--"With skates on! in a frost--"
--"Will win the Derby, I"ll back him unless he"s--"
--"Dressed as a brigand. Charming! or else as--"
--"A simple sum in arithmetic--"
--"With a red nose--"
--"In the organ-loft. But he objected to--"
--"Cold cream the only thing! put that on first, and then--"
--"You may get within a few yards of the birds, they won"t hear you, and when they"re--"
--"Paying ten per cent. for your money. Why not leave it--"
--"On the top of your head with a feather--"
--"Or go up in the pulpit before the sermon, as the rector did--"
--"In a transparency; it"s easily managed by--"
--"Another tax on the Spanish coupons--"
--"And a bath every evening with--"
--"My prize pig--"
--"And three or four fireworks--"
_Milburd_ (_decisively_). A capital effect! We"ll do it!
[_The ladies rise. Conversation finishes._]
[Ill.u.s.tration: ONE OF THE SURPLICE POPULATION.]
CHAPTER XXI.
COMMENCEMENT OF MY SAYINGS FOR SUNDAYS.
[Ill.u.s.tration]
_First._--Of the bee. If the bee could talk, he would always be boasting of his business, and would do nothing.
_Moral._--Learn then from the bee, the lesson of silent perseverance.
(I think this _is_ the lesson to be learnt.)
_Second._--The wasp"s sting is in its tail. So is a tale-bearer"s.
_Moral._--Avoid wasps and tale-bearers.
(This would come among the quips. Still I think it would be a fair Sunday quip, for even a serious circle.)
_Third._--Stand by Niagara Falls, and abuse them. The falls will go on the same as ever. Throw mud at them. None will stick. The power of pure water will wash it away.
_Moral._--A spotless character is protected by its own integrity, and though men will try to defame it, yet it triumphs in the end.
(Don"t care about this moral. Get something better out of it before to-morrow. It will do for "_material_.")
_Fourth._--We are born for the sake of one another.
_Moral._--Find out for whom you were born, and stick to him, or her.
(Rather a frisky moral this. More for Mondays than Sundays, perhaps.
Marcus Aurelius was a great man. One begins to appreciate the greatness of a maxim-maker or aphorist, when you try to do something in that line yourself.)
_Fifth._--You yourself are often like those who offend you.
_Moral._--When you detect the resemblance to yourself in others, treat them as you deserve to be treated. This may lead to difficulties.
(Something suggested here, by this last word.)
_Sixth._--Difficulties were made to be surmounted.
_Moral._--Go up Mount Ararat and down the other side.
_Seventhly._--The sum of social Christianity: Love your neighbour, and hate your relations.
(This will do for Sunday. Irony for Sunday. Fun for Friday _a propos_ of irony. Who ought to have been the best writer of _irony_? _Steele._)
_Eighthly._--In a woman"s youth, coquetry is natural. It is the expression of amiable indecision. At thirty, it is a science.
(Somehow I think, I"ve slid away from Sunday literature.)
_Ninthly._--A pretty woman well "made up" is an angel ... with false wings.
(The mention of an angel, is something nearer to Sunday.)
_Tenthly._--"Tis curious that when the Jews finish, the Christians begin. Their Sabbath is the last day of the week, our Sunday is the first.
(This is more like what I wanted. Only in the last three instances, there has been no moral.)