social and sociable one. An order.
"What do I mean?" asks Milburd.
Simplest thing possible.
Hosts are so often in want of some one to "fill up." A guest disappoints them at the last hour, and where are they to get another?
"Well," says Boodles, "how _is_ another to be got?"
_Easily_: if, in a central situation, there were a House, a large House, where male guests of all sorts could be obtained.
I explain myself more clearly.
A lady says, "Oh dear! Our ball will be overdone with ladies. I mean, we"ve got plenty of gentlemen, but--I don"t know what"s the matter with the young men now-a-days, hardly any of them _dance_."
If my Happy Thought is carried out, why here"s her remedy.
Down she goes to the Home. Rings. Enters. Sees the Brother Superior, or Manager.
"What sort of young men do you want?"
"Well, specially for dancing, and generally effective."
[Ill.u.s.tration: THE EFFECTIVE "LITTLE BROTHER."]